I don’t normally write about my faith in Jesus Christ because there are many aspects of my life that do not stand up to the standards of the Holy God I believed in. I don’t talk about it very often because I would be quite a bad testimony myself – the vulgarities I use, and some of the hum sup jokes I crack from time to time.
Anyway, I recalled that when I was a teenager, I never believed in the Gospel. I once told a classmate over the phone that the Gospel is all hogwash. I will buy none of that virgin birth stuff. And to an old friend I said, “All religion are false. It’s because men needs idols that they believe in all these so-called gods or supernatural beings.” (And I got that idea when watching A Chinese Ghost Story II. [倩女幽魂 II])
At 17 years old, I used to go down to the Queenstown National Library branch at Margaret Drive to borrow and read books that I don’t really understand – books on astronomy such as the formation of the universe etc. I loved watching documentaries on TV talking about the Big Bang and how things come to be. I believed that the universe is formed by one big explosion and everything that came to be on this planet happened by chance. I held to the view that all religions are simply superstition – there is NO God, and what I am reading is a sign of an ‘modern, advanced, educated and scientific’ mind. Religion is for the weak and the stupid. I will not be another of those superstitious, stupid boxers I read about in Chinese history.
Yet in spite of all these, at 19 years old, I said my sinner’s prayer and became a Christian. In 2 years, I became what I had once despised.
What changed? I really do not know. But one thing I never understood when reading the New Testament, was why Jesus Christ went willingly to the Cross. No matter how many times I read it, I couldn’t see any account that Jesus was taken by force. He went willingly and then hang on the Cross to die a gruesome, ignominious death. I asked, “If you are the God you claimed you are, why didn’t you come down from the Cross? And if you are not God, why do you so foolishly die? The world won’t become better because you did this. Your death is in vain!”
And yet at the back of my mind, I keep remembering this: “Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you.” – John 15:13 ~ 14. To me, Jesus is saying to me, “This is why I am willing to die on the Cross. I am doing it so you will listen.”
Some people had asked me how I am sure that’s Jesus speaking to me and I can only say the verse popped in my mind at the weirdest moments. In a shower, when I am shitting, when I am day dreaming, and even when I am looking at girls.
I know this won’t convince anyone that it is God speaking because it really didn’t sound like much. Some might laugh at me and call me a superstitious bump. And for those looking for a story on how much God has blessed me in wealth ever since I believed, you won’t find any of that stuff here either. Go waste your time reading up some of those ‘Get Rich’ books instead.
Still, some may think of me as delusional, but to me, God is a friend who speaks to me whenever I earnestly asked Him for an answer. (I’ll share more of these experience as time goes by and I guesss some of you are going to hate my blog from now on.)
And no, I am not mad or going mad. When I said God speaks to me I don’t mean He pops ideas in my mind like ‘go cleanse the earth in holy zeal’ or ‘kill the infidels’ . If that ever happens to you, we are not having the same faith experience, that’s some kind of mental sickness. Go talk to someone about it, and get some professional help.
