I am no fan of Apple, and anyone who has been a frequent (if not long term) reader of this blog can testify. Even though I would agree that the Macintosh maybe the best tool for designers and publishers, it has always been my considered opinion that Apple is evil. It is far worse than Microsoft in bad business practices and being monopolistic.
Fanbois (or what I called iFreaks) would argue about the feel good effect of owning an Apple product and how cool the products are, or even how innovative Apple is. The fact remains, if you take it apart and compare component by component, you will be able to find another product that serves the same purpose, and even out-perform (yes, outperform) an Apple product. For example, the Creative Zen has always been rated a far more superior product than the iPods, but has always been out sold by Apple.
It isn’t long before the consensus among some of my more technical savvy friends that Apple products appeal to a very specific group of people: The act-cool group which does not understand technology and yet want to act geeky. This group probably also makes up the largest group of Apple product users and if you aren’t one of them there’s nothing in this post for you to be upset about.
So, while the iFreaks eagerly stay awake to await the news of a Apple Tablet – possibly the next best selling device yet again, I went to sleep. When I woke up I look at my CNET feeds to see what is so fascinating, I found nothing more than what I consider an iPod Touch XL on first glance. Only Apple can sell people an iPod Touch the size of a 1970s ‘pocket calculator’ as some state-of-the-art technological product at US$499. Not to mention it forces you to use something called the Micro SIM which so far isn’t carried by any mobile operators in Singapore. Now if Microsoft pulls a stunt like that, everyone would be screaming for blood and an antitrust lawsuit will probably lands on its lawns. Then again… Microsoft probably did try with Windows Vista only to end up with its nose bloodied.
However, my personal opinion of Apple and the new tablet really doesn’t matter. What mattered was the feeling I get when I saw its name – iPad! I can’t remember when was the last time a product made me laugh so bad that I get stomach cramps. Originally, I thought I was just the rare few sick sods who made the link with sanitary pads. It even made me wonder whether AWARE would made a big fuss over the name of this thing. But it wasn’t long that I found out I wasn’t alone!
Just which iDiot came up with this name anyway? So much for the innovation and creativity of Apple. The name is not even very original because it brought back memories of a HP product line called the iPaq. The best part of it all is that before the sun is down in Singapore, the iPad has became the butt of many jokes. See some of the products are being made in its honor, and the the funny images below.
Click to see enlarged
The following is some of the jokes cracked among friends:
- – I have created the perfect carrier for the iPad. The iPanty comes in various colours and designs. Free matching iBra (wireless) included. Call for personal visit to take measurements.
- – iPad will come with a new built in app called “iPad Monthly Scheduler aka iPMS” where device will break down, sound off a high pitched non-stop beep and / or refuse to respond to any voice or touch. Users will have to wait till the application ends its run by itself after a week or so. Beta testers have also experienced a number of iPads which are unable to stop the running application iPMS even after months of trial, but are not confirming whether the device is broken. A patch called iBaby has been released. iBaby will stop iPMS for roughly 280 days. Though it is claimed the program iSex will be broken for the same duration. (iSex don’t work anyway.)
- – Don’t forget, iPod Touch is for light days, and iPad is for heavy days. 😛
- – Beta testers have also reported long usage causes stack overflow errors. Sources indicate that Apple may be releasing iPad 2, lovingly named iTampon. It comes with a special accessory called the iString.
- – Independent manufacturers announces new accessory for iPad, called iWings. Nobody knows yet, if it can fly.
- – Nelson & Nelson, Inc presents a revolutionary peripheral – the iPeriod or iMenses. Your best companion for the iPad.
- – Products such as iCondom, iViagra, iCialis and iMorningAfterPill are being planned.
- – Local laureate plans book to release on the iPad. A virtual story on the virtual world of iGeylang and iProstitutes.