The Ugly Singaporean Award

– that Chan Cheng Khoon, the man at the centre of the notorious decade-old Everitt Road neighbourhood feud, was back in court facing yet more charges of insulting behaviour. And this time, his daughter Chan Soo Yin joined him in the dock. (These two really takes the cake. Vermin scum of their calibre should be evicted and sent to one of Singapore’s most ulu – i.e. remote – offshore islands. Maybe should just make them owners of Pedra Blanca to reinforce our sovereignty claims there. At least then they can use their taunting skills against the Malaysian Navy. And hopefully the Malaysian Navy will give them the reception of their lives.)

The World This Week

– that foreigners who preach hatred or glorify terrorism could be deported under tough new security measures that Tony B-liar announced. Vowing to crack down on extremists a month after terror attacks killed 56 people in London, he said: “Let no one be in any doubt that the rules of the game are changing.” (Just maroon them on the moon.)

– that Russia called on Iran to halt work on uranium conversion ‘without delay’. “The wise decision would be to stop work that has begun on uranium conversion without delay,” the Russian foreign ministry said in a statement. (And what can Russia do if Iran doesn’t? Invade?)

– that the architect of Konk-zumi’s postal privatisation Bills said their rejection by the Upper House was Japan’s loss. A glum Economic and Fiscal Policy Minister Heizo Takenaka said, “The defeat of the Bills is a setback for the Japanese economy.” Mr Takenaka is much reviled in the ruling Liberal Democratic Party. The propose bill was to privatise Japan’s mammoth postal service, which boasts some US$3 trillion in postal funds. (Japan doesn’t need a bill to privatise the postal service. It just needs its own version of DBS.)

– that Japan needs to reconsider its ‘defence-only’ policy and become prepared to strike first to ward off an attack from existing and new threats, an influential think-tank said. The gover-min should also set up a central intelligence agency to cope with an increasingly complex global security situation, the Japan Forum on International Relations said in a report handed to Junk-ichiro Konkz-umi. (You won’t see Rumsfool questioning them on this one.)

– that Chen Shui-bian flew to an island off northern Taiwan in a high-profile bid to highlight Taipei’s claim over adjoining areas in the East China Sea including a disputed archipelago. Chen, the first head of state to visit Pengchiayu island 61 kilometres off Keelung, inaugurated a tablet inscribed with four Chinese characters reading ‘Safeguarding of sea territory’. The ownership of Pengchiayu is not disputed but there are competing claims to maritime areas between Pengchiayus and the Diaoyu archipelago, which is 105 nautical miles from Keelung. (Want to do show also do with more standard lah. Got balls land on Diaoyutai to show how much you really loved Taiwan.)

– that Indonesia’s Environment Mini$ter Rachmat Witoelar has said ‘sorry’ to Malaysia over a haze that has enveloped parts of the country. “The haze has become more acute for our neighbours in Malaysia and we are truly sorry for this. We are very concerned about the worsening situation, caused mainly by open burning in Sumatra,” he said. (Sorry no cure. With neighbours like this, who needs enemies?)

– that a Malaysian professor who frequently criticised gover-min lea-duhs and policies said that the public university where he worked has sacked him without giving a reason. Political science don Ramasamy Palanisamy, who had worked at the gover-min-funded National University of Malaysia for 25 years, told reporters he was victimised for being outspoken. (Don’t expect to be fed when you bit the hand that fed you.)

Singapore This Week

– that after more than a week in operation, the ERP along the northbound CTE have improved traffic flow. (Sure. The traffic just went elsewhere, which will also soon be ERP’ed.) – that Thomson, Upper Thomson, Marymount, Serangoon and Upper Serangoon Roads have been experiencing slightly heavier traffic flows. But the LTA says the conditions on these alternative roadways remain manageable. (Definitely very ‘manageable’ from the looks of this photo.)

– that 6 young Malaysians decked out in red and white among the crowd at this year’s NDP. One of them, Azwan Arif Abdul Aziz, 16, of Selangor, had high expectations of his first visit to Singapore, and he wasn’t disappointed. “The people are friendly and Singapore is so clean,” he said. (Well, maybe he should see CitiLink around 10pm on National Day after the NDP and reconsider his ‘so clean’ comment.)

– that the President is seen as a national symbol, and it is important to elect the right man, Baby Lee said. So those intending to contest, like Mr Andrew Kuan, should fully disclose their records – experiences, work history, current situation, how they have handled situations and why they think themselves qualified. (Why not the ISD just tell us? Is there something the ISD does not know?)

– that presidential hopeful Andrew Kuan’s troubles over the time he served on his condominium’s management council grew when a former council member and fellow Tali-PAP member Chia Boon Teck launched proceedings to sue him for alleged defamation. ([Cantonese] Gau Aw Gau Kuat – 狗咬狗骨 aka ‘dog bite dog bone’. Let’s just sit back and watch the show.)

– that Singapore won’t get a contest for the (s)Elected Presidency, after the Presidential Elections Committee issued only one Certificate of Eligibility to contest the poll – to Nathan. Three other applications for the certificate were rejected. (There goes my extra day of leave.)

– that the gover-min defended Singapore’s libel laws in response to a regional newspaper’s editorial calling for their reform following the NKF saga. It stressed that the libel laws had kept the system clean and honest. In an editorial on July 25, the Hong Kong-based Asian Wall Street Journal (AWSJ) had welcomed the outcome of the suit brought by NKF and Durai against SPH over a Stooge Times article last year. The AWSJ added that libel suits were a ‘favourite method used by important people in Singapore to discourage criticism’. (Tell us something we don’t already know about Singapore’s political ‘Death Star’.)

– that for four years, every Friday morning, Hougang’s needy residents get a meal consisting of four slices of toasted bread spread with kaya and margarine, a hard-boiled egg by the side, to be washed down with hot black coffee for free. Tali-PAP grassroot lea-duh said they have proven Low Thia Kiang wrong by proving that it is not an election gimmick as it has gone on for four years. (Talk cock lah. If Low never say it is an election gimmick you won’t ‘geh tio lan pa’ – testicles bag stuck in gears – and do it for four years leow. Other constituencies have or not? Least of all, Potong Pasir, for e.g.?)

Trivial, Jokes and Thought from Discussions

– that you also need a COE – Certificate of Eligibility – not Certificate of Entitlement to be a candidate for (s)Elected President. (At least $100k a piece. Don’t even dream about it if you don’t have that amount.)

– that Singaporeans have only 10 days to decide who they want to be the (s)elected President if there’s going to be a contest at all. (Singaporeans very matured one. Actually today nominate tomorrow can decide already.)

– that anyone who takes a cab from the Ubi area should avoid Still Road. A short trip from Ubi to Eunos can cost you $10. (It’s not often a stretch of road lives up to it’s name. Still Road. What else can you expect other than still traffic?)

-that a 20-year-old whose lawyers claimed the video game ‘Grand Theft Auto’ and childhood abuse caused him to kill three small-town police officers was convicted of capital murder. The jury deliberated for just over an hour before convicting Devin Moore. Moore could face the death penalty. (How about letting me shoot him for the sake of my anger management?)

– that Jay ‘Chow’ – stinko – was all geared up for a hot date with his girlfriend Patty Hou one night when he ended up having a heated exchange with a paparazzo . That night, the ‘pop prince’ who sings as if he’s got a something stuck in his mouth posted a message on the official website of his music company, Alfa, saying that he wished he had a ‘da gou bang’ – 打狗棒 a stick for beating dogs – with which to deal with the paparazzo*. (Next time forget the chihuahuas and just send the pitbulls on this chow shit. * Paparazzo is also called 狗仔队 – puppy teams – in Chinese.)

– that Jay ‘Chow’ is sorry. He has apologised to the public for a Next Magazine paparazzo’s video in which he is seen showing the reporter his middle finger. (Chow, cut the crap and just put on a mask or a paper bag so that no one recognises you.)

– that Chinese Internet users have launched an online campaign urging a consumer boycott of Procter & Gamble (P&G) products because the parents of the company’s endorser, Taiwanese model Lin Chi-ling, favour independence for their home island. “If Procter & Gamble doesn’t drop Lin … boycott to no end,” a post on a Chinese Internet message board, said. Scores of messages were posted on the website supporting the boycott. The backlash came after Lin’s mother, Ms Wu Chi-mei, greeted her daughter at the airport in Taiwan with a welcome-home banner reflecting pro-independence sentiment, Hong Kong’s Wen Wei Po reported. Ms Lin had returned from China after a horse-riding accident. The sign welcomed ‘Taiwan’s daughter’s return to her home country’, the newspaper said. (Wow. The horse also know! That must have been one hell of a patriotic Chinese horse.)

– that the self-proclaimed ‘Spam King’, accused of pumping out billions of unsolicited e-mail messages for everything from cut-price mortgages to sex pills, has agreed to pay millions of dollars in damages to Microsoft. He also promised to change his ways. Scott Richter, 34, once one of the world’s top three spammers, will pay Microsoft US$7 million for deluging its Hotmail with at least 50,000 illegal e-mail messages. (They should make him do hard labour a minute for every spam mail he sent.)

– that Malaysian semi-finalist Chew Sin Huey has been threatened on the MediaCorp Communities’ Project Superstar forum. According to sources, a post on the forum threatened the Singaporean PR with ‘extreme measures’ when she returned to her hometown. Chew was threatened with “rape” if she ever returned, but this couldn’t be verified as the link was soon removed by the website’s moderators. (This dog should be hunted down, its own photo and address posted online so everyone can do the same to it.)

– that a French amateur psychic’s powers of prediction were under sharp scrutiny after his crystal ball started an inferno that burnt down his flat, a British newspaper reported. (He should get a refund on that crystal ball for its failure in helping him predict this!)