Tag: Temasek Holdings

Satire – Admiral Ching Ho

2 comments

October 9, 2006
By Nuntawun Polkuamdee
Bangkok Post

Singapore’s Temasek Holdings has suffered a paper loss of 41% since it acquired telecom giant Shin Corp earlier this year.

Shares of Shin Corp on the SET fell 0.85% in thin trade on Friday to close at 29 baht, well off the 49.25 baht per share paid by Temasek in its acquisition in January.

Fri Feb 6, 2009 3:18am EST
Kevin Lim and Saeed Azhar, Editing by Ian Geoghegan
Thomson Reuters

Temasek, which had S$185 billion ($123.2 billion) in assets as at March 2008, has been hit hard due to its 40%exposure to banks that have slumped in value due to the global financial crisis.

Its US$5 billion plus investment in Merrill alone has resulted in a loss of more than US$2 billion. The sovereign wealth fund’s key investments include 28% of DBS Group, just under a fifth of Standard Chartered Bank and about 3.8% of Bank of America (BoA) following BoA’s takeover of Merrill Lynch.

Feb 6, 2009
Ignatius Low, Money Editor
Straits Stooge Times

Temasek chairman S Dhanabalan said that the board had debated whether or not to proceed with such a major change, given the turbulence in the global economy.

*An ugly lycan appears on TV*
Good evening Ladies and Gentlemen, this is Nelson Lycan of Lycan TV, a subsidiary of the Lycan Times… reporting to you outside the head office of Temasek Holdings.

*ugly lycan fades out, narration*
Do not confuse this Admiral with Grand Admiral Cheng Ho, a Ming Dynasty mariner who lived in the 14th and 15th Century.
*artist impressions of multi-mast ships and of Admiral Cheng Ho shown on TV*

Great Admiral Ching Ho, one of the many members of an extraordinary family, lives in the same era as mere mortals such as you and I.
*pictures of the Elected-Emperor Loong-Le, the hitherto unmatched father, and other happy faces of the current Imperial Family and the Great Admiral rolls past the TV*

*pictures of great ships starts appearing*
The voyages of the Great Admiral Ching Ho has brought from distant shores the ships from all over the world, beginning with the magnificent Shin from the Kingdom of Siam. This was followed by even more magnificent naval marvels of our times, the glittering treasure ships from faraway Avalon, the lands of the Swiss Cheese and the even the Holy Roman Empire of Angmonika. The titanic StandChart, Bars of Clay, SillyBen and Bow-Ah were once crowning glories of the illustrious Great Admiral, and a constant source of envy for lesser mortals.

Yet, in a recent coup in the Kingdom of Siam, attendant vessels of the Shin has been dismantled, and even possession of the great vessel itself is in doubt while its former owner now lives in exile in the happy shores of Cathay.
*soldiers in yellow armbands on tanks in streets rolls across the screen, short video of former owner waving to supporters in Shanghai*

*ugly lycan returns to screen*
Unfortunately, this is not the last of the Great Admiral’s worries, as a recent unnatural tsunami caused by the accursed Angmonikans sprung leaks in the StandChart, Bars of Clay, SillyBen and Bow-Ah. Unbeknownst to the Great Admiral and her fearless crew, these seemingly mighty ships have been rotting away internally. Minors leaks soon turned into gaping holes in the hull, and a disastrous amount of island’s treasures unimaginable to lesser mortals spilled from their hold and disappeared under the rolling waves of the Great Salt Water Sea [咸水海].

Just as the island’s inhabitants have great faith that the Great Admiral will turn things around, even while the unrelenting tsunami caused by the verdammt Angmonikans comes crashing down all over the world, the Great Admiral Ching Ho has abandoned the island of Temasek leaving the Angmonikan successor with the decaying fleet.

The island’s baffled inhabitants are left to contemplate a future without one from the island’s most super-talented family to run it’s great fleet, at the same time the once untouchable Imperial coffers are now opened to rush into existence barriers to protect the island from this cataclysmic tsunami. Will Admiral ‘Chip’ Goodyear be able to lead the remnants of the once glorious fleet back to its former glory, or *gasp* will the remnants of the fleet disappear into the mists of the uncertain and uncharted waters ahead?
*a picture of a smiling ‘Chip’ Goodyear appears on TV*

It is almost certain, that the Great Admiral has left behind shoes too big for the successor to fill. *coughs… fades out*

One step at a time [一步一步来]

6 comments

A discussion on Plurk about this news article took a turn when this comment was made – ‘No use talking about it. You want to fix things then come out with a concrete plan to fix it’

This is the most commonly used comment to stifle criticisms of idiotic policies and I personally loathe this comment. First of all, I am giving my feedback for free when at times it needs to be obtained by spending money to conduct surveys. Next, if we have a bunch of people who calls themselves the top brains of this country and earning $3 million a month, why should anyone even be contributing ideas at all? Will a substantial amount of that pay is given to the person who came up with a better idea? In fact, I recalled Mr. Low Thia Khiang once said something similar to this: ‘You wanna know my concrete plan how to fix it? Just quit and let me show you.’

Then this comment was made: ‘If Tali-PAP ever gets voted out, we will truly really die.’

I tell you the truth. I would buy that if God said so. Otherwise, give me back my choice, and I’ll bear whatever consequences that might come. In fact, let me choose the manner I will die, will ya, and not let the Tali-PAP kill me silently, slowly and steadily. Don’t even think about scaring me with insane extrapolations – like how the economy will shoot itself to hell simply because the opposition takes over because it’s as good as saying I should never leave home as a flower pot will drop on my head and kill me! At the mean time, I am supposed to lock myself in, while there’s a fire outside that cause me to slowly suffocate to death. And that’s not the best part yet… I am even asked to come out with a plan to put out the fire, if I don’t like this insane solution. Come on!!

Enough of my rants… and let me put aside my vehement hatred of the Tali-PAP and look at this situation realistically.

  1. None of the opposition parties are in any position to take over. In other words, stop asking the baby to come up with a plan to fly like Superman, when the baby isn’t even given the chance to walk. And by that I mean, if you don’t even vote – or trust – the opposition parties in to let them manage your own constituency and town council, why the hell are you even asking them for a plan when they are in no condition to, anyway? Is trust not built bit by bit? Would it not be more realistic that during elections, ask the opposition candidates what plan they have to make your constituency better or to run the town? Come on, even the Tali-PAP has downgraded the national election to a town / constituency level by repeatedly blackmailing the electorate with nothing more but estate and lift upgrading on a constituency level, and you expect the oppposition parties to do better?

    In fact, I do not recall that the Tali-PAP ever revealed any concrete national level plans during elections – like raising GST to help the needy, implementing more ERP to ease traffic conditions etc. So why should the opposition even come up with one?!

  2. Most Singaporeans would prefer more accountability – not a change in government gahmen.

    Accountability in the operations of GIC and Temasek Holdings, our CPF funds, and our reserves. In fact, to start with, can the Tali-PAP account for why their well run town councils have millions in sinking funds whereby some of that is used for gambling investments? When did our town councils become profitable entities which derive profits from money we pay to maintain our towns at yet at times the town councils still raise our conservancy charges? Then, can you explain to us why you need to raise GST by a hefty 40% (from 5% to 7%), claiming that there will be a deficit and then making a windfall?

    And when you are done with that, then tell us what drives and who makes the decisions behind the investments made by GIC and Temasek Holdings. How is it that our CPF is paying that meagre amount of interest, and during last year, not even good enough to cover inflation? How much is our national reserves? And in what form are they held? U.S. Treasury bonds? Assets?

In short, cut that bullshit about the opposition being not credible and them having no plans to take over. Who are you to define for me – if not the people – what the opposition’s role should be?

I am merely asking a watchdog with more bite. After all, the MAS requires that banks be audited by an external auditor regularly, even conduct audits on their own to ensure that the banks don’t fxxk up again like SocGen and Barings and also be accountable to the public… then who is there to conduct these audits of the GIC and Temasek Holdings, which manage the fortune of our nation and make sure that this gahmen is accountable?

Let’s not even start talking about having an opposition that could seize power yet, until we can agree on this! One step at a time alright?

Let me dedicate this Mandarin Xinyao [新谣] – 一步一步来 (One step at a time) – to my fellow Singaporeans. Let us take things one step at a time, and ignore that usual bullshit of demanding the opposition come up with a plan to ‘take over’ when they obviously can’t.