Satire – Why we shouldn’t be building more drains

Our Prime Mini$ter, Baby Lee said any attempt to eradicate flooding in Singapore would require plenty of money and land.

“If you are going to do that, you will need huge tracts of land put aside for huge monsoon drains, which will be empty most of the time, (and) the infrastructure will cost a lot of money and it is not worth it,” he said, speaking in the wake of the recent flash floods here.

I am impressed. Our Prime Minister has the superpower of prescience to know that it would take plenty of money and land to deal with the floods all over Singapore in just barely over a month. It almost certainly make me felt his S$3 million annual salary is worth it. All lesser mortals would have committed the PUB and the relevant mini$try to study and come up with plans on how to deal with the situation before they are capable of coming to that conclusion. Just imagine how much more money it would have cost us to conduct such a study?

In fact, it is more worth it for land to be released to build golf courses in Singapore. It is a fact that there isn’t enough land for golf courses because the Marina Bay Golf Course has to be built on reclaimed land. It really doesn’t matter the golf courses are also technically empty most of the time and they benefit only the rich. They are a such pretty sight when they aren’t in use during inclement weather. Just imagining the misty rain and grassland gave me an orgasm already. 9 golf courses on the main island of Singapore (not including the one in Sentosa) definitely is not enough. Forget about the environmental impact of golf courses, specifically the amount of water, chemical pesticides and fertilizers used for its maintenance. We will be watering them all with Newater, and NEA will monitor the level of chemical pesticides and fertilizers used to ensure they will not be harmful to Singaporeans.

Don’t forget that cost and profit is paramount in all decisions of the Tali-PAP government gahmen. Singapore, Inc is run just like any other corporation! If something would cost and not profit, the decision will certainly be a irrevocable no. That is why a lot of the old guard of the Tali-PAP no longer hold any position these days. They would have gone ahead with building the drains and paid the cost. That would be costly and unprofitable.

In fact, other than selling land to clubs to build more golf courses which catered to the rich, it is even more profitable to sell the land to a developer to turn it into more blocks of soulless apartments or shopping malls. Worse come to worst, the land can still be ‘sold’ to the HDB to turn into more ‘affordable housing’ which still take the entirety of many Singaporeans’ useful, working life to pay off. They would be daft to complain about this!

So, the car owners, home owners and shop owners can deal with the recurring cost of damage cost by the floods on their own. There is no way that can cost more than the gahmen to pay a one time cost to eliminate the problem entirely. All of Singapore Inc’s money are belong to the Tali-PAP. The Tali-PAP will decide how the money will be better spent. After all, the MAS can ‘create’ more out of thin air with the stroke of a pen and have the Singapore Mint made them.

It is not ironical that in spite of real rainy weather the gahmen will not even use a cent from the reserves to deal with the situation. That money is better used by Temasek and GIC to buy into money-losing American and European Investment banks. Be grateful they are ‘making losses’. Because if they did not buy high and sell low, more jobs maybe lost. By doing so, Singapore is helping put more money into the global markets and economy to fight the credit crunch and prevent a double dip recession. America will be happy and it will sell us more of their high tech weaponary which will keep us safe.

That is why we definitely can’t spend that money on drains! The more I think of it, the more I am moved to tears. They are tears of joy in knowing what a caring and responsible gahmen we have.

5 comments

  1. Oh! news update…. the current number of golf courses is MORE than that now! Go do a internet search. Perplexing.

  2. I thought the last I counted, there were a total of 17 Golf courses in Singapore… if u take into account the various country clubs. Do a google search for the list! Isn’t it shocking how “indiscriminately” precious land has always been set aside to benefit the elite’s “precious” needs?? Just looking at the map of singapore, one would also notice significant plots of vacant “greens” that occupies quite a substantial percent on the total surface area of the country… land that has no “constructive value” to normal common folks, like you and me here.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *