The Ugly Singaporean Award

– that a 32-year-old housewife, Mrs Seah, had a miscarriage when she stumbled down the stairs – shoved by a loan shark who fled when she threatened to call the police after a dispute outside her ninth-floor flat in Yishun. This is believed to be the first time an unborn baby has died because of a loan-shark attack. It is believed that Lim Teck Ann,the son of the former female owner of the flat, borrowed heavily from illegal moneylenders and left behind a mountain of debt. Police are now looking for the man, in his 30s, to help find his creditors. (The shameless loanshark or loanshark henchman who did this should at least have the damned guts to turn himself in.)

The World This Week

– that Condom-leezza Lice, in a rare concession to U.S. critics, acknowledged that Washington may make mistakes in its battle against terrorism and promised to put them right if they happened. But she restated her defense of the legality of U.S. tactics against a militant enemy which ‘operates from within our society and is intent… on killing innocent civilians’. (Not saying that the terrorists have a right doing what they did. But the U.S. ought to figure out and put an end to what it did is giving them the excuse to do what they did. Looking at what the U.S. has been doing lately in all parts of the world, it is clear it will be awhile before the U.S. understand the true nature of the problem.)

– that a man who claimed to have a bomb on board an American Airlines plane in Miami was shot dead by an air marshal. Rigoberto Alpizar, a 44-year-old US citizen, was shot after fleeing an air marshal. No device has been found. (That should teach the next kriffing idiot not to do the same.)

– that the Republican National Committee will provide state parties with a web video that shows a white flag waving over images of Democrat DemoRat lea-duhs making anti-war remarks. The ad is in response to the controversial comments Democratic DemoRatic Party Chairman Howard Dean and John ‘Flip Flop’ Kerry made earlier in the week. A Democrat DemoRat strategist who had the web ad described to her said, “This is way over the top but we have no one to blame but Dean, Kerry and others who continue to pander to the anti-war activists within our party.” (Is it a wonder why Hillary Clinton did the exact reverse of this self-defeating election strategy?)

– that Howard Dean said his assertion that the U.S. cannot win the war in Iraq was reported ‘a little out of context’ saying Democrats DemoRats believe a new U.S. strategy is needed to succeed there. Seeking to clarify a statement in a Texas radio interview that Republicans harshly assailed and some Democrats DemoRats questioned, Dean said, “They kind of cherry-picked that one the same way the president cherry-picked the intelligence going into Iraq.” (A search on Google turned up many entries that contain this statement: “The idea that we’re going to win this war is an idea that unfortunately is just plain wrong.” So, someone tell me what in those reports are ‘a little out of context’?)

– that more than 1,000 mourners, many dressed in white, gathered at a Melbourne cathedral for the funeral of an Australian drug smuggler whose execution in Singapore sparked an outcry in Australia. The Rev. Peter Hanson told mourners Nguyen should have been given the chance to rehabilitate in prison. “Human beings can change and they can change for the better,” he said in comments aired by Sky News. (But whether they will or will not change for the matter is another issue entirely. So will you please shut up now?)

– that the U.S. State Department criticised Kazakhstan’s presidential election as falling short of international standards but said it reflected the will of voters in the Central Asian state. A statement said Sunday’s poll, won easily by veteran lea-duh Nursultan Nazarbayev, ‘showed improvements over previous ones, but did not meet a number of international standards and OSCE (Organisation for Security and Cooperation in Europe) commitments’. (The Americans seems to think that everyone needs their approval. Yankees go home!!)

– that Al-Qaeda number two Ayman al-Zawahiri claimed in a new videotape that the network’s lea-duh Osama bin Laden was still alive and leading the unholy war against the West, the Al-Jazeera channel said. Zawahiri also called on the Al-Qaeda fighters to attack oil installations in Islamic countries ‘because most of the revenues of this oil go to the enemies of Islam’, Al-Jazeera quoted him as saying. In parts of the videoclips screened by the satellite channel, Zawahiri said “Al-Qaeda for ‘holy’ war is still, thanks to God, a base for jihad. Its prince Osama bin Laden, may God protect him, still leads the jihad.” (They’ll probably prop-up a dead Osama with pickles and anti-decomposition chemicals and parade him on TV even if he’s dead.)

– that Iran’s hardline President Mahmoud Mabok Ahmadinejad triggered new international outcry by saying the ‘tumour’ of the state of Israel should be relocated to Europe. His remarks were greeted with outrage from Germany, Austria, Israel and the United States, at the forefront of an international campaign to prevent the Islamic regime from acquiring nuclear weapons. (That cancer of hatred which is his tongue ought to be removed and flushed down a toilet bowl as well.)

– that Mahmoud Mabok Ahmadinejad also expressed doubt the Holocaust took place. (Similarly, I expressed doubt about his humanity.)

– that China will severely punish anyone who lied about or tried to cover up a massive toxic chemical spill last month that polluted a major river and temporarily cut off water supplies to millions, the gover-min said.The warning was Beijing’s first acknowledgment that it had a problem with officials trying to hide the extent and impact of the massive spill. (Maybe the guy should be made to go without access to easy fresh water for as long as Harbin was.)

– that Junk-ichiro Konkz-umi said, “Yasukuni isn’t something that can be used as a diplomatic card. Even if China and South Korea try to use it as a diplomatic card, that won’t work.” (It will, once the China and Korea gets so economically and miltarily powerful that Japan becomes a nobody economically.)

– that Japanese lea-duhs are ‘rubbing salt’ in South Korean wounds by dragging up painful wartime memories, Seoul’s top envoy to Tokyo said. South Korean Ambassador Ra Jong Yil said that unstable relations between the neighbours was causing regional instability, and added that he hoped the Yasukuni shrine would not turn into ‘a symbol of Japanese nationalism’. “Most disturbing are movements at tying us down in the past on the part of some influential lea-duhs of Japan,” Mr Ra said at a news conference in Tokyo.”Some people are constantly reminding us, rubbing salt in the wounds,” he added, although he did not refer to Junk-ichiro Konkz-umi’s controversial visits to the war shrine. (A silent dog bites but does not bark. Korea and China should just bid its time and then teach the Japanese a lesson.)

– that Japanese troops did not massacre a single person in the Chinese city of Nanjing, a controversial manga claims. It was all a lie fabricated by China, insists the comic book that has become the latest best-seller in a growing market here for ‘hate manga’ which pour vitriol on Japan’s neighbours. (Someone should work on a comic arguing that the Americans didn’t drop the atomic bombs too.)

– that this load of crap book, whose author Ko Bunyu (Huang Wenxiong in hanyu pinyin), a pro-Japan Taiwanese lackey who has authored many anti-China books – bears the innocuous yet titillating title ‘An Introduction To China – A Study Of Our Annoying Neighbours’. But its contents are blatantly inflammatory and frequently gruesome in their depiction. It says that every time there was a dynastic change in China, thousands of Nanjing residents were killed by invading soldiers. Beijing, it says, conveniently used the bones of such victims as proof that Japanese troops had slaughtered 300,000 people in the city in the last war. (Well, was he also aware that the Hiroshima and Nagasaki radiation victims are actually subjects of Japanese NBC-warfare ‘research’? Hiak hiak hiak.)

– that Ko, 67, is clearly intent on blackening China’s image, saying for instance that its prostitution industry is the world’s largest. A supporter of independence for Taiwan, he accuses China of distorting history, running crime syndicates in Japan and flooding it with ‘AIDS-infested prostitutes’. (How about doing an educated research on the Japanese porn industry, Ko Bung-sai, and tell us how Japan is poisoning the world with these immoral smut?)

– that Ko’s book comes on the heels of another manga called ‘Hating The Korean Wave’ [嫌韩流], whose title was considered so offensive that major Japanese newspapers declined to carry its advertisements. This particular manga, which has sold 360,000 copies, claims that Japan annexed the Korean peninsula – seen as brutal subjugation in Korea – as it wanted to liberate it from China’s influence. These books seem to resonate with young Japanese who resent the fact that their country has to continually apologise for its past history of aggression against its neighbours. They feel that it is time for change. (The Japanese definition for ‘liberation’ simply means having you submit to Japan instead of whoever you were submitting to earlier.)

– that North Korean lea-duh Kim Jong Il’s push to advance the communist movement in his state has turned him into a bit of an insomniac, according to the North’s state media. The strain of keeping an eye on all parts of the country means many sleepless nights for the ‘Dear Lea-duh’, official Rodong Sinmun reported. (Does he walk on water and raise the dead too?)

– that thousands of North Korean refugees are working as sex slaves in China under threat of being returned should Chinese authorities catch them, the U.S. ambassador for fighting international slavery said. After two days of talks with Chinese officials, John Miller, director of the U.S. State Department’s Office to Monitor and Combat Trafficking in Persons, said many victims of the modern-day slave trade were women and girls forced into prostitution or marriage. (Perhaps things would improve when Kim Jong Il start losing sleep about that.)

– that Chen Shui-bian, whose approval rating has dived to a record low after an election defeat, vowed to win back the people’s support by ensuring his gover-min is clean and reform-minded. (Do something about your politic myopia too, Chen.)

– that the electoral victory by the KMT, which favours cooperation with China, does not mean that more Taiwanese now want reunification with Beijing, party chairman Ma Ying-jeou said. While Taiwanese clamour for greater economic exchanges with China, they still want to retain the political status quo, said Mr Ma, whose party took 14 of the 23 constituencies up for grabs in last Saturday’s local elections. (Whoever read it as a pro-unification vote clearly doesn’t understand Taiwan.)

– that true to his role as a steadying moral authority above petty politics, Thailand’s revered King Bhumibol Adulyadej has counselled moderation in a spat that has been playing out in recent weeks. Thaksin Shinawatra withdrew all defamation lawsuits against his staunchest critic, just two days after the revered King called on public figures to accept fair criticism. Thaksin was demanding 2.0 billion baht in six lawsuits against Sondhi Limthongkul, claiming he had been insulted after the media tycoon used his now-axed television show to question Thaksin’s loyalty to the monarchy. (May the King live long and prosper to remain the voice of conscience and moral authority.)

– that Malaysia’s home minister apologised for recent crimes against Chinese citizens in Malaysia, but fell short of apologising for a sensational video that some say portrays racist police brutality in his country. Speaking to reporters after two days of meetings with his Chinese counterparts, Mr Azmi Khalid tried to explain and did not apologise for the videotape, which appears to be footage of an ethnic Chinese woman in Malaysian police custody being forced to do squats while naked. (Apologies are useless when no firm action is taken.)

– that the media has whipped up such a frenzy that the people no longer trust the Malaysian police’s impartiality in investigating the video of a naked woman made to do ear-squats. Abdullah Badawi said the gover-min had to set up an independent panel to investigate the incident because the public would not accept the police findings. (With the likes of Musa Hassan and Noh Omar around, it is of no wonder that the people lost confidence.)

Singapore This Week

– that Malaysia’s Foreign Minister Syed Hamid Albar, supported Singapore’s decision to execute Nguyen. Like Singapore, Malaysia considers the death penalty as a necessary deterrent against drug trafficking. Malaysia, which imposed mandatory capital punishment on drug trafficking in 1975, has hanged more than 200 people since then. (Australia should let all drug traffickers go free. But when it becomes the ‘Sick Man of Oceania’, don’t come whining because it’s not like we are going to give much of a damn.)

– the Indonesia’s Foreign Minister Hassan Wirajuda has defended Singapore’s right to execute drug trafficker Nguyen Tuong Van and warned Australians not to get emotional if any one of the nine Australians held on heroin-trafficking charges in Bali is sentenced to death. (Their Aussie lives are worth more than other people is it?)

– that female migrant workers in Singapore face what amounts to forced labour due to a lack of legal protection, U.S.-based rights campaigners say. Human Rights Watch (HRW) said domestic workers were overworked and frequently denied food, pay and social contact, as well as suffering physical abuse. Singapore’s gover-min said the report ‘grossly exaggerates’ the situation. (Thanks to the shitheads who abused their maids.)

– that penis pianist Melvyn Tan has decided to cancel his sold-out concert at the Esplanade later this month and will not judge a national piano and violin competition because of the controversy over his punishment for evading national service. In an open letter to Singaporeans, the 49-year-old Mr Tan said he was ‘saddened and dismayed’ at the uproar caused by his $3,000 fine for dodging NS. “In light of the sentiments prevailing, I have decided it is best I defer my public appearances, for the debate on national service to continue without my further aggravating it.” (Don’t come again, ever. By the way, has anyone heard of Melvyn Tan before his draft-dogding made the news?)

– that ‘genius’ JIMMY CHAN wrote this to TODAY: “I was saddened to read of Melvyn Tan cancelling his own concert. Due to the criticism of a few close-minded people, we have lost the contribution of a very talented, internationally-accomplished musician born in Singapore. Melvyn’s decision, in fact, shows his maturity and sensitivity on the NS issue. For not returning for his NS duties, he has lost his Singapore citizenship and the guarantee deposit of $30,000. He has demonstrated filial piety to his ageing parents by returning. And goodness, it’s been 30 long years! If Singapore can offer Permanent Residency status to sports talents from overseas who have not brought any international fame to the country at time of grant, why can’t we show some graciousness to someone like Melvyn?” (If someone pay me back for my 2.5 years – roughly $125,000 at my present pay, do my reservists, IPPT and RT, I’ll show not only my graciousness and open-mindedness. I will even personally welcome Melvyn with a red carpet.)

– that there are some ‘geniuses’ who think we complains too much about our ‘World Worse Class Public Transport’ because they are ‘well travelled’ and they had experienced many different places in the world, they think that we haven’t seen nothing yet about ‘bad public transport’. (Right. What they really meant is that since they have taken buses from all over the world, they have a right to tell us that even if Singapore’s public transport is really terrible, we should all be grateful we actually have buses simply because a place on Earth called Kitty-wa-titties has never seen buses!.)

– that some four months after taking over the beleaguered NKF, its new management addressed the controversial issue of just how long the charity’s reserves would last if all fund-raising activities were stopped. Interestingly, the numbers revealed yesterday showed that the old management of NKF under T T Durai had not been very far off the mark with its projections after all. Based on a worst-case scenario where donations drop to zilch — meaning no LifeDrops donations, which contributes about $1.7 million a month — NKF’s current reserves of $206.2 million would last about 4.5 years. If the LifeDrops scheme stays as it is, the reserves can last about 6.7 years. Not satisfied with this buffer, the new board revealed its plans yesterday to resume fund-raising activities ‘with immediate effect’. In Durai’s days, NKF had long claimed their reserves could last only three years. But that assertion was ridiculed during his court battle with SPH, whose counsel suggested that NKF could continue for another 30 years without raising a single cent. (It’s high time they vindicate T T Durai.)

Trivial, Jokes and Thoughts from Discussions

– that Tom Cruise was at the centre of a fresh medical row as experts expressed concern over his purchase of a sonogram machine to perform at-home scans on expectant fiancee Katie Holmes. Cruise told US television interviewer Barbara Walters last month that he had bought an ultrasound machine to peek at the foetus of his unborn baby. But medical experts were Friday warning that it is dangerous for untrained Cruise and Holmes to be operating a complex piece of medical equipment such as an ultrasound machine at home. (What Tom Cruise needs is psychiatric help. Oh… but he can’t!)

– that Australian researchers said they had scientifically proven a long-suspected link between emotional stress and illnesses ranging from the common cold to cancer. The group from Sydney’s Garvan Institute found that a hormone released into the body during times of stress, neuropeptide Y (NPY), undermined the body’s immune system and literally made you sick. “Until now there has mostly been circumstantial evidence of a link between the brain and the immune system, but now we have that connection,” said the institute’s Fabienne Mackay. (So if you get sick often, you are really too stressed and you should really look for a new job. If not, you can just plead that you have a moment of insanity and punch your boss. Bwaghahahaha…)

– that Rap superstar Eminem told a radio show Tuesday that he is back together with his ex-wife and may remarry. Eminem went through an ugly divorce and custody battle over his young daughter with Kimberly Mathers. They married in 1999, and their divorce was finalized in 2001. “We have reconciled and are probably going to remarry,” Eminem told Detroit radio station WKQI-FM’s ‘Mojo in the Morning’ show. (We are married! AGAIN.)

– that the brainier male bats are, the smaller their testicles, according to a new study. Researchers suggest the correlation exists because both organs require a lot of energy to grow and maintain, leading individual species to find the optimum balance. The analysis of 334 species of bat found that in species where the females were promiscuous, the males had evolved larger testes but had relatively small brains. In species, where the females were monogamous, the situation was reversed. Male fidelity appeared to have no influence over testes or brain size. Both brain tissue and sperm cells require a lot of metabolic energy to produce and maintain. The different species appear to have evolved a preference for developing one organ more than the other, presumably determined by which will help them produce more offspring. (So if you have too much sex you become stupid? I am not joking. If you use more energy to make up for the sperm you just discharge, then there isn’t enough energy for your brains. And if there isn’t enough for your brains all the time because of too much sex, you become stupid, right? And my good friend Ah Heng says, “No wonder a lot of ‘woo nao eh lang’ [got brains people] also ‘boh lan pa’ [no balls].)

that Sony BMG is being caught up in a row about more of its anti-piracy software. Digital rights groups warned the music maker about vulnerabilities its MediaMax copy protection system created on users’ PCs. The same groups have now found that a patch Sony produced to close these holes is itself insecure and leaves users open to a separate attack. (Does Sony ever learn? What kind of world is it when a man can’t even put a music CD into his computer and enjoy the music?)

– that police have collared the latest in technology by kitting out their firearms dogs with cameras. The Fido camera system also has infra-red lights, which means pictures can be provided in darkness. (“Don’t I look smart with my thinking cap on?!” says the dog.)