The Natural Selection Award

– that a junior college student committed suicide because he felt his private parts were too small. The boy, who cannot be named, had cited his perceived sexual inadequacies as the reason for killing himself in a suicide note addressed to his girlfriend and family. But according to investigation reports, the second-year JC student had a history of depression stemming from stress relating to his studies. His mother has also taken him to see another doctor after he confided in her his anxiety over the size of his penis. (Has he been watching too much porn? I can’t imagine someone going around to compare with others the length of his organ.)

The World This Week

– that the CIA had evidence Iraq possessed no WMD six months before the 2003 U.S.-led invasion but was ignored by a White House intent on ousting Saddam Hussein, a former senior CIA official said according to CBS. (That’s a nice way of saying they ‘fabricated’ evidence that Saddam had them.)

– that the official reception for Hu Jintao on the lawn of the White House turned into an fiasco. First, the US master of ceremonies pompously announced the playing of the national anthem of the ‘Republic of China’. And then came the screaming from a Falungong Far Long Gone supporter, who was so well-positioned in the media enclosure that the U.S. security services needed a full five minutes before she was fully silenced. (Use backside to think also will know all that is staged as an intended slight and insult.)

– that Warmonger Bush was shown on television grabbing Hu Jintao by his jacket when the Chinese president tried to leave the podium before the close of the welcoming ceremonies. (Hu isn’t a kid, Warmonger. And fortunately for Warmonger, that was Hu. I would have just turn around and punched anyone who pulled my sleeve.)

– that the Queen’s cousin, the Hon Margaret Rhodes, has told the BBC she is ‘perfectly sure’ the monarch will never retire or abdicate the throne. (The Queen might even outlast Prince Charles. Long Live the Queen!)

– that the German gover-min announced the controversial decision to agree to opening up the massive archive, which document the Nazis persecution of the Jewish people and millions of others and is housed in the town of Bad Arolson, to wider family members as well as historians, academics and members of the public. For the first time, documents relating to the transportation and extermination of millions of victims of the Nazi regime will be made available to the wider world. It was formerly inaccessible to all but those victims who survived and their children. (Some of that should be made available to the ruffian President in Iran named Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.)

– that as the Vatican launched a 500th anniversary celebration of St Peter’s, the prelate in charge of the upkeep of Christianity’s largest church was considering how to save it for another half-millennium. An army of Vatican workers, known as sanpietrini (little St Peters), works full time trying to repair the damage and remove the stains left by inconsiderate visitors. “People have no idea how much time and energy is wasted removing chewing gum,” Cardinal Francesco Marchisano told a news conference to launch a year-long series of events. (Now you’ll see Singapore’s wisdom in banning chewing gum. The Vatican may want to consider doing the same.)

– that food aid donated to drought-hit Eritrea may be rotting in warehouses, diplomats and aid officials have warned. President Isaias Afewerki insists Eritrea is self-reliant. He has put restrictions on handouts and last month expelled at least three aid agencies. Last September, the number of people receiving free food was cut by 94% to 72,000 out of a population of 3.6m. After a bad harvest, it was estimated in 2005 that at least one in three Eritreans needed food aid. Some 11 million people are in urgent need of help in the region after late rains affected most of East Africa. (It is time they remove this President and make him ‘self reliant’.)

– that Russia said it wanted no action against Iran before an April 28 U.N. deadline set for it to halt uranium enrichment, but a top U.S. official said other countries were inching toward sanctions. (Russia would perhaps change its mind when it finds evidence linking Iran to the rebels in Chechen.)

– that Mahmoud Ahmadinejad said during an armed forces parade that any aggressor would regret attacking Iran, which is embroiled in a nuclear dispute with the West. The president declared Iran a nuclear power after he said it had successfully enriched uranium to the level used in power stations. Iran insists its program is civilian despite accusations by the West that it wants atomic bombs. (Wanna guess why no one would believe you, Iran?)

– that in the face of mounting opposition to its nuclear programme, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad threatened to ‘cut the hand of any aggressor’. “Iran has created a powerful army that can powerfully defend the political borders and the integrity of the Iranian nation and cut the hand of any aggressor and place the sign of disgrace on their forehead.” (If the army couldn’t pull it off, there’s always more terror bombers.)

– that in remarks that have unsettled world oil markets, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has said that crude oil prices – now at record highs – are still below their true value. State-run Teheran radio quoted him as saying: “The global oil price has not reached its real value yet. The products derived from crude oil are sold at prices dozens of times higher than those charged by oil producing countries.” (Sure. If you think it’s still too cheap, you can pay to buy me a couple of million barrels. I’ll let you know where to deliver it.)

– that Hamas denied accusations by Jordan that the terrorist group had stored weapons on its territory and said it regretted Amman’s cancellation of a visit by the ‘Palestinian’ foreign minister. “Hamas rejects and condemns the provocative accusations by the Jordanian authorities,” the group said in a statement. (Jordan has far more credibility than Hamas, anytime.)

– that in a provocative move, the new Hamas-appointed ‘Palestinian’ gover-min has announced the creation of a new security force to be made up of terrorists who had taken part in attacks against Israel. A well-known militant, Jamal Abu Samhadana, who heads an umbrella group known as the Popular Resistance Committees, has been named to the new post of director-general of the Interior Ministry. (They sure have a way to name their ‘in-security force’, which sole purpose is make it more insecure for the Israelis.)

– that Nepal’s King Gyanendra may cede absolute power after tens of thousands of anti-monarchy activists poured into the streets of suburban Kathmandu, defying a curfew and shoot-on-sight orders. (Better to be Constitutional monarch than no monarch at all.)

– that South Korea has warned it will capture ships if Japan goes ahead with its plan to survey disputed waters claimed by both nations. Seoul claims the proposed survey area includes a section of its exclusive economic zone, and that Tokyo should have asked South Korea for permission to conduct a survey there. Japan, however, claims the survey area falls within its zone. (Capture and sink them. Yes.)

– that the Chinese authorities say they are putting up a huge statue of Chairman Mao Zedong in Tibet. The 35-ton memorial is being built to commemorate the 30th anniversary of the former lea-duh’s death. It is being erected in Gonggar County, near the Tibetan capital Lhasa, China’s state-run news agency Xinhua said. (Nuts. A statue is good for nothing other than for birds to poo on it. For that purpose, a Mao statue will do just fine.)

– that Hu’s rise to power was positively meteoric. He was noticed by paramount lea-duh Deng Xiaoping in 1988. Deng was watching a video of the put-down of a popular uprising in Tibet, and asked about the young man giving orders to soldiers. Shortly after, Deng reportedly said, “Hu is good.” (So there’s a ruthless side behind that scholarly look of Hu that we do not know of.)

– that Hu was close to beloved lea-duh Hu Yaobang, whose death in April 1989 helped spark the protest that ended with the deaths of hundreds of young democracy idealists starting on the evening of June 3, and leaving a scar on the nation. And during the earlier student protests of 1986, Hu Yaobang was purged for being too mild. Senior lea-duh Wang Zhen advised breaking up the protests with flamethrowers. Hu Jintao was forced to denounce the elder Hu – or be cast out himself. (Flamethrowers?! I’ll be glad to turn one on this sicko Wang Zhen himself.)

– that Mama-thir Mohamad continued criticising the gover-min’s decision to scrap plans for a bridge to replace the Causeway, saying Singapore had no objections to the plan four years ago. Referring to a letter dated 2002, he said: “In a letter by Goh Chok Tong to me, he said if we wanted to build a bridge on our side, he would respect it even if it was not ideal to him. No conditions were imposed. He said if the bridge is built, they will remove the Causeway,” he told reporters. (Hey Mama, why aren’t you eating the same lunch you ate four days ago? If things are no longer as it stands four years ago, isn’t it bl**dy obvious?)

– that Mama-thir Mohamad has launched his harshest attack yet on his successor, slamming the Malaysian gover-min for selling out to Singapore by scrapping plans to replace the Causeway with a bridge. Speaking on the subject for the third time in a week since Kuala Lumpur decided to shelve the project, he said he could not stay silent if ‘somebody wants to sell Malaysia to other people’. (Perhaps it’s time Mama-thir have a feel of the sting of the ISA, just like Anwar did.)

– that it is no secret that Mama-thir has been peeved by what he sees as a dismantling of his legacy, for instance, with the national car Proton losing its special status. However, he had previously refrained from an open attack on Abdullah Badawi, his handpicked successor, though often criticising him in private. (Do you now regret not making yourself SM, Mama-thir?)

– that dUMNO Youth backs the gover-min’s decision to scrap plans for a bridge to replace the Causeway, says Datuk Seri Hishammuddin Hussein, adding that lea-duhs would explain the rationale for the move to the grassroots. Without referring to criticism by former premier Mama-thir Mohamad for holding negotiations with Singapore on building a straight bridge, the Umno Youth chief said, “All agreed a straight bridge was the ideal situation. Even if we had only 1% chance of a straight bridge, it was sensible for the gover-min to negotiate this long. But Singapore’s self-interest and calculative nature caused negotiations to fail. This, however, does not mean the gover-min’s decision to negotiate was wrong.” (Singapore was surely trying to negotiate. Unfortunately, Mama-thir was more like dictating to us our surrender terms.)

– that charges by Mama-thir that the Abdullah Badawi administration had failed to heed the views of the Malaysian people when it scrapped plans for a crooked bridge to Singapore have drawn a response from two key former ministers in his Cabinet. They pointed out that there was hardly any tolerance of dissent when Mama-thir was prime minister. The sharpest comments came from Anwar Ibrahim, but it was the views of Tengku Razaleigh Hamzah that grabbed attention, for he rarely offers comments. (It’s time for those whom Mama-thir has crossed years before to settle the score.)

– that the Malacca gover-min suggested constructing a 60km bridge linking the state to Dumai in Indonesia’s Sumatra, following the cancellation of plans to build a new bridge to replace the Causeway. Malacca Chief Minister Datuk Seri Mohd Ali Rustam added that the bridge – across the Malacca Strait – was estimated to cost between RM1 billion and RM2 billion. This would be similar to the cost of building the proposed bridge to replace the 1km Causeway linking Johor to Singapore. (And no one asked why a bridge almost 60 times longer is costing the same? Someone ought to ask Mama-thir that.)

– that Malaysia has told its local gover-mins to back off from playing moral police to its people. Holding hands and hugging in public should not be crimes, and local officials should not be enforcers of morals, according to a set of guidelines on public decency drawn up by the federal gover-min. But the guidelines also make plain that nudity, stripping and sexual acts in public are unacceptable. Significantly, the guide is silent on kissing in public, which sparked the controversy in the first place. (So, Malaysia Boleh, or tak boleh?)

– that the draft gover-min guidelines come in the wake of public controversy after a Chinese couple were charged in a municipal court with indecent behaviour for hugging and kissing in a park. This sparked a major debate over public decency following a ruling by the nation’s highest court that the municipal court was entitled to charge the couple for public indecency. But one of the judges also suggested that hugging and kissing in public was not acceptable in Malaysia. Such a suggestion has raised fears, especially among non-Muslims, that local councils are being used to enforce Islamic-influenced morality codes. (If I hug my girlfriend and kiss her in public, and you get aroused and start having immoral thoughts, go see a psychiatrist and stop blaming me for your problems, assh*le.)

Singapore This Week

– that Baby Lee slammed the opposition’s secrecy over their plans, and refusal to confirm their full slate of candidates sooner and said it showed how casually they took voters. (You tell them to do what they do what then they where got face? Ehlo!! Wake up!!)

– that the SDP has rejected an offer by Khaw Boon Wan to call for a Commission of Inquiry to look into his ministry’s handling of the NKF issue, if there is a need for one. In a statement, Typo Chee said he had merely asked a couple of ‘simple questions’ over the responses made by Khaw and Lim Hng Gey Khiang in Parliament on the issue, and a Commission of Inquiry is not needed for this. (Why? Afraid that on appearing before the commission you will be found a fool again, on closer examination of your outrageous allegations?)

– that Khaw Boon Wan challenged the SDP to call for a commission of inquiry if it believed the gover-min botched the handling of the NKF scandal. If Typo Chee had proof of a gover-min cover-up, Mr Khaw said he would ask Baby Lee to open an inquiry and include opposition MPs Low Thia Khiang and Chiam See Tong in the panel. (Come on, Typo. Here’s your big chance if you have evidence. It is just unlikely you have any.)

– that the SDP says the charging of TT Durai will not be the end of the NKF story. The SDP says the Ministers for Health and Finance have a lot to answer for, as they had still endorsed the NKF despite whatever was going on. (What is there for them to answer for? They don’t run NKF.)

– that Typo Chee had toured Bukit Panjang constituency without its chairman Ling How Doong, who will be contesting in the single-seat ward in the coming election. Mr Ling, however, went on his own three-hour walkabout in Bukit Panjang with assistant secretary-general Wong Hong Toy and four other party members The former one-term MP for Bukit Gombak had recently spoken out against Dr Chee’s focus on foreign issues in recent years, as well as the prominence of his aide, Mr Yap Keng Ho, who is not an SDP member. Mr Ling admitted yesterday that he spoke ‘rarely’ to Dr Chee, the last time being ‘about two weeks ago’. Yet, the SDP chairman maintained that there was no split in his party. (Admit it, dude. And perhaps do the same treacherous shit to Chee the same way he did to Chiam. Better the bungling fool Ling then the gangster Chee leading the SDP.)

– that lawyers acting for the Baby Lee and Lao Lee issued letters of demand to the SDP for alleging that PAP Tali-PAP lea-duhs knew about the problems at the NKF, but deliberately covered them up. (A bankrupt has got nothing more to lose in continuing with these baseless accusations. Common sense will tell you that the gover-min won’t know there’s a problem if the auditors did not find any.)

– that the alleged defamation was contained in articles, in English and Chinese, in the latest issue of the party’s newsletter, The New Democrat. Among the allegations: Baby Lee was corrupt and was perpetuating a corrupt political system, set up by Lao Lee, for the benefit of the political elite in Singapore. The articles also suggested that Baby Lee was aware of corruption at the HDB, CPF Board and the GIC, but had condoned it. The two PAP lea-duhs made use of defamation suits to suppress allegations and cover up these wrong-doings, and not to protect their reputations, the articles were also said to have alleged. (There’s a term for this Typo Chee garbage. It’s called political suicide bombing – does himself no good at all, and hurts everyone it targets.)

– that in drawing parallels between the NKF scandal and the way Singapore is run, the SDP article, titled ‘If you think the running of NKF was bad, read this…’, said that GIC, set up and chaired by Lao Lee, was not accountable to Parliament in the way it invested the national reserves and ‘operates in secrecy’. (It would be fun to see Typo Chee account for his expenses too. Such as where he gets the money to fly to and stay in Australia most of the time.)

– that noting that the NKF had been run in an autocratic manner, with power concentrated in the hands of Durai, the article added: ‘Is not power in Singapore concentrated around one party, if not one individual? With the PAP monopolising power and making sure that no one has the means to challenge that hold on power (by banning protests, introducing GRCs, suing political opponents, making legitimate democratic actions criminal offences, etc) are we not witnessing the NKF but on a larger and national scale?’ (Get out of politics and be a fiction writer, Typo. The ‘Typo Chee Code’ would be a good name for your book.)

– that the SDA has suggested a possible change in constitution to allow for nominated ministerial positions. This is so that residents, especially those in Pasir Ris-Punggol GRC, do not have to be afraid that a minister and PAP MPs are not returned to power. At Pasir Ris MRT station, about five SDA members were distributing the party’s brochures to residents. The SDA is sending a team to contest the PAP’s group, led by Teo Chee Hean. (You need better ideas than that to win votes, dudes.)

– that SDA Assistant Secretary-General Desmond Lim said, “If the gover-min could not afford to lose one good minister, there is a system called Nominated MP system. Make full use of the system to appoint the loser from the PAP side to be a nominated MP. We would propose to change the constitution to create a nominated ministerial position. For example, Pasir Ris-Punggol residents – they should not be afraid to lose a good minister and their five MPs because the system will arrest their concern.” (Why would someone want to give up something which even you say is good just to let you in?)

– that Lim Gey Khiang said the opposition might raise the casino issue during the upcoming General Election. But he said the gover-min had already explained the issue and had implemented safeguards. “Singaporeans understand the safeguards that we’ve put in place. Some of these safeguards are very new and very unique because of our position. The bidders for the integrated resort projects understand our concerns and they’ve been working very hard to make sure the safeguards are met. Some have even proposed safeguards beyond what we have required them to do.” (Bring a lion to the people and hope that lion does not kill the people and yet serve as an attraction by putting it in a cage might simply end up killing the lion.)

– that the WP has defined this general election as a referendum on the future of opposition politics in Singapore. In an impassioned call to voters, Low Thia Khiang said that Singaporeans must decide if they want to give the Tali-PAP a ‘blank cheque’ or if they wanted an opposition to check and balance a Tali-PAP gover-min. If they believe in a strong opposition, they should signal this clearly at the ballot box – or politicians like himself would have to question their relevance to the political system here. “Do Singaporeans need an opposition, do they want an opposition? And if they do not want, then what am I doing here?” he said when introducing the WP’s first three candidates. (Low and Chiam should be given full marks for persistence. Let’s hope this won’t be a last hurrah before they go in a blaze of glory.)

– that upgrading to provide amenities and improve facilities for residents is an ongoing task and is not part of a strategy used in constituencies at election time, George Yeo said. It was his message to residents at the opening of a new market and hawker centre in Bedok Reservoir Road. (Still, no vote Tali-PAP, no upgrading. Geddit?)

– that some viewers feel strongly that it was rude and unacceptable to ask Lao Lee if he should step down, considering all he has done and continues to do for the country. (IMO, Lao Lee will still be gone one day. Thus, getting use to him having lesser and lesser presence, while seeing Singapore still in good hands, is better than getting shocked by the news of the great man being gone suddenly and getting worried about whether there will still be a tomorrow. But if Lao Lee wants to stay on as long as his strength permits him, then let him. He knows what he is doing more than anyone of us.)

– that GRCs unlikely to be contested are Bishan-Toa Payoh, Holland-Bukit Timah, Hong Kah, Jurong, Marine Parade, Tanjong Pagar and West Coast. (The opposition apparently has got no interest in voters living in the western side of Singapore. They have abandoned us and deprived us of our right to exercise our vote. The opposition has now given the Tali-PAP the mandate in those parts on our behalf. Thank you very much! That’s just sooooooo democratic.)

– that TT Durai has been slapped with two charges of corruption. He is accused of submitting false invoices to mislead the NKF. One charge reads that Durai had, between December 2003 and January 2004, deceived the NKF into making a $20,000 payment to a company for providing interior design consultancy service for various dialysis centres in 2003. The other alleges he deceived the NKF, in September 2003, into paying $5,000 to another company as consultancy for hiring a senior manager for NKF. In both cases, no such services were rendered. For each charge, Durai faces a maximum fine of $100,000 or five years in jail, or both. He is out on bail of $50,000. (Maybe Sim Wong Hoo ought to read this and be glad that the Creative staff he complained about in his NUTS book are actually following proper procedures, CEO or not.)

– that the next revision to public transport fares will be made in August, not May, as originally expected. The PTCl said the delay will allow broad changes to the PTC Act to be put in place. These include a new licensing regime for bus operators, an audit system for bus operator service standards and a penalty system for commuters who underpay intentionally. (Why not delay it until October? That would make the Chinese phrase 秋后算帐 – to settle the debts after Autumn – even more meaningful.)

– that Singapore’s PSA International will acquire 20% of the port operations of its Hong Kong rival Hutchison Whampoa for US$ 4.39 billion in cash, the two shipping giants announced. PSA’s move followed its failure in February to win control of British competitor Peninsula and Oriental Steam Navigation Company, which would have created the world’s biggest port operator. (Is Mama-thir sore we didn’t buy into Tanjung Pelapas and Pasir Gudang?)

– that actor Terence Cao escaped a possible jail term for drink driving, but was stripped of his licence for two years and fined $4,100 by a district court. Cao’s lawyer, Mr S.S. Dhillon, said his client had drunk alcohol before he was stopped, but only because he had been filming a scene a few hours earlier that required him to drink alcohol. The lawyer claimed Cao had chosen to drink the real thing to ‘boost the realism’. (Gee.. be glad that he didn’t drink and rape someone to try and ‘boost the realism’.)

Trivial, Jokes and Thoughts from Discussions

– that a friend told me that someone wrote to one of the papers something to the following effect: “I was there when Lao Lee fell into the drain and I saw him pick himself out of it. At that time I said Lao Lee would become a great man!” (Don’t you all love all these ‘after the event prophets’? The same soul would probably have said the following had Lao Lee failed: “Walk also walk until fall inside drain. How to do big things?!”)

– that electric violinist Vanessa-Mae Nicholson, famed for her wet T-shirt album covers as much as for her music, is Britain’s richest young entertainer. he Sunday Times, which released its latest rankings of richest musicians yesterday, said the 27-year-old Singapore-born violinist was worth £32 million, thanks to album sales and concert revenues. (As usual, the Stooge Times cannot pass up putting the phrase ‘Singapore-born’ whenever they talked about Vanessa-Mae. Darth Grievous also cannot pass up the opportunity to ‘correct’ that over-sight either.)

– that Google injected even more optimism into analysts’ already bright outlooks by reporting a 60% increase in its first-quarter profit. The earnings topped the average analyst estimate by an extraordinary 32 cents per share. Revenue surged 79% to $2.25 billion, an astounding growth rate for a company as large as Google. (What so astounding was that if you bought shares of Google in the open market – not during IPO – you are earning a just meagre $1.95 out of about every $390 you put into this share before this announcement. That’s just about 0.5%, and that caused the share price to moved up 10%. A good day for any stock trader! Now, a share like AMD beats analyst estimates by 8 cts a share – EPS was 38 cts. That’s for a stock at $35 and thus it’s 1%. Putting almost the same amount of money into this share will give you 10 shares and would earn you $3.80 out of $350, more than 1%. Guess what happened to AMD’s share prices? Analysts says outlook for computer chips is bad and it went down to $33 after market hours. And then went further down to $31.9 the day after – a good 10% losses for anyone trading the shares of this brick and mortar business. What does that tell you? All that analysts stuff is just fiction and what they think about a share is probably decided with a toss of coin.)

– that Chinese fans of Google have created an online petition to get the popular search engine to change its Chinese name, ‘Guge’ [谷歌]. Reasons cited are that the name is ‘weird’, ‘unsophisticated’ and could damage the ‘cool’ image of Google in China. “Google, we love you, but we don’t love Guge,” said the petition on the website called www.noguge.com. It added: “The name Guge is not satisfactory and we are disappointed. Do you hear us, Google?” (Do you click on the ads and contribute to Google’s bottom line? No? Who gives a blasted damn about your disappointment?!)

– that gaming consoles is a good way of combatting piracy. (Simple right? If you can’t play pirated games unless you modify the console, and modifying the console may damage it, it is then a good way to combat piracy because not every person will want to modify their multi-hundred dollar console.)

– that computer users are being urged to update the Firefox web browser to close serious security holes in it. Some of the security lapses in Mozilla software, which Firefox is based on, could allow malicious hackers to hijack computers. There have been a total of 21 security flaws in various versions of Firefox, according to security firm Secunia. (Will there ever be a day we can be free from this nonsense, forever?)

– that the U.S. is close to losing its place as the top spam sending nation on Earth. Statistics from security firm Sophos show that China is fast catching up the U.S. as a source of junk e-mail. According to Sophos, 23.1% of spam comes from computers in the US and 21.9% comes from China. The UK is tenth on the list of spam sources. (China – Superpower at last! Junk mail Superpower.)

– that the Chinese gover-min enforced a recent decree that Chinese computer manufacturers will now have to install software at their factories, rather than leaving software to outside retailers who could turn to pirated copies. (It will be a good day for Microsoft if they just load Windows!)

– that an Oregon man will pay nearly $84,000 in fines and consumer restitution for using e-mail to market bogus anti-spyware software called Spyware Cleaner, Washington state officials said in announcing a settlement. (He should be infected with his own bogus software.)

– that persistent hiccupping in addition to weight-loss and difficulty swallowing could be a warning sign of cancer of the esophagus, an Irish researcher said. Professor Tom Walsh, of the James Connolly Memorial Hospital in Dublin, told a meeting of the Royal College of Surgeons in Ireland that some patients with esophageal cancer complain of persistent hiccups. In a study of 99 patients with the disease he said 27% complained of persistent hiccups and 6% said it prompted them to see a doctor. (Coming up next: Persistent farting is an indication of colon cancer and persistent burping is an indication to stomach cancer. And here’s the killer: Persistent laughing is an indication of brain cancer.)

Will all these people criticising those young people – who were in the dialogue with Lao Lee – for their ‘attitude’ and views please shut the hell up and stop writing to the damned papers to weigh in on the matter? And will the Stooge Times show some professionalism and cut all these PLP aka ‘Por Lan Pa’ – carry balls – craps?!

Here’s just some examples of the endless craps on the Stooge Times since then (not the exact words but definitely the gist of the message):

• “Oh! How disrespectful and immodest! How unbecoming these young people!”
• “Ungrateful wretches! Without Lao Lee, our founding father, you won’t have Singapore today! Give our founding father some respect!”
• “Retirement?!! Lao Lee still has much to contribute to this county. You guys don’t know what you are asking for!”
• “These youngsters, despite being knowledgeable, are pathetic and un-wise (read: stupid)”
• “These youngsters doesn’t reflect the views of other young Singaporeans.”
• “Their views don’t represent my views.” * worship worship Lao Lee *

千篇一律。 (Literal Translation: A thousand articles and all the same)

Hello? As if I don’t know all that ALREADY?!

Are they sour grapes or what because they aren’t the one who get to ask some of those more ‘outrageous’ questions themselves, and so now they decided they don’t share those views and thus disagree so vehemently?

Just what the hell gave these clowns the idea that those young people don’t respect Lao Lee or considered Lao Lee ‘obsolete’?

These clowns see that in those questions because that’s always been in their own mind, isn’t it? And hell no I didn’t came up with that to spite these clowns. Just go read up some Freud and you’ll know what I mean.

Just what do these clowns actually expected of those young people to show proper respect? Start kneeling and kowtowing a few miles away before they got into the studio to show the ‘proper respect’? Say sorry first before they ask every tough question? Or would they prefer those people to shower Lao Lee with praises and blessings worthy of a god and say only all that is nice?

I certainly won’t be surprised some other people will start condemning them as well if those poor souls have done that!

Just get a freaking life and move on. Lao Lee won’t give anyone some ‘peanuts’ – in the order of Durai – and give them the big break of their lives even when they go lick his boots and kiss and wash his feet.

For everyone of these blasted losers who think that those young people were pathetic, so are they. Just in their own special pathetic way on the other end of the divide, that is.

And by the way, this is Singapore. Whether this session was completely impromptu and spontaneous is anyone’s guess.

The Ugly Singaporeans Award

The Sub-Human Award

– that confessed al Qaeda conspirator Zacarias Moussaoui said it made his day to hear accounts of Americans’ suffering from the September 11, 2001, terrorist attacks. Taking the witness stand for the second time in his death-penalty trial, Moussaoui mocked a Navy sailor who wept on the stand as she described the death of two of her subordinates. “I think it was disgusting for a military person” to cry, Moussaoui said of the testimony of Navy Lt. Nancy McKeown. “She is military, she should expect people at war with her to want to kill her.” (This beast is trying very hard to make the Americans sentence him to death. They should suspend all human rights articles for him alone and subject him to 100 years of excruciating pain punishment. A medieval iron maiden from the museums would do just fine.)

– that Zacarias Moussaoui told a jury deciding whether he should live or die that he is willing to kill Americans ‘any time, anywhere’. (The feeling is mutual, you sub-human piece of shit. Too bad you can’t be killed again and again.)

– that Moussaoui testified at his sentencing trial that he had ‘no regret, no remorse’ over the September 11, 2001, terrorist attacks and is disappointed that additional attacks were not carried out. “I just wish it could have gone on the 12th, the 13th, the 14th, the 15th, the 16th, the 17th. We can go on and on,” Moussaoui said. “There’s no remorse for justice.” (As long as you aren’t the one on the receiving end of that ‘justice’, isn’t it?)

The World This Week

– that Warmonger Bush and his team reiterated their position on Iran’s nuclear program: America wants a diplomatic solution, and any suggestion it is moving toward an inevitable strike on Iran is ‘wild speculation’. (They are still bleeding from Afghanistan and Iraq and so they don’t need Iran to add to the bleed.)

– that Gen. Pete Pace, the top U.S. military, defended Donald Rumsfool against three retired generals demanding his ouster, and denied that the U.S. invaded Iraq without sufficiently weighing its plan. Standing next to Rumsfeld at a Pentagon briefing, Pace said critics could legitimately question the Rumsfool’s judgment but not his motives. (His motives are clear as crystal to everyone – Continual U.S. domination of the world. His judgement – An utter disaster.)

– that calls from a growing number of retired U.S. generals for Donald Rumsfool to resign over his handling of the Iraq war are inappropriate, former Joint Chiefs of Staff Chairman Gen. Richard Myers said. Six former generals, joined on Saturday by former NATO commander Gen. Wesley Clark, have spoken out against Rumsfool, accusing him of arrogance, ignoring his field commanders and micromanagement. The calls come amid growing fears of a civil war in Iraq and slumping approval ratings for Warmonger Bush. (Donald Rumsfool should go down in history as the person who f*cked up both times he was Defense Secretary.)

– that London Mayor Ken Livingstone compared the history of Beijing’s Tiananmen Square, the site of the military crackdown on democracy protesters in 1989, with that of London’s Trafalgar Square. “In the same way that Trafalgar Square has had an interesting history in the past, not always a peaceful one, there’s a very clear parallel,” he told reporters on the first day of his visit to China. (Politics can always make certain things remembered or forgotten.)

– that bowing to public opposition and persistent street demonstrations, the French gover-min withdrew the controversial youth jobs law that Prime Minister Dominique de Villepin had brandished as a bid to liberalize and modernize France’s slow-moving labor market. “The necessary conditions of confidence and calm are not there, either among young people or companies, to allow the application of the First Job Contract,” Mr. Villepin said in a brief speech. He said the now-defunct contract would be replaced by a series of measures to encourage employers to hire unqualified young people. (That’s so funny. In Singapore, we get people who failed to get hired because they were over qualified!)

– that Silvio Sicko Berlusconi has refused to concede in the country’s elections, despite official results showing opposition lea-duh Romano Prodi’s center-left coalition taking control of both houses of Parliament. “There are big discrepancies and all these discrepancies have to be looked at and checked, so I don’t think that these could be called the final results,” Berlusconi said in a nationally broadcast television address. (O Sicko, there’s a marked similarity between going to the toilet, dying, and losing political power. That is: When it’s time to go, it’s time to go. Don’t resist the inevitable and go keep Thaksin company for awhile.)

– that the Israeli gover-min signalled a formal end to the tumultuous five-year rule of coma-stricken Ariel Sharon, declaring him permanently incapacitated. The announcement was made at a cabinet meeting which saw his deputy and recent election winner Ehud Olmert – handed the reins of power after Sharon’s massive stroke on January 4 – confirmed in the post of acting prime minister. (Let Sharon go.)

– that confronted by a financial crisis and growing diplomatic isolation, the new Hamas-led gover-min is accusing ‘Palestinian’ lea-duh Mahmud Abbas of clipping its wings and seeking its collapse. Tensions between the terrorist group and the moderate ‘Palestinian’ Authority president have threatened to erupt ever since Hamas routed Abbas’s Fatah faction in January parliamentary elections and then formed its first ever cabinet. (They clipped their own wings with their murderous intent and rhetorics.)

– that Iran’s president said that the existence of the ‘Zionist regime’, Iran’s term for
Israel, was a threat to the Islamic world, days after declaring Iran had become a nuclear power by enriching uranium. “The existence of the Zionist regime is tantamount to an imposition of an unending and unrestrained threat so that none of the nations and Islamic countries of the region and beyond can feel secure from its threat,” Ahmadinejad said. (As a matter of fact, it is such meaningless, fiery rhetorics that is an unending and unrestrained threat to, well, world peace. And yes, I know I ain’t Miss Universe.)

– that defiant Iran vowed to expand its nuclear program after making a crucial advance in the fuel cycle that triggered global condemnation and could risk UN sanctions. World powers were scrambling to find consensus on how to contain Iran’s nuclear activities as the head of the UN atomic watchdog was headed to Tehran in a fresh bid to resolve the escalating crisis. (Find a way to end the supply of uranium or nuclear technology to Iran.)

– that Russia called on Iran to halt immediately all uranium enrichment work and attacked Tehran’s announcement that it had successfully enriched uranium for nuclear fuel as a ‘step in the wrong direction’. Iran must ‘suspend all work on uranium enrichment, including for research’, the official ITAR-TASS news agency quoted foreign ministry spokesman Mikhail Kamynin as saying. (Cute. Aren’t these the same guys who are supplying them the nuclear technology?)

– that Iran is giving $50 million to the cash-strapped ‘Palestinian’ Authority to fill gaps left by Western aid cuts, Foreign Minister Manouchehr Mottaki said. The donation will help make up the shortfall left by the aid cut-off by the U.S. and the EU and Israel’s freezing of the transfer of about $50 million a month in tax and customs receipts to the Hamas-controlled ‘Palestinian’ gover-min. “I am honored to announce that Iran has donated $50 million to help the ‘Palestinian’ nation,” Mottaki said in a televised speech to a conference in Tehran on the ‘Palestinian’ issue. (And how many more Arab youths will be made to die ‘honorably’, just so this proxy war on Tehran’s behalf can go on?)

– that Iraqis have become increasingly fearful that their religious allegiance could cost them their lives. Names, many of which identify which sect you are from, have become a matter of life or death. Hit squads and kidnappings have forced some people to apply legally for a new identity, a painful move in a country consumed by sectarian passions. Shiites named Ali become Omar and Sunnis named Osman call themselves Hussein, hoping to survive in densely populated mixed districts where people are killed in sectarian street attacks every week. (Is the Iraq’s version of the Thirty Years War?)

– that Saudi Arabia has invited bids for the construction of a security fence along the whole length of its 560-mile desert border with Iraq. The proposed state-of-the-art barrier is part of a comprehensive, hi-tech package to secure the Kingdom’s 4,100 miles of borders in order both to improve internal security and bolster the oil-rich Kingdom’s defences against external threats. The double-line fence will include 135 electronically controlled gates, fence-mounted ultraviolet intrusion detection sensors, buried radio detection sensors and razor wire. (Will there also be minefields?)

– that the U.S. trade deficit fell back in February as its politically sensitive trade gap with China shrank to the lowest level in nearly a year. The Commerce Department said the trade deficit – the difference between what the U.S. exports and imports – had narrowed by 4.1% to $65.7bn. (It will narrow further when China buys Boeing jets, soyabeans, and many things American. Even more with a new Chinese law to have all computer systems preloaded with a licensed copy of OS ‘to stop piracy’ and make Bill Gates a very happy man.)

– that Hu Jintao starts his U.S. visit in Seattle with a dinner at the lakeside home of Bill Gates, the chairman of Microsoft. (As I was saying…)

– that the new lea-duh of Japan’s opposition said today that the names of war criminals should be removed from a controversial war shrine at the centre of friction with Asian neighbours. “So-called Class-A war criminals should not have been enshrined at Yasukuni, which honours the war dead,” Democratic Party of Japan president Ichiro Ozawa said to public broadcaster NHK. The war shrine honours 2.5 million war dead and 14 Class-A, or top-ranking, war criminals from World War II. (Just demolish that blasted shrine and if Konkz-umi really meant what he said about remembering the horrors of war not wanting Japan to start another again, he can go to Ground Zero at Hiroshima.)

– that KMT honorary chairman Lien Chan attacked the island’s pro-independence gover-min for blocking cross-strait air links, saying it was derailing economic ties. The lack of direct air links has become the bone of contention at a top-level economic forum in Beijing, jointly organised by China’s Communist Party and Taiwan’s main opposition KMT. Remarking on the ‘unproductive’ eight-hour journey via Hong Kong that he and his 170-strong KMT delegation took to get to Beijing, he quipped that the forum should be subtitled ‘Getting straight to the point’. (The post-Chen Shui-bian era is something that many people is looking forward to, impatiently.)

– that Chen Shui-bian said China was using a joint economic forum with the island’s opposition KMT as ‘a cover for its evil intentions’. His criticism appeared to suggest that he did not agree with his Cabinet’s decision to push for a deal with the mainland within six months on direct cross-strait flights and letting mainland tourists visit Taiwan. (包藏祸心 ‘a cover for its evil intentions’ = doing what that appeals to his hardcore pro-independence voters at the expense of the good of Taiwan.)

– that a former top aide to Chen Shui-bian was in detention on suspicion of graft. Chen Che-nan was arrested after he was accused of taking money from construction tycoon Liang Po-shun to help him solve legal problems, said Taipei prosecutor Lin Pang-liang. The arrest is likely to further embarrass Chen Shui-bian, who has suffered low poll ratings since the scandal broke late last year. (It’s time the Taiwanese kick over the carpet and see what kind of filth and vermin their previously beloved ‘Son of Taiwan’ has been hiding below it.)

– that Chen Shui-bian has denied an opposition legislator’s allegation that he and his wife received illegal political contributions from a convicted businessman. KMT lawmaker Lee Chuan-chiao said at a news conference that Mr Chen had received NT$1 million from Liang Po-hsun through former presidential aide Chen Che-nan. Lee also hinted that Chen’s wife, Wu Shu-jen, had received thousands of dollars in illicit shopping coupons. His accusations came a day after Chen Che-nan was taken into custody for allegedly taking NT$7.11 million in bribes from Liang. (Chen should let his wife explain this to the Taiwanese people personally.)

– that Chen, facing accusations that his wife had accepted NT$240,000 worth of shopping vouchers from three businessmen, said he would resign if any member of his family had accepted such gifts. The presidential office said in a statement issued that his wife, Wu Shu-jen, had used vouchers worth about NT$30,000 at the Pacific Sogo Department Stores in 2003. But the vouchers had been bought by Madam Wu and her friends themselves, the statement added. “The President and his wife never accepted Sogo gift certificates” from the businessmen, it said. (Who are these friends?)

– that Thailand’s People’s Alliance for Democracy (PAD), which has been leading protests for months, wants the King to appoint a non-partisan gover-min to bring about political reform. (Democracy? It’s more like mob justice. Now what, that Thaksin’s gone?)

– that Sondhi Limthongkul, who spearheaded two months of protests that eventually led Thaksin to stand down, will face criminal charges over remarks considered insulting to the King. National police spokesman Ajirawid Subarnbhesaj said yesterday: “With the evidence that police have found, it is likely that his remarks are what would be considered an insult to the King.” Sondhi, one of Thaksin Shinawatra’s fiercest critics, has denied that his comments to thousands of protesters at a rally before this month’s controversial elections were insulting. (Time to put a troublemaker in his proper place.)

– that pilgrimage to Mecca is a $575 million-a-year business for the Indonesian gover-min, riddled with corruption. Just how deep, and high, corruption has snaked into the administration of the annual hajj was a matter of gossip and speculation for the most part until the emergence of a tape-recorded conversation in late 2003 produced the kind of evidence that should have been hard to ignore. Imam Budihardjo, the manager of a Jakarta travel agency, secretly captured Sayid Alwi Fahmi, the brother of the minister for religion then, appearing to ask for a kickback of 400 million rupiah over the awarding of a catering contract for hajj pilgrims. (They should put this corrupted asshole in that place where they stone Satan during the hajj.)

– that Indonesia’s war on corruption will not see significant results for at least a generation, Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono said. Speaking to Asian police officers meeting in the capital, he said fighting corruption is a long-time effort. “I might be over-optimistic but I believe corruption can be significantly reversed in one generation.” (Eh… one 30-year generation or one 100-year generation?)

– that the Singapore media is not helping to improve relations between Singapore and Malaysia by frequently publishing inaccurate reports on Malaysia, Information Minister Zainuddin Maidin said. The Bernama news agency said he made the point when commenting on the April 2 report in The Sunday Times newspaper in Singapore which highlighted crime in Johor Baru, in particular theft of cars including vehicles owned by Singaporeans. Datuk Zainuddin said such reports would further hurt Malaysia at a time when bilateral relations needed strengthening. (One side exaggerate. The other side sticks its head in the ground. It’s definitely more that just the Singapore media that’s not helping.)

– that Malaysia has denied that it gave in to Singapore after abruptly scrapping plans for a new bridge to link the two nations that had been opposed by its neighbour. Malaysia dumped its long fought-over plans to replace an ageing causeway linking it with its neighbour, saying it could not accept a trade-off that would have given Singapore access to its airspace and sand for land reclamation projects. Abdullah Ahmad Badawi has said the public was deeply opposed to Singapore being granted the concessions in return for the bridge. He also said Malaysia anticipated legal problems if it intended to cut the causeway without Singapore’s approval, once the new ‘half-bridge’ was completed. (Now it’s made to sound like Singapore is using the bridge to blackmail them for sand and airspace and they did the right thing not to ‘give in’! That’s a real masterful face saving measure when in reality it isn’t Singapore they aren’t giving in too.)

– that the contractor, however, is being compensated. Gerbang Perdana will be paid RM100 million in compensation for the abandonment of the bridge project, Abdullah Badawi said. Officials say the exact amount to be paid to Gerbang is being worked out, but the payment is likely to be in the form of gover-min projects in Johor rather than in cash. Gerbang was awarded the project, then called the Southern Integrated Gateway, by Mama-thir Mohamad. The project was to include the CIQ complex, the Johor side of a suspension bridge, a terminal for JB buses and a KTM railway station. (No cash compensation? No wonder someone is sooooo unhappy.)

– that no cost details were officially revealed. Newspaper reports have estimated the entire project would cost taxpayers between RM1.2 billion and RM2.5 billion. (10% of that amount would be good enough for my retirement. * hint *)

– that this was not the first time that Abdullah Badawi has stepped in to scuttle a Mama-thir project. Months after he took over as Prime Minister, he cancelled a RM14.4 billion project to electrify and install double tracks for the peninsula railway line. Earlier this year, national carmaker Proton sold off for 1 euro its stake in loss-incurring Italian motorcycle maker, Agusta. Proton adviser Mama-thir had defended the purchase of Agusta, which holds the Cagiva and Husqvarna brand names, to learn engine-making expertise. Proton had paid 70 million euros to buy Agusta. But Abdullah Badawi was advised that the Italian firm was bleeding money, with no near-term turnaround. (The country shouldn’t continually pay for someone’s delusions of grandeur.)

– that in an open attack on his successor, Mama-thir Mohamad suggested holding a referendum in Johor to see if there was backing in the state for the gover-min decision to cancel the bridge project. (And if there is actually backing in the state for that, will Mama eat humble pie and shut his big mouth up, forever?)

– that with regard to George Yeo’s remark that the question of who on or lost did not arise in Kuala Lumpur’s decision, Mama-thir said: “Singapore will surely think it did not win but Malaysia lost.” (The only loser is Mama.)

– that when when asked to sum up his feelings, he told reporters: “I am hiding my sadness because if I were to cry like I did when I announced my resignation, I will embarrass you. So, I laugh. This is because I cannot believe that before I die…the sovereignty of our country can be violated so easily. We retreated as if we surrendered our land to others.” Malaysia had lost a little of its independence, he said, because it was unable to do something like building a road and bridge within its own territory. (Malaysia sovereignty is perhaps the least of his concerns before he dies. And there’s only one thing on him that needs to die. His big mouth.)

Singapore This Week

– that Lao Lee said it is not the job of the gover-min to help the opposition parties win votes. Neither can the opposition be eliminated from the Singapore political scene. But Lao Lee said the current opposition is not up to the mark. (Of course not. Just imagine what would happen if he said they are up to the mark.)

– that Lao Lee threw down a challenge to veteran opposition politicians Chiam See Tong and Low Thia Khiang to stand in a GRC this time round. Mr Lee said: “With the ground in Singapore as it is, wanting an opposition, we know that, all of you want an opposition right? You are young. You want to vote and you want to see a fight in Parliament. You want to see the heat and dust of a clash in the arena. If they are any good, you will vote for them. Chiam has been there 20 years. Low Thia Khiang has been there 15 years. He has had all the exposure in Parliament. Take on a GRC but watch whether he will do it or not.” (And get themselves wiped out? No one is so stupid. Why not send one of those big shot million-dollar mini$ter$ to re-take Potong Pasir and Hougang?)

– that Lao Lee also reiterated the Tali-PAP’s stand on upgrading in opposition-held wards. Lao Lee said: “The reality is that Potong Pasir and Hougang will have to wait for their turn at the end of the queue. It is as simple as that. Look, ask yourself – does any gover-min help the opposition to displace itself? Is it the business of the gover-min?” Lao Lee then went on to cite examples in Malaysia and asked if in America or Britain they gave benefits to all constituencies equally too. (Those countries have laws in place to make it difficult even for the opposition to use their own money to do certain things too? Just like Potong Pasir’s lift upgrading?)

– that Lao Lee also drove home the importance of why the votes of young Singaporeans matter. (Well, with the GRC system in place so that there’s many walk overs, they don’t even get to vote! So much for importance.)

– that Lao Lee said, “It is necessary for people like you and your generation to understand that this is not a business of just voting or not voting. Politics has got to do with your life, your job, your home, your Medicare, your children’s future. Suppose it goes wrong. You don’t need to do political science to know that something has gone wrong, right? It is not for the fun of it. It is for a very serious purpose to ensure a good gover-min for Singapore and the opposition when it gets in, be equally good.” (Are Singaporeans incapable of deciding what is good or not for them?)

– that Lao Lee said, “There are things which I can do as a minister in gover-min which I believe – and the Prime Minister knows it, the Senior Minister and I think the rest of the Cabinet ministers also know – no other person can do. It’s as simple as that.” (Just like the problem with the SIA pilots the other time. No one else could handle. Really. Can you name someone else who could?)

– that a walkover for the Tali-PAP spells a strong mandate, Lao Lee argued. If a constituency is not contested, it means the opposition knows it cannot trump what the Tali-PAP has done so far, said Lao Lee during a televised forum with young journalists. And that, to Lao Lee, is a ‘pretty strong mandate’. “Suppose they stand a chance of winning – would they stay away? There are so many people with so many bright ideas,” he pointed out. (That’s why the opposition, if they really have a vision, should contest every seat, even if that means losing their deposit money. And for what? To put to an end the conceited argument that no contest = mandate.)

– that nothing will happen to you if your vote against the Tali-PAP. That something would happen to you is not ‘an impression that the Tali-PAP has created’ but one spread by the people. (There will always be those who would prefer to err on the side of paranoia.)

– that Low Thia Khiang issued his own challenge in response to Lao Lee’s dare that he contest a GRC: Give him one that includes his ward and Potong Pasir as well. It would not be difficult for Lao Lee to ask the Electoral Boundaries Review Committee to draw a GRC that would include the two opposition-held constituencies, the Hougang MP said. (Mai dua kang lah! [Translation: Please don’t show off.])

– that Low Thia Khiang said the Tali-PAP never had problems scrutinising opposition candidates and could, within days of the start of campaigning, find out about their past and personal lives. But Baby Lee shot back: “I don’t understand. Low Thia Khiang said he will wait until Nomination Day because he thinks that we’re very fast in finding out things which are wrong with the opposition candidates. But if there’s nothing wrong, why are you afraid of somebody being found out?” (Given enough time, something wrong can be found on anything even when there’s nothing wrong.)

– that Baby Lee had said the opposition parties were not discussing ‘the future of Singapore and the direction it should take’. In his statement, Mr Jeyaretnam rapped the opposition: “This is because they accept the Tali-PAP system – even the present lea-duhs of the political party which I once led.” (Try and imagine Jeyaretnam being Minister Mentor now. Does anyone sincerely think things will be different?)

– that J.B. Jeyaretnam slammed opposition figures in an outburst that some analysts say could hurt their cause. Jeyaretnam accused them of not being bold enough to challenge and change Singapore’s political system. Branding it a Tali-PAP system, he said it was ‘undemocratic and completely bad for the future of Singapore’. (He hasn’t figure out that few people are interested in an all-out confrontation with the Tali-PAP after all these years. Thanks for all the own goals, old chap.)

– that outlining his own ideal system, Jeyaratnam said it should be one with a ‘completely free civil service, independent judiciary and where the power is with the people and not in the gover-min’. (First of all, you need people to share your ideal. Just go get some lesssons on neo-realism, dude.)

– that Wong Wua Kan Seng has assured Singaporeans that their votes are secret. However, he said it was possible for candidates from all political parties to tell how a specific polling district has voted when they witness the counting of the votes. (Knew that a long time ago. It is simply too labour intensive and time consuming to go check vote by vote and hunt down those who voted for the opposition, in spite of the serial numbers on the voting slip.)

– that the coming erection election will be a watershed one for a first-time Prime Minister who wants to take Singapore to the next decade, says Wua Kan Seng. (That still doesn’t mean over-whelming support in votes and absolute power in parliament.)

– that apart from Lao Goh, more mini$ter$ are lending their weight to Hougang’s advisor Eric Low in preparing for the General Election. Tharman Shanmugaratnam, who celebrated the Indian New Year festivities with Hougang’s Indian Activity Group, emphasised that Mr Low is part of the Tali-PAP team. (Ever consider going there to run yourself, Goh?)

– that the General Election will likely take place in the first two weeks of May, Lao Goh hinted. (Someone jokingly shouted out to the whole battalion it will be on May 6th, during my Stand Down Parade on March 31st. Too bad he didn’t shout to us the 4D number for that Saturday.)

– that the Tali-PAP for Hougang said Lao Goh’s latest move – offering estate upgrading to precincts that show strong support for the PAP – will boost his chances in the polls. Lao Goh had raised the possibility on Sunday with about 180 homes in Realty Park estate in Hougang, but said it would hinge on Mr Eric Low getting at least 60% of their votes. (Funny why they love to call refurbishment – upgrade. And when you have to pay for a part of that refurbishment, even when some of it is necessary, there’s really no hurry.)

– that Lao Goh will be the only veteran left in the new Marine Parade GRC slate and he is angling for a fight. “I would be looking forward to this contest because it will be very good for the new candidates. So (the opposition) should come to the Marine Parade GRC.” (They should go to Ang Mo Kio too, just to keep these fellows occupied.)

– that Yeo Cheow Tong Lam Cheow Kong says that there is no need for a shadow Cabinet to act as a check on the Tali-PAP in Parliament. He explains that the Nominated MP and Non-Constituency MP schemes already do that. Lam was reacting to the SDA’s aim for a shadow Cabinet as outlined in its manifesto soft-launched online. (Actually, we do need is a shadow Transport Minister. After all the only solution Lam has offered so far to every congestion problem is nothing but implementing ERP. We do need some fresh ideas.)

– that Lam dismissed the SDA’s call to have more opposition MPs. “It’s not a matter of whether there are opposition MPs in Parliament or not. The fact is that even if PAP has a clean sweep, there will still be a number of Non-constituency members or NCMPs. So, there will always be opposition members in parliament. At the same time, we have the NMPs as well. Therefore, there will always be people who don’t belong to the PAP,” Mr Yeo said during a walkabout in Hong Kah GRC. (NCMPs and NMPs are chosen either by law or by the gover-min. They not elected by the people, whether they are good in parliament or not. In fact, they can just join the rest of us and use the feedback channels.)

– that Steve Stiff Chia also felt that the upgrading carrot should not concern voters as the gover-min’s intention is to upgrade all estates by 2014 in any case. “Voters need to ask their PAP MPs and candidates where they are on the list of upgrading priority. If they are ranked at the bottom, then it won’t make much difference whether they vote for the PAP or not.” He was at a walkabout in Chua Chu Kang with SDA members, distributing pamphlets explaining the alliance’s election agenda. (Singaporeans loved to rush, Stiff. They would want it now instead of 2014.)

– that after the WP and the SDP had sealed a deal on which party will contest Sembawang GRC, it looks like Nee Soon Central could now be the source of a dispute between them. It is understood that the SDP still wants to contest in the single-seat ward, although the WP has now asked for it in exchange for ceding Sembawang GRC to the SDP. Sources close to both parties said that SDP secretary-general Chee Soon Juan wants to field his sister Chee Siok Chin there. (Treachery must be the hallmark of SDP’s version of democracy.)

– that the NKF charity scandal is a major plank opposition parties intend to use against the ruling Tali-PAP during campaigning in the coming general election. The SDP was first to signal it will use the issue to win votes in Sembawang GRC, where its team will contest against Health Minister Khaw Boon Wan, who will lead the Tali-PAP team there. (Please, look forward and give up flogging that corpse called NKF!)

– that Chiam See Tong confirmed the NKF will be one of several issues his four-party SDA will raise during the polls. “It is not NKF itself that is the issue. It is the way the organisation has been run,” said Mr Chiam, who is SDA’s chairman. “It is about how NKF is run and governance issues: the lack of accountability and openness; what happened to the investment and public money poured into it? Who accounts for that? Some people have been saying it mirrors the way Singapore is governed too.” (Careful, Chiam! Don’t end up with a defamation suit.)

– that Khaw Boon Wan showers 3 times a day. (We’ll definitely need a few more reservoirs. :P)

– that the chairman of the Jalan Besar branch of the YPAP dismissed an opposition candidate’s statement that there was a climate of fear among its members. Mr Patrick Lim, 33, said he does not recall Mr Edmund Ng, a former YPAP member now with the SDA, expressing alternative views to gover-min policies and being told off for it. “I can vouch that our MP, Dr Lee Boon Yang, and the party activists in Jalan Besar do not tell any person who has an alternative view to shut up or tone down,” he said in a statement to The Stooge Times. (Opposition members can spare us of such boo-boos in the future.)

– that the NKF wants some of the money paid out by its former board and ex-CEO T.T. Durai back. Signalling its determination, it has retained legal powerhouse Allen & Gledhill to see if there are grounds to sue for the return of the money. Senior Counsel K. Shanmugam, who heads its litigation and disputes resolution team, will lead the review. (Those jokers haven’t yet returned the money out of their own accord to make peace with the public? The gall of it!)

– that the police raided the Chinatown cyber-brothel which had promised its clients the fulfilment of their sexual fantasies. The tagline on its website claimed it was an exclusive members-only ‘Gentlemen’s Club’. The bigger lure was sex with women dressed as air stewardesses, corporate executives, secretaries – even Sailor Moon, the popular Japanese Anime character. The name of this so-called club was ‘Dreams Come True’. (The Lar Sup – sleazy – Business Model goes cyber! Wow.)

– that unlike others, there was not the usual red lantern outside its premises. No large address number plate. No signboard. It looked like any other Chinatown shophouse. (Even better than those so-blasted-oblivious tui-na – 推拿 – joints! Erhem… ‘先生，要抓根吗？’)

– that each session at this brothel costs $140. Information obtained from the brothel’s website, indicates that it was a less than five-minute walk from Chinatown MRT station. The brothel was on the top floor of a three-storey shophouse, which also houses restaurants, law firms and other offices. Open from 11am to 11pm, it was accessible by a flight of stairs. (The next step would be to make it mobile in such a way that there’s no fix place to raid.)

– that Singapore is exploring the possibility of hosting a Grand Prix after new rules allowed the Formula One calendar to expand to a possible 20 races in 2008. It is examining a plan which would see races staged around a street circuit. (Time to use it to bring in the tourists and give KL a run for its money.)

– that ComfortDelGro and some commuters and cabbies have dismissed the idea of dropping the call-booking surcharge for taxis here. The idea of making a phone call the normal way of getting a taxi was floated in this newspaper, following a debate in its Forum pages among commuters and cabbies over the issue. ComfortDelGro, which runs the Comfort, Yellow-Top and CityCab fleet of cabs and takes the lion’s share of call bookings daily, was not enthusiastic. It said through its spokesman that call-booking was a premium service that ought to continue attracting a fee. (Why drop the call-booking surcharge when you can make the system ban certain drivers from bidding for a call when their cabs have been idle in the vicinity of town over a certain timespan, say, 10 minutes?)

– that many HDB flat buyers who bypass estate agents to make their purchases are still being fleeced for thousands of dollars in commissions – by the sellers’ agents. CASE has received a growing number of complaints from home buyers who were unaware they are not required to pay the fees but who were misled into coughing them up. Independent buyers complain that the sellers’ agents inform them they have to pay the commissions just before the purchase documents are signed. This leaves the buyers with little time to find out their rights. The buyers, in fact, can opt out of paying the fee – usually 1% of a flat’s price – if they say upfront that they will not be using the agent’s service. This means the buyer will have to do the paperwork himself. (1% huh? That’s even better commission than what remisiers are making.)

Trivial, Jokes and Thoughts from Discussions

– that Sunderland held Manchester ManUre United to a shock 0-0 draw at Old Trafford but were still relegated despite their battling display. ManUre United dominated play and created countless chances but inspired goalkeeper Kelvin Davis managed to keep strikers Wayne Rooney and Ruud Van Nistelrooy at bay. (Long live Sunderland! Any day is a good day when ManUre United falters.)

– that the Gospel of Judas has of course no place in the Christian Bible and is definitely fictitious. (Interesting how this ancient fiction and heresy actually hit the news. According to the Gospels that did make it into the Bible – Judas killed himself after his betrayal of Jesus Christ. So just who did he tell to pass his story in the Gospel of Judas? Pretty common sense, isn’t it?)

– that Google CEO Eric Schmidt defended the company’s controversial decision to censor Internet searches in its Chinese edition, reiterating its position that it has to comply with local laws. (If you want todo business and make money in a certain country, don’t go around acting tough to piss that country’s gover-min off.)

– that banned by Comedy Central from showing an image of the Islamic prophet Muhammad, the creators of ‘South Park’ skewered their own network for hypocrisy in the cartoon’s most recent episode. The comedy – in an episode aired during Holy Week for Christians – instead featured an image of Jesus Christ defecating on Warmonger Bush and the American flag. (The creators of ‘South Park’ obviously are insensitive, irreponsible hypocrites themselves. After all, the angry Muslims probably won’t be able to get to these hypocrites and in the end it would be innocents who are going to get hurt, again.)

– that a frequent ‘South Park’ critic, William Donohue of the anti-defamation group Catholic League, called on Parker and Stone to resign out of principle for being censored. “The ultimate hypocrite is not Comedy Central – that’s their decision not to show the image of Muhammad or not – it’s Parker and Stone,” he said. “Like little whores, they’ll sit there and grab the bucks. They’ll sit there and they’ll whine and they’ll take their shot at Jesus. That’s their stock in trade.” (Christians are really far too mild and civilised in their responses to such provocation. But God stands up for Himself without the need of us mere mortals.)

– that ‘genius’ DANNY QUAH WEI SHENG complained on the Stooge Times Forum about the NS disruption policy in view of shortened NS term. He alleged that there is a sizable number of NSmen who have set their sights overseas or in other local institutions, and they suffer instead of benefiting with the shortening of the NS term to two years as they now have to wait even longer to enter university for the usual fall term. He indicated that he intend to study in the U.S., where the school term starts in September. If he hold my leave and clear it before he ORD, he would effectively be done with his NS by October. This makes him miss the 2006 school term by one month and he would have to wait almost 11 months until September 2007 before he can start school. He asks if this is not a monumental waste. (Instead of being grateful he isn’t going to waste 6 more months in the army if it was a 2.5 years National Service, he whines! People these days, go for a mile when you give then an inch.)

– that three Singaporeans got lost on what they said was a mission to find a legendary karate expert on a snowy mountainside in Japan. One of the trio had said: “Japan looked so small on the world map that we thought we would be able to find him straightaway.” (Did they actually look at how small Singapore is compared to Japan, for starters? Just Kyushu is way bigger than Singapore already!)