The Ugly Singaporean Award

– that sex fiend Chua Tong Tyan, 26, molested 8 women in one Henderson Road block. He was jailed for three years, after admitting molesting and exposing himself to his victims, who were aged between 20 and 29. He was also sentenced to eight strokes of the rotan. (The warden should also give him a ‘good one’.)

The World This Week

– that New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin is defending his actions in connection with Hurricane Katrina, as he was grilled about why hundreds of public buses were not used to evacuate the city in advance of the devastating storm. The mayor, questioned by NBC’s Tim Russert on ‘Meet the Press’ claimed he could not find drivers for the metro and school buses, which were left to flood in the post-hurricane deluge. “Sure, here was lots of buses out there,” Nagin said. “But guess what? You can’t find drivers that would stay behind with a Category 5 hurricane, you know, pending down on New Orleans. We barely got enough drivers to move people on Sunday, or Saturday and Sunday, to move them to the Superdome. We barely had enough drivers for that. So sure, we had the assets, but the drivers just weren’t available.” (Wouldn’t they be driving away from the hurricane, actually?)

– that despite all of the journalists howling about the unconscionably slow federal response to the devastation wrought by Hurricane Katrina, there was a significant National Guard presence in the afflicted region in three days, compared o the five days taken for National Guard troops to arrive in strength on the scene in Homestead, Fla. after Hurricane Andrew hit in 2002. (When they are short on facts and knowledge, it is inevitable that they are long on useless opinion.)

– that L.A. Times guru and former CNN host Michael Kinsley divulges that CNN was coaching guests to artificially enhance emotions. Kinsley writes, “The TV news networks, which only a few months ago were piously suppressing emotional fireworks by their pundits, are now piously encouraging their news anchors to break out of the emotional straitjackets and express outrage. A Los Angeles Times colleague of mine, appearing on CNN last week to talk about Katrina, was told by a producer to ‘get angry’.” (So much for media neutrality.)

– that 2,000 municipal and school buses in New Orleans utilized to take people out of the city before Katrina struck. (The same guy who didn’t do what was necessary, was screaming his head off with profanities on radio.)

– that Al Gore urged Americans to hold the Bush Regime accountable for failing to adequately prepare for and respond to Hurricane Katrina. (Bush should appoint this clown as the chief of recovery in New Orleans. Then see how he sticks his own foot into his mouth.)

– that Warmonger Bush accepted blame for the U.S. gover-min’s flawed response to Hurricane Katrina in a nationally televised speech, and promised one of the biggest rebuilding efforts the world has ever seen in the disaster zone. Bush promised a drastic safety review for every U.S. city, on a day the death toll for the destructive August 29 storm reached 792. (Damage is already done, Bushy.)

– that John ‘Flip-Flop’ Kerry was unimpressed by Bush’s speech, during which the president gave out telephone numbers and internet websites of places to give and receive help. “Lea-duh-ship isn’t a speech or a toll-free number. Lea-duh-ship is getting the job done,” said ‘Flip-Flop’ in a statement. “No American doubts that New Orleans will rise again, they doubt the competence and commitment of this administration.” (Go put your money where your mouth is and take up the relief at New Orleans and show Americans what lea-duh-ship you care capable of other than just talk about it, alright? Are there no DemoRats who would show the Retard-icans how much better they really are?)

– that on the heels of a report that Atlanta area Katrina victims were using $2,000 debit cards to purchase luxury items like Louis Vuitton handbags, Houston police discovered the cards, provided by FEMA and the Red Cross, being used at local strip clubs. The Houston Police Department just formed a task force to investigate the abuse of the cards, which were distributed to thousands of Katrina hurricane victims to provide for necessities, such as food, clothing and toiletries. On the first day, the police found the cards being used to buy beer while ogling exotic dancers. (Apparently they do not need the money and so they should be made to return the money out of their own pockets.)

– that Cindy Sheehan as demanded at the Huffington Post and Michael Moore’s website that the U.S. military must immediately leave ‘occupied’ New Orleans. (It’s time she just shut the hell up and go home.)

– that Warmonger is shown writing to Condom-leeza Rice during a UN meeting: ‘I think I may need a bathroom break. Is this possible’. The photo, which quickly became fodder for blogs and e-mails among friends, was taken by Rick Wilking, a contract photographer based in Denver who recently covered the flooding in New Orleans. (Maybe Warmonger can name one of his grandsons George ‘WC’ Bush in the future.)

– that proposals by Pentagon staffers would see the U.S. use nuclear weapons first if it believes that doing so would pre-empt an attack by countries or terrorists using WMD, the Washington Post reported. (After Iraq, how can anyone trust American intelligence enough to believe that those attacked are really in possession of WMD and preparing to attack with them?)

– that a new political party in Sweden says it will abolish marriage if it gets into power. The Feminist Initiative, which expects more than 20% of the vote in next year’s election, claims marriage ‘is not about love, but about ownership’. (Sounds very much like ‘Me, Tarzan. You, Jane.’ in reverse.)

– that Venezuela’s President Hugo Chavez called the U.S. a ‘terrorist state’ and said the UN headquarters should be moved away from New York. (Beijing would do just fine.)

– that Australia’s highest court upheld a lower court’s decision to extradite Michael McCrea to Singapore, where he is wanted for allegedly killing his chauffeur and his chauffeur’s girlfriend, an attorney for the defendant said. (You probably won’t face the gallows, McCrea. But a warm welcome can always be arranged for you in jail so that you would prefer to die.)

– that despte a recent call by Dubai’s Crown Prince for ‘despotic regimes’ in the Middle East to ‘stop censoring alternative views’ in the media, the Dubai authorities promptly blocked access to the Gulf emirate’s main satirical blog. The Secret Dubai Diary, which examines life in the United Arab Emirates from an occasionally ironic perspective, has been unaccessible since July. (Self censorship is the same as ‘self castration’)

– that Iraqi President Jalal Talabani expressed frustration over the fact that no Arab country has designated an ambassador in Baghdad despite assurances from Arab rulers that full-ranking envoys would be named soon. (Your fellow Arabs either considers you jokers as puppet regime, or are simply not confident enough of your ability to provide security.)

– that terrorist group Hamas vowed to continue its armed struggle until all ‘Palestinian’ land was freed from occupation, despite Israel’s historic withdrawal from the Gaza Strip. “The liberation of the Gaza Strip is not the end of the road to comprehensive liberation. We will not rest until we liberate all ‘Palestinian’ land crowned by Jerusalem,” Ismail Hanieh, a lea-duh of Hamas, told reporters. (There will be no peace until all of these shitheads are in pieces.)

– that ‘Palestinians’ surged triumphantly into demolished Jewish settlements in the Gaza Strip, torching empty synagogues and firing shots into the air, as the last Israeli soldiers withdrew after 38 years of occupation. The troops’ departure marked the final step in the gover-min’s decision to leave Gaza, which Israel captured in the 1967 Middle East War, and opened an era laden with uncertainty for the coastal enclave’s 1.3 million ‘Palestinian’ residents. (Will their women be getting ‘Triumph’ bras to mark their ‘triumph’?)

– that a terrorist website posted a recording from al Qaeda’s lea-duh in Iraq saying Hurricane Katrina was an answer to the prayers of Iraqis and Afghans who have suffered under U.S. occupation. The audio message thought to be from Abu Musab al-Zarqawi came on the fourth anniversary of al Qaeda’s terrorist attacks in the United States on September 11, 2001. (The only suffering they ever had came from malfing, mass murdering asswipes like you, Zarqawi.)

– that although Kofi Annan escaped charges of corruption in a new report on the Iraqi oil-for-food programme, there was evidence that his son, Kojo, brandished his father’s name to avoid paying taxes on a luxury car and lied repeatedly while under probe. (There are too many sons who are the death of their fathers.)

– that American and British diplomats walked out of a conference on human rights here after Mama-thir Mohamad described their countries as ‘terrorist nations’ for their actions during the invasion and occupation of Iraq. Mama-thir, who was speaking at the conference, also called US and British pilots ‘murderers’ for killing Iraqi civilians. “And these murderers, for that is what they are, would go back to celebrate ‘Mission Accomplished’,” he said. “Who are the terrorists? The people below who were bombed or the bombers? Whose rights have been snatched away?” (If you want people to listen to you Mama, say something about Zarqawi and his thugs, please?)

– that Donald Rumsfool will visit China next month amid efforts to expand military ties and ease tensions, Admiral William Fallon, the commander of U.S. forces in the Pacific said. It would be the first official visit to China by Rumsfool since he was appointed Defence Secretary in 2001. (It would be interesting to see if Rumsfool will slap his Chinese hosts in their own home.)

– that the U.S. has again stepped up pressure on China to allow further movement in its currency, warning of a backlash from American lawmakers if it fails to do so, the Asian Wall Street Journal reports. U.S. Treasury officials are disappointed that China’s promise to let the yuan move with market forces has seen only a small increase in its value since the currency was revalued eight weeks ago, it said. (Try begging.)

– that it was the biggest gamble of his political career and it paid off handsomely. Junk-chiro Konkz-umi emerged from a snap election with a tighter grip on power and a party purged of rebels. Japanese voters signalled their overwhelming confidence in the premier when they returned a majority of the vote in favour of the LDP. (And into the drain goes a more peaceful East Asia, and better relationship between China and Japan.)

– that Junk-ichiro Koizumi made a renewed call for Japan to be admitted to the elite club of nations that hold a permanent seat on the UN Security Council. (Sure. Tear down Yakusuni.)

– that Imelda Marcos, widow of Ferdinand Marcos, once infamous for her enormous shoe collection, said she will go to court to block the Philippines gover-min from auctioning off her jewellery in November. The gems were seized by the gover-min shortly after the bloodless coup in 1986 ended their extravagant term in office, and Manila believes they could fetch as much as US$10 million when they go on the block. The gover-min says the jewels were bought with money embezzled from the national treasury, but Marcos rejects the claim and says the jewels are all hers – and that authorities had no right to take them. “Some of this jewellery are heirlooms of my family,” she said. “I have not been convicted for corruption anywhere.” (Be glad your fellow Filipinos aren’t as unforgiving as the Romanians.)

– that an Indonesian terrorist has been sentenced to death for helping plan and carry out last year’s suicide bombing at the Australian Embassy – the harshest penalty yet over the attack that killed 10 people. Iwan Darmawan, 30, said he would appeal the verdict, which was the latest in a series of tough sentences against militants found guilty of terror attacks in the world’s most populous Muslim nation. (Too bad they can’t give him a harsher sentence than death.)

– that Malaysia’s central bank will be withdrawing its one ringgit coin from circulation from December. Bank Negara said that the copper-coloured coin, which was introduced in 1999, would cease to be legal tender from Dec 7. But the one ringgit note would remain in circulation. A Bank Negara spokesman said one of the reasons for the coin’s withdrawal was its lack of popularity. “Because there’s little demand and people prefer the note, we decided to withdraw the one ringgit coin from circulation,” he said. “People say it’s very heavy and people prefer to carry notes instead of coins.” (If it takes more money to print a one ringgit note than to produce a one ringgit coin, why bother what the people say?)

Singapore This Week

– that Singapore has the highest prevalence of strokes in the world, according to a recent article published in international medical journal Stroke. Baka-ji Sadasivan highlighted the worrying finding at the opening of the first Asia-Pacific stroke Workshop held at Biopolis. (Another first for Singapore. The Tali-PAP should be happy.)

– that two bloggers have been charged with sedition for posting racist comments online. This is the first time bloggers are being charged in Singapore and it is sending shockwaves through the local blogging community. Lawyers say the last time the sedition act was invoked in Singapore was at least 10 years ago. Twenty-five-year-old Nicholas Lim Yew and 27-year-old Benjamin Koh Song Huat are being accused of posting racist comments on an online forum and on their blog site. (There is no place for racist scum.)

– that the two charged with sedition faces jail terms for making anti-Muslim remarks on the Internet. The case was triggered when a local Muslim woman complained about uncaged dogs travelling in Singapore taxis, and leaving behind drool and dirt. In a letter to the editor of the Stooge Times, she pointed out that contact with dog saliva is prohibited for many Muslims. A 25-year-old Chinese man responded with allegedly anti-Muslim remarks on a dog lovers’ website. Police say a second man who works at a dog kennel made an expletive-filled posting about the Muslim woman on his personal website. (Moral of the story: Never leave behind your racist drool and dirt on the Internet. And in fact, never leave behind any racist drool and dirt anywhere. Remember a particular Choo and his black out at Little India joke?)

– that the company that hosts the risque but popular sggirls.com has been found liable for copyright infringement after it was successfully sued by a modelling agency. In a summary judgment issued, Assistant Registrar Ernest Lau ordered Jeyel Technologies to pay damages and costs to Perspectives Models after pictures of two of its models were posted on the website. The picture was an exact replica of one that appeared on the Perspectives’ website, including the copyright warning. (Better go see the site now before more of the pictures suddenly disappears.)

– that allegations that volunteers from Action for Aids (AFA) had been sexually intimate with people they were counselling have been found to be baseless, an investigation by the Aids awareness group has concluded. The group’s 106 active volunteers denied having sexual relations or engaging in improper conduct with the people they were counselling. All the volunteers also denied having heard of other volunteers engaging in such behaviour, and most said they would inform their programme coordinator or AFA’s executive committee if they found out about anyone doing so. (Find the rumor-monger, and string him by the balls.)

– that those whose websites contain materials for the ‘propagation, promotion or discussion’ of political or religious issues relating to Singapore can be required to register with the authorities. This law has been invoked before. In 2001, civil society activist Tan Chong Kee was asked to register himself when his SINTERCOM website, one of Singapore’s most popular forums on current affairs at the time, caught the attention of the media authorities seven years after its creation. Shortly after this, citing personal reasons, Dr Tan shut down SINTERCOM. (So much for more social participation. The ‘Sammyboy’ model in hosting sites is the way to go.)

– that just 4 days after two men were charged with making racist remarks online, another blogger has joined their ranks. This one is only 17, but his remarks appeared to be at least as virulent as those made by the two men charged recently. Gan Huai Shi appeared in court faced with seven charges under the Sedition Act for remarks he made between April 4 and July 16 this year. The target of his ire were Malays and Muslims. In some astonishing rants, he compared them to ‘rodents’. (A Malaysian Chinese friend pointed out that being the majority race here in Singapore, a lot of Chinese do not realize just how racist they have become.)

– that he claimed he wanted to blow up Muslim holy sites and wrote that ‘the Malays must be eliminated before it is too late’. He made insulting remarks about the community, most of which are not fit for publication. In his first entry Gan claimed that he was ‘extremely racist. (Perhaps these clowns ought to realize that it might be possibly fatal for one to make such racist comments against Malays and Muslims in Malaysia or Indonesia.)

– that a STEFFEN TOH HAI CHEW suggested that top athletes should be exempted from national service. (Well, why not suggest that anyone whose father makes more than a certain amount be exempted too?)

– that according to CHUA MUI HOONG of the Stooge Times: “Legally speaking – that is, going by the letter of the law – it is clear enough: the placing of the eight white elephants on a road-divider outside the Buangkok MRT station can easily be construed as falling within the meaning of ‘public entertainment’ as governed by the Public Entertainments and Meetings Act, and required a licence. Which there wasn’t – unlike in the case of the cow cut-outs that appeared on a number of grass patches around Singapore a few months ago, put up by an advertising agency. (Slavish adherence to the letter of the law shows what one has nothing better to do.)

Trivial, Jokes and Thoughts from Discussions

– that a restaurant in north-east China that had been serving donkey meat spiked with tiger urine in pricey dishes advertised as endangered Siberian tigers. The Hufulou restaurant in Hailin city in Heilongjiang province is located barely 1km from the Hengdaohezi Siberian Tiger Park – home to a species listed as one of the 10 most endangered in the world. (Maybe they should try selling Tiger Beer as Siberian Tiger Piss.)

– that scientists believe 120 or so remains a stubborn limit beyond which the human body cannot live without some serious – and so far unknown – genetic intervention. At the moment, genetics accounts for about 15% of what determines life span. (For it is written in Genesis 6:3 – Then the LORD said, “My Spirit will not contend with man forever, for he is mortal; his days will be a hundred and twenty years.”)

– that Benjamin Koh Song Huat, 27, and Nicholas Lim Yew, 25, were arrested and charged under the Sedition Act. Investigations into the case, which has created a buzz among bloggers, began after someone called the police hotline at 3am on June 19 to complain that Koh’s blog on www.upsaid.com ‘discussed topics that would disrupt racial harmony’. Inquiries into that complaint led the police to postings on an online pet forum, www.doggiesite.com, where Lim, a marketing executive, apparently made his own brand of racist remarks. The two men are believed to know each other. (Keep all your racist shits to one another, in a coffee shop over a few jugs of beer.)

– that it is very easy to increase ERP revenue by 50% without increasing ERP charges. (Of course. First, make Saturday an ERP day too. Then have odd number cars pay double on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, and even number cars pay double on the rest. And if it doesn’t increase revenue you can at least console yourself by claiming that you finally got it right in controlling traffic on the roads. See? You don’t even need to pay me a million dollars a year to come out with such rotten ideas!)

– that this piece of news caused the largest stock single day paper trading loss I have experienced in my life: ‘Investment-bank Bear Stearns Cos. said that an upswing in underwriting and merger-and-acquisition activity helped it post a 34% rise in third-quarter profit, but the company’s stock fell because the results paled when compared with rival Lehman Brothers, who on Wednesday reported its third-quarter profit grew by more than twice that rate. Analysts said investors also may have been disappointed in declining revenue in Bear Stearns’ core fixed-income segment.’ (What a load of bull. I guess this same shit bunch of so-called ‘investors’ would have been equally disappointed that Geylang’s ‘core’ Thai-prostitute segment probably isn’t doing so well with all those illegal China girls around, in spite of the fact that it’s ‘boom town charlie’ over there.)

– that a whiner KHOO LIH-HAN wrote to Today complaining that he has to wait for 20 – 30 minutes for a parking lot at Suntec City on a weekend, and asked if the eight or nine lots reserved for the handicapped are necessary and if the number of such lots be reduced. He argues that building managements should work out a proportion for such parking lots according to the percentage of disabled people in the population. (Actually, if he has used his brains, he would have avoided the Suntec City carpark in the last 2 weekend. Because when there are no COMEX and NATAS fair, there’s always enough parking lots.)

that actress Jennifer Connelly said, “I do like to read a book while having sex. And talk on the phone. You can get so much done.” (Well, a prostitute should go tell her that maybe she would like to earn some money in the process too.)

– that Supermodel Kate Moss acknowledged to the Hennes & Mauritz clothing chain that tabloid allegations that she recently used cocaine are true, an H&M spokeswoman. Moss, who is to model one of H&M’s upcoming clothing lines, has apologized for her drug use and promised in writing to abide by a company policy that models be ‘healthy, wholesome and sound’, spokeswoman Liv Asarnoj said. (Casual drug abusers who chooses to do so deliberately should be punished in the same maner as drug traffickers.)

– that a thief who stole Fiona Xie wallet in a nightclub and racked up more than S$8,000 on her credit cards was convicted. Tan Hou Boon, 25, a marketing executive, swiped the actress’ wallet from her bag, which she had left on a seat while partying at Robertson Quay’s Liquid Room Bar at about 3am on Feb 10 this year. (The idiot could have done better to just return her the card. Maybe he would even get a reward, and be on papers with her.)