The Stupid Shitty-Porean Award

– that a 35-year-old Singaporean travelled to Johor Bahru on Jan 15 to consult a bomoh – or traditional healer – to get rid of a hex she felt had been put on her several years ago by a woman with whom her husband was having an affair. The bomoh made her swallow five glass pieces and a ‘diamond-like’ stone, and insisted she fork out RM1,470 of her savings as payment. Two days later, she experienced sharp stomach pains and went to a polyclinic in Jurong East. The clinic doctor took an X-ray of her abdomen and referred her to the emergency department of the NUH. (Maybe she should just stick her head in the microwave and hope that the hex gets fried along with it.)

The World This Week

– that Kofi Annan has said the world must remember the unique tragedy of the Holocaust and reject all attempts by ‘bigots’ to deny the extermination of the Jews during World War II. “It must be remembered, with shame and horror, for as long as human memory continues,” Annan said in a statement released to mark the first international day commemorating the victims of the Holocaust. “Holocaust denial is the work of bigots,” he said. (There are many of them around. Especially those with a political agenda.)

– that a majority of Americans are more likely to vote for a candidate in November’s congressional elections who opposes Warmonger Bush, and 58% consider his second term a failure so far, according to a poll released. (Tell me something I don’t already know. He spoke on TV and for the entire duration he was speaking, I was down USD500 in paper losses in the NYSE. The moment he shut up… I was up USD250. USD750 all in a matter of 1 hour.)

– that fewer people consider Warmonger to be honest and trustworthy now than did a year ago, and 53% said they believe his regime deliberately misled the public about Iraq’s purported weapons program before the U.S. invasion in 2003, the CNN/USA Today/Gallup poll found. (He is doing it for all of you Americans. So stop whining already.)

– that Canada last year became only the fourth nation in the world to allow same-sex marriages, but that right could be scrapped after the new Conservative gover-min takes power. Conservative lea-duh Stephen Harper, who campaigned on the promise that he would allow Parliament to vote on whether to reopen the issue, said last week he “would prefer to do it sooner rather than later, but not immediately”. (Vox Populi Vox Dei in action.)

– that Jacques Chirac took a call from Canada’s newly elected prime minister, Stephen Harper, only to find he had been fooled by a pair of Montreal radio pranksters known as the ‘Masked Avengers’. But after swapping diplomatic niceties during a lengthy chat, Marc-Antoine Audette of CKOI radio let the 73-year-old Chirac in on the joke. Chirac did not react once to Audette’s outrageously thick French-Canadian accent. The two discussed Canada’s new ambassador to France using the wrong name – Richard Z Sirois – who unbeknownst to Chirac is a well-known French Canadian humorist. (This evil frog deserved this prank for all that talk about using nukes on others.)

– that the EU will not fund the ‘Palestinian’ Authority under Hamas if it does not renounce violence against Israel, Germany’s chancellor has said. Angela Merkel’s comments came after talks with interim Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert in Jerusalem. (It won’t work. The enemies of peace will simply ensure that it is their supporters who wouldn’t starve.)

– that Venezuela’s vice-president said that the U.S. senator John McCain ‘can go to hell’ for suggesting that ‘wackos’ run the South American country. (Between one ‘W’ – Warmonger – and another ‘W’ – Wacko – they should just kiss and make up.)

– that Hugo Chavez urged activists around the world to protest against U.S. dominance and the war in Iraq, saying: “Down with the U.S. empire!” Chavez made the sharp remarks while speaking to activists invited to his weekly broadcast on the final day of the World Social Forum. “Enough already with the imperialist aggression!” Chavez said, referring to U.S. military involvement in places from Iraq to Panama. “Down with the U.S. empire! It must be said, in the entire world: Down with the empire!” (* Star Wars Theme – The Imperial March plays in the background. *)

– that the Kenyan gover-min responded with outrage to an offer of modified dog food mix from a New Zealand company to help feed four million starving people. It dismissed an offer from Christine Drummond, founder of Mighty Mix, of 42 tons of the meat and seed mix. (Drummond, you can eat all the doggie food yourself.)

– that Australian soldiers are being forced to buy their own combat gear because of sub-standard issued equipment.
Leaked RODUM (Reporting on Defective or Unsatisfactory Material) reports show soldiers at the Townsville-based 1st Battalion, Royal Australian Regiment, buy their own combat vests and other equipment. (And one of these days they might just decide to be their own private army.)

– that Iran will cease cooperating with the IAEA watchdog if it refers the country’s nuclear dossier to the UN Security Council, Foreign Minister Manouchehr Mottaki said. The crisis over Iran’s nuclear ambitions deepened as Tehran signalled it would end cooperation with the UN nuclear watchdog and the U.S. warned of a miscalculation. (They are already done with
Babylon. Now it’s time to deal with Persia.)

– that Iran’s hardline President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad labelled Warmonger Bush a warmonger who should be dragged before a ‘people’s tribunal’, a day after the Warmonger called for a ‘free and democratic Iran’. “God willing, in the near future we will judge you in a people’s tribunal,” Ahmadinejad said in a speech carried live on state television. “You who support the Zionist puppet regime, you who support the destruction of Palestinian homes, you have no right to talk about liberty or human rights,” Ahmadinejad said in comments directed at Warmonger. (These two arseholes should just get in a ring and fight it out and spare us all these troubles.)

– that the Iraqi cleric who once led two uprisings against U.S. forces said Sunday that his militia would help to defend Iran if it is attacked, the official Islamic Republic News Agency reported. Muqtada al-Sadr, speaking on the sidelines of a meeting with the top Iranian nuclear negotiator, said his Mahdi Army was formed to defend Islam. “If neighboring Islamic countries, including Iran, become the target of attacks, we will support them,” al-Sadr was quoted as saying. “The Mahdi Army is beyond the Iraqi army. It was established to defend Islam.” (And he obviously never thought he will be grovelling at the feet of the Iranians when Iran dominate the region.)

– that Iraqi military officials said that they had intelligence indicating that Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, the militant lea-duh behind some of the bloodiest attacks in Iraq, is in Diyala province near Baghdad. The news came amid reports that Zarqawi, lea-duh of al-Qaeda in Iraq, was constantly prepared to be captured. (Just put the money where the mouth is and punch this beast’s ticket for good.)

– that Israel’s acting prime minister ruled out contacts with a ‘Palestinian’ gover-min led by Hamas unless the terrorist group renounces violence, and the defense minister threatened to ‘liquidate’ militants if they attack Israelis. (Contact with cobras and serpents is unwise.)

– that Hamas joins those who ask to release American citizen Jill Carroll. Hamas is against the kidnapping of innocent people, of foreigners who are guests in the Arab countries, and those who introduce humanitarian services and help for the Arab people – and for any people in general – especially when they are not interfering in internal Arab affairs. We have declared many times we are totally against kidnapping civilians.’ (The ultimate in crocodile tears. I would sooner trust a cobra.)

– that terrorist Hamas’ landslide victory in ‘Palestinian’ elections unnerved the world, darkening prospects for Mideast peace and ending four decades of rule by the corruption-riddled Fatah Party. The parliamentary victory stunned even Hamas lea-duhs, who mounted a well-organized campaign but have no experience in gover-min. (The Middle-East political equivalent of ‘the shit just hit the fan’. But the U.S. and the likes of Warmonger need such an example to let them understand why DemocraZy is really just a bad idea in some parts of the world.)

– that Hamas was under mounting pressure to renounce violence after its shock election win as Mahmud Abbas prepared to task the radical group with forming a new gover-min. The sensational victory for the terrorists has thrown prospects for Middle East peacemaking into turmoil and triggered alarm in Israel and across the world. (It’s unlikely they would give a flying damn and just bomb away.)

– that Mahmoud al-Zahar, a lea-duh of Hamas, the terrorist group that became the controlling force in ‘Palestinian’ politics, laid out a series of conditions that he said could lead to years of co-existence alongside Israel. The conditions included Israel’s retreating to its pre-1967 borders and releasing ‘Palestinian’ prisoners. (And the Jews to move back to America and Europe, right?)

– that Hamas urged the West not to slash aid as threatened after the major players in the peace process told the terroist group to renounce violence or see funding to the ‘Palestinians’ cut. The EU, Russia, UN and U.S. (known as the Middle East quartet) warned at talks in London that payments would be under threat if the winner of last week’s general election did not radically alter its principles before entering gover-min. (And I thought Hamas was made of sterner stuff? Starve, or submit. There will be no in between.)

– that Junk-chiro Konkz-umi told Warmonger Bush when they met last fall that he will go on visiting a Tokyo war shrine even if Washington asks him not to, Kyodo news agency said. (Oh really?)

– that the Japanese lea-duh also told Warmonger that visiting Yasukuni is a ‘matter of the heart’ and added that he did not understand why his visits prompted criticism from China. (Go figure out how many of those in Yakusuni really died defending Japan, and not as part of an invading force and you’ll understand, Junk. But then I would be over-estimating your logical capabilities.)

– that police in Japan have raided vehicles firm Yamaha in an inquiry into possible illegal helicopter exports to China. Twenty offices and homes were raided as police investigated whether the company exported pilot-less helicopters with possible military applications. Yamaha acknowledges selling nine of the aircraft to China, but says they could only be used for agricultural purposes. The R-MAX can be flown safely by a relatively untrained operator on the ground using a laptop computer. Around 1,600 are currently in use in Japan, primarily by farmers for crop-spraying. (They fear that the Chinese may use them to spray anthrax in downtown Tokyo?)

– that Shinzo Schizo Abe criticised China yesterday for refusing to meet Junk-ichiro Konkz-umi as a protest against his visits to a controversial war shrine. Schizo, who also visits the Yasukuni shrine and is likely to become the next premier, told Parliament that a mature country would not withhold summit meetings to exert political pressure. “I think it is clearly wrong to use the diplomatic card of refusing a meeting in order to achieve a political goal. The fact that we have issues makes it more important for us to continue talks, and that’s how mature countries should act, I think.” he said. (Then you will just have to keep waiting. China has all the time in the world.)

– that Japanese foreign minister Taro Aso Arsehole has called for Emperor Akihito to visit a controversial war shrine – a move that could enrage China and South Korea. The Yasukuni shrine, which honours 2.5m war dead, has been avoided by Japanese emperors ever since 14 top World War II criminals were enshrined there in 1978. (They should enshrine Hirohito there too. Then Akihito can go and pay respects to his father with a good excuse.)

– that Hirohito, in whose name Japanese soldiers fought and died, visited the Yasukuni shrine until 1978 when war criminals tried at an allied tribunal – including hanged war criminal Hideki Tojo – were quietly enshrined. His son Akihito has also refrained from praying there since he was enthroned in 1989, unlike Junk-ichiro Konkz-umi who has prayed at Yasukuni every year since taking office in April 2001. (Konkz and his group of warmongers can reserve a place for themselves there too.)

– that Taro Aso Arsehole backtracked on a comment urging Akihito to visit a much-criticised shrine honouring the war dead. Arsehole said he did not mean the emperor should go ‘under the current situation’. (Did Japan’s living god just give Arsehole a piece of his mind? If the Emperor is exerting his influence for the good of the Japanese people just like the Thai King, then long live the Emperor!)

– that a key aide of disgraced entrepreneur Takafumi Horie has admitted that Livedoor cooked its books during its bid to buy a baseball team that propelled its young chief to celebrity, media reports said. Former chief financial officer Ryoji Miyauchi admitted that Livedoor declared a profit of 1.4 billion yen to cover up a loss of 1 billion yen in the year ending September 2004, the reports said. (Takafumi Horie can use the Emperor’s garden and a couple of katanas.)

– that Miss Tsai Ing-wen, the former head of the China policy agency will be the next vice-premier, Taiwan’s premier-designate said – a move that may maintain Taiwan’s tough stance on China. She is believed to have shared his desire to prevent close trade and other ties with China that may lead ‘the two very homogeneous societies into unifying’ as one nation, said political analyst George Tsai of the Institute for International Relations. She is also widely seen as the chief architect of former president Lee Teng-hui’s ‘special state to state’ theory which angered Beijing. (No separatist can stop the inevitable. It might be delayed, but never stopped.)

– that Taiwan’s outgoing Premier Frank Hsieh led his cabinet ministers in an expected mass resignation, paving the way for a planned reshuffle. Mr Hsieh, whose resignation was announced last week, warned Chen Shui-bian over his China stance. He said some of Mr Chen’s hardline policies on China were not in tune with what Taiwanese people wanted. (After resignation he suddenly found his guts to speak the truth and the voice of the people.)

– that a new Cabinet led by Premier-designate Su Tseng-chang will be sworn in and is widely expected to toe President Chen Shui-bian’s tough line towards Beijing. (Puppets rarely have a mind of their own.)

– that a Malaysian policeman who filmed a woman being made to perform squats in the nude while in custody has been suspended, a report said. The emergence of the video recording late last year, which showed a naked woman performing squats with a policewoman in uniform looking on, sparked a nationwide furore over the practice. The constable, in his 30s and with some three years of service, could be sacked and taken to court, the Malay-language Mingguan Malaysia quoted an unnamed source as saying. (What took them so long? Maybe they should make him do squats and film him naked too.)

– that Malaysia will ban police searches that force people to do squats in the nude, after the practice sparked a brief diplomatic row with China last year. The move is part of a revamp of police procedures urged by an inquiry panel after pictures of a naked woman doing the exercise in a police lock-up last year sparked national outrage. Police will now be allowed only to make detainees disrobe partially before conducting searches at lock-ups. Intimate searches, if necessary, will be conducted only in hospitals by a doctor, hospital assistant or a registered nurse. The panel also recommended that the police force, which is often accused of brutality and corruption, introduce a legal code on body searches similar to the one in Singapore. (Whatever gave them the idea to implement that stupid method in the first place?)

– that Malaysia will go ahead with the replacement of its half of the Causeway without demolishing the bridge that links Singapore and Johor, officials said. The move signalled that Kuala Lumpur would not wait for Singapore’s decision on whether to rebuild the bridge on its side, to join the planned Johor bridge. It also said that the gover-min plans to call the ‘crooked bridge’ a ‘scenic bridge’ from now on. (‘Stupid bridge’ would be a better name.)

Singapore This Week

– that Ng ‘Eng Hen Eng’ accused the Workers’ Party of planting ‘time bombs’ that would destroy key pillars of Singapore’s stability and success. He identified as ‘dangerous and wrong’ four proposals by the opposition party: to scrap grassroots organisations, ethnic integration policies and the elected presidency, and to raise subsidies. (Makes no difference to me if the [s]elected president and so-called ‘grassroot’ organisations are to go. As for the matter of subsidies the question is where the money is going to come from. And as to the ethnic integration policies, I have no comments.)

– that Khaw Boon Wan criticised the Workers’ Party for wanting to do away with GRCs and the ethnic quota for buying HDB flats. Both policies, he said, were instrumental in maintaining racial harmony here. (GRC as a means of protecting racial harmony is utter crap when the number of MPs in a GRC increases because the ratio of racial minorities in the GRC cannot increase accordingly. Either they are over-represented, or under-represented however you want to look at it. For e.g. if the number of GRC MPs increase from 4 to 6, the minority representation falls from 1/4 to 1/6. If there are 2 minority members, then it increases from 1/4 to 1/3. And let me tell you that the Tali-PAP lackeys will tell you that it is the matter of ensuring that there IS still minority representation that matters. To hell with the ratio.)

– that Khaw likens WP’s four proposals – out of god knows how many unless you have read the manifesto – to poisons. “Your prescription may contain some of the right medicine or some of those which are not harmful. But if I discover that in this long list of concoctions there are three or four or whatever number of poisons that may kill the patient, I think we have a duty to point it out.” His comments came a day after Low Thia Khiang defended the four proposals in its manifesto. (What would happen if the opposition has called some of the Tali-PAP’s policies the same? Will kenna defamation suit or not ar?)

– that Baby Lee said some of the ideas in the Workers’ Party manifesto looked as if they were ‘copied’ from the PAP. But others were ‘dangerous, critical ideas which really destroy fundamental principles on which Singapore works’/ (Wah.. so serious ar? Don’t pray pray, understand?)

– that the Workers’ Party stands by its manifesto and will not back down from policy positions set out in it. But it wants to clarify the ‘misconception’ the Tali-PAP has on its proposals on multiculturalism, party chairman Sylvia Lim said. (The Tali-PAP will make it look like it’s spewed from the very mouth of the Devil no matter how you clarify.)

– that 82 year-old Lao Lee will still be contesting in the next elections. (Who actually wanted him to go? I’ll give that person a pillow to sleep earlier.)

– that the Singapore Democratic Alliance (SDA) has joined in the debate over the Workers’ Party recent manifesto. It urged the public not to be swayed by criticisms levelled by the Tali-PAP at the manifesto, saying this is an election tactic. In a statement issued by SDA Chairman Chiam See Tong, the SDA says it is not for the PAP to say that it is right, and the WP is wrong. (The Tali-PAP will always imagine that everyone else is full of shit and only they have the ideas.)

– that youths with facial piercings, tattoos and distinctive hairstyles impersonating as police officers are coercing teenagers into handing over their mobile phones. (Duh! Police officers with facial piercings? Come on! No wonder one Taiwanese politician said in China that Singaporeans are the stupidest of the lot.)

– that a Myanmar student who used hidden software to steal the user IDs and passwords of several people, before trying to use them to steal money, has been jailed for 10 months. Min Pyi Sone, 19, acquired the software Perfect Keylogger, which records the keystrokes users make on their computers, and attached it to two game files. One of his victims was a 23-year-old Myanmar student, Nyein Chan Win. Min did manage to use $2,400 from Nyein’s account to pay for a SingTel bill. (Using others money to pay for your own phone bill is about as walking around with a neon sign saying, “Look, I withdrew your money using your ATM and PIN.”)

– that foreignres should not expect to be treated any differently by Singapore courts, a judge warned as he jailed a Scottish engineer for cocaine possession. Jason Taylor, 33, was sentenced to 11 months’ jail after he was caught with a packet of cocaine by narcotics officers in a sting operation last month at an Oxley Garden apartment. The issue that prompted the judge’s remarks arose when Taylor’s lawyer, Darshan Singh, urged the court to be lenient to the Scotsman as he would be returning home after his conviction and would not pose a public risk here. District Judge Victor Yeo said he was ‘somewhat disturbed’ by the argument, adding that ‘such a contention is highly untenable and illogical’ and ‘plainly runs counter to the maxim that all individuals stand equal before the law’. It must be made ‘abundantly clear’ that the courts apply the laws of the country equally to everyone here, said the judge. “To do otherwise would result in a serious miscarriage of justice and severely erode the legitimacy of our laws.” (Long live Victor Yeo. Wished he would have added a few strokes of cane for this chow angmoh too!)

– that Taylor’s lawyer had urged the court to be lenient, arguing that his client’s family had been embarrassed by the adverse publicity. But the judge said: “To do so would lead to an incongruous conclusion that an offender, whose case is widely reported in the media, ought to receive a more lenient sentence than one whose case is not covered by the media at all.” He also dismissed the lawyer’s mitigation plea that Taylor turned to drugs because of stress. He said: “The implications would be unthinkable if the courts were to treat offenders who turn to illicit drugs to cope with the stresses of life more leniently…it may be construed as a licence to resort to illicit drugs whenever one experiences stress.” (And then a rapist would be arguing that he raped someone’s wife to cope with his stress too.)

– that the police is warning last-minute Chinese New Year shoppers to be on the lookout for pickpockets. Two women had money stolen in similar fashion when the sides of their handbags were slashed and money taken. One woman was targeted at the Tampines wet market. The other had her wallet stolen on the second level of Albert Centre, in Queen Street. (My mother lost her wallet in Toa Payoh Central to these bastards. I promised myself whoever I catch for picking pockets – or handphone thief – I will smash his face in…)

– that someone called TANG LI wrote: “It is time someone demonstrated the value that the elderly have in society and Mr Lee, 82, has just shown that age is no barrier to contributing to society. … Mr Lee is a shining example of how the old can add to the community. He is at an age when most would be taking it easy. Instead, he has chosen to continue with the hectic schedule of a Cabinet minister. Why should he? Cynics might argue that he simply doesn’t know how to let go of the limelight. I believe otherwise.” (Come back with a more convincing example and cut the ‘lackey-ing’.)

– that she also wrote: “Unfortunately we have become so obsessed with youth that we have forgotten about those who can no longer be described as young. Age discrimination has become rife; we have reached the stage where we view anyone over 45 as lacking the energy to add value in today’s environment.” (Ahh.. there’s actually some truths in all that apple polishing. In reality, over 30 and you can start praying you don’t lose your job.)

Trivial, Jokes and Thoughts from Discussions

– that Rapper 50 Cent is being sued by the ex-frontman of rap group 2 Live Crew for allegedly stealing a line for his 2003 hit single In Da Club. Luther Campbell filed a claim at Miami Federal Court that 50 Cent used the opening line of Campbell’s song It’s Your Birthday, changing just one word. Campbell’s lawyer said that in In Da Club, ‘Sheila’ becomes ‘shorty’ in the line ‘Go shorty, it’s your birthday.’ (So if you say, ‘Go Sheila, it’s your stupidity’ you are liable to be sued for changing the word ‘birthday’ to ‘stupidity’ too. Right. Sue me, shitheads.)

– that a coalition of tech companies, consumer groups and other organizations hopes to do to companies that spread spyware and adware what ‘America’s Most Wanted’ has done to fugitives–stop them in their tracks by publicizing their misdeeds. The newly formed Stop Badware Coalition will publish the names of companies that it deems are the worst offenders and show how they make money through unethical marketing practices and fraud. Joining the coalition are search giant Google, PC maker Lenovo, Sun Microsystems, Consumer Reports’ WebWatch project, the Berkman Center for Internet & Society at Harvard Law School and the Oxford Internet Institute in England. Internet pioneer Vint Cerf, now Google’s chief Internet evangelist, and Esther Dyson, an investor and editor of Release 1.0, are among the advisors to the group. (About damned time they define what ‘badware’ is, and then go after the criminals who made them.)

– that Google said it would launch versions of its search and news Web sites in China that censor material deemed objectionable to authorities there, reasoning that users getting limited access to content was better than none. The new local Google site, expected to be launchedat Google.cn, will include notes at the bottom of results pages that disclose when content has been removed, said Andrew McLaughlin, senior policy counsel for Google. (Like all businessmen, they all know, business is business. And so much for that crap about ‘Freedom of Expression’, which even the Bush Regime obviously does not believe in these days.>

– that lawyers for a small-town Italian parish priest have been ordered to appear in court after the Roman Catholic cleric was accused of unlawfully asserting what many people take for granted: that Jesus Christ existed. The Reverend Enrico Righi was named in a 2002 complaint filed by Luigi Cascioli after Rev Righi wrote in a parish bulletin that Jesus did indeed exist, and that he was born of a couple named Mary and Joseph in Bethlehem and lived in Nazareth. Mr Cascioli, a lifelong atheist, claims that Rev Righi violated two Italian laws by making the assertion: so-called ‘abuse of popular belief’ in which someone fraudulently deceives people; and ‘impersonation’ in which someone gains by attributing a false name to someone. (Tell that to the millions of people who experiences a miracle by calling on Jesus Christ everyday.)

– that the USS Ronald Reagan can single-handedly take on a nation’s armed forces but met its match in Moreton Bay’s jellyfish. The slimy invertebrates were being sucked into the 97,000 tonne ship at such a rate generators were constantly switched over and local fire crews placed on stand-by as the creatures disabled full on-board capacities. (Coming up next in China’s secret arsenal… the YL-1A ‘Shui Mu’ [水母] Organic Torpedo.)

-that a friend, who was helping out with the packing in a church’s charity organisation doing charity work in the Riau Islands, noted that many people donate away stuff that they don’t need. (Might as well sell it to the garung guni and take back some money. Giving away stuff you don’t need is not charity. )

– that one such example of things they don’t need, is a keychain. (The houses there don’t even have doors for starters. Even doing charity, some people can still simply just go through the motion.)

– that one of her co-workers admonished her for not packing the keychain in, despite being asked what use would a keychain be to the people in Riau. She was told that the people there can still use it as decoration. (Some people need a lesson on Maslow’s hierarchy of needs.)

– that they insist on giving shoes to the people there because they have existing stock of shoes. It doesn’t matter that the people there do not understand the concept of fitting and a lot end up squeezing their oversize feet into undersized shoes, resulting in blisters. In the end, they end up going there treating the blisters. (Some people never heard of slippers? Meet the needs, not give away ex-stock that has become a logistic problem.)