PROLOGUE

From where I came from, even contractions is an abomination. I cannot imagine what can be made of the even more mangled forms of the language. I wonder how many English teachers out there are looking for ropes of variable lengths to hang themselves to atone for their failures.

Here’s a short guide to Syntax Mangling System.. erm.. sorry.. Short Messaging System (v1.4).

The ‘Ultimate Lazy Bones’ section

• b – be
• c – see
• e/da – the
• n – and
• r – are
• u – you
• y – why
• bz – busy
• cr8 – create
• ur – your (Also yr… which can be confusing with Year.)
• nvm – nevermind
• sry – sorry. (Nope, it’s not a partner for Sly.)
• cu29 – see you tonight. (Nope. It is not some kind of copper isotope, nor a close relative of C14.)

The ‘I hate vowels’ section

• hw – how
• nt – not (Not Windows NT, obviously!!)
• tt / dat – that
• abt – about
• nxt – next
• pls – please
• sch / skool – school (a good thing the key ‘k’ is not next to ‘t’ on the keyboard).
• stn – station
• tml / tomolo / tmrw – tomorrow
• upg – upgrade
• wrk – work. (No, this is not a successor model to the WRX.)
• ctrl – control
• shld – should
• alrdy – already
• knn / knnb / knnbccb – initials of a Hokkien vulgarity.
• kns – kenna sai (literally means ‘resembles shit’.)
• lcly – initials of a Cantonese comment. Usually refers to someone who has an attitude problem.

The ‘It sounds the same’ section

• cuz / becos / cos – because
• den – then
• don / dun / dont – don’t
• jus / juz – just
• noe / knw – know
• oni – only
• sux – sucks
• tot / thot – thought
• wat / wad – what (and no it’s not about dirtwads.)
• deir – their? (Or is it short for dinosaur’s lair?)
• lyke – like (What the….)
• mayb – maybe
• tink – think (Probably for the oinks who can’t think.)
• wont -won’t (Punctuation also want to save… * sigh *)

The ‘Mutant’ section

• rox / rawks – rocks
• kewl – cool. (Duh!)
• rulez – rules (When I first saw this, I thought someone fell asleep in his rule.)
• solli – sorry. (What’s the real problem here? They are both 5 characters long! Will I be seeing Gee-roh one of these days?)
• farnie – funny. (This one is a real classic. Funny is 5 characters long and actually one character less, dudes!!)
• realli – really.

The ‘Shortcut’ section

• cha / char – characters
• x’fer – transfer
• keybrd – keyboard

The ‘Existing Shortform’ section

• dy – day
• wk – week
• yr – year (some use this in place of ‘your’.)
• mth – month (Not Multi-Toilet Hall, obviously.)

EPILOGUE

Friends, Singaporeans, Country-men… in your zeal to shorten whatever you write, at least please make it readable and understandable for the person who is going to read it. It is not just about respecting the recipient of your message, it is also about self-respect. Mangled English gives the impression that the writer is sloppy and lazy. (And personally speaking, I felt there are those who have already enforce that impression by their actions and the way they lived their lives.)

You have a QWERTY keyboard and there is no 160 characters limit, so please show the ‘older people of a bygone age’, like myself, some mercy. It is tiring to read and decipher what I am reading as I go by. I am not born a code breaker.

And if possible, please try NoT tO dO tHiS. If your shift and capslock keys are depressed at every alternate character typed, first check your fingers. If there’s nothing wrong with them, then replace your faulty keyboard. Keyboards used to be expensive, but thanks to cheap factories and labour in China, economy of scale has been redefined.