Singapore talks much about a gracious society – such as giving up seats to old people and pregnant ladies, letting people first alight from a train before boarding, allowing people to exit a lift first before entering and standing on one side of the escalator.
I think Singapore misses the point. What we need to be is not a gracious society but a harmonious society [和谐社会]. Because it is my considered opinion that in a harmonious society, everyone would be necessarily gracious. That brings me to the Japanese concept of ‘Wa’ [和], and I did a little wee bit of reading up on that.
Wa – The most valued principle still alive in Japanese society today is the concept of ‘wa’, or ‘harmony’. The preservation of social harmony dates back to the first constitution in 604 AD and the teamwork needed when living and working on collective farms. In business terms, ‘wa’ is reflected in the avoidance of self-assertion and individualism and the preservation of good relationships despite differences in opinion. When doing business with the Japanese it is also important to remember the affect of ‘wa’ on many patterns of Japanese behaviour, in particular their indirect expression of ‘no’. [1]
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To much of the world, however, the notion of an immutable self is considered rather odd. In Japanese society, for example, acting untrue to one’s inner beliefs is not only accepted but is it’s own moral virtue. The most important of all Japanese social values is ‘wa’, or harmony. If achieving wa requires a bit of play-acting, then so be it. The Japanese distinguish between ‘honne’ – one’s true feelings – and ‘tatemai’ – the face one wears in public. When your honne is at odds with the harmony of the group, a mature, virtuous person is expected to rise above his or her own selfish feelings and, for the welfare of the majority, put on a good face. To ‘stick up for what you stand for’ is not a Japanese ideal. Most Japanese understand there’s a difference between this public play-acting and reality, but nearly everyone is agreed upon its importance. In other words, what Americans may perceive as hypocritical, dishonest behavior is not only tolerated in Japan, but esteemed as good citizenship. [2]
However, my vision of a harmonious society and my concept of ‘Wa’ is inspired by the Japanese but not exactly the same. After all, we are not Japanese.
In my concept, there is a individual / personal ‘Wa’ and a social / collective ‘Wa’. When one becomes oblivious to the world around them, someone else’s personal ‘Wa’ will inevitably be disrupted. For e.g. when a inconsiderate moron blasts music from his walkman phone in the cabin of an MRT train, the few people in the vicinity might become upset. Even though there is no real physical intrusion to their personal space to really upset them, they simply might not like the music and their individual ‘Wa’ is thus disrupted. These people may suffer in silence and just fume inside. But that will be the extent of the disruption if they get over it.
However, one or more of these people may then raise a ruckus by confronting the inconsiderate moron who insists that it is his personal right to listen to whatever music he likes because it’s a freedom of expression. It will result in a fight – be in verbal or physical – which will result in the further disruption of the collective ‘Wa’ of all the other passengers in the same cabin. The ‘Wa’ of some MRT staff may also be disrupted and the police may thus be called it to restore some order – the real world extension of the collective ‘Wa’.
Alternatively, the fuming person may write an angry post on an online forum or to the newspaper which result in more like-minded people getting angry, and there might now be calls for punitive action by these unhappy individuals – more regulations or laws that none of us would like.
The example above is simple to show that how disrupted individual ‘Wa’ may also cause a ripple-effect disruption to the collective‘Wa’. We live on an island with an increasing population and thus a decrease in personal space. Yet, most of us tolerate the shrinkage of our physical personal space as long as the last bastion of that – i.e. our personal ‘Wa’ – is not disrupted. While each of us may have a different tolerance level and thus a different opinion of what we would consider a disruption of our personal ‘Wa’, what we need to do is first avoid doing to others the things which will upset our own personal ‘Wa’. Once we are set doing that, the next thing will be to stop doing the things that disrupt the collective ‘Wa’. Usually such things are just socially unacceptable actions like:
- blasting your walkman phone in the MRT;
- taking forever to answer your mobile phone ringing with super loud and irritating ring tones;
- talking loudly over the mobile phone in the cinema in the middle of a movie;
- doing multiple transactions on an ATM despite the queue;
- walking at crawling speed or stopping abruptly in a congested / narrow passageway;
- walking in a line abreast in a congested / narrow passageway;
- slowing down on the expressway to look at an accident / breakdown vehicle;
- putting your knees on the back of someone else’s chair and rock it;
- putting your feet onto the seat facing you on the bus;
- smoking in the lift; or
- even smoking in the next toilet cubicle while you shit.
(Basically, you read about these things on the newspaper, online forums and even blogs all the time!)
In summary, it is futile to promote gracious living when none understands what is achieved with that. What we need to promote is harmonious living – i.e. promote personal behaviour with social responsibility. Once the individual ‘Wa’ of every individual is less disrupted, it will inevitably result in less disruption to the collective ‘Wa’.
Simply put, it is my considered opinion that when one first consider the consequences of his actions and avoid disrupting THE ‘Wa’, then gracious behaviour would inevitably result. You will not have morons walking in a line abreast in a narrow passageway, or morons standing still on the walking side of the escalator anymore.
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