The Ugly Singaporean Award

– that a 64-year-old married cobbler who figured out a scam to have free sex with young foreign women from matchmaking agencies here has been nabbed. He handed a cheque for $10,000 – which he deliberately use a full stop instead of a comma, so the figure showed up as $1.0000 or $10.000, which banks would not honour. The matchmakers, in their hurry to clinch a deal, failed to notice the discrepancy and let their women leave with him. He first duped the Vietnam Brides International Matchmaker in Beach Road on Oct 24 to release a 21-year-old Vietnamese woman into his care. He then took her to ROM where he registered online for a solemnisation date. Believing they were already married, the woman, who cannot be named, followed her ‘husband’ to a hotel in Geylang. He kept her there for a week, often having sex with her twice a day. Occasionally, he took her out to visit the Zoo and Kusu Island. Thinking this was their honeymoon, she gave in to all his wishes. After they checked out on Oct 29, he took her back to the matchmaking agency on the pretext of getting her belongings. He gestured for her to go into the agency on her own and then meet him at the shopping centre’s entrance. When she stepped into the agency, staff told her that her ‘husband’s’ cheque had bounced and that a police report had been made. He tried to pull his scam one more time and almost succeeded at a matchmaking agency in Katong, if not for an alert boss who smelled a rat. He was finally arrested when he tried the same trick again on another agency for Chinese brides a few days later. (They should charge him for rape and put him away for a long, long time. After all, this sick bastard’s too old to be caned.)

The World This Week

– that the UN’s food and farming body renewed its plea for more effort to improve agriculture in poor countries to ease hunger and malnutrition which kill nearly 6 million children a year. In its annual report, ‘The State of Food Insecurity in the World’, the Food and Agriculture Organization (FAO) said the world was way behind on hunger reduction goals for 2015 set at political summits over the last 10 years. (SIX million? It is a tragedy when some children are dying from hunger when pampered Singaporean children throw away their food simply because they don’t like how it tastes.)

– that homosexual ‘rights’ activists and liberal Catholics girded for a long battle over the Vatican’s tougher stance on homosexuality, predicting the Church would lose thousands of followers in the U.S. (Repent and desist. There was never a compromise on that.)

– that the policy, drafted to deal with scandals over pedophile priests that erupted in Boston in 2002 and spread across the U.S., says the Church can admit those who have clearly overcome homosexual tendencies for at least three years. But practicing homosexuals and those with ‘deep-seated’ homosexual tendencies and those who support a homosexual culture should be barred, it said. Conservatives in the Roman Catholic Church and in other religions welcomed the stand. (Bucking the trend and doing what is right. Long live Pope Benedict XVI.)

– that homosexual U.S. Anglican bishop Gene Robinson said a Vatican document barring practicing homosexual men from becoming Roman Catholic priests showed a profound misunderstanding of homosexuality. The document, due to be published next week, says men with ‘deep-seated’ homosexual tendencies cannot become priests and that only those who have overcome their homosexuality at least three years before ordination can do so. “I think the Vatican, or whoever wrote this statement, should spend a little more time listening to its homosexual and lesbian members rather than putting out statements. This strikes me as language from people who profoundly do not understand homosexual and lesbian people … who know next to nothing about being homosexual or lesbian.”, Robinson said. (And Gene Robinson should spend more time reading the Word of God and stop deceiving himself and many of those who look up to him as a shepherd. Obviously, he has demonstrated that he profoundly do not understand Scriptures, and know nothing about just how much he is contradicting them.)

Hear ye these: 1 Corinthians 6:9 – 10 “Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.” Galatians 5:19- 21 “The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.”

– that the CIA’s interrogation methods are ‘unique’ but don’t involve torture, agency chief Porter Goss says, although he won’t specify just what techniques are used to extract information from prisoners. Goss reiterated the Bush administration’s regime’s defense of its interrogation practices in the war against terrorism. “This agency does not do torture. Torture does not work,” Goss said. “We use lawful capabilities to collect vital information and we do it in a variety of unique and innovative ways, all of which are legal and none of which are torture.” (Well, they certainly can’t tell you that their ‘unique’ interrogation methods means having a few Dark Jedis to rip the information out of your brains and then turning you into a mouth-frothing brain dead moron, right?)

– that Warmonger Bush was informed 10 days after the September 11, 2001 attacks that U.S. intelligence had no proof of links between Iraq and that act of terror, The National Journal reported. Citing gover-min documents as well as past and present Bush administration officials, the magazine said Warmonger was briefed on September 21, 2001 that evidence of cooperation between Iraq and the Al-Qaeda terror network was insufficient. Warmonger was also informed that there was some credible information about contacts between Saddam Hussein and Al-Qaeda that showed that the Iraqi dictator had tried to establish surveillance over the group, according to the report. (Osama bin Laden hates Saddam’s guts and originally proposed to the Saudi gover-min to unleash what he unleashed upon the world now upon the Iraqis during the first Gulf War.)

– that the FBI said e-mails made to look like they come from the agency are warning computer users that the FBI is monitoring their Internet use. “These scam e-mails tell the recipients that their Internet use has been monitored by the FBI and that they have accessed illegal Web sites,” the FBI said in a statement. “The e-mails then direct recipients to open an attachment and answer questions. These e-mails did not come from the FBI. Recipients of this or similar solicitations should know that the FBI does not engage in the practice of sending unsolicited e-mails to the public in this manner.” The agency said it was investigating the matter and urged anyone who received such an e-mail to report it to the Internet Crime Complaint Center. (If you are not an U.S. citizen who is not in the U.S., and not doing anything illegal, you don’t have to give a damn. And if you are an U.S. citizen overseas, the FBI should be letting the local police handle it. And if you are an U.S. citizen in the States, go scream to the ACLU.)

– that a Chilean judge ordered the arrest of former dictator Augusto Pinochet over millions of dollars kept in secret overseas bank accounts. Investigating judge Carlos Cerda charged Pinochet, who will turn 90 on Friday, with fraud, providing falsified documents and making false declarations to avoid paying tax. It is the fourth time in seven years that Pinochet, who led a military junta from 1973 to 1990, has been arrested. But he has never faced trial for rights abuses accusations or his personal dealings. (He can’t escape forever. Sooner or later they will get him, Al Capone style.)

– that one in three Britons believes a woman who flirts is partly or totally responsible if she is raped, a ‘shocking’ opinion poll showed. Between a third and a quarter of respondents also put part or all of the blame on the woman if she fails to say ‘no’ clearly to the man, wears sexy clothes, drinks too much, has many sexual partners and walks alone in a deserted area. “It is shocking that so many people will lay the blame for being raped at the feet of women themselves,” said Kate Allen, a spokeswoman for Amnesty International UK which commissioned the research. (The key issue here is consent. Even if the woman being raped is ‘loose’ does not means giving anyone the green light to rape her.)

– that Britain has warned media organizations they are breaking the law if they publish details of a leaked document said to show Warmonger Bush wanted to bomb Arabic television station Al Jazeera. The gover-min’s top lawyer warned editors in a note after the Daily Mirror newspaper reported that a secret British gover-min memo said Tony B-liar had talked Bush out of bombing the broadcaster in April last year. (What’s the big issue here? The last time they bombed a Chinese Embassy with 5 cruise missiles, and said it was a mistake because they were using old maps. If they think that lame excuse was good enough for China, they can always re-use it because it’s got to be good enough for anybody.)

– that European parliamentarians criticized Singapore’s mandatory death penalty and urged the gover-min to stop next week’s scheduled execution of a 25-year-old Australian drug smuggler. Nguyen Tuong Van, convicted by Singapore of trying to smuggle 400 grams of heroin – enough to make 26,000 doses – from Cambodia, is to be hanged on December 2 despite repeated pleas from Australia to reconsider clemency for the former salesman. “The death penalty is firmly rejected in the European Parliament, but it is applied here. Clearly, we have different positions,” Hartmut Nassauer, chairman of the delegation for relations with Southeast Asia, told reporters at a briefing in Singapore. We believe in universal democracy, rights and human law.” (What these European shitheads need to believe is that if there’s no ultimate penalty, then what can restraint people from doing the worst they are capable of?)

– that John Coward fought off demands that he impose sanctions on Singapore for its refusal to grant clemency to an Australian awaiting execution for drug trafficking. But he warned Singapore that the hanging of 25-year-old Vietnamese-Australian Nguyen Tuong Van would not ‘go unnoticed’ by Australia. He also said the ICJ had no jurisdiction in the case, as Singapore was doing nothing illegal. (If a drug trafficker didn’t have to die because he isn’t Singaporean, then neither should any of the Singaporeans drug traffickers die either. And did Australia care about them? So stop being a bunch of blasted hypocrites.)

– that a former Australian prime minister has called Singapore a ‘rogue Chinese port’ for ignoring appeals to save a drug smuggler from the death penalty. Gough Whitlam, in office in the 1970s, made the remark in an interview about the case of an Australian national who is due to be hanged next week. (I sincerely hope he isn’t a descendant of those sent to a former British penal colony called… oops… Australia!)

– that Australia will not punish Singapore over the planned execution of an Australian drug smuggler, John Coward said ahead of protests around the country to oppose the Dec 2 hanging. He rejected calls by a prominent gover-min politician for the hanging of 25-year-old Nguyen Tuong Van to be part of the Australian gover-min’s deliberations on whether to grant Singapore Airlines access to the Sydney-LA air route. (For once I see the wisdom in the Australian people in returning him to power in the last elections.)

– that Abu Musab al-Zarqawi’s faction has claimed responsibility for attacks that have left hundreds of Iraqis dead, and the U.S. has called him the most dangerous terrorist in Iraq. Still, even as al-Zarqawi threatens more chaos – in recordings and internet messages – many Iraqis believe the Jordanian militant does not even exist and is merely a phantom created by the Americans to sow unrest in the country. Similar disbelief greeted Britain’s explanation that its soldiers, arrested in southern Iraq disguised as Arabs, were on an undercover hunt for terrorists. Instead, some Iraqis argue the soldiers were out to kill Shi’ite Muslims and blame the murders on Sunnis in hopes of sparking civil war. (And the moon doesn’t exists either. It’s an illusion put there by the Devil.)

– that the UN’s chief investigator on torture has praised China’s lea-duhs for acknowledging the widespread abuse of prisoners in the nation’s jails. Mr Manfred Nowak, the UN Human Rights Commission’s special rapporteur on torture, said Beijing had offered him freer access to detainees than the U.S. was prepared to give him on a recently-scrapped trip to Guantanamo Bay in Cuba.”There is a growing awareness that torture is quite widely practised in the common criminal proceedings in China by the police and that something needs to be done,” he said in an interview with the BBC. (Might as well admit that it happens, rather than denying it having a UN investigator discover it in person.)

– that the Japanese foreign minister said he supported the view of history at a controversial war shrine’s museum, which describes Japan’s wars in Asia as having been fought in self-defence. The outspoken Mr Taro Aso Arsehole, who was appointed in a Cabinet reshuffle last month, said he did not feel that the museum at the Yasukuni shrine glorified war. “The exhibition merely shows what happened in those days,” he said on television. Yushukan, a war memorial museum located inside the Shinto sanctuary, portrays Japan as defending itself against Western colonialists, not as invading neighbouring countries, up to 1945 – when World War II ended. (Shameless liar. So why is Japan defending itself in Korea, China, Indo-China, Burma and all the way to the Malay Archipelago and down to Papua New Guinea?)

– that Junk-ichiro Konkz-umi has infuriated China and South Korea by repeatedly visiting the Yasukuni shrine, which honours 14 top war criminals among 2.5 million Japanese war dead. “I visit Yasukuni shrine in order to pay my respects to the victims who lost their lives against their will,” he told journalists after the Asia-Pacific Economic Cooperation summit in South Korea, where Hu Jintao refused to meet him. (Victims? An invading army? Rot in hell you lying sonuvabitch.)

– that China expressed ‘shock’ over Taro Aso’s Arsehole’s support for the view of history depicted at a museum in the controversial Yasukuni war shrine in Tokyo. Chinese Foreign Ministry spokesman Liu Jianchao said China was ‘shocked at the comments’. He told a regular briefing: “The shrine is denying history and is glorifying Japan’s wartime past.” (It goes to show that certain proud races will go as far as living in a lie than to admit to being wrong.)

– that Thaksin Shinawatra has said he will not answer reporters’ questions until next year because the alignment of the planets is not in his favor. “Right now Mercury … is in a corner perfectly aligned with my star. Mercury is no good, so if it’s not good, I am going to request not to speak. I’ll just wait until next year to talk,” Thaksin told reporters Sunday after returning to Bangkok from a trip to South Korea and China. He added that Mercury moves slowly and will not steer clear of his star until next year. (Is he also having constipation because of that?)

– that the U.S., Australia and Britain have issued fresh warnings about possible terrorist attacks in Indonesia after a militant website showed how and where to kill foreigners in Jakarta. Australia warned travellers that attacks could be staged against Western interests before the end of the year. The website shows in diagrams how to shoot foreigners in Jakarta or throw grenades at motorists stuck in the city’s notorious traffic jams. (Somehow they get this funny idea that ‘Holy War’ means making many holes in other people.)

– that a video clip in Malaysia showed a Chinese women being told to told to strip and then made to squat and stand repeatedly while pulling her ears. A policewoman stood guard while a voice in the background recited verses from the Quran during the 30-second video. The clip, said to be recorded secretly using a camera phone, was shown to Home Minister Azmi Khalid, Minister in the Prime Minister’s Department Mohamed Nazri Abdul Aziz and opposition lea-duh Lim Kit Siang. The woman was believed to be one of three detained Chinese nationals who complained of police harassment. Several MPs who saw the video said it was shocking and embarrassing. (Malaysia should be glad. It finally has its own version of Abu Ghuraib.)

– that Abdullah Badawi ordered Home Minister Azmi Khalid to go to China to explain that Malaysia welcomes its citizens. The directive follows a scandal that erupted earlier this month involving the strip-search of three female Chinese nationals. The women, who said they showed genuine travel and identity documents to police officers, alleged they were strip-searched for holding fake passports. They also claimed that male officers peeped while they were bathing during their detention. (Now it’s time for a high profile court case for Malaysia’s Lynnie England and Charles Garner!)

Singapore This Week

– that amid calls in Australia for Singapore to take the case to the ICJ, opposition lea-duh Typo-Gangster Chee Soon Juan has chosen to lend his support in protest against the planned execution. He has called on Australia to lead an international protest to help save the life of condemned drug smuggler Nguyen Tuong Van. (Gangster Chee should know by now, if he continues to do this, he will never have acceptance among Singaporeans. Among my friends, there’s a dirty word for his actions: – T – R – E – A – S – O – N –.)

– that Typo said the Australian gover-min, which has campaigned strenuously for clemency for Nguyen, should appeal to other countries, including the U.S., to put pressure on Singapore not to hang Nguyen. (Indeed. We should hang Chee in his place instead. I’ll gladly volunteer to be the one to operate the gallows.)

– that Typo said: “It’s just not a situation between Singapore and Australia; really, it runs deeper and far wider than this. In the upcoming months and years you’ll see a lot more people from around the world getting hanged for small-time drug peddling in Singapore. No stone must be left unturned and every country, every gover-min that will listen to this call for justice and to put a stop to this insanity must be approached.” (Small-time drug peddling? Well, you wanna try 400 grams of heroin at one go and come back to tell me about how small time it really is?)

– that Typo Gangster Chee believes that Singapore will not be reformed through elections but by civil disobedience against what he calls ‘unjust laws’. And he said he planned to use the forthcoming elections to talk about democratic reform and would continue to promote civil liberties in the face of libel laws and limits on political activities. (Obviously, Typo deserves to lose. He doesn’t understand the Singapore electorate and want they want and offer something that most of them really don’t give a flying damn about.)

– that comparing his struggle to Mahatma Gandhi’s non-violent fight against British colonisers and drawing parallels with the American civil rights movement, he said he would continue to defy curbs on public expression and free assembly. “It is never enough to appeal to the good sense of the gover-min. Authoritarian gover-min never budge,” he said. (As a psychiatrist, Typo should well be aware that he is now suffering from illusions of grandeur, self delusions and fantasies. Above which, Gandhi must have felt so insulted.)

– that critics say Typo Gangster Chee has failed to strike a chord with the public because of his adversarial style and because he fights for abstract causes rather than bread-and-butter issues which Singaporeans care about. (It’s his despicable act of siding with outsiders to wack his own country and people that’s the most disgusting. And when Typo continually vilifies Singapore as a whole, then he should disband his party and never run for elections. How does he expect the very people he vilifies to actually make him their representative and give him a voice in Parliament?)

– that after staying away from Singapore for nearly 30 years because he defaulted on his national service, pianist Melvyn Tan maximum fine of $5,000 for not fulfilling his national service duty and will be performing at the Esplanade next month. (Under the Enlistment Act, those who evade national service can be fined up to $5,000 or sent to jail for up to three years, or both. And if pianist Melvyn Tan was penis Nobody Tan will be serving 3 years plus fined $5000.)

– the that Sunday Sundae Times claims that along with Seow Yit Kin and Margaret Leng Tan, Melvyn Tan has helped Singapore to gain recognition on the global piano scene. (So, this is how you can escape NS: Do something that will ‘help Singapore gain recognition on the global scene’. And all you need to do is pay $5,000, and you don’t need to even serve a single minute. Got it? By the way, who has heard of Melvyn Tan putting Singapore on the global scene? I only recall hearing about a Singapore-born violinist.)

– that a TING LAN INN accused a group of five physically fit SCDF national servicemen of making a mockery of chivalry when they refused to offer their seats to a boy when he asked them to, and instead offered their laps. The writer claims to be looked unwell and tired. Above which, the SCDF servicemen were accused of mocking him by patting their laps. (Who can tell if the service men are really mocking or just this Ting fellow is being petty? The boy could sit on the laps of these fellows and from a neutral point of view, it’s the best of both worlds – both the kid and the servicemen asked to give up his seat gets to sit!)

-that the gover-min has said that households are barred from using satellite dishes in order to keep out undesirable content that is at odds with Singapore’s multi-racial and multi-religious society. The reasons for stopping undesirable content from easy entry to the homes of Singaporeans through satellite dishes remain valid and important because in the face of increasing security challenges worldwide today, Singapore must continue to be vigilant against external influences that may split or divide society. (* Yawn * For starters, what society? Take a look at the behaviour of Singaporeans on public transports and tell me that our ‘society’ isn’t dysfunctional.)

– that the Mini$ter of State for Transport is not convinced that the evening toll on the north-bound CTE is pushing traffic jams to a later hour. Lim Hwee Hua believes the jams that occur after the toll is lifted at 8pm are occasional, last only for a while and could be the result of an event in Orchard Road. In fact, the toll is causing a better flow of traffic on the CTE, she said, trotting out figures to substantiate it. (Just shut the hell up and use that road everyday for 6 months. Then come back and tell us about ‘figures’.)

– that new guidelines from the NEA will finally ease the long queues outside women’s toilets here. The revised Code of Practice for Environmental Health, released yesterday, now requires all new buildings to have as many loos for women as for men, if not more. The requirements – good news for women who have had to suffer interminable queues at public toilets – were announced at an event in Raffles Place to celebrate World Toilet Day. (They should also consider making the cubicles bigger so pink shits don’t have an excuse to use toilets for the handicapped anymore. In fact, there should be a sign outside the handicap toilet with the following caption: “Dogs and Pink Shit Not Allowed”. But that would be very insulting to dog owners.)

Trivial, Jokes and Thoughts from Discussions

– that a French woman who is terrified of flying admitted in an Australian court that she drunkenly tried to open an airplane door mid-flight to smoke a cigarette. Sadrine Helene Sellies, 34, was placed on a good behavior bond after pleading guilty in Brisbane Magistrates Court to endangering the safety of an aircraft. (It almost turned out to be another ‘Natural Selection’ Award. But it would be sad that in the process of nature eliminating this bozo, a whole plane of people would have died along with her.)

– that NTU raised a tender of 300 designer chairs which cost $2,200 each. ‘Genius’ LOH KA WAI applauded NTU as a Singapore employer who cares enough about its employees to invest in their welfare. Loh argued that over a 12-year warranty period, the $2,200 price tag for the chair amounts to 50 cents a day, and for that, there is higher productivity and reduced medical bills for back problems. He said he has yet to see a better investment for 50 cents a day. (That’s provided that the kriffing chair doesn’t end up in a condition not covered by the 12th year warranty and gotten itself written off.)

– that Loh further said, “If we do not take care of our professors, how can we expect our universities to be world-class, attract the top talents to join us and remain in the top rankings?” (Funny. How does Loh suppose a university with ‘well taken care of’ professors become ‘world class’ and remain in the top rankings if the students cannot perform? It is as if ‘well taken care of’ professors alone will definitely produce top students and even morons will turn genius under their tutelage.)

– that Loh cite that a MOH report highlighted the fact that growing numbers of working people in Singapore are suffering from back and shoulder aches due to poorly designed office furniture and bad posture. (Furniture is not just the chair alone. And well, who can tell how much of it is caused by poorly designed office furniture or bad posture?)

– that scientists monitoring earth movements in Antarctica believe they have found a singing iceberg. Sound waves from the iceberg had a frequency of around 0.5 hertz, too low to be heard by humans, but by playing them at higher speed the iceberg sounded like a swarm of bees or an orchestra warming up, the scientists said. (Actually, the iceberg’s screaming in pain due to global warming: “I’m melting. Help! I’m melting!!”)