The Ugly Singaporean Award

– that a 46-year-old male beast, obsessed with oral sex, had abused the young daughter of his friend since she was five years old. Facing 11 charges, the former driver – who cannot be named to protect the identity of his two young daughters – was sentenced to 21 years in jail and eight strokes of the cane for repeatedly making the girl he was babysitting perform oral sex on him. (This is another one CJ Yong should do something about.)

The World This Week

– that Florida businesses could soon face criminal charges if they try to stop employees from bringing guns to work in their cars, thrusting the state into a growing national debate pitting individual freedom against job safety. Backed by the National Rifle Association, two state lawmakers have filed bills that would allow workers to have guns at work, as long as the weapons remain locked in their vehicles. (And what’s there to stop them from taking the guns out of their cars?)

– that Warmonger Bush allegedly said God told him to invade Iraq and Afghanistan, a new BBC documentary will reveal, according to details. Warmonger made the claim when he met ‘Palestinian’ lea-duh Mahmud Abbas and then foreign minister Nabil Shaath in June 2003, the ministers told the documentary series to be broadcast in Britain later this month. (George, did God really say that? See a psychiatrist!)

– that the White House has denied that Warmonger Bush said God told him to invade Iraq and Afghanistan, as a new BBC documentary is expected to reveal. “That’s absurd. He’s never made such comments,” White House spokesman Scott McClellan said. (Even if he did it wouldn’t be to his advantage to admit. But I wouldn’t trust the guys who said Bush said what he said.)

– that a new survey of Muslim students in Britain shows 10% would not inform police if they knew of a fellow Muslim planning a terrorist attack. While 72% said they would inform police right away, some said they ‘would never grass on a Muslim’, according to the poll of 466 students by the Federation of Student Islamic Societies. (There’s something called the sin of omission. Well, probably those 10% has never heard of such a concept.)

– that attacks on a executive’s home and a university show animal rights extremists are growing more violent, a scientists’ group says. Tougher laws had driven a ‘hardcore minority’ to tactics such as arson, the Research Defence Society (RDS) says. It comes after activists admitted firebombing the Bucks home of a Glaxosmithkline executive and a Corpus Christi College, Oxford, building. (Fight for animal rights, yes. But anyone who put animal rights about that of other fellow humans is unworthy to be a member of the human race.)

– that Islamic groups and civil libertarians said the Australia’s new counter-terrorism laws were dangerous, and expressed fears they would be used to attack Muslims. Terrorism suspects will be detained for up to two weeks without charge, and law enforcement agencies will be given extra tracking powers under tough new measures agreed upon. (In Singapore they can detain you indefinitely without charge, so stop whining already!)

– that Australia pressed the Indonesian gover-min to outlaw the terrorist group blamed for the Bali bombings and protested a possible cut in the jail sentence imposed on the group’s alleged ‘spiritual’ lea-duh. Alexander Downer will travel to Indonesia to lobby the gover-min to ban the terrorist group Jemaah Islamiyah (JI) following the latest Bali attacks, John Coward announced. (What are the Indonesians waiting for before they would do the correct thing?)

– that police in northwestern Pakistan have launched an inquiry after complaints about two dead women being declared elected in a local election held recently, election officials said. The women, one of whom died 13 years ago, were elected as councilors in the Upper Dir district in the North West Frontier Province, according to the News daily newspaper. The other woman died three years ago. (Maybe they thought they were electing their representatives in paradise.)

– that Junk-ichiro Konkz-umi said he disagreed with a court ruling that his visits to a controversial war shrine were unconstitutional. “I do not think my visits to Yasukuni shrine violate the constitution,” Konkz-umi said in parliament after a high court in western Japan said the visits contravened the constitutional separation of politics and religion. “It was not like I have made my pilgrimages as part of the prime minister’s official duties. I have paid homage to express my grief over people killed in war and pledge not to cause that kind of war again.” (What’s there to grief about when most of these died invading someone else’s country? Go to the victim countries and express some real grief, Konkz.)

– that Taiwan protested to Internet powerhouse Google for naming the island a province of China in its map section. Foreign ministry spokesman Michel Lu said he was confident Google would change the reference despite possible pressure from China. Describing Taiwan as a province of China ‘is not a fact’, he said. (Calling a fact ‘not a fact’ won’t make it a fact.)

– that Google, the most-used Internet search engine, said its description of Taiwan as a province of China is consistent with international naming conventions such as those followed by the UN. “We rely on international naming conventions to find a consistent policy,” said Ms Debbie Frost, a spokesman for the company based in Mountain View, California. (Doesn’t Taiwan get it? There’s no fighting with China. It’s the economy, stupid!)

– that the Philippine Justice Department ordered an investigation into Corazon Aquino and the Senate president, Franklin Drilon, over an alleged plot to assassinate Gloria Arroyo. (Anyone might resort to assassination, but Cory Aquino? Benigno Aquino would be rolling in his grave if she does that.)

– that the allegation was made by Senator Miriam Santiago. The Arroyo ally claimed to have uncovered a plot engineered by Mrs Aquino and Franklin Drilon to ‘physically remove’ Arroyo if she failed to step down this month. “Of course, physical removal refers to assassination. Hence, I told President Arroyo that she should strengthen her security measures,’ the Manila Times quoted Ms Santiago as saying. (Politicians always never say things literally so they read things literally too.)

– that the Philippines rejected allegations that the masterminds behind the recent bombings in Bali had undergone military training in guerrilla camps run by separatist Muslim rebels on its territory. National police chief director-general Arturo Lomibao said the armed forces had overrun all major terrorist camps in the southern region of Mindanao in recent years, forcing the terrorists to move their bases elsewhere. (Elsewhere in the Philippines where he hasn’t yet found them doesn’t mean it’s no longer in the Philippines.)

– that Abu Bakar Ba-shit, in prison for links to the 2002 Bali bombings, may be among the thousands of prisoners to receive sentence cuts to mark the end of the Islamic fasting month. (No wonder the terror attacks just never end.)

– that a love-lorn soldier could not have known he would provoke ‘moral’ outrage when he kissed his girlfriend goodbye before leaving Aceh in a military pullout, following a peace treaty between the gover-min and separatist group Free Aceh Movement. A picture of the passionate farewell was plastered on the placards of dozens of angry Indonesian women who gathered at the state governor’s office in Banda Aceh to protest against kissing in public. (It makes one wonders how many of these wouldn’t bat an eye if asked to perform oral sex or to kiss their husband’s dicks, in the privacy of their own room !)

Singapore This Week

– that condemning the deadly bomb blasts in Bali, Baby Lee said his meeting this week on the island with SBY would go on as scheduled. (Baby Lee and SBY are after all, once army generals. But for once, well done, Baby!)

– that Baby Lee said, “We have to carry on with the retreat. To change our plans and not to meet is really to concede. We will take the necessary precautions and I’m looking forward to meeting the President.” (Yes. And all JI and similar organisations should not only be banned, but also to make it a capital offense for participation. It doesn’t matter if you did or did not plant a bomb or assist bombers but just joined to pray. As long as you are a member, your punishment is death.)

– that as the gover-min looks at ways to help Singaporeans retire comfortably, Ng Eng Eng said changes to the CPF Investment Scheme (CPF-IS) will be announced within the next two months, with the aim of lowering the cost of investing. Ng said, “We want to introduce a product that has low costs, manageable risks and meaningful returns.” (Ya right. Maybe he can try investing in prostitution. Low cost: A T-shirt and shorts plus a good corner. Manageable Risks: Condoms provided. Meaningful Returns: $60 – $80 per half hour meaningful enough?)

– that some girl students were made to remove the remarks from their Internet diaries, or blogs, and suspended for three days for ‘flaming’ their teachers on the Internet. Their parents were also informed. (Did someone squealed to the teachers or the school something like 3am in the morning?)

– that seven secondary schools and two JCs have asked bloggers who criticise or insult their teachers online – ‘flaming’ in Internet jargon – to remove the offending remarks. One such remark referred to a secondary school teacher as a ‘prude’ for disciplining a student for wearing a too-short skirt. ‘Frustrated old spinster. Can’t stand to see attractive girls’, the blog read. (Well, this girl probably figured that she’ll never get old, ever. It would be poetic justice if she’s condemned to a life of singlehood.)

– that well before the first casino opens for business, a simple rule – with enforcers to back it – will already be in place: No criminal shadows or illegal activities. The Casino Control Bill will be ready as early as next year to spell out the ground rules. Then, in 2007 or the year after, a regulatory body for casinos will be born. (No problem. The next Dai-E-Loan is just around the corner at Geylang. Just call 1800-DAI-E-LOAN. Also, there will be prostitutes girls just standing around harmlessly.)

– that the law may be changed to make it an offence to pay for sex with anyone under 18. The study is part of a wider review of the Penal Code by MHA, which is also studying the feasibility of prosecuting Singaporeans who have sex with minors overseas. The ministry said the review should be completed by the end of the year. Current laws make it a crime to have sex with girls under 16, punishable by up to five years in jail and a $10,000 fine. If passed, the review would make it criminal also to have sex with 16- and 17-year-olds, but only if money, or payment in kind, is involved. (How about increasing the fine for dirty old men too?)

– that the transport operators have estimated an annual revenue loss of about $9 million due to fare evasion on buses. This estimate is arrived at based on the detection rates and the average amount of fare evaded in the cases of underpayment, non-payment and concession abuse as detected during actual ticket checks. Fare evasion takes place on about 1.8% of trips. (Doesn’t matter that this ass-timate makes Singapore a country of cheats.)

– that if transport operators loses $9 million a year, then they lose $24657.53 a day. If every fare cheat has been cheating $1 per trip, we have almost 24,658 cheats a day! (A country of cheats! Will that make it to the guiness book of records?)

– that the LTA claims that public-transport operators do not gain from system faults, as they absorb the revenue losses from undercharging, while commuters can claim full refunds if overcharged. (What happens when commuters did not notice that they are overcharged?)

– that the LTA and the public-transport operators will keep up efforts to reduce the incidence of incorrect fare deductions. Already, improvements to the system have significantly reduced the incidence of incorrect fare deductions to 0.006% of the two million daily ez-link transactions on trunk services, or about 120 cases daily. (So that’s 120 confirmed and reported cases. But what’s the ass-timate on the number of un-reported cases, huh? 50,000 cases a day? 3.7%? Talk about losses and an astronomical estimate is given. Talk about gains and everything so prim and proper. Bah!)

– that defense lawyer Kelvin Lim said, “He (Michael McCrea) tells me he suffers from post-traumatic stress disorder. He has got three exceptions to murder, where we’re hopeful and confident that the charge may be reduced. One of the defences is sudden fight; the other is the exercise of his right for self-defence, and the third is grave and sudden provocation.” (Then he shouldn’t have run in the first place!)

– that even before the ink had dried on the answer scripts, tears started flowing and complaints were made to the media about the PSLE paper on mathematics this year. A kiasu said that the paper was so tough, his daughter and his neighbour’s daughter cried after handing in their answer scripts. He said the questions asked were ‘different in their content’ and ‘nothing close’ to the standard of the school’s prelim paper. Two of the tougher sections also carried a heavy weightage of marks, according to the students. (Whoever said exam papers are supposed to be easy? But considering that Singaporeans whine about speed traps too…)

– that after about a month, the police have closed their investigation into the ‘white-elephants’ incident with a ‘stern warning’ to a veteran grassroots lea-duh. (They would have better spent their time investigating those jokers who are going around pasting posters about alleged abused in China against Far-Long-Gone members.)

– that in a statement to the media, the police said that while the investigation established that there was an infringement of the Public Entertainments and Meetings Act, it noted that ‘the placards did not cause public annoyance or nuisance’. After ‘considering the circumstances’, the police have decided to issue a stern warning to the offender, who was not named. (Will there be a stern warning to the kaypoh who called at an ungodly 3am in the morning too, if I think this guy is an annoyance and a nuisance?)

– that in the competitiveness report released by the Geneva-based World Economic Forum, Singapore is 69th in the health and primary education segment of the rating. (There’s utmost confidence in our nation’s propagandists to turn this around and make it sound like some kind of achievement. Perhaps, something like, the first time we are out of top 50?)

– that Indonesian prostitutes are being brought to work in Geylang by Singaporeans posing as their relatives. They are being paid to do so by a Batam-based vice syndicate. Two women have been arrested following a probe by the CPIB. (And of course, if the prostitutes came willingly, this is not considered as trafficking! Talk about the spirit of the law man!!)

– that this joker left his car unattended along a single-lane, two way road with double jagged yellow lines somewhere in Siglap for a good 10 minutes. (Well, what’s 50 cents of carpark compared to a COE? And why isn’t this in the ‘Ugly Singaporean Award’ section? A chow angmoh was driving this scrap.)

Trivial, Jokes and Thoughts from Discussions

– that a six-month-old labrador pup was recently found alive with a huge double hook through its snout – like the dog above – and another through a leg. The cruel practice takes place on French-controlled Reunion Island in the Indian Ocean. The RSPCA plans to petition the French government, demanding an end to the hideous torture. (Perpetrators of this crime should be hooked by their balls.)

– that actors Demi Whore Moore and Ashton Kutcher were finally married, capping their celebrated two-year older woman, younger man relationship. The wedding was described as a traditional Kabbalah ceremony put together at the last minute. (Anyone taking bets how long this one will last?)

– that Paris Hilton is not ready for the simple life. She said that she ended her five-month engagement to a Greek shipping heir because she is not prepared for marriage and did not want it to end up in divorce. Hilton said she still loves Latsis and they will continue to work together on business endeavours and have ‘movies together in the works’. (Perhaps she decided that she has less to gain that Latsis. Meanwhile in Singapore, Sylvester Sim and Maia Lee… Oh come on! Singapore has been there, done that!)

– that the word ‘toilet’ stems from the French word for ‘little towel’ and was originally a pleasantly indirect way of referring to the place where the chamber pot or its equivalent resides. But toilet has since come to mean the porcelain fixture itself, and so sounds too blunt to use in polite company. (So in the future, when I said I am ‘paying my respects at Yakusuni’, what I really meant is that ‘I am shitting on Japanese Imperialism’.)

– that there’s blogs on the company server! Not the kind of blogs you see on the Internet but work-blogs keeping a daily entry of all the problems encountered daily and what is done to resolved the issues. Makes life hell alot easier for the next guy who takes over the next shift. (Whoever said blogging is all bad?)

– that complaints that iPod nanos scratch and crack with irksome ease has prompted Apple Computer to offer to replace defective screens on the music players, company officials confirmed. (Apparently, the nano isn’t the only thing that is facing quality woes lately. A customer of my friend – a supplier – is so irked by Apple’s ‘non-existent’ service that he has threatened to strip apart his faulty set which is dead on arrival before the Apple support people in the Apple support centre here in Singapore. And I can guess what Mac Freaks would be saying. I just won’t repeat it here.)

– that some recent reports suggests that many people resort to colonic cleansing to keep their digestive system clean. (For Princess Diana to do it, it’s called ‘Royal Flush’. For commoners, is it called a ‘Straight Flush’?)