Our company, ‘No To Pestilence’, has conducted a survey for free on our trains and found the following pests. Our company is pleased to submit our findings on the different species to the general public.
The most common MRT Pests are:
- The HandPhone Tester [Homo-Examinare]:
Turns his mobile phone ringer volume to maximum and run through all the tunes he has as if no one knows he has a mobile phone or. Maybe testing if it’s working… but cannot test at home is it? - The HandPhone Maestro [Telefon-Maestro]:
The kind that shares his MP3s by blasting them though the mobile’s external speakers, doesn’t matter you like the songs or not. - The Slime [Spinal-Laessus]:
The slime has got no backbone, it leans on anything that looks marginally like support. - The Mango Man [Homo-Magifera Indica]:
Spreads his legs so wide as if some mangoes (or the tree itself) are growing in between his crotch, extending his occupancy onto the other 2 seats beside him. - The Macho ApeMan [Australopithecines-Macho]:
Will always fold his arms to show off how wide a chest and how big his biceps are, extending his occupancy onto the other 2 seats beside him. - The Serious Decision Maker [Serious-derthal]:
After entering/exiting the MRT or leaving the escalator, stop, count to 5, take a deep breath, and _seriously_ consider if he should go left or right as that may affect his life. - The Great Wall of Singapore [Festung-Singapur]:
You will run into these human walls frequently when exiting the train. - PSN/RSN [Pat-Sat News/Road Side News] Reporter [Homo-Reportare]:
The Ah-sohs who goes on and on about trivial and irrelevance at a loud voice or the person who goes on and on with his/her handphone about the same nonsense. - The Wailing/Screaming brat [Ruckus -Braticus]: The damned brat who screams and wails at the top of his lungs to get what he wants.
- The Hurdle Man [Homo-Grillus]:
The clown who sticks his legs so out that you have to jump over them. - The Newspaper Reader [Homo Novel-Readicus]:
The clown who spreads his newspaper wide open even on a crowded train as if he can’t miss any single bit of news. - The Sole Cleaner [Sandal-Cleaneticus]:
The parents who put the kid on the seats of the MRT. An ingenious way to clean the shoes – Clean it on the seat, and then have the unsuspecting passenger to sit on it and clean it up with their pants. - The Mad Rushing Bull [Taurus-Recusarus]:
The one who rushes madly into the train when the door opens, or the one on the escalator who suddenly find urgency to rush up when the alarms of the train doors are sounding off.
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Regards,
Research Team
No To Pestilence Pte Ltd
Addendum (31 Jul 2007)
A few more species were reported by the general public.
- The EarthQuake Man [Homo-Tremorus]:
The shithead who will shake his legs periodically. Remaining still must have been a real challenge. - The ButtCrack Scratcher [Bantak-Scratchus]:
There is an irresistible itch in these fellow’s arse, that he needs to sit in between 2 seats, so that the raise portion fits nicely into his butt crack, and he can just slide up and down to scratch it. - The Queue Cutter [Home Queue-los]:
This is a cousin of the mad rushing bull, but instead of standing in the way of everyone to rush in, this particular species will simply stand in front of the person queuing nearest the door, as if the queue does not exists, and then rush in when everyone has alighted.
cc> Ahhh. thank for reminding me of those. 🙂
xy> You maybe right. Durian have thorns so even if they wanted to, they can’t close their legs.
cris> you kiasu is it? rush for what?
what about those who decide to sit in the middle of 2 seats so that the contour of the seat can massage their butt crack?
for no. 4, should be durian instead =P
mmm, at least i think i don’t belong to any category, yet =D
Good report because I belong to category 13! :p