Category: Rants

Random Discourse – Singlish & Proper English

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It has been an awfully long while since I last blogged.

Basically this is what happened: lousy people at work (some in certain support teams, some in overseas locations and a particular person in a high management position) created so much unnecessary work that I have no time to really catch up on current events, much less think about them. So inevitably, I get writer’s block.

The writer’s block hasn’t really gone away but I have at least found a little on one of the current events to write about: Singlish & Proper English

First of all, I have always felt that the Speak Good English campaign is an over reaction to the complaints of a few tourists who couldn’t understand a sales staff who simply didn’t have the common sense to use proper English. I felt that the English language nazis would be primarily the ‘bourgeois bloatpigs’ (or DCMC aka decadent Chinese middle class as a friend called them) – the self-proclaimed artsy fartsy ‘elites’ – that is pushing for it because they can’t gel with the general populace. Especially the group of English-speaking Chinese who can’t identify with being Chinese and can’t speak Mandarin for nuts. They looked down on Singlish, and thus pushed for speaking proper English because that would make them feel better or more superior than the rest of us.

On the other hand, my friend of many years mentioned that it might not be entirely true. Parents who can’t speak proper English (Singlish users themselves) may be those who are more staunch in pushing for their children to be taught in proper English. As we often see our own flaws clearly, we then to over react when we become parents. As parents, most would hope (and expect) that the mistake they have made in life should be prevented for their own children. He has a good point because it reminds me of a scene in the movie ‘Singapore Dreaming’ where the character played by Yeo Yen Yen said, “I would not want mother to babysit my kids. I would hire a maid so he can learn English. Not Hokkien.”

Whatever the reasons are for pushing for the use of proper English, I have no objection. It wouldn’t do well for our national image if we can’t even answer queries in proper English sentences. However, I simply felt Singlish shouldn’t be use as a convenient whipping boy to drive the point even though Singlish provide many examples of bad English. Even so, it is still far better than the ‘shorthand’ use by the teens in forums, instant messaging or SMS. Very often these ‘shorthand’ is completely unintelligible to the uninitiated.

The reason I say that Singlish isn’t the worst example of bad English is that in a broader sense, Singlish permeates through even our spoken Mandarin and Chinese dialects. It is a Singaporean language where we took words and ideas from another race and use them. For e.g., we use terms like ‘tio sahman’, ‘bway tahan’ and ‘bo bahkay’ in Hokkien, ‘kum mi sin’ in Cantonese and ‘geh dor loey’ / ‘gu lui’ in Cantonese and Hokkien respectively and we can tell from the origins of these words that they were taken from English and Malay respectively.

So, if the language nazis really wants to root out Singlish, then they shouldn’t stop with English. River Valley Road should be renamed 河谷路 in Chinese, instead of calling it 里巴巴利路. That’s not mentioning that some roads like Temple Street (登婆街) should also be renamed. Singlish lingo has so permeated into our spoken Mandarin, that a Chinese speaker from a different part of the world has difficulty understanding us. In fact, even when I was in Taiwan and Hong Kong, the locals there at times have trouble understanding what I am saying in Hokkien or Cantonese. Should the ‘Hoey Kuans’ (Chinese dialect associations) should also conduct lessons and purge all traces of foreign influences in the dialects? While all of these can be done, the question is – is it necessary and is it even beneficial to us as Singaporeans?

Let’s not forget that the English language itself is a mix-match of languages. Over thousands of years, the languages of the original inhabitants of the British Isles, and foreign arrivals like the Germanic Anglo-Saxons, plus the various Norse tribes contributed to the English we know today. Look through the English dictionary and many will find traces of root words coming from French, German and Latin. If I recalled correctly, at the Dead Sea Scrolls exhibition I was once told that modern English is basically the construct of William Tyndale when he translated the Bible into English. As such, I have always found the idea that Singlish being bad English is rather myopic. As people from different cultures mingle, they will inevitably be cultural exchanges where ideas, culture and words (along with some bodily fluids and genetic material) are absorb by one another. If Singapore is a cultural desert then Singlish is one of the cactus that grows in it. It is one of the things that we as a people have created together spontaneously without consciously realising it.

Anyway, it has always been my considered opinion we really need to be aware of the context and condition before we choose to speak in Singlish. When it is clear the person is new to Singapore (such a tourist), then we should make the effort to speak in standard English. When we are calling or writing to a foreigner in an overseas branch of the company, we should also make the effort to speak in proper English since someone in the foreign office may themselves be also struggling to speak proper English and it is made worse if our own English capabilities are also deplorable.

As for foreigners who wants to settle down here, those who actually dared complain about Singlish should not even consider settling down in Singapore! After all, if I go to Switzerland I am expected to learn one of the three main languages there – either German, Italian or French. Foreigners who wants to settle down here should thus learn our lingo and speak it like one of us – a true sign of their integration into our society! Frankly, I have enough of mainlanders or foreigners from the sub-continent settling here but made no effort at all to integrate. They keep to themselves and speak their own languages. It is most irritating when I stepped into the lift or the MRT, I felt like an alien in my own country!

Now for the uninitiated who wondered what are some of the ‘Singlish’ terms I mentioned earlier:

  • ‘sahman’ (or ‘sum-man’, depending on how you pronounce it): a mutation of the English word ‘summon’. ‘Tio sahman’ simply refers to being issued a fine – most often a traffic fine or a parking ticekt.

  • ‘tahan’: a Malay word and we have generally use it to mean block, hold and support – for e.g. you tahan here first while go for a break.

  • ‘boh bahkay’: a mutation of the Malay words ‘tak pakai’, which generally means ‘not recognised’ or ‘not accepted’ – for e.g. This $50 note is a counterfeit. Boh bahkay one.

  • ‘Loey’ or ‘lui’ (in Cantonese and Hokkien respectively): a mutation of the Malay word ‘duit’, which means money.

  • ‘kam mi sin’: a local Cantonese mutation of the English word ‘commission’.

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Current Affairs – Low Thia Khiang vs. Eric Low

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It amuses me to no end when the TaliPAP shoots itself in the foot – such as the recent exchange between Hougang Member of Parliament Mr Low Thia Khiang (Workers’ Party) and Eric Low of the TaliPAP.

We now know the uphill task the opposition parties faced to reach the electorate. We now also know that certain positions of the elected MP are supplanted by the loser Tali-PAP candidate (or his successor), and some of the elected MP’s functions and roles in his ward are usurped by the same loser Tali-PAP candidate even when he has not been elected. It makes a mockery of the electoral process by disregarding the choice of the people. How is that even constitutional?

Mr Low Thia Kiang’s press release on the Workers’ Party website further exposes the fact that in Hougang at least, the People’s Association [PA], Community Club [CC] and grassroots organisations like the Resident Committees [RC] (which should be apolitical) appeared to serve as fronts for the ruling party to obstruct opposition parties. While I used to laugh off my father’s comments that members of the RC are nothing more than lackeys of the ruling party, it would now appear that there is some truth in the words my father said in his drunken stupor. In fact, there is now a deeper meaning when it was mentioned that foreigners should show their ‘willingness to integrate into society’ by participating in grassroots activities such as those of the RC. Perhaps that participation would have been a clear sign of their ‘loyalty’. A loyalty which I felt is not to the nation, but to the ruling party where the election results will thus vindicate its policies to let these people in.

The press release further exposes the fabricated perception that opposition parties only shows up near or during the elections, though I have know for a long time that the Workers’ Party has remained committed in Aljunied GRC. To be exact, one of their Youth Wing members personally invited me several times to some of their activities just to see for myself the work they are doing in between elections after I made the comment that opposition candidates who lost are only active during the election. Even the National Solidarity Party [NSP] understood the negative image of being perceived as an ‘election party’, and has resort to social media platforms (such as a Facebook page) to increase exposure and to make known their continual efforts in between elections.

This is the 2nd time in slightly more than 3 months that the Tali-PAP has shot itself in the foot. In early June, the government gahmen released the Town Council Management Report [TCMR]. It was of no surprise that the two GRCs headed by the Singapore’s ‘Holy Father and Son’ both respectively got top marks in management. It is ironical that two flash floods followed after the report in Orchard (which I believe lies in the Tanjong Pagar GRC) and parts of Thomson Road (which probably lies in Ang Mo Kio GRC) not long after. It almost seem like even God found the TCMR to be a load of crap and made a point Himself, if not for the fact that the drains and public roads aren’t the responsibility of the town councils. Anyway I’ve taken the news of that report with not just a pinch of salt, but with a whole bucket of it. After all, statistics are nothing but numbers and they can be interpreted in anyway favorable to the person giving the interpretation.

Statistical reports hardly mention the facts on the ground such as the satisfaction of residents into account, as stated in the article here. While this is just one blog post, let’s also take into consideration the hard fact that Potong Pasir town council headed by Chiam See Tong has built a walkway linking the MRT station to the housing estate all from its own funds and Hougang MP Low Thia Khiang used $500,000 of his town council’s funds to upgrade the lifts in several blocks on Hougang Avenue 3 and 7. Can you imagine that unlike the Tali-PAP wards, all of these funds comes from the proper management of the collective funds collected by the opposition parties from the residents of the constituency while the gahmen has contribute absolutely nothing to it? Don’t forget that the TCMR itself pointed out that the opposition wards had the most Service & Conservancy [S&C] arrears and the Tali-PAP had shamelessly called that an attempt to score political points by staying in the good books of voters. Even if that is true, I would give the opposition party points for this because I would have pulled my hair out trying balance my accounts just to score political points while getting the money to upgrade the lifts of flats under my charge or to build a walkway. It begs the question whether the Tali-PAP town councils with the least S&C arrears had simply been utterly ruthless in collecting them as well.

Meantime, the blocks which lifts were upgraded in Hougang were demolished seven years later, as if to erase the embarrassing evidence off the face of the Earth. A mess resulting from vandalised solar-powered lamps along a pathway in Potong Pasir left behind by Mr Sitoh Ho Pin was placed squarely on the shoulders of Mr Chiam’s Town Council. Yet both town councils took everything in their stride in spite of whatever stacked against them. If anyone want to consider me biased in my rejection of the TCMR, I would similarly consider that person biased since he hasn’t consider the above facts, much less interview the residents of Potong Pasir and Hougang.

Frankly, just how can one really accept TCMR in light of the fact that some Tali-PAP lost monies in their investments of sinking funds into Lehman-linked or similar investments? While in another other country, the media would have ‘done an Erin Brokovich’ by doing some investigations when these losses came to light, Singapore’s usually docile and utterly useless media has sat on their palms and done absolutely nothing. Meanwhile, it has all the time to infringe on the privacy of former ExCo members involved in the coup to capture the AWARE leadership lea-duhship – shamelessly informing us of these private citizens’s occupation and position in the company where they worked, the kids they have and who they are married to on the country’s national daily – while showing us nothing about the very person who exposed them!

I am not suggesting that the media create tension, outrage and an uproar among Singaporeans with follow up reporting. After all, it could have done exactly the opposite to quell the anger some people would have felt when shown just how little disrepair there is in the towns run by money losing town councils, or how long there haven’t been an increase in S&C charges in these town. In fact, had it been revealed that how some of those investment gains have always been used to cover S&C arrears of residents, it would even have scored a political point. At the very least, such investigative journalism would have kept certain certain politicians humble, and kept them from comments such as ‘residents should thank the Town Council for working hard to come up with a diversified portfolio to generate income so that residents do not have to fork out more money’ after losing a good S$8-million in sinking funds.

These two incidents showed that the alleged talent of Tali-PAP candidates is nothing more but a fallacy, a figment of imagination in the minds of the self-proclaimed elites of the Tali-PAP. They are certainly not infallible, and in spite of such sub-standard performance, some of them needs to be enticed with high pay to enter politics. It is not only what they have done we should take note of, but also what they failed to do, and what they failed in doing without being accountable. I certainly hope the electorate will remember all of it at the ballot box!

Random Discourse – World Crass EzLink System

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Fellow blogger khaosd brought this to my attention.

Below is a screenshot of a zaobao article on 23 Sep 2010, several days ago.

The article is a 79 year-old man’s response to a reply by TransitLink about alighting from the front of the bus. He mentioned that just like many commuters, he doesn’t check his card when tapping out and thus he wouldn’t have noticed whether he is double-charged if he alights from the front when the validator is set to ‘Entry’ mode. He stated his wish that to make it convenient for commuters (especially for old folks) to alight also from the front door, the operators should improve the system.

I agree with the old man they need to do something about this. Old folks like my parents, who also do not know English, will have no freaking clue whether the validator at the entrance of the bus is in the right mode before tapping their cards!

It is often that TransitLink ‘tirelessly’ waste time and space on the papers to explain the reason why such things happen. It never seem to occur to them, or the fxxkwits in the PTC, that the system should be completely hassle free to commuters to ensure that there will be minimum delay when boarding and alighting. There should be no need for commuters to inform the bus captain or to check whether the validator at the front door is in the ‘right’ mode before alighting. The fact that the front door validators aren’t in a mode that can identify whether a commuter is alighting or boarding should not have been accepted into ‘production’ in the first place!

Frankly, it is not good enough to just explain the limitations of this stupid system time and again or to suggest ‘workarounds’ whereby a commuter will still be penalised in their haste. The fact that the ‘right’ mode on the validator is toggled by the bus captain reminds me of the frequent miscalculation of fares when the bus captain failed to update the stages in the past. (Even though they now claimed the fare stages are updated automatically, fare miscalculations still happened.)

That’s not mentioning that getting a refund for all these wrong fare calculations and deductions is tedious and time consuming to the commuter while it also costs money and time for TransitLink itself to process and issue the refund. Even if the requirement to allow alighting from the front was overlooked when the system was put in place, it is unacceptable all of these incidents did not trigger some form of problem management to find a long term solution. Then again, perhaps no one is looking into this because everyone was cracking their heads to create a bizarre, if not arcane, fare calculation system which no one can figure out how the so-called ‘distance- (and time-) based fares’ is calculated.

This has been an ongoing issue for as long as the EzLink ItchyLink card has been in operation. And this is among the list of many things that the ItchyLink card has been infamous for. Here is the reason why I called it ItchyLink because it is like an irritating itch that surfaces from time to time at different parts of the body which is hard to scratch.

First of all, Singapore reinvented the wheel to put this system in place when Hong Kong had the ‘Octopus’ already in place (which is a far greater and more widely used system). Then it was the ridiculous need for us to keep $3 in the card and put up deposits to obtain a card, citing the cost of manufacturing each card because people are buying more than one card. It was rather amazing they didn’t realise people will purchase more than one card or that some people sometimes lose their cards from the usage pattern of the old flimsy magnetic cards.

That’s not mentioning the need for commuters to place a $1 deposit to purchase a single trip ticket and the need for them to go to the ticketing machines to get their deposit back. All of these makes me feel that this is an absolutely World Class Crass system deliberately thought out in such a way to not just stop fare cheats, but to now make extra money out of it with not just the glitches but a fare system that benefits 66% of commuters in an alternate universe.

Anyway, there are at least two obviously (though hardly ingenious or intelligent) solutions to the problem of commuters alighting from the front. First of all, upgrade the crap system so that the validator automatically recognises a tapped card as entry or exit or look at the issue on why the bus are so packed that it requires commuters to exit from the front and not the back of the buses. Simply put, other than old folks who would have problems moving to the rear, it is often many of us find the need to alight from the front of the bus when it is packed. Obviously, Raymond Lemon Lim doesn’t take the bus often enough to ensure that not just the bus situation in Bukit Panjang (or just Bus Service 960) needs to be improved.

Perhaps, it is also high time to implement a flat rate concessionary fare (regardless of distance of the time of the day) for senior citizens so that they don’t get ‘punished’ by this ridiculous system. Whether they tapped wrongly, or whether they forget to tap really doesn’t mater when it is a flat rate. Stop giving us the bullshit that this is a cross-subsidy system that we have to pay more if this is going to happen. Come up with the bill and tell us how much more we will be expected to pay if this is going to be implemented, and let us decide if we want to all contribute to help the elderly among us. After all, we will be helping them today, so the future generations will be helping us when we grow old!

Random Discourse – Public Transport Improvements

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Everybody look forward to the weekend, but the coming weekend is one the commuters who will travel to town along Bukit Batok MRT Station of the North South Line will not be looking forward to because there is yet another train disruption. Fortunately this time round it only affects that little stretch between Jurong East and Bukit Batok but not Clementi MRT or else people like me who stayed in Jurong West will suffer again.

I doubt those travelling from Bukit Batok to Jurong East this weekend will get a worse experience than those who stayed further west of Jurong East along the East West Line 2 week ago. While no one can probably say the resources committed on the ground between Clementi and Jurong East stations were insufficient, the route taken by the shuttle buses from Jurong East to Clementi (and vice versa) took up more time than necessary. I believe it took up at least 10 ~ 12 minutes of travelling time when it would have taken maybe just 2 ~ 4 minutes on the trains?

But that wasn’t all! If one is going from Joo Koon to town, one has to first get off at Lakeside and cross the platform to the other side to head to Jurong East. If there’s a train waiting when this happens, it wouldn’t be so bad. Unfortunately, the connecting train is nowhere to be seen and it will only appear like 5 minutes later. That is the same if one is travelling in the other direction. It gives people the impression that there is just one train serving between Joo Koon and Lakeside, and another serving between Lakeside and Jurong East. One has to ask why these two trains aren’t running on to-and-fro on each track between Jurong East and Joo Koon instead.

Either way, I choose to believe such an arrangement is made because trains cannot enter the east bound platform of Jurong East MRT station while the works are underway. Yet, I wondered why the shuttle bus service didn’t just run between Lakeside and Clementi MRT stations. In fact, why didn’t SMRT just run the shuttle buses all the way between Joo Koon and Clementi?

On deeper thought, the answer is self evident. SMRT under CEO Saw Phiak Hwa ‘Phiak Phiak’ has never been (in my opinion) a commuter-centric company. The company has always cared only about the bottom line and thus trains are run at ridiculous intervals like 4 ~ 5 mins even during peak hours which I defined as between 730 ~ 930aam and 5pm ~ 8pm (since I can’t find any indication anywhere in the stations to tell me what the peak hours are!) Don’t forget that this is the company that refused to put platform doors on the open air station in spite of the spate of suicides on the tracks causing great disruptions to our lives if we are unfortunately enough to be travelling when that happens.

Simply put, if SMRT is to run trains all the way between Clementi and Joo Koon, it would then have to put up more logistics to deal with the passenger flow along each of those stations on both sides of the road. That would be a no-no and thus it is simply ‘common sense’ commuters are put through an agonising triple transfer at Lakeside, Jurong East and Clementi – turning a 15 minute trip from Joo Koon to Clementi into a trip that can take up to 45mins.

There is no point to complain because in typical Tali-PAP fashion, the members of the Public Transport Council [PTC] (which serve no better function other than to rubber stamp fare raises or put into effect ludicrous fare structure modifications that allegedly cost less for 2/3 of commuters which few commuters can agree with), the LTA, the Mini$try of Transport and the Transport Mini$ter Raymond Lemon Lim would have asked those who complained whether they have any ‘better ideas’ to make this work.

As such, it was better for one to stay home (and save himself from the agony and some money) that weekend because the train disruption also put a strain on the other modes of transport in the whole of Jurong. If one is thinking about taxis he is also out of luck, since there was a ridiculous long queue at the Jurong Point taxi stand (at least the one facing Jurong Central Park). Hapless people who are in the HDB heartland areas like Jurong West Streets 4x, 5x, and 9x also had a hard time finding an empty cab to flag down. In fact, some even tried calling for a cab and not getting one after 1130am. Ironically, there was a short queue of 4 ~ 5 taxis at the Jurong Point taxi stand along Jurong West Central 3 – a bare 100 or so meters away from the other Jurong Point taxi stand where passengers waited frantically for a cab to show up around 1pm that day.

It really makes no difference taking the bus either, since there isn’t that many service heading out from Jurong West to Clementi. The wise cracks at the PTC had decided that it would hurt the bottom line of the transport operators if another mode of transport to duplicate the services of the MRT. In my opinion that they are clearing out of their fxxking minds because having a bus service from the rival company running along the MRT line not only provide an alternative for commuters, it also serves as a ‘punishment mechanism’ on its own if one operator screws up. SMRT wouldn’t even have to keep buses on standby for such an eventuality as commuters will all just take the alternate mode of transport (which benefits the rival company). Then again, if such a system is in place there wouldn’t be any reasons for the LTA to fine the transport operators when they screw up! What good is there to fine the operator when not a single cent goes into compensating the poor sods who suffered as a result of the screw up is beyond me.

Anyway, there are just 2 bus services (154 and 198) heading eastwards out from Boon Lay Interchange. Bus 154 stops next to Clementi MRT while 198 stops next to Buona Vista MRT. Sadly, both of them wouldn’t even have gotten a commuter out of Jurong (i.e. beyond Jurong Town Hall Road) within 30 minutes. Such is the wonders of our allegedly ‘World Class Crass’ Transport System.

There is yet another alternative, but one would have to catch Service 99, or just take Express Bus Service 502 all the way to town. All of these alternatives will put you at your destination anywhere eastwards beyond Clementi some way or another. But none of them would have offered you the same speedy mode of transport the MRT would have offered. Frankly, there is completely no use talking about it because it will be met with indifference or what I called contemptuous neglect from those who had the power to do something about it.

While I agree with the Prime Minister Baby Lee that I should have more patience while they upgrade the signalling system of the trains so that the trains can come more frequently, it is my considered opinion that this is clearly not enough to deal with the capacity issues the MRT is facing. It is high time the land transport planners take a hard look at the issue and seriously consider putting some real express buses into service and not the kind like 97e or 502 which still takes a roundabout route. Considering that taxis would have cost me $15 ~ $25 (depending whether it is peak or off peak) to get to town, I wouldn’t really mind paying $4 ~ $5 for a premium, no-standing express bus service from Boon Lay, Woodlands or Tampines interchange to town if that would put me at Raffles Place within 30 ~ 45minutes (not including waiting time). In fact, that might even take some demand off taxis and knock some sense into some recalcitrant taxi drivers who is taking advantage of the thrice damned, infernal surcharges or the call-booking system.

Such a bus service can in fact happen right away, since a bus company now have idle buses lying around with the termination of the shuttle service between the Integrated Resorts and the heartlands. At least the poor bus company which sunk $2.5 million into investing into those buses and hiring all those extra drivers can continue to make some money. Alas, I doubt any of these will happen at all, unless something drastic happens at the ballot box to knock some sense into these self-claimed ‘elites’ in their f**king ivory tower who can’t seem to admit that there are things they overlook. Again, that isn’t surprising at all because doing so would simply prove that they are rather mediocre individuals who aren’t justified to be paid what they have given themselves right now.

Satire – National Service Recognition Award (NSRA)

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During the National Rally, the Prime Mini$ter Baby Lee unveiled the NSRA, the National Service Recognition Award, to recognise Singapore citizens who have served are still serving national service. Imagine my joy when I heard this on TV – I was almost moved to tears.

And several days later, my tears did fall and it fell like the rain that flooded Orchard Road when I realised that this will not include those who who have already completed their entire national service cycle before 29th of August. The Mini$ter of $tate for Defence, Koo Tsai Shit Kee, said, “Government policy has never been retroactive. The first significant milestone is on the 29th of August when the Prime Mini$ter made the statement. Many generations who have served NS, like many of us… recognise that we have already benefited from previous policies and this policy is for NSmen going forward.”

I really have no clue what previous policies were there for NSmen in the past, but if a person of ASSociate Professor Koo’s calibre said so, it must be true. Mini$ter Koo further added that “NSmen who had completed their NS obligations had ‘benefited from the peace and prosperity that they’ve helped create’.” I am pretty sure he speaks from the bottom of his heart, considering how much money a mini$ter like him earns every year while NSmen keep the nation safe!

The Mini$ter, however, has been kind not to elaborate on all the other benefits that many other NSmen have gotten. Unlike Malaysia which gives the bumiputra an advantage, Singaporeans males gave foreigners who graduate together with them a generous head start of at least 2 years in the workforce, and a go at our women while they run around with a gun in the forest and learn the arts of war. Old NSmen like us are also so much superior (than the present stock) that we gave an extra half a year in service more than what the current batch is giving now. It doesn’t even matter some of us would have lost touch with our studies when we are done with our Full Time National Service, we believe ultimately we will still beat our foreign opponents no matter how much head start we have given them!

The army also allows us to pick up the priceless knowledge like the finesse of Hokkien, and the directness of its profanities. Everyone becomes Hokkien, as people gets names like Chow Ah Kwa, Kam Lan etc. The army even teaches us a lingo of its own, like keng, wake up your ideas, bobo king, tekan etc. All of which go forth to enrich our vocabulary in Singlish, making our conversations more lively.

Did I also mention all of the food we eat during our time in the pre-3G army have their own purposes? Hard-boiled eggs can be used as weapons when we run out of grenades. They are lighter than rocks but they are hard enough to cause as much pain. Perhaps getting hit by one of these hard-boiled eggs inspired our engineers in Singapore Kinetics to design the Terrex ICVs and Bionix AFVs.

We even get extra protein in the form of worms in our cabbage when we are lucky! The worms assured us that the cabbages bought by the SAF are of the highest quality because no insecticides were used on them. Otherwise, how else would the worms have survived? To think of it, the SAF even used its food to train us to be armed to the teeth, and literally so! We are given noodles which is like rubber band that when worse come to worst, we can use our teeth to chew right through the taut muscles of our enemies in one bite!

That’s not all. We learn dexterity in the form of change parades, changing from our Long 4 uniforms to PT-kit and back, or a mix match of both. It would have been kinky to be in long 4 shirt, PT-shorts and ‘panda brand sports shoes’ or untied boots if we weren’t men. We also learn flexibility, converting between sit-up position to push-up positions or to jumping jacks or burpees in rapid succession. I recall having fun numbering the lamp posts in the PT field, so that when the Physical Training Instructor (now known as Fitness Specialist) wants us to remember the company line’s telephone number we will be running to the lamp posts in that order. At times, the PTI encourages us by ordering pizzas and we will be running to lamp posts 2, 3 and 5 to keep our spirits high.

We shoot with primitive iron sights (not scopes!) and we can still pick out individual targets 300meters away. We are told our M-16 rifles are like our wives even though they have served (or abused by) the batch before us much like a prostitute served the previous customer. We are even trained in quick thinking by having all our gear thrown into a common pile during bunk inspection and then learning to quickly sort out our own and put every item back in their place in the cabinet within 5 minutes. Mind you, it’s only 5 minutes on a day when the Platoon Sergeant (or Platoon Commander) is feeling generous. On a day when God looked the other way, we get just 3 minutes. If we didn’t meet the time frame, we all take it in stride and do as many push-ups as we can until our arms give way. Everyone do the same and anyone trying to be special (or funny) learns the true meaning brotherly love in what is uniquely SAF – The Blanket Party. Blanket parties are such intense affairs that at times some brothers gave just a little too much love causing the recipient to end up at the sick bay with injuries.

Really, there’s really much, much more than all these. Not forgetting the then rather generous BMT Recruit allowances that started at $90 in the early days of NS. That must have caused a real strain on the country’s coffers at that time.

All of these benefits made the pre-3G NS experience so priceless that it is definitely worth more than $9000. The government gahmen is indeed wise not to give those of us who are done with NS a cent at all. If they did it would really have cheapen our NS experience. The gahmen is giving these new NSmen the money to compensate what they are missing!

The more I think of it, the more I want to use this renowned Hokkien phrase to express my appreciation of the past benefits of NS:

kan ni na bu chao chee bye!

.

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