The Ugly Singaporean Award

– that the man believed to be responsible for placing a suspicious package on the platform of Hougang MRT station has been arrested. The 46-year-old unemployed man was arrested at his flat in Lorong Ah Soo, following ‘extensive investigation and inquiries’ by the police. Several items similar to the empty tins in the package were also found in his flat. He is also believed to be involved in a similar hoax on board an SBS Transit bus on July 7. The suspect will be charged in court under the regulations for ‘False Threats of Terrorists Acts’. If found guilty, he faces a fine up to a maximum of $100,000 or a jail term of five years, or both. (He should wear a trench coat and strap some of that around himself so that he can test the effectiveness of the new MRT police. He should pray hard that they won’t just pump 7 rounds into his head though.)

The World This Week

– that anti-war protestor Cindy Sheehan, whose soldier son Casey was killed in Iraq, is calling for Bush’s ‘impeachment’ and for Israel to get out of Palestine. “You get America out of Iraq and Israel out of Palestine and you’ll stop the terrorism,” Sheehan declares. (Whatever makes them think they will stop when that’s achieved? And BTW, there is no ‘Palestine’. Israel IS ‘Palestine’)

– that the mother of a Marine killed in Iraq, unlike Cindy Sheehan, urged mourners not to let their anger and sadness turn them against the U.S. fight in Iraq. “Honor me in this way,” Kathy Dyer said during a memorial service for Lance Cpl. Christopher J. Dyer, 19, of the Cincinnati suburb of Evendale. At the funeral at Tri-County Baptist Church, Kathy Dyer delivered what she believed would have been her son’s own message: “It has been with the greatest pride I have served … fighting to preserve freedom.” (Cindy Sheehan could do no more greater disgrace and disrespect to the memory of her own son than with her protest at Bush’s ranch.)

– that a Louisiana ACLU director equated al-Qaida terrrorists with members of a Louisiana school board seeking to open their meetings with prayer. Referring to the school board, Cook said, “They believe that they answer to a higher power, in my opinion. Which is the kind of thinking that you had with the people who flew the airplanes into the buildings in this country, and the people who did the kind of things in London.” (People with his kind of shitty thinking just do the kind of shitty things he is doing.)

– that infants have been stopped from boarding planes at airports throughout the U.S. because their names are the same as or similar to those of possible terrorists on the gover-min’s ‘no-fly list’. It sounds like a joke, but it’s not funny to parents who miss flights while scrambling to have babies’ passports and other documents faxed. (That should teach them not to name their sons another ‘Abu Shithead’.)

– that a man faced an Australian court charged with having sexual relations with a rabbit and the sadistic killing of 17 other rabbits whose carcasses were found dumped in a lane. Brendan Francis McMahon, 36, North Sydney, appeared briefly before Central Local Court Magistrate Allan Moore charged with having allegedly committed the offences over the past three weeks. (There are other kind of ‘rabbits’ in the Australian casinos. And no, please don’t kill them.)

– that a former Chinese diplomat who defected to Australia has charged that Beijing has sent a hit squad to kill him, but Canberra said the claim should be treated with caution. (One thing that never ceases to amaze me about my own race is the traitors.)

– that Hamas lea-duh Khaled Mashaal declared that the Israeli withdrawal from the Gaza Strip and northern West Bank marked the beginning of the end of the Zionist dream in Palestine. Dubbing the pullout a ‘defeat in the face of Palestinian resistance and a significant step with historic dimensions’ Mashaal said that as far as Hamas was concerned, the disengagement marked the beginning of the death of the Zionist dream. “The resistance and the steadfastness of or people forced the Zionists to withdraw,” he boasted. “The resistance is capable of ending the Israeli occupation and achieving all our rights. The armed struggle is the only strategy that Hamas possesses.” (Just like blowing up shitheads like this one with missiles fired from helicopters is the only strategy that the Israeli possesses.)

– that security experts in Bangladesh say they are alarmed at the coordinated and well-organised execution of a nationwide wave of bombings linked to a little-known Islamic extremist group. Although Jamayetul Mujahideen was banned by the country’s Islamic-allied coalition gover-min in February, attempts to root out its lea-duhs have so far failed. (Now is a good time to find oil in Bangladesh. The Americans may then be interested in a ‘regime change’.)

– that petrol pumps are running dry in southern Guangdong province, triggering long queues of frustrated motorists and fuel rationing as officials scramble to boost supplies. The country’s two biggest firms, Sinopec Corp and PetroChina, have been reluctant to provide fuel because they have to buy crude in soaring global markets but refine it into products sold in China at low, state-set prices. (Time to go back to the good old days of the bicycle.)

– that a chorus of accusations in the Chinese press alleging that the country’s two biggest oil firms – Sinopec and PetroChina – were behind the growing oil shortage in southern China. Both companies have denied the allegations, and instead blamed the recent typhoons for disrupting sea shipments. State media reports, however, snidely pointed out that China’s refined oil exports for the first seven months surged 45.5% at a time when cities like Shenzhen have been hit by a month-long shortage. (Screwing even your own people for personal prosperity is so very Chinese.)

– that Sinopec and PetroChina, which operate most of the petrol pumps across the country, are increasingly reluctant to import crude oil at record-high prices in the global market and refine them into products sold at a loss domestically due to the low price set by the gover-min. (Wah, China gover-min sooo smart. They fix the prices and make the companies ‘subsi-die’.)

– that in Japan, Junk-ichiro Konkz-umi said his nation felt ‘deep remorse’ for the aggression shown towards its neighbours during the war. (Skin-deep is how deep that remorse is.)

– that an unemployed man who later committed suicide was responsible for shooting Chen Shui-bian, prosecutors have concluded as they wound up a controversial case that has divided the island. The probe concluded that Chen Yi-hsiung fired the shots which lightly injured Chen and running mate Annette Lu as they campaigned in the southern town of Tainan on March 19, 2004, one day before national elections. (How convenient. Might as well say those miracle bullets are actually fired by aliens!)

– that allegations that eight of 10 plantation companies blamed for forest fires in Indonesia are owned by Malaysians is being investigated, a senior Malaysian official said. The ministry said company officials could face up to 15 years in jail if found guilty of illegal land-clearing. (Would be better to just tie them to the next batch of trees which are to be burnt.)

– that Anwar Ibrahim said that a RM4.5 million award for damages over a book that led to his sacking as deputy prime minister had cleared his name and proved he was the victim of a conspiracy. Author Khalid Jafri was sentenced to jail for accusing him of sodomy, graft and an extra-marital affair that resulted in an illegitimate child. (Not like dUMNO’s going to welcome you back with open arms soon.)

Singapore This Week

– that Singapore has witnessed a significant baby bounce since bold measures unveiled 12 months ago to lift the nation’s disastrously low birth rate. Vivian Bakayaro-nan told Parliament that it was too early to tell with confidence if the pro-baby policy had been effective. There were ‘encouraging signs’ such as a 3% rise in the number of babies born between May and July this year compared to the same period last year. (These parents will probably cry later.)

– that someone set up a cyber voting booth, listing all four presidential candidates who had submitted their applications for eligibility. Among the almost 2,000 ‘votes’ cast, Kuan has 55% of the ‘ballots’ while Nathan has 7%. 15% opted to ‘spoil their votes’. (Well, maybe Chee Soon Juan would beat Baby Lee in such a ballot too.)

– that the interim board of the NKF has come across ‘certain matters of grave concern’ in the course of its work over the last one month. It has requested the assistance of the Commercial Affairs Department to look into these matters, an NKF statement said. The board had appointed accounting house KPMG to conduct an independent audit of the charity. But it’s not known whether this on-going audit has thrown up any ‘matters of grave concern’ or irregularities. (What so grave? NKF gangs up with Soros and speculates in the currency markets?)

– that Mr Kuan, 51, has failed in his bid capped a dramatic week for the former group CFO of JTC Corporation. The Presidential Election Committee said it assessed the seniority and responsibility of his JTC post as being not comparable to those mentioned in the Constitution and he therefore could not have the experience and ability to perform the duties of President. Those who want to run for President need to get a certificate of eligibility from the committee. (Come to think of it, perhaps a lot of presidents from other countries won’t qualify too.)

– that Nathan was returned to office for another 6-year term. (With 3 votes.)

– that the Stooge Times learnt that ex-Presidential hopeful Andrew Kuan was studying his options and planning to take legal action against some people – even as he himself has attracted a defamation suit. Sources said that he wanted to sue those whom he felt had defamed him in the course of his bid to run for the [s]Elected Presidency. (The best option for him is simple: Migrate. It’s not like he can’t.)

– that armeed police officers from the newly set up Police MRT unit have started patrolling Singapore’s MRT stations and trains since Aug-15. The Police MRT unit was set up as part of a brace of measures to step up security at public places. Immediately after the London bomb blasts, Singapore’s Police HQ Command Post stepped up patrols at all MRT stations. MRT operators also increased the number of checks done on commuters. (How to patrol trains at peak hours when even commuters could barely move?)

Trivial, Jokes and Thoughts from Discussions

– that if a report in the Daily Mail is to be believed, Russell Crowe is set to pay US$11 million to Nestor Estrada, the New York hotel clerk he hit with a phone after being unable to get through to his wife in Australia. (Should make him pay in Euros.)

– that Mariah Carey is reportedly furious with Eminem for playing intimate answerphone messages she left him to huge audiences during his ‘Anger Management’ tour. Carey left the voice-mail for Eminen when he worked on Carey’s ‘Charm Bracelet’ album in 2001. The private messages feature Carey begging, “I heard you were getting back with your ex-wife. Why won’t you see me? Why won’t you call me? You’re not calling me.” The rapper then pretended to vomit into a prop toilet on stage and launched into his song ‘Puke’ which features lines including ‘you make me sick’. (Was that a song someone sang to him and for him?)

– that a failed businessman who stole a red G-string and was later found to have 48 other articles of women’s underwear in his home was fined $2,000 by a district court. The court heard how Cheng Chee Kam, a 48-year-old unemployed father of two, was caught red-handed on May 24 after he stole the G-string at Block 248, Yishun Street 21. Cheng was walking in the neighbourhood when he saw the item hanging out to dry outside a ground floor unit. However, the resident of the unit spotted him taking it and called the police. (Reminds me of a dog which went through a stomach operation to remove a lump only to find that the ‘lump’ is a G-string.)