Since I got started… I might as well keep this going for awhile…

Zhang Yimou may perhaps have intended to make this his signature piece in the international film arena but this film is extremely disappointing. I have not watched the original ‘Thunderstorm’, but I have read at least two commentaries which lambasted Zhang of mangling a masterpiece. It is not a surprise that when even someone who knows about the original ‘Thunderstorm’ found it difficult to appreciate ‘Curse’, it is even more difficult for one who is simply out to look for just good, simple visual entertainment to appreciate this arty farty piece of utter crap.

That’s not mentioning the historical inaccuracies, such as the plate armour used in the movie by the Emperor (played by Chow Yun Fatt) and Prince Jie (played by Jay Chou), and the excessive use of gold color, which traditionally is reserved for use by the Emperor, and not even members of his family. Above which, the many half-exposed boobs have been a sore point among some movie critics.

There are of course scenes in the movie which might impress, such as that of the Emperor’s ninja-like special forces attempting to assassinate the Imperial Physician and his family, but then it would have been a lot more convincing had it been in a modern context. Foreigners may have liked the ‘Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon ‘ [卧虎藏龙] look-alike scene, but it would have been better and more convincing if it was from one of those Hong Konger comic like ‘Wind and Cloud’ [风云].

The final battle scene where by the rebels in gold were slaughtered by a better equipped loyalist force – no matter what comparison the arty farty can draw to the Tian-anmen incident – is Zhang’s pathetic attempt in imitating or out-doing the Battle of Helm’s Deep in ‘Lord of The Rings’. For one thing I really couldn’t understand is, why wear golden and attack in the night? And how the heck did those heavy equipment get moved into the palace without alerting the rebels or the conspirators and the Empress? However, let us not be hard on the script writers and begrudge them for not having any tactical sense when all they wanted to do was simply to deliver some impressive screenplay, even when they have failed dismally in this case.

It is however shocking, that in spite of the amount of criticisms, this soulless film had sold extremely well in China. A critic – not local – sourly remarked that the more criticisms are lavished upon the film, the better its box office. He further remarked that this perhaps demonstrates the cultural quality [文化素质] – or the lack of it – of the mainlander Chinese people in general. (His opinion is not mine!)

Gong Li and Chow Yun Fatt, both veterans, are wasted in this movie. This movie would have been a big flop – if not for its showing in China – and this would be been a blot in their respective acting careers even when it is of no fault of their own.

My personal recommendation, if you have not yet watched this movie, is either you give it a miss entirely, or you go can borrow a copy from a friend who has it, just so you can see for yourself if it was as bad as I said it is.

Sadly, the Persians in the movie looks more Indian than Persian and it makes one wonder if the movie makers themselves even know the difference. It was everyone else of the ‘barbarians’ – Negros, Mongoloids, Arabs, Persians, Indians – in the ‘Old World’ against the last bastion of knowledge, logic and reason – the Greeks.

Aside from looking outlandish – for e.g. executioners without real arms but knife-edge arms used to execute Persian (or Indian?) generals who failed in their mission – and the Persian envoys and messengers were either pompous or haughty. The Persian army was also tactically inept and stupid, not to mention that the Persian’s elite troops – the Immortals – wore masks like ninjas, and the reason is because all their faces are as if they are scorched by acid. They even have a berserker in their midst which almost killed Leonidas, which sort of reminded me about the cave trolls in Lord of the Rings.

Even the traitor who exposed the path to allow the Persians to get around the Spartans looks like a cross between Gollum and the Hunchback of Notre Dame. It is such a blatant graphical attempt to vilify all of them and to portray the Spartans as the perfect, masculine men.

Xerxes, the Persian King, is also portrayed as a complete tyrant who thinks he is god and is utterly full of himself. It is also as if he isn’t afraid of the cold, and he seems to have brought an entire harem of women along with him to battle!! (Personally I think it’s a far cry from the historical Xerxes.)

That aside, the only other thing you see is lots of blood and gore. There are even some be-headings, but there is one very glaring mistake, because in the scene where a Spartan lost his head to a rider’s attack, there was no blood spewing from his neck after his head was severed. You will see a lot of ‘graphical’ blood spill when the arms and leg are chopped off, or when the spears and swords pierce the bodies, but you don’t simply see no blood on the floor where the bodies fell. Maybe the ground is just too thirsty and it drank it all.

For history buffs, you might as well try and catch a documentary about the Battle of Thermopylae (aka Fire Gate) on the Discovery Channel, if they do show a re-run of it. Otherwise, just watch the movie on a weekday – complete with whatever discounts you can get – because it’s really just hype and not worth $9.50.