Category: Humor

Funny Stuffs, Jokes, Humor

[TGIF] Friday Morning Craps

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This was what I said to the chillycraps this morning in my attempt to ‘out-crap’ him. I told him that the Tali-PAP government gahmen should just hire me as the PR Minister for $300,000 a year (1/10 of what our PM is paid) and I’ll make Singaporeans far less unhappy with the ERP, the seemingly always rising power tariffs and the controversy surrounding the housing subsidies. Basically, I will be the best lackey and supporter this gahmen has ever known if they would pay me that kind of money. Here’s the details of my craps:

  1. ERP

    First of all, drop that nonsense about the ERP being a measure for easing congestions. The sooner the people are told that ERP is to car usage just like GST is to spending, the better. Easing congestion can be the secondary objective of the ERP, but if the people are really dying for the gahmen to deal with the road congestion problems, then the number of new cars will be limited and they shouldn’t complain when they can’t get a COE to buy one. And try an imagine your fellow Singaporean making a living by being a car salesman. The poor guy is gonna eat grass very soon!

    In short, the ERP is nothing more than an attrition tax just like your road tax. Not only that, ERP is a far more elegant system compared to the current road tax system whereby only owners of vehicles are paying for the maintenance and construction of roads. You use the roads more, you pay more ERP because you wear down the roads more. Can we find a fairer system than the ERP where all road users and not just car owners are taxed? Is it fair that only car owners are paying for it?

    If you have better ideas, tell me!

  2. Electricity Tariffs

    It is not true that your electricity tariffs only goes up but never come down in tandem with oil prices.

    Here are the facts: In June 30th 2006, crude prices was US$74.15 at its highest, and electricity tariffs per kWh is S$0.2115 on July 1st. On April 1st, 2008, crude prices was US$105.10 at its highest, and electric tariffs per kWh is S$0.2388. When you take these figures into consideration, the percentage difference of crude prices between June 2006 and April 2008 is 29.44%, but the percentage difference of electric tariffs is 11.43%, not even half of the fluctuation in oil prices!

    Thus, if you chart oil prices and electric tariffs over all these years, you might actually notice that overall, while both lines will show an upward trend, the 2 lines do not exactly have the same gradient. In simpler terms, oil prices rises more steeply than our electric tariffs. In short, when prices shoot up, you are almost enjoying some kind of subsidies, but when the prices come down, you are just paying more so you won’t have to pay more in the next price spike of crude oil!

    Come on, Singapore! Be reasonable!!

  3. Housing Subsidies

    Look at your HDB flat prices from a different perspective!

    Quit listening from Chiam See Tong and the opposition and free yourself from suffering! Stop griping over the fact that tje cost used for the construction of each unit is far lower than the price it was sold to you, and stop feeling indignant over the figures seemingly pulled out of thin air to justify the cost of the land!

    The fact is, when you consider any kind of pension fund in any part of the world, it is always the case that the younger generation will pay into the fund so the older ones can draw it out when they reach the magic age.

    Now, after you have paid out of your CPF to buy that house, while funds in the CPF is paid interest, do you not want that money you paid for your HDB flat to also rise in value? Can’t you all see what we are doing here? Is that so hard to imagine?

    Singaporeans, you have wounded your caring and loving gahmen deeply. You should be ashamed of yourself!

Ok.. enough craps for one day. Don’t kill me if my logic is flawed. It’s all done for laughs and if you enjoyed it, I am happy for you. But should you find this perfectly reasonable and logical, I am also happy for you.

Have a good weekend ahead!

2008 Financial Crisis

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Bear Stearns, Fannie Mae, Freddie Mac, Merrill Lynch, Lehman Brothers, AIG… and coming up next – Morgan Stanley.

We are in one hell of a big financial mess and it appears nothing is safe from it. And what can we do about it? Nothing, abso-fxxking-lutely nothing.

Since there’s no use worrying, let’s have a laugh!

12 Hates When Taking A Dump

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Do not read further than this if you just had your meals!!!

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You are really sure you wanna read this?

I am not responsible if you lost your meals because of this!!

Don’t say I didn’t warn you!!!

12 things I hate when I am taking a dump…

  1. the previous user has failed to flush and left his handiwork behind in its ‘full glory’ ;

  2. discovered that there is no plastic seat (it has been removed) or that it is dirty because the last ‘fireman’ was ‘testing his hose’ ;

  3. discovered unobstructed holes in the cubicle walls;

  4. discovered that the door cannot be secured and someone kicked the door open while you are in the midst of crap ‘extrusion’ ;

  5. over sensitive sensor flush – it flushes periodically and the blast of water is so strong that the ‘mist’ wet your ass cheeks;

  6. the clown in the next cubicle smokes because he can’t stand the ‘fragrance’ of his own ‘product’;

  7. the guy entering / leaving the next cubicle slams the door;

  8. the guy in the next cubicle is blasting music out of his speaker phone – for e.g. Michael Jackson’s Moonwalker – as if it is conducive to bowel movements;

  9. you can listen in to the next guy’s lively phone conversation – for e.g. “kio li mai ka hor wa leow bel hiao tia si boh? Wa jit zoon na pang sai lah!! KNN…”;

  10. you finished your business and found there’s no more toilet paper;

  11. the cleaner keeps testing your door as if he can’t believe you are still inside;

  12. [The most ultimate] discovered that your own mobile number is on the cubicle walls and it says Dial 9xxxxxxx for free sex

Amirah’s Grills

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Meet up with an old friend today. He has not been well on and off over the past few weeks and since he’s feeling better today we decided to meet up at Marina Square for a chat. After a long chat, we had a hard time deciding where we should have dinner. We wanted to do it at Black Angus at One Full Of Shit Fullerton but we noticed some boards have been put up blocking the sea view so I proposed we might as well go down to Pahang Street and dine at El Sheikh instead as I sort of missed the delicious mixed kebab I had last week.

My friend then suggested that I should also try out Amirah’s Grill. So, we walked over to the bus stop outside Fullerton Hotel and took bus 196 to the bus stop in front of the Concourse along Nicoll Highway and walked over because both buses 100 and 107 refused to show up. (They did show up, after we boarded onto 196. Bleah!).

Surprising, both El Sheikh and Amirah’s were quite ‘deserted’ today. But even the entire SunTec – Marina – Raffles City hall area was empty today anyway, probably because many people were either down at the Natas Fair over at the Expo or have left the country on vacation to avoid the National Day week vacation rush.

So, my friend and I was all alone in Amirah’s. Great environment and interesting music – I was told they are in Arab – which I had no clue what was being sung. The decoration is probably Islamic and Middle Eastern, if I am not mistaken. There are also paintings depicting ancient Egyptians and the Pharaohs. Unfortunately, I took only one picture of a part of the restaurant with my Nokia 7390 camera phone because I suck at taking photos. The quality isn’t so good because I didn’t use the flash as I didn’t ask any permission to take photos

Again, I ordered the Mixed Kebab – the Turkish one. My idea is that the mixed dish always have all the meat in the same dish so you can sample them all, and if you liked one of the meat very much, the next round you come by you can always order just the kebab with that meat alone. Similarly, if one of the meat is not good, then you can always give it a miss. And if all three is good – as in this case – then you don’t end up missing something good.

While all three of the meat from the dish is good, the beef was fantastic. It’s been a long time since I have eaten beef so tender. The last round I had beef that good was back in Shanghai having Kobe beef there. But unlike El Sheikh (just next door) where the sauce comes separately, Amirah had them poured onto all the meat already. In both cases, the sauce goes well with all the meat. The portion is smaller compared to El Sheikh, and I actually liked it because I could no longer eat as much as I used to when I was younger. I strongly recommend this dish to you.


Inside Amirah’s


The Turkish Mixed Kebab


Moroccan Mint Tea (Cold)

For drinks, I ordered a cold Moroccan Mint Tea. It was quite soothing and refreshing and certainly value for money because every single sip I take, the mint flavor is present. I was presently surprised that the mint leaves put there aren’t just for show, unlike a lot of our so-called iced lemon tea with a slice of lemon and you had to use your straw to poke the slice to squeeze every last drop of lemon juice out it to even taste something.

Total damage, $51.10, and that include another plate of roasted potato because we finished our carbohydrates faster than we liked. I would say it’s certainly value for money as I believe it would have cost us 20 – 25% more – and probably not as satisfying – if we had taken our dinner at Black Angus. (Do not be mistaken, it is not that Black Angus isn’t good on its own!)

Do give Amirah’s Grill a visit when you have time. In fact, we are going to check out some of the eateries at Haji Lane in the near future.
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