The Ugly Singaporean Award

– that sex fiend Chua Tong Tyan, 26, molested 8 women in one Henderson Road block. He was jailed for three years, after admitting molesting and exposing himself to his victims, who were aged between 20 and 29. He was also sentenced to eight strokes of the rotan. (The warden should also give him a ‘good one’.)

The World This Week

– that New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin is defending his actions in connection with Hurricane Katrina, as he was grilled about why hundreds of public buses were not used to evacuate the city in advance of the devastating storm. The mayor, questioned by NBC’s Tim Russert on ‘Meet the Press’ claimed he could not find drivers for the metro and school buses, which were left to flood in the post-hurricane deluge. “Sure, here was lots of buses out there,” Nagin said. “But guess what? You can’t find drivers that would stay behind with a Category 5 hurricane, you know, pending down on New Orleans. We barely got enough drivers to move people on Sunday, or Saturday and Sunday, to move them to the Superdome. We barely had enough drivers for that. So sure, we had the assets, but the drivers just weren’t available.” (Wouldn’t they be driving away from the hurricane, actually?)

– that despite all of the journalists howling about the unconscionably slow federal response to the devastation wrought by Hurricane Katrina, there was a significant National Guard presence in the afflicted region in three days, compared o the five days taken for National Guard troops to arrive in strength on the scene in Homestead, Fla. after Hurricane Andrew hit in 2002. (When they are short on facts and knowledge, it is inevitable that they are long on useless opinion.)

– that L.A. Times guru and former CNN host Michael Kinsley divulges that CNN was coaching guests to artificially enhance emotions. Kinsley writes, “The TV news networks, which only a few months ago were piously suppressing emotional fireworks by their pundits, are now piously encouraging their news anchors to break out of the emotional straitjackets and express outrage. A Los Angeles Times colleague of mine, appearing on CNN last week to talk about Katrina, was told by a producer to ‘get angry’.” (So much for media neutrality.)

– that 2,000 municipal and school buses in New Orleans utilized to take people out of the city before Katrina struck. (The same guy who didn’t do what was necessary, was screaming his head off with profanities on radio.)

– that Al Gore urged Americans to hold the Bush Regime accountable for failing to adequately prepare for and respond to Hurricane Katrina. (Bush should appoint this clown as the chief of recovery in New Orleans. Then see how he sticks his own foot into his mouth.)

– that Warmonger Bush accepted blame for the U.S. gover-min’s flawed response to Hurricane Katrina in a nationally televised speech, and promised one of the biggest rebuilding efforts the world has ever seen in the disaster zone. Bush promised a drastic safety review for every U.S. city, on a day the death toll for the destructive August 29 storm reached 792. (Damage is already done, Bushy.)

– that John ‘Flip-Flop’ Kerry was unimpressed by Bush’s speech, during which the president gave out telephone numbers and internet websites of places to give and receive help. “Lea-duh-ship isn’t a speech or a toll-free number. Lea-duh-ship is getting the job done,” said ‘Flip-Flop’ in a statement. “No American doubts that New Orleans will rise again, they doubt the competence and commitment of this administration.” (Go put your money where your mouth is and take up the relief at New Orleans and show Americans what lea-duh-ship you care capable of other than just talk about it, alright? Are there no DemoRats who would show the Retard-icans how much better they really are?)

– that on the heels of a report that Atlanta area Katrina victims were using $2,000 debit cards to purchase luxury items like Louis Vuitton handbags, Houston police discovered the cards, provided by FEMA and the Red Cross, being used at local strip clubs. The Houston Police Department just formed a task force to investigate the abuse of the cards, which were distributed to thousands of Katrina hurricane victims to provide for necessities, such as food, clothing and toiletries. On the first day, the police found the cards being used to buy beer while ogling exotic dancers. (Apparently they do not need the money and so they should be made to return the money out of their own pockets.)

– that Cindy Sheehan as demanded at the Huffington Post and Michael Moore’s website that the U.S. military must immediately leave ‘occupied’ New Orleans. (It’s time she just shut the hell up and go home.)

– that Warmonger is shown writing to Condom-leeza Rice during a UN meeting: ‘I think I may need a bathroom break. Is this possible’. The photo, which quickly became fodder for blogs and e-mails among friends, was taken by Rick Wilking, a contract photographer based in Denver who recently covered the flooding in New Orleans. (Maybe Warmonger can name one of his grandsons George ‘WC’ Bush in the future.)

– that proposals by Pentagon staffers would see the U.S. use nuclear weapons first if it believes that doing so would pre-empt an attack by countries or terrorists using WMD, the Washington Post reported. (After Iraq, how can anyone trust American intelligence enough to believe that those attacked are really in possession of WMD and preparing to attack with them?)

– that a new political party in Sweden says it will abolish marriage if it gets into power. The Feminist Initiative, which expects more than 20% of the vote in next year’s election, claims marriage ‘is not about love, but about ownership’. (Sounds very much like ‘Me, Tarzan. You, Jane.’ in reverse.)

– that Venezuela’s President Hugo Chavez called the U.S. a ‘terrorist state’ and said the UN headquarters should be moved away from New York. (Beijing would do just fine.)

– that Australia’s highest court upheld a lower court’s decision to extradite Michael McCrea to Singapore, where he is wanted for allegedly killing his chauffeur and his chauffeur’s girlfriend, an attorney for the defendant said. (You probably won’t face the gallows, McCrea. But a warm welcome can always be arranged for you in jail so that you would prefer to die.)

– that despte a recent call by Dubai’s Crown Prince for ‘despotic regimes’ in the Middle East to ‘stop censoring alternative views’ in the media, the Dubai authorities promptly blocked access to the Gulf emirate’s main satirical blog. The Secret Dubai Diary, which examines life in the United Arab Emirates from an occasionally ironic perspective, has been unaccessible since July. (Self censorship is the same as ‘self castration’)

– that Iraqi President Jalal Talabani expressed frustration over the fact that no Arab country has designated an ambassador in Baghdad despite assurances from Arab rulers that full-ranking envoys would be named soon. (Your fellow Arabs either considers you jokers as puppet regime, or are simply not confident enough of your ability to provide security.)

– that terrorist group Hamas vowed to continue its armed struggle until all ‘Palestinian’ land was freed from occupation, despite Israel’s historic withdrawal from the Gaza Strip. “The liberation of the Gaza Strip is not the end of the road to comprehensive liberation. We will not rest until we liberate all ‘Palestinian’ land crowned by Jerusalem,” Ismail Hanieh, a lea-duh of Hamas, told reporters. (There will be no peace until all of these shitheads are in pieces.)

– that ‘Palestinians’ surged triumphantly into demolished Jewish settlements in the Gaza Strip, torching empty synagogues and firing shots into the air, as the last Israeli soldiers withdrew after 38 years of occupation. The troops’ departure marked the final step in the gover-min’s decision to leave Gaza, which Israel captured in the 1967 Middle East War, and opened an era laden with uncertainty for the coastal enclave’s 1.3 million ‘Palestinian’ residents. (Will their women be getting ‘Triumph’ bras to mark their ‘triumph’?)

– that a terrorist website posted a recording from al Qaeda’s lea-duh in Iraq saying Hurricane Katrina was an answer to the prayers of Iraqis and Afghans who have suffered under U.S. occupation. The audio message thought to be from Abu Musab al-Zarqawi came on the fourth anniversary of al Qaeda’s terrorist attacks in the United States on September 11, 2001. (The only suffering they ever had came from malfing, mass murdering asswipes like you, Zarqawi.)

– that although Kofi Annan escaped charges of corruption in a new report on the Iraqi oil-for-food programme, there was evidence that his son, Kojo, brandished his father’s name to avoid paying taxes on a luxury car and lied repeatedly while under probe. (There are too many sons who are the death of their fathers.)

– that American and British diplomats walked out of a conference on human rights here after Mama-thir Mohamad described their countries as ‘terrorist nations’ for their actions during the invasion and occupation of Iraq. Mama-thir, who was speaking at the conference, also called US and British pilots ‘murderers’ for killing Iraqi civilians. “And these murderers, for that is what they are, would go back to celebrate ‘Mission Accomplished’,” he said. “Who are the terrorists? The people below who were bombed or the bombers? Whose rights have been snatched away?” (If you want people to listen to you Mama, say something about Zarqawi and his thugs, please?)

– that Donald Rumsfool will visit China next month amid efforts to expand military ties and ease tensions, Admiral William Fallon, the commander of U.S. forces in the Pacific said. It would be the first official visit to China by Rumsfool since he was appointed Defence Secretary in 2001. (It would be interesting to see if Rumsfool will slap his Chinese hosts in their own home.)

– that the U.S. has again stepped up pressure on China to allow further movement in its currency, warning of a backlash from American lawmakers if it fails to do so, the Asian Wall Street Journal reports. U.S. Treasury officials are disappointed that China’s promise to let the yuan move with market forces has seen only a small increase in its value since the currency was revalued eight weeks ago, it said. (Try begging.)

– that it was the biggest gamble of his political career and it paid off handsomely. Junk-chiro Konkz-umi emerged from a snap election with a tighter grip on power and a party purged of rebels. Japanese voters signalled their overwhelming confidence in the premier when they returned a majority of the vote in favour of the LDP. (And into the drain goes a more peaceful East Asia, and better relationship between China and Japan.)

– that Junk-ichiro Koizumi made a renewed call for Japan to be admitted to the elite club of nations that hold a permanent seat on the UN Security Council. (Sure. Tear down Yakusuni.)

– that Imelda Marcos, widow of Ferdinand Marcos, once infamous for her enormous shoe collection, said she will go to court to block the Philippines gover-min from auctioning off her jewellery in November. The gems were seized by the gover-min shortly after the bloodless coup in 1986 ended their extravagant term in office, and Manila believes they could fetch as much as US$10 million when they go on the block. The gover-min says the jewels were bought with money embezzled from the national treasury, but Marcos rejects the claim and says the jewels are all hers – and that authorities had no right to take them. “Some of this jewellery are heirlooms of my family,” she said. “I have not been convicted for corruption anywhere.” (Be glad your fellow Filipinos aren’t as unforgiving as the Romanians.)

– that an Indonesian terrorist has been sentenced to death for helping plan and carry out last year’s suicide bombing at the Australian Embassy – the harshest penalty yet over the attack that killed 10 people. Iwan Darmawan, 30, said he would appeal the verdict, which was the latest in a series of tough sentences against militants found guilty of terror attacks in the world’s most populous Muslim nation. (Too bad they can’t give him a harsher sentence than death.)

– that Malaysia’s central bank will be withdrawing its one ringgit coin from circulation from December. Bank Negara said that the copper-coloured coin, which was introduced in 1999, would cease to be legal tender from Dec 7. But the one ringgit note would remain in circulation. A Bank Negara spokesman said one of the reasons for the coin’s withdrawal was its lack of popularity. “Because there’s little demand and people prefer the note, we decided to withdraw the one ringgit coin from circulation,” he said. “People say it’s very heavy and people prefer to carry notes instead of coins.” (If it takes more money to print a one ringgit note than to produce a one ringgit coin, why bother what the people say?)

Singapore This Week

– that Singapore has the highest prevalence of strokes in the world, according to a recent article published in international medical journal Stroke. Baka-ji Sadasivan highlighted the worrying finding at the opening of the first Asia-Pacific stroke Workshop held at Biopolis. (Another first for Singapore. The Tali-PAP should be happy.)

– that two bloggers have been charged with sedition for posting racist comments online. This is the first time bloggers are being charged in Singapore and it is sending shockwaves through the local blogging community. Lawyers say the last time the sedition act was invoked in Singapore was at least 10 years ago. Twenty-five-year-old Nicholas Lim Yew and 27-year-old Benjamin Koh Song Huat are being accused of posting racist comments on an online forum and on their blog site. (There is no place for racist scum.)

– that the two charged with sedition faces jail terms for making anti-Muslim remarks on the Internet. The case was triggered when a local Muslim woman complained about uncaged dogs travelling in Singapore taxis, and leaving behind drool and dirt. In a letter to the editor of the Stooge Times, she pointed out that contact with dog saliva is prohibited for many Muslims. A 25-year-old Chinese man responded with allegedly anti-Muslim remarks on a dog lovers’ website. Police say a second man who works at a dog kennel made an expletive-filled posting about the Muslim woman on his personal website. (Moral of the story: Never leave behind your racist drool and dirt on the Internet. And in fact, never leave behind any racist drool and dirt anywhere. Remember a particular Choo and his black out at Little India joke?)

– that the company that hosts the risque but popular sggirls.com has been found liable for copyright infringement after it was successfully sued by a modelling agency. In a summary judgment issued, Assistant Registrar Ernest Lau ordered Jeyel Technologies to pay damages and costs to Perspectives Models after pictures of two of its models were posted on the website. The picture was an exact replica of one that appeared on the Perspectives’ website, including the copyright warning. (Better go see the site now before more of the pictures suddenly disappears.)

– that allegations that volunteers from Action for Aids (AFA) had been sexually intimate with people they were counselling have been found to be baseless, an investigation by the Aids awareness group has concluded. The group’s 106 active volunteers denied having sexual relations or engaging in improper conduct with the people they were counselling. All the volunteers also denied having heard of other volunteers engaging in such behaviour, and most said they would inform their programme coordinator or AFA’s executive committee if they found out about anyone doing so. (Find the rumor-monger, and string him by the balls.)

– that those whose websites contain materials for the ‘propagation, promotion or discussion’ of political or religious issues relating to Singapore can be required to register with the authorities. This law has been invoked before. In 2001, civil society activist Tan Chong Kee was asked to register himself when his SINTERCOM website, one of Singapore’s most popular forums on current affairs at the time, caught the attention of the media authorities seven years after its creation. Shortly after this, citing personal reasons, Dr Tan shut down SINTERCOM. (So much for more social participation. The ‘Sammyboy’ model in hosting sites is the way to go.)

– that just 4 days after two men were charged with making racist remarks online, another blogger has joined their ranks. This one is only 17, but his remarks appeared to be at least as virulent as those made by the two men charged recently. Gan Huai Shi appeared in court faced with seven charges under the Sedition Act for remarks he made between April 4 and July 16 this year. The target of his ire were Malays and Muslims. In some astonishing rants, he compared them to ‘rodents’. (A Malaysian Chinese friend pointed out that being the majority race here in Singapore, a lot of Chinese do not realize just how racist they have become.)

– that he claimed he wanted to blow up Muslim holy sites and wrote that ‘the Malays must be eliminated before it is too late’. He made insulting remarks about the community, most of which are not fit for publication. In his first entry Gan claimed that he was ‘extremely racist. (Perhaps these clowns ought to realize that it might be possibly fatal for one to make such racist comments against Malays and Muslims in Malaysia or Indonesia.)

– that a STEFFEN TOH HAI CHEW suggested that top athletes should be exempted from national service. (Well, why not suggest that anyone whose father makes more than a certain amount be exempted too?)

– that according to CHUA MUI HOONG of the Stooge Times: “Legally speaking – that is, going by the letter of the law – it is clear enough: the placing of the eight white elephants on a road-divider outside the Buangkok MRT station can easily be construed as falling within the meaning of ‘public entertainment’ as governed by the Public Entertainments and Meetings Act, and required a licence. Which there wasn’t – unlike in the case of the cow cut-outs that appeared on a number of grass patches around Singapore a few months ago, put up by an advertising agency. (Slavish adherence to the letter of the law shows what one has nothing better to do.)

Trivial, Jokes and Thoughts from Discussions

– that a restaurant in north-east China that had been serving donkey meat spiked with tiger urine in pricey dishes advertised as endangered Siberian tigers. The Hufulou restaurant in Hailin city in Heilongjiang province is located barely 1km from the Hengdaohezi Siberian Tiger Park – home to a species listed as one of the 10 most endangered in the world. (Maybe they should try selling Tiger Beer as Siberian Tiger Piss.)

– that scientists believe 120 or so remains a stubborn limit beyond which the human body cannot live without some serious – and so far unknown – genetic intervention. At the moment, genetics accounts for about 15% of what determines life span. (For it is written in Genesis 6:3 – Then the LORD said, “My Spirit will not contend with man forever, for he is mortal; his days will be a hundred and twenty years.”)

– that Benjamin Koh Song Huat, 27, and Nicholas Lim Yew, 25, were arrested and charged under the Sedition Act. Investigations into the case, which has created a buzz among bloggers, began after someone called the police hotline at 3am on June 19 to complain that Koh’s blog on www.upsaid.com ‘discussed topics that would disrupt racial harmony’. Inquiries into that complaint led the police to postings on an online pet forum, www.doggiesite.com, where Lim, a marketing executive, apparently made his own brand of racist remarks. The two men are believed to know each other. (Keep all your racist shits to one another, in a coffee shop over a few jugs of beer.)

– that it is very easy to increase ERP revenue by 50% without increasing ERP charges. (Of course. First, make Saturday an ERP day too. Then have odd number cars pay double on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, and even number cars pay double on the rest. And if it doesn’t increase revenue you can at least console yourself by claiming that you finally got it right in controlling traffic on the roads. See? You don’t even need to pay me a million dollars a year to come out with such rotten ideas!)

– that this piece of news caused the largest stock single day paper trading loss I have experienced in my life: ‘Investment-bank Bear Stearns Cos. said that an upswing in underwriting and merger-and-acquisition activity helped it post a 34% rise in third-quarter profit, but the company’s stock fell because the results paled when compared with rival Lehman Brothers, who on Wednesday reported its third-quarter profit grew by more than twice that rate. Analysts said investors also may have been disappointed in declining revenue in Bear Stearns’ core fixed-income segment.’ (What a load of bull. I guess this same shit bunch of so-called ‘investors’ would have been equally disappointed that Geylang’s ‘core’ Thai-prostitute segment probably isn’t doing so well with all those illegal China girls around, in spite of the fact that it’s ‘boom town charlie’ over there.)

– that a whiner KHOO LIH-HAN wrote to Today complaining that he has to wait for 20 – 30 minutes for a parking lot at Suntec City on a weekend, and asked if the eight or nine lots reserved for the handicapped are necessary and if the number of such lots be reduced. He argues that building managements should work out a proportion for such parking lots according to the percentage of disabled people in the population. (Actually, if he has used his brains, he would have avoided the Suntec City carpark in the last 2 weekend. Because when there are no COMEX and NATAS fair, there’s always enough parking lots.)

that actress Jennifer Connelly said, “I do like to read a book while having sex. And talk on the phone. You can get so much done.” (Well, a prostitute should go tell her that maybe she would like to earn some money in the process too.)

– that Supermodel Kate Moss acknowledged to the Hennes & Mauritz clothing chain that tabloid allegations that she recently used cocaine are true, an H&M spokeswoman. Moss, who is to model one of H&M’s upcoming clothing lines, has apologized for her drug use and promised in writing to abide by a company policy that models be ‘healthy, wholesome and sound’, spokeswoman Liv Asarnoj said. (Casual drug abusers who chooses to do so deliberately should be punished in the same maner as drug traffickers.)

– that a thief who stole Fiona Xie wallet in a nightclub and racked up more than S$8,000 on her credit cards was convicted. Tan Hou Boon, 25, a marketing executive, swiped the actress’ wallet from her bag, which she had left on a seat while partying at Robertson Quay’s Liquid Room Bar at about 3am on Feb 10 this year. (The idiot could have done better to just return her the card. Maybe he would even get a reward, and be on papers with her.)

The Ugly Singaporean Award

– that as Took Leng How’s wife, son, parents and two siblings emerged from court escorted by eight policemen, a heckler taunted Took’s wife, “Why are you crying? Why are you crying? Your husband is a killer,” the man yelled in Mandarin. (Took’s family is INNOCENT, you silly ass. Go take your juvenile taunts where the sun never shines.)

The World This Week

– that Cindy Sheehan, who led an anti-war protest for nearly a month near Warmonger’s ranchm, said that she’s glad Warmonger never showed up to discuss her son’s death in Iraq, saying his absence ‘galvanized the peace movement’. Cindy Sheehan’s comments came as war protesters packed up their campsite near the ranch and prepared to leave for a three-week bus tour. (If Bush had turned up and talked to her, this self-important smart aleck will also claim victory.)

– that in 2001, the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) warned that a hurricane striking New Orleans was one of the three most likely disasters in the U.S. But the Bush Regime cut New Orleans flood control funding by 44% to pay for the Iraq war. (So Katrina came by to collect the over-dued payment.)

– that with a smirk on his face and a sneer in his voice, accused subway pervert Dan Hoyt shrugged off the sex charges against him as he left a Manhattan courthouse. “It’s a misdemeanor,” the Manhattan restaurateur arrogantly told a Daily News reporter after being arraigned on four counts of public lewdness. Hoty is the flasher who started fondling himself on an R train on Aug. 19 when Thao Nguyen snapped a photo of him with her camera phone and posted it on the Internet. (This clown should try do this again in Singapore and let Singapore rip his sorry ass apart with a dozen of strokes of rottan.)

– that hurricane Katrina walloped New Orleans just two days before the annual homosexual ‘Southern Decadence’ festival was to begin in the town, an act being characterized by some as God’s work. Southern Decadence has a history of ‘filling the French Quarters section of the city with drunken homosexuals engaging in sex acts in the public streets and bars’, says a statement from the Philadelphia Christian organization Repent America. (God will have more finese if He finds a need to stop it. Recall the first borns of Egypt in the Book of Exodus?)

– that a Muhammad Yousef Al-Mlaifi, director of the Kuwaiti Ministry of Endowment’s research center, published an article titled ‘The Terrorist Katrina is One of the Soldiers of Allah, But Not an Adherent of Al-Qaeda.’ (What about Andrew, Jeanne, et al? Get a life, alright?)

– that Mr Simon Blumenthal, a former senior advisor to ‘Blow Me’ Clinton, squarely blamed the Bush Regime’s policies and actions for the scale of the disaster. “A year ago, the US army corps of engineers proposed to study how New Orleans could be protected from a catastrophic hurricane, but the Bush Administration ordered that the research not be undertaken,” Mr Blumenthal said. (Well, who to believe? Some said that necessary measures to protect New Orleans was not being undertaken for at least a good 10 years.)

– that bloggers accused Condom-lezza Rice of enjoying her downtime in New York during the New Orleans disaster. They said that while her responsibilities are usually international, her timing contributed to the ‘fiddling while Rome burns’ impression given by her boss during the disaster. Condom was booed by people in the audience at Spamalot!, the Monty Python musical, at the Shubert Theatre in Los Angeles when the lights went up after the performance. (Boos are just not enough.)

– that 4 years after the September 11 attacks, the failure of the U.S. emergency services to handle the onslaught of Hurricane Katrina is due to resources being diverted to the War in Iraq, experts say. 7,000 National Guards from Louisiana and Mississippi are deployed in Iraq. (There’s a price to pay for an unjust war. It shouldn’t be the common man in America paying it, however.)

– that the former secretary of state, Colin Powell, said in a television interview to be broadcasted that his 2003 speech to the UN, in which he gave a detailed description of Iraqi weapons programs that turned out not to exist, was ‘painful’ for him personally and would be a permanent ‘blot’ on his record. (Colin Powell deserved better than such ignominy.)

– that Kofi Annan has come out for the first time to say that the UN should never again undertake projects such as the oil-for-food programme, as it cannot manage such a huge project. In an interview with BBC News, Mr Annan said: “I wish we had never been given that programme, and I wish the UN will never be asked to undertake that kind of programme again. There were … situations we couldn’t deal with.” (Maybe they should never have made Kofi Secretary-General in the first place too.)

– that Britain was preparing to round up a clutch of Islamist radicals for deportation as its crackdown on ‘unacceptable behaviour’ kicks in, newspapers reported. Britain’s interior minister announced his intention to bar or throw out foreigners who ‘foment, justify or glorify terrorist violence’, in response to the London terror bombings which killed 56 people in July. (Deport them straight to Iraq.)

– that Mohammad Sidique Khan, the suspected lea-duh of the July 7 London suicide bombers, vowed in a video statement released last night that al-Qa’eda would continue to attack western countries because of ‘atrocities’ they had committed across the Islamic world. (Can some of these shitheads give specific details on these so-called ‘atrocities’?)

– that the former teaching assistant from West Yorkshire, who blew himself up at Edgware Road station, killing six people and wounding 120, cast himself as the avenger of downtrodden Muslims, declaring: ‘We are at war and I am a soldier.’ (Only brigands and thugs attack innocent civilians. Do not insult the many people who trained themselves to fight other soldiers, you lil’ shit.)

– that cheeky British tourists armed with screwdrivers have left the residents of one charming Austrian village ‘effing’ – by constantly stealing the signs for their oddly-named village. While British visitors are finding it hilarious, the residents of ‘F—ing’ are failing to see the funny side and the authorities in the sleepy 32-house village near Salzburg are hitting back. The signs are now set in concrete and police chief Kommandant Schmidtberger is on the lookout. (Apparently, the next one trying to steal the signs are going to be ‘f—ing’ sorry. )

– that Michael McCrea, 46, who has spent the past 3 years in a Melbourne jail, now has one last avenue of appeal – the High Court of Australia, after he failed in his third attempt to stop the Australian gover-min from sending him to Singapore to face double murder charges. Australia agreed to give up McCrea after Singapore gave an undertaking that if he is found guilty of the two murders, he will not be executed. Australia’s laws forbid extradition to countries which have the death penalty unless an undertaking not to execute is given. (How long does he think he can go on escaping justice?)

– that rumors of a suicide bomber among the vast crowds of Shi’ite pilgrims massed for a religious ceremony caused a stampede at a bridge on the River Tigris in Iraq. More than 800 people were crushed to death or drowned in the stampede on the Baghdad bridge. (The rumor-monger should be first stoned by those who has lost loved ones on the bridge, and then burnt on a stake while paraded through Baghdad.)

– that Iraq’s president said that Saddam Hussein had confessed to killings and other ‘crimes’ committed during his regime, including the massacre of thousands of Kurds in the late 1980s. President Jalal Talabani told Iraqi television that Saddam deserves to die ‘100 times’ for his crimes. (There isn’t enough times Saddam Hussein can die for his crimes.)

– that seeking to allay growing foreign concerns about its military strength, China said it has reduced the size of its armed forces in the past two decades by nearly half to the current figure of 2.3 million. (When you have enough assault rifles to arm your platoons, you no longer need your divisions armed with pistols.)

– that Japan is seeking its first increase in military spending in four years amid mounting concern in Tokyo about North Korea and China, an official said. (It should be Korea and China which should be concerned about Japan.)

– that less than 1% of junior high schools in Japan will use a textbook that China and South Korea say whitewashes Japan’s past militarism, figures showed. The number is far below the target of the textbook’s nationalist authors. Only 48 of Japan’s 11,035 public and private schools for students aged 13 to 15 have adopted the controversial textbook for the school year starting in April, said a textbook division official at its publisher, Fusosha. It means 0.4% of Japan’s junior high schools have opted for the textbook, a far cry from the 10% target set by the book’s sponsors, the Japanese Society for History Textbook Reform. (That, is unacceptable. There should be ZERO tolerance for this lying, fictional crap masquerading itself as a history textbook.)

– that HongKongers were flabbergasted by news that some of the farms selected by the mainland authorities to supply them with safe freshwater fish did not exist. Fish wholesalers had been given a list on Monday of 18 fish farms in Guangdong – eight in Shenzhen – where they could place orders. But checks by Hong Kong media found the list was not as dependable as it seemed. The South China Morning Post (SCMP) reported yesterday that four of the Shenzhen farms were not in use. One had not been in operation for years, it said, following an attempted visit to the farms. Two others did not appear to exist and a fourth had been closed to make way for property development. The remaining four farms, the newspaper added, said they had no idea that they had been selected to supply safe fish to Hong Kong. None of them had been inspected by the authorities this year. (Considering HongKongers’ distrust the mainland, someone ought to know there’s someone who will check.)

– that Hong Kong’s top health official apologised for releasing a list of mainland Chinese fish farms deemed safe to export uncontaminated fish to the city after press investigations showed that many of them do not exist. (Now go find yourself a computer with a word processor and work on your resign letter.)

– that two masked men, armed with knives, had accosted and slashed seven-year-old Shum Ho Yin left just about everyone in Hong Kong speechless. The police caught the alleged perpetrators a week after the shameless, inhuman and cold-blooded assault. These included the boy’s stepmother of five years, Hong Man Yi, 22. Two men were nabbed by mainland police in neighbouring Shenzhen while four men and one other woman were arrested by Hong Kong police. Local media reports say the suspects included Hong’s 23-year-old former boyfriend, surnamed Tsang. Both the alleged assailants, police say, are teenagers. Hong Kong Chief Executive Donald Tsang condemned the act as having ‘evoked the wrath of God and humans alike’. (Indeed. Castrate them all.)

– that Ma Ying-jeou said that he would make efforts to end the 56-year split between the island and mainland China. In his first interview with a foreign news organisation since taking the helm of the 110-year old KMT on Aug 19, Ma said that he hopes he will prove capable of bringing Taiwan and China together after civil war tore them apart in 1949. (Saying and doing are 2 different matters entirely.)

– that a American mother of three was found guilty in Hong Kong of murdering her high-flying banker husband and sentenced to life imprisonment. The five-man and two-woman jury returned a unanimous guilty verdict on Nancy Ann Kissel, who drugged her husband with a sedative-laden milkshake before bludgeoning him to death with a lead ornament. The defence argued Mr Kissel was an abusive workaholic who snorted cocaine and often forcefully sodomised his wife and said Nancy Kissel killed her husband in self-defence as he was attacking her with a baseball bat during an argument. (The defense takes the jury and the judge for fools. It is not as if the sedative-laden milkshake is a fiction.)

– that Gloria Arroyo urged the country to draw a line under three months of political turmoil after legislators rejected attempts to impeach her for vote-rigging. But even as Arroyo appealed for unity, opposition legislators vowed to renew efforts to make her stand trial over claims that she rigged the May presidential polls last year. (Not like these guys gives a damn about fixing the nation’s problem when all they cared about is getting the power.)

– that Asia’s most successful low-cost carrier, AirAsia, has more than doubled its profits despite higher oil prices. Although it failed to beat its forecast, AirAsia’s fortunes contrast sharply with those of three other Singapore-based low-cost carriers: Jetstar Asia, Valuair and Tiger Airways. “As far as we know, only Air- Asia is profitable, while the rest struggle as industry overcapacity, low fares and high jet fuel prices take their toll,” said Mr Shukor Yusof, Standard & Poor’s aviation editor. (The rest will probably suffer the fate similar to those who jumped on the bubble tea wagon.)

– that a diplomatic spat may be brewing between Thailand and Malaysia, following the exodus of 131 Thai Muslims who fled their homeland due to escalating violence to seek refuge in Kelantan. Malaysian Muslim lea-duhs have urged Thailand to drop its hardline stance on the southern provinces where an insurgency is raging, and say they will harbour any refugees from the crisis. Political and religious lea-duhs said that, instead of reacting with force, Thaksin Shinawatra should build trust with the kingdom’s Muslim minority which has been shattered by months of violence. (Just shut up and let people deal with their own problems, alright?)

– that much of the deadly violence which ripped through the southern Thai province of Narathiwat recently has been in retaliation for the killing of a popular religious lea-duh. According to leaflets left at the scenes, the shootings and bomb attacks had been carried out to avenge the death of Imam Satupo Yuso, 53, who was shot by unknown gunmen in Sungei Padi district. (If the Thai seuciry forces retaliates by means of indiscriminate killing, the Muslims in Southern Thailand only have these terrorists to blame.)

– that Malaysians rushed to pay up their traffic fines yesterday after police offered a 50% discount on 3.4 million unpaid summonses as part of efforts to clear a huge backlog. Police reported a good response to the discount offer, which ends on Sept 22. Television reports showed long queues of Malaysians waiting to pay up. Kuala Lumpur’s traffic police chief Hamza Taib said there had been a 20% increase in the number of people paying up compared to other days. (No prize for those who paid promptly.)

Singapore This Week

– that the chairman of the PTC, Eric Gwee, is calling it a day after 16 years of occupying one of the hottest seats in town. He has been at the helm of the PTC since 1989, two years after the transport fare watchdog body was formed by the gover-min. His replacement will be fellow council member and Automobile Association of Singapore president Gerard Ee, 56, who will succeed him from tomorrow. (What difference does that make?)

– that the N-E MRT Line may become profitable for operator SBS Transit by early next year, far sooner than expected. The news has reignited speculation that SBS Transit could swop operatorship of the 20km line for rival SMRT’s bus business, which has been languishing of late. SBS Transit’s parent company ComfortDelGro reported in its latest financial results that its rail-related losses have been slashed, from $9.3 million in the first half of last year to $3.6 million in the first half of this year. The company’s directors expect this to improve further. (Well, if it isn’t profitable still, they can always run to the PTC for another raise. And for goodness sake, no business makes money straight away! So stop whining!!)

– that Lam.. erm Yeo Cheow Tong reassured Buangkok residents that their MRT station is not a ‘white elephant’, reacting to a protest when eight white elephant placards were placed outside the station. Speaking to reporters at the sidelines of an LTA event, Lam said: “I can understand how residents feel seeing the station there but not being open. However, I can assure them that it is not a white elephant. We do things in a very rational manner. If we did not build the station five years ago (with the rest of the North-East Line), it would have cost taxpayers a lot more money, so we proceeded to build it ahead of demand.” (Well, talk about Kranji and Expo Station, can?)

– that up to 3 Punggol South residents have been summoned by the police to help in their investigations into Buangkok’s ‘white elephant’ incident, said an MP. Providing an update on the police probe, MP Charles Chong of Pasir Ris-Punggol GRC and adviser to Punggol South grassroots organisations, said that so far ‘about two or three residents, some of whom are grassroots lea-duhs, have gone to the police station to give statements’ and more are expected to be called up. The police said they were investigating a complaint about eight white elephant cut-outs placed near Buangkok station. The incident is being investigated under the Public Entertainment and Meetings Act, which carries a fine of up to $10,000.
(People protest MRT station no open also got some fumb duck wanna complain.)

– that growing public reaction over the authorities’ investigation into the ‘white elephants’ episode has compelled the police to justify their ongoing actions. In a statement issued, the SPF said ‘the Police must be fair and transparent at all times and not investigate cases selectively’. The statement went on to explain that because someone had called ‘999’ to complain about the animal cut-outs displayed on July 28 outside the Buangkok MRT station, The police had to determine whether any offence had been committed under the Public Entertainments and Meetings Act. (What meeting and what so entertaining about those?)

– that 2 weeks after the CAD was called in by the NKF’s interim board to investigate matters of ‘grave concern’, the Business Times reported that TT Durai has had his passport ‘impounded by the police’. (To say Durai is finished would be an understatement. Poor man should have left when he could.)

– that a private religious teacher who molested a student five times in 1999 was jailed for one year and four months. Alias Hashim, 58, admitted molesting the woman, who is now 34, on the pretext of offering blessings to her. (Someone give this guy instructions to Geylang.)

– that enraged by what he perceived to be a snub by a SilkAir flight stewardess, Peethambaran Dilip claimed to be an Israeli terrorist who could bring down the plane. His remark cost him dearly. District Judge Tan Puay Boon convicted him of criminal intimidation and sentenced him to 10 months in jail. (Here’s a safer threat: “If you don’t treat me nicely I’ll bring Darth Vader.”)

– that an article on the Stooge Times by a LI XUEYING reads: “Soon after making his National Day Rally speech, Baby Lee received many letters and e-mail messages responding to his call to remake Singapore. Many said they were excited about the vision he had sketched of a future Singapore, and wanted to contribute to making it a reality.” (How many is many?)

– that a mysterious vandal struck in the opposition-held ward of Potong Pasir, defacing a publicity banner of Mr Sitoh Yih Pin, the rival of MP Chiam See Tong. Black paint was used to smudge the picture of the Tali-PAP’s Mr Sitoh on the 2-m-long banner, which was hung on an open field along Potong Pasir Avenue 1, facing the busy stretch of Upper Serangoon Road. (This fellow can wash his ass clean and get ready for prison.)

– that the assurance given to Singapore’s low-income families by the newly formed Ministerial Committee on Low-Wage Workers is: ‘Where there’s a will to work, there will be a way out of poverty’. Ng Eng Eng, who chairs the committee, acknowledged at a press conference that low-wage workers in Singapore – comprising about 240,000 full-time workers earning $1,000 or less a month – are a diverse group facing a plethora of problems. (Work never is a way out of poverty. It simply is a way to keep you from starving.)

– that some Singaporeans are clamouring for financial aid even when they are not eligible or deserving of any. This welfare mentality is beginning to surface, said MPs, who sense it among some residents at meet-the-people sessions. (They are probably about as deserving of financial aid as mini$ter$ of their high pay. But again, if you have a maid, a car, and a condominium and yet expect aid, then you deserved to be executed and your assets given to the poor sod who lives in a 2 room flat with 7 other people.)

– that as the deadline to get the windows retrofitted is less than a month away, a number of homeowners are getting their arms twisted. Many contractors have too much work on their plate to accept new job requests before the Sept 30 deadline nd some are trying to put the squeeze on desperate homeowners by inflating their rates and proposing extra replacement work that the new legislation does not call for. (A taxi driver mentioned that one contractor has even tried to con him into putting a metal bar across his sliding windows. Such profiteers should be shot.)

– that the Sep 30 deadline for replacing those aluminium window rivets with stainless steel ones stays. Mabok Tongue made it plain that tardy residents will not be given an extension beyond this month. “We’re trying to make sure that nobody gets hurt, or worse, gets killed,” Mabok told reporters after opening an exhibition in Tampines. (So why give one year in the first place?)

– that Mabok assured that those who needed help will get a hand to retrofit their windows by the deadline, which opposition MP Chiam See Tong wants extended by three months. Mr Chiam made the call when he issued a statement urging the National Development Ministry to consider the plight of poorer flat owners. In response, Mabok said: “I would like to urge Mr Chiam not to politicise this issue, because what we’re trying to do here is save lives. It is not to make life difficult for some people.” (Makes one wonder if it would be the same shit excuses given if it was that Sitoh from Tali-PAP who asked…)

– that a raid was mounted at Devil’s Bar, a popular nightspot located at Orchard Parade Hotel after the Central Narcotics Bureau (CNB) received a tip-off on suspected drug-abuse activities. Of the 37 arrested for suspected drug consumption, nine, including a woman, tested positive for drugs. (There should be no discrimination between supply and demand. Drug abusers should be hanged together with drug traffickers.)

– that as dengue cases break their own records each passing week, a startling worry has emerged. Hospitals could find their beds occupied by so many dengue patients that others — with equally-pressing claims — could find themselves squeezed out. “The development of dengue has been quite worrisome,” said Cow-Beh Wan. “If this rate continues, I think all our beds will be choked up by dengue and mosquitoes.” (Once the dengue mosquitoes taste some million dollar blood, the respective departments might be more ‘persuaded’ to make the dengue problem go away.)

– that MINDEF said it is in the final stage of negotiations with Boeing for its new generation of fighter, indicating the U.S.-made F-15 Eagle had won over the French-built Rafale. In a statement, MINDEF said it was ‘now in the process of seeking final clarifications and contract negotiations with Boeing’ on the contract, estimated in the industry to be worth about US$1 billion. (This US$1 billion is like buying the option to purchase the JSF in the future, right? If not why participate in the JSF program at all?)

– that the IDA is contemplating a centralised database to make mobile number portability seamless, despite concerns raised by the Singapore’s three mobile operators. In its call for public feedback on its proposal, the IDA said that this approach ensures that all phone calls, short message services and MMS are correctly transferred to subscribers who have switched operators. (Just go ahead and do it and stop wasting everyone’s time.)

– that some nightspots have reported witnessing an increase in the number of butches – females who dress and behave in a manly manner – visiting their clubs during Ladies’ Night to take advantage of the free-flow promotions. Their presence has apparently irked some customers – of both sexes – who do not think of them as eye candy in the traditional sense. Besides, some argue, the butches sometimes create a scene when they bicker among themselves. This doesn’t square with the clubs’ motive for hosting Ladies’ Night, which is to attract attractive female patrons who, in turn, would entice more men to these clubs, thereby generating bigger profits. (These ‘psychological dysfunctionals’ needs remedial courses in the Buangkok Resort aka Woodbridge Hospital.)

Trivial, Jokes and Thoughts from Discussions

– that some Singaporean bloggers are really amazing. Most of them turned their own blog into a shrine for themselves to be worshipped. Some makes a big fuss about their own faithful, for intruding into their own sacred private turf, and some even go so far as to declare death on those who attacked their faithful. It us as if their own assumed ‘divinity’ can thus extend protection. Then there are the sore-eyed monsters, who launched an impassionate, person specific attack on their own blogs, and even resorting to using photoshops to deface the photos of other bloggers. (Get a grip on your own self-importance, dudes!)

– that scientists have predicted artificial wombs to bring a foetus of a human being to full term outside a woman’s body could become a reality within 20 years. This could present great advantages in the case of very premature babies, which could be nurtured to full pregnancy term in artificial wombs, thereby reducing the risk of long-term developmental problems. (And we can now breed soldiers and space colonists with these artificial wombs.)

– that India’s leading female tennis player has been subjected to a fatwa by a Muslim cleric for wearing short skirts and revealing tops on the international tennis circuit. The fatwa – in effect, a demand that she cover up – was issued by a senior cleric of the Sunni Ulema Board, a little-known group. Similar fatwas have been issued against Mirza, who comes from a devout Muslim family, but none has ever gained popular support among India’s 130 million Muslims. “The dress she wears on the tennis courts…leaves nothing to the imagination,” Haseeb-ul-hasan Siddiqui told The Hindustan Times. “She will undoubtedly be a corrupting influence.” He said she should follow the example of Iranian women who wore long tunics and headscarves to play in the Asian Badminton Championships. (Perhaps Siddiqui should elaborate more on how to resist such ‘corrupting influence’ than coming up with such meaningless fuc.. sorry.. fatwas.)

– that Next Magazine reported that Lin Chiling’s breast implants were also ‘injured’ as a result of her fall of her horse in Dalian. A Taiwanese doctor told the Hong Kong weekly that Lin’s burst saline sacs were removed when she was treated for her fractured ribs in Dalian. However, a spokesman for the hospital said the surgeon was just called in to check that Lin would have no unsightly scars from her injuries. Lin’s mother has long denied that her daughter’s breasts were enlarged surgically. (* Yawn * Show me the broken sacs and I’ll believe you!)

– that after nearly five months, 5,000 applicants and five rounds of competition with stewardess Kelly Poon, 24-year-old visually impaired busker Tan Wei Lian emerged as the winner of MediaCorp TV Channel U’s first ever Project SuperStar. Wei Lian’s margin of victory was 64% to 36%. Over 530,000 viewer votes were cast by telephone, accounting for 70%of the final score – sales of their respective singles, released a fortnight ago, made up the remaining 30%. (So Wei Lian is now and idol. Just wondered how many of Kelly’s supporters go, “What? He won? I… Duh!”)

– that while Mr Eric Khoo’s latest film ‘Be With Me’ has been approved uncut with a rating of M18, MDA has banned its original promotional poster for depicting ‘lesbian intimacy’ between the actresses. (Duh! So depicting ‘lesbian intimacy’ on the big screen is ok?)

– that a study has found that older workers over 50 inhibit the progress of their younger colleagues and are responsible for millions of dollars in lost productivity. The survey compiled by feedback from more than 200 human resource directors found that nearly a quarter of British workers are ‘stags’ – people who are stagnating in their jobs — and they are blocking the career ladder for younger ‘bucks’ who are trying to progress. (And who were the jokers who said we shouldn’t even think about retiring anymore?)