I am Singaporean. Born here, raised here, and have stayed here for as long as I have been alive – with only about a year out of the country doing my National Service. I have never deferred for any ICT, and grudgingly did all my RTs because I never bothered to keep fit. I filed my taxes truthfully without fail and pay whatever that is due the nation as God has commanded.

I would consider myself a true-blue and even a loyal Singaporean other than the fact that I wouldn’t give a flying shit about voting for the Tali-PAP because I think they are a bunch of f*ckwits who are grossly overpaid and taking credit for the hard work of Singapore’s efficient civil service. If the opposition would actually find enough candidates to run, and run in my constituency, the chances of them getting my vote is almost certain.

The nation is 41 years old and I supposed we ought to be proud that we have come from a society torn apart by racial violence, the communist challenge and Soekarno’s Konfrontasi. Yet I hardly felt I belonged. I am at home and yet felt like an alien thrown out of world thousands of light years away.

I have stopped watching NDPs for several years and I couldn’t get myself into that ‘patriotic’ mood. The only evidence or any hint that I remembered Singapore’s Birthday is the flag hanging outside my balcony from 1 Aug – 31 Aug yearly. And that is hung because my mother insisted. She has constantly reminded me that Singapore is my home and no matter what my dislike and disagreement is with Tali-PAP policies, I must always respect the flag, and love my country. Surprising, coming from a traditional Chinese woman, no?

I have no difficulty loving Singapore, but I could never get myself down to singing ‘patriotic’ songs. The reason is more than just my dislike of the Tali-PAP gover-min, it goes all the way to my disgust at the attitude of and the things done by other Singaporeans. That some people can actually sing these songs loudly and proudly is no less an act of hypocrisy to me!

It started one night in 1988 I was forced to a corner near Centrepoint with my best friend Lez (we knew each other when we were still kids), outside Robinsons, during Swing Singapore. No one gave a flying damn about the people forced to the corner and were almost crushed while the song ‘We are Singapore’ plays blissfully in the background. So much for that when no one gives a damn about looking out for one another while the song blasts away. ‘We are Singapore’, indeed. I guess that got seared into my memories when I was still just an impressionable 17 year-old.

Then of course I will never forget not long after several years later, when I was dashing madly across the road with a group of people, the guy who reached the divider in the middle of the road in front of me has got no bloody common sense to move sideways so I can step on it. But of course, why would he care because he’s safe already? If the car hits me it wouldn’t be him who will be doing the dying, right? Just the same blasted reason why some people who has boarded the MRT, or just step off the escalator, can just stop right there while there’s still a whole lot of people coming from behind.

Since then, I am daily reminded that Singaporeans mostly don’t give a damn about one another. Just look at the people who never bother to move to the back of the bus so that other people can board, the kia-sus who stand in front of train / elevator doors and rush in without waiting for others to alight, the blockheads who can’t keep left on the escalators, the inconsiderate pugilist masters who have no common sense to move to the side for their private little pugilist lea-duh elections when they meet their highly skilled fellows in a crowded underpass, the shitheads who ‘chope’ seats in food courts and hawker centers with their tissue packs, and the clowns who wrote to the papers arguing that public transport shouldn’t cater to the handicapped because it would delay others commuters and cause them to be late for work! Then there are the nitwits who would march in a line abreast down a narrow corridor or up a narrow stairway, and expect you to give way to them. * sigh *

Need I remind everyone of the patriot who stops his car on the Benjamin Sheares Bridge to watch the National Day fireworks bringing a portion of an expressway to a standstill? The other day a cab driver just complained to me he was trapped on the Nicholl Highway outside SunTec for a good 30mins because of the same reason! Let’s not forget the rich man who parks illegally and be an inconvenience to everyone! Would it be a surprise if this the same joker who will slow down in unison with everyone else the minute before the ERP gantry is turned off so he can hope to save 50cts or a dollar?

Is it a surprise why Singaporeans are rated as one of the rudest people in the world – no matter how unscientific that test was done? Is it a wonder that some found us to be one of the most unhappy people in the world? I am not surprised if there’s someone ending his life in Singapore everyday because he thinks no one give a flying damn about his existence. They probably can’t help thinking that way, when day in and day out they come across people who are simply oblivious that there’s still a world of people out there around them and no one even bothered to stop and show some kindness to one another.

You want example other than the usual shitheads on the road and the public transports? Just yesterday, I saw some kids banging on a door – a fire exit – trying to attract the attention of passer-bys in Bishan Junction 8 near the toilet of GV Bishan so they can be let in because the door would only open from the inside. And it’s not even inside the theatre area so even if they are let in, they can’t sneak into one of the cinemas for a free movie. I don’t know how long they have been banging on that door trying to get somebody’s attention, but everyone just walk blissfully by towards the toilet without caring. And that’s not mentioning that the people who are queuing for their tickets would simply queue blindly and block the escalator so people have a hard time getting off.

This evening, I saw a man at Boon Lay MRT, trying futilely to scan his Itchy-Link Card on the gates showing the no entry sign while no-one bothered to tell him all that gates facing the construction site – where the old Boon Lay Interchange is – are for exit only.

We can delude ourselves that we are one nation and believe that we have successfully built ourselves a nation. But I won’t be surprise when the real trial comes a lot of people will just run without looking out for one another. We are nothing but a tray of scattered sand, fervently just looking out for no one except ourselves.

And perhaps, that’s the same bloody reason why we are so afraid of social welfare. We are not just afraid that they will be some loafers who will just take the money and not work, we are simply afraid that we will be made to pay for it. And if there are really people sleeping in parks and dying in their homes while no one notice, they should blame themselves for what utter failures they are for not having enough friends to ask for help!

God Bless Singapore. Happy National Day.