Insane Utterances of the Week:
钱无法买到快乐和健康。但某种程度上至少能麻醉痛苦。

Mid-Life Crisis: When you are qualified for the job, employers found you too old. And when they don’t mind your age, you just find so much requirements on the list, and you just do not have what it takes to do the job.

The Stupid Shitty-Porean Award

– that a housewife was sentenced to two weeks’ jail for ordering her maid out onto a ledge to hang the laundry, resulting in the 22-year-old Indonesian plunging eight floors to her death. The court rejected Ngu Mei Mei’s contention that it was her mother-in-law, not her, who wanted the clothes hung out on the ledge. (The judge is wise.)

The World This Week

– that Warmonger Bush said he understands why the nation he has led for five years has become more anxious, and he urged people to have confidence in him. Bush maintained his optimistic message in a lengthy speech at the Grand Ole Opry House that was designed to build momentum from the previous night’s State of the Union address. But in a rare acknowledgment of the troubled times on his watch, he tried to show empathy with the public’s worries. (Do something about the deficits, man.)

– that U.S. politicians and rights groups have condemned technology giants Google, Microsoft, Cisco, and Yahoo for collaborating with China to censor the Internet. In a briefing by the Congressional Human Rights Caucus, the four U.S. companies were accused of putting profits before principles in their push into the Chinese market. “They should not let profits take precedence over traditional democratic values such as freedom of speech,” said Representative Tim Ryan, who led the briefing. (Companies should a apolitical. All this about freedom of speech is but a load of politicking bull.)

– that Warmonger’s 2007 budget seeks a nearly 5% increase in Defense Department spending, to $439.3 billion, with significantly more money for weapons programs, according to senior Pentagon officials and documents obtained by The Associated Press. (So much for balancing the budget and trimming the deficits.)

– that the Bush administration Regime defended a domestic spying program, saying it was tightly targeted only at people suspected of having ties to al Qaeda, but a Republican senator who is to lead hearings on it said he believes the White House acted outside the law. (Too bad you got eavesdropped upon even if you are not Al Qaeda.)

– that U.S. Attorney General Alberto Gonzales insisted to skeptical lawmakers that monitoring Americans’ phone calls and email messages without a warrant was a necessary part of the ‘war on terror’. The secret gover-min program has provoked a storm of opposition, but Gonzales refused to tell the Senate Judiciary Committee whether the eavesdropping had led to charges or other results. Warminger Bush authorized the domestic spying without the usual court warrants after the September 11, 2001 attacks. (The question is what’s there to stop shitheads like him from eavesdropping on everyone using that as an excuse!)

– that a heroin-smuggling ring in Colombia surgically implanted drugs inside Labrador puppies that were then sent to the U.S., according to police. Authorities in Colombia found six labrador puppies ready to be shipped to the U.S. They had been opened up and 14 packages of liquid heroin, each weighing 3kg, had been inserted. The smugglers had let the puppies’ fur grow to cover the scars then readied them for export. Three died from infections contracted during the surgery. (The perpetrators of this heinous crime should be drowned in their own urine.)

– that Donald Rumsfool likened Chavez’s rise to power to that of Adolf Hitler. Chavez shot back, “The imperialist elite of the United States put Hitler in power, armed Saddam Hussein so he could attack the Islamic revolution of Iran, armed Bin Laden to fight the USSR, enabled the grand dictators that attacked the peoples of Latin America for a hundred years.” (Hopefully, Chavez’s got more balls than Saddam when the U.S. come to get him.)

– that newspapers across Europe have reprinted caricatures of the Prophet Muhammad to show support for a Danish paper whose cartoons have sparked Muslim outrage. Seven publications in France, Germany, the Netherlands, Italy and Spain all carried some of the drawings. (Reproduce it in Singapore and you probably get slapped with sedition charges.)

– that the furore in the Muslim world over the publication of cartoons of the Prophet Mohammed in Western media raged on as a battle line was drawn between freedom of the press and respect for Islam. (Why expect respect from the kafir?)

– that the rising tide of anger in the ‘Palestinian’ territories over the publication of cartoons of Prophet Mohammed took a sinister turn with growing threats against European targets. Gunmen in the West Bank briefly detained a German national amid the Muslim furore over the cartoons, some of which depicted the prophet as a terrorist. (Taking it out on those innocent is always all so easy.)

– that Spain’s leading newspaper El Pais became part of a growing international row by publishing a cartoon of the Prophet Mohammad on its front page. Newspapers in France, Germany, Spain, Switzerland and Hungary have reprinted caricatures originally published in Denmark, arguing that press freedom is more important than the protests and boycotts they have provoked. Muslims consider any images of Mohammad to be blasphemous. (So whatever happen to social responsibilities? Is that NOT anymore important than ‘press freedom’? And if the press has the ‘freedom to offend’, then why deny the Muslims the ‘freedom of expressing anger’, even violently?)

– that in Teheran veteran revolutionary cleric Akbar Hashemi Rafsanjani condemned the European press, but urged the faithful to respond calmly. “We need to put forward our calm and compassionate side, our gentleness. It is enough to look at the Koran,” he said. (Now here’s someone who is actually talking sense. And hopefully he’s not saying one thing in public and doing something else in private.)

– that contrary to conventional wisdom, depictions of Prophet Muhammad as well as lesser Muslim prophets are carried in the Islamic world. Persian artists painted images of Prophet Muhammad centuries ago. Prophet Muhammad, however, is sometimes portrayed with light shining from where his face would be, or as a boy before he assumed his religious mission. (What’s the point here? Non of these were disrecpectful, degrading and offensive to anybody.)

– that a Muslim demonstrator who imitated a suicide bomber in London to protest over cartoons satirising the Prophet Muhammad is a convicted drug dealer. Khayam has apologised to those affected by the 7 July bombs, saying his protest was as ‘insensitive’ as the cartoons. (That’s the same realization that the irresponsible papers which published that crap has yet to come to.)

– that terrorist cleric Abu Hamza al-Masri has been found guilty by a London jury on 11 terror-related charges, including inciting murder and fomenting racial hatred. He has been sentenced to seven years in prison after being found guilty on 11 terror-related charges, including soliciting murder and inciting racial hatred. (Just seven years? What about a gag order on him for life? Or maybe there’s some obscure law that requires the removal of his tongue?)

– that France is prepared to take back asbestos from a decommissioned warship that is headed for an Indian ship-breaking yard. French Ambassador to India Dominique Gerard says it is willing to take the step if that is what India decides. Greenpeace says the ship, the Clemenceau, is carrying hundreds of tonnes of asbestos and should not be allowed to reach its
destination. (Why the evil frogs didn’t simply dismantle the entire thing themselves is obvious.)

– that Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi has said that his reported promise to abstain from sex until the April 9 general election was just a joke. “It was a joke,” he said during a talk show on state-run TV. “We were laughing, joking. I don’t abstain at all.” He added that ‘moderation’ was necessary ‘since I have so many commitments’. This was in response to an Italian daily report that Mr Berlusconi made the no-sex vow during a campaign rally in Cagliari on the island of Sardinia, with a popular TV preacher and his followers. (Did he just figured out that it isn’t worth it to abstain that long?)

– that an atheist who sued a small-town priest for saying that Jesus Christ existed has had his case thrown out of court. The judge said Luigi Cascioli should himself face charges for slandering Father Enrico Righi. Cascioli sued Father Righi in 2002 after the priest attacked him in print for casting doubt on the legitimacy of the Christian gospels. The atheist contends that Christianity relies on purely anecdotal evidence. Cascioli, 76, was once a trainee priest, but drifted away from the Church and has spent much of his life as a committed atheist and anti-religion campaigner. (Good judges like this one, with common sense, are hard to come by.)

– that the U.S. urged NATO to play a bigger role in helping peacekeeping efforts in Sudan’s conflict-ridden Darfur region amid reports of daily cross-border raids by gover-min backed militias into neighbouring Chad. Robert Zoellick, the U.S. deputy secretary of state, said NATO could offer more logistics, intelligence and planning assistance to the 7,000-strong African Union (AU) peacekeeping mission in Darfur, including the deployment of a small number of experts on the ground. (Darfur got no oil is it?)

– that an official close to ‘Palestinian’ President Mahmoud Abbas denied a report from Egypt that Hamas would have to recognize Israel to join the next gover-min. But the official, who declined to be identified, said the president would insist the new gover-min commit to implementing past agreements with Israel. (He also realise that he doesn’t have much bargaining chips to push it too far.)

– that Mahmoud Abbas and Egypt took a tough line with Hamas, saying it must renounce violence and recognize Israel if it wants to form the next ‘Palestinian’ gover-min. Hamas, which has spearheaded a wave of bloody attacks against Israel in recent years and defeated Abbas’s Fatah in parliamentary elections last week, turned down the demands but said it was willing to discuss the option of a truce. (Flip-flopping must be a necessary skill for politicians. And a truce with Hamas is about as good as commit suicide with mild poison.)

– that Hamas deserves to be recognized by the international community, and despite the group’s militant history, there is a chance the soon-to-be ‘Palestinian’ lea-duhs could turn away from violence, Jimmy Carter said. Carter, who monitored the ‘Palestinian’ elections in which Hamas handily toppled the ruling Fatah, added that the U.S. should not cut off aid to the ‘Palestinian’ people, but rather funnel it through third parties like the U.N. (Read: Trust that the cobra will soon stop using its poisoned fangs and allow someone else to feed it.)

– that the World Bank warned of a looming financial crisis for the ‘Palestinian’ Authority brought on by a ballooning wage bill as Israel snubbed U.S. calls to unblock funds owed to its neighbours. The World Bank report underlined the implications for a Hamas-led gover-min if Western powers curtailed aid payments by detailing how nearly half of an 800 million dollar budget deficit last year was financed by foreign donors. (Hamas claims to do the work of God. Let them ask God for the money.)

– that Shimon Peres, one of Israel’s elder statesmen, issued a scathing attack on Hamas, claiming the terrorists would never compromise after its stunning victory in ‘Palestinian’ parliamentary elections. Mr Peres, a Nobel peace prize winner who was a prime architect of the mutual recognition between Israel and Yasser Arafat’s PLO in 1993, said Hamas lea-duhs saw themselves as ‘messengers of heaven’ and would not compromise in any talks. (Prophetic. Almost.)

– that Peres was speaking as it appeared the Islamic world would come to the rescue of the ‘Palestinian’ Authority under Hamas, with Saudi Arabia in talks about providing more than £670 million to replace aid currently given by the EU and U.S. (We all know where the head of the serpent lies. In Riyadh.)

– that Hamas could agree to a ‘long-term truce’ with Israel only if it is willing to return to the 1967 borders and recognise the rights of ‘Palestinians’ to self-determination, its exiled lea-duh Khaled Meshaal told BBC radio. (How does someone agree to a ‘long-term truce’ with something they don’t recognise in the first place? Wanna buy time thru lying also use some brains lah.)

– that one hundred militants have enlisted to become suicide bombers in Afghanistan since the appearance of ‘blasphemous’ cartoons of Prophet Mohammed, a top Taliban commander said. Mullah Dadullah, one of the Taliban’s most senior military commanders, said that his Islamic extremist group had also offered a reward of 100 kilograms of gold to anyone who killed people responsible for the drawings. (Ironic. It is these clowns and the crimes they perpetuate that gave the pervert cartoonists the impetus and inspiration for their diabolical cartoons.)

– that reports that whale meat is being sold as dog food in Japan shows the industry there is desperately trying to stay afloat, Greenpeace Australia says. Greenpeace says whaling in the Southern Ocean would end if Japan cut subsidies to the industry because it was not commercially viable. The environmental group’s CEO Steve Shallhorn said gover-min subsidies kept the whaling industry, which was seen as representing Japanese tradition and culture, afloat despite poor demand for the meat. “We know there are tonnes and tonnes of whale meat in frozen storage all around Japan, and we know the price of whale meat is at an all time low,” he said. “The Japanese whaling industry is trying, but failing, to promote to people to eat whale meat, so it seems now they are pushing it upon the nation of dogs. I think it’s a desperate move.” (Dogs would eat whale because they don’t know better. But for those who knew better and yet eat it, what does that make them?)

– that Japan has enticed children with whale burger school lunches, sung the praises of whale meat in colourful pamphlets and declared whale hunting ‘a national heritage’. (Oh really? Didn’t know they were doing that near Australia since the dawn of time.)

– that the country has been caught in a dilemma: by rapidly expanding its much-criticised whaling programme, Japan now kills far more of the mammals than its consumers care to eat. The result is an unprecedented glut. Prices are plunging, inventories are full and promoters are scrambling to find new ways to get Japanese to eat whale. (So much for scientific research. It’s time to expose Japanese lies by demanding that they publish findings from all that ‘research’ they have done on EVERY whale killed.)

– that Japan does not regard China as a threat, the Japanese gover-min said. It said in a position paper, approved by the Cabinet, that it ‘does not think China has the intention to invade Japan’. It said a threat becomes actual only if a country’s capabilities to invade another are combined with an intention to invade, Kyodo news agency said. (China only becomes a threat when one decides to make it one.)

– that the view in the paper appears to represent a departure from a remark made by Japan’s foreign minister. “It’s a neighboring country with nuclear bombs, and its military expenditure has been on the rise for 12 years. It’s beginning to pose a considerable threat,” Mr Taro Aso Arsehole told a news conference in Tokyo. (Paranoid schizoprenia is a serious mental disorder.)

– that Taro Arsehole has said it is thanks to Japan’s colonisation that Taiwan has such high education standards today. His comments drew strong condemnation from China, which said the occupation ‘was an evil aspect of the Japanese militaristic invasion against China’. Arsehole said he believed Japan ‘did a good thing’ to Taiwan during its occupation from 1895 to 1945, citing the compulsory education system. “Thanks to the significant improvement in education standards and literacy (during colonisation), Taiwan is now a country with a very high education level and keeps up with the current era,” the Kyodo news agency quoted Arsehole as telling an audience in the city of Fukuoka. (Shameless. Someone should rape his daughter – if he has one – and then when she gives birth to a kid, shamelessly claims, “See? I did you some good. Now at least you have a grandchild.”)

– that Junk-ichiro Konkz-umi has indicated he may no longer speed a bill through parliament to allow female royal succession. Konkz-umi’s slower approach came one day after the news that Princess Kiko was pregnant, raising hopes a male heir may yet be born into the royal family. “I want to proceed cautiously so as not to make this a political tool,” Mr Konkz-umi said of the controversial bill. The bill was first proposed because no male royal has been born for 40 years. (Should just simply call for a referundum to abolish the monarchy.)

– that police in Hong Kong said yesterday that they are hunting a team of grave robbers who, media reports claim, raided the tomb of the wife of Asia’s richest man, Mr Li Ka Shing. Four men armed with what appeared to be guns and knives tied up two attendants at a Buddhist cemetery on the main island and removed the tombstone from the grave of Mrs Li Chong Yuet Ming, reports said. An air gun, three knives, an electric drill and other electrical equipment were found at the scene after the attendants managed to free themselves and call police hours later. Fortunately, the interred remains had not been disturbed. (There’s a Chinese curse that suits these criminals perfectly: 绝子绝孙。 [Translation: To have no sons and descendants.])

– that Chen Shui-bian has threatened to break a promise made in his inaugural speeches, saying that he is considering scrapping guidelines on reunification with China and the body that created them. Mr Chen made his remarks when he was giving out hongbao to mark the Chinese New Year in his hometown of Tainan. (The value of this person’s promise is worth far lesser than the paper it’s written on, and expires as quickly as the words are spoken.)

– that China condemned Chen Shui-bian’s plan to scrap 15-year-old official guidelines on unification, calling him a ‘troublemaker’ and ‘saboteur’ of peace and stability in Asia. Chen, seeking to shake off Beijing’s claim of sovereignty over self-ruled Taiwan, said that it was time to consider scrapping the island’s National Unification Council and its guidelines on unification with the mainland. (It is also time to consider scrapping the presidency and have a parliamentary system in Taiwan instead.)

– that the U.S. has rebuked Chen Shui-bian, warning him not to take actions that might precipitate unrest in the region. In an extraordinary move, Washington issued a statement reasserting that its policy towards Taiwan is governed by the one-China principle, the Taiwan Relations Act as well as the three US-China Joint Communiques. For the U.S., a real problem would be the abolition of the one-China principle, along with the other moves that Chen had threatened, such as revising Taiwan’s Constitution and holding a referendum on the new version next year. Washington has reacted furiously to these proposals, calling them ‘inflammatory’ and liable to upset the delicate relationships between China, Taiwan and the US. (The following Chinese term describes Chen perfectly: 不识时务。 [Translation: Failure to recognise the situation / Failure to understand the times.])

– that Chen has also come under fire from his own ruling party. “Why does our lea-duh keep getting humiliated publicly on the international stage?” DPP legislator Lin Cho-shui was quoted by the United Daily News as saying. While Mr Lin, a veteran lawmaker known for supporting independence for Taiwan, said he supported Chen’s idea, he also said that Taiwan’s policy ‘should be better planned with a long-term perspective’ in order to avoid it being stymied internationally. (Lin obviously hasn’t figure out that the entire Chen presidency is just a bad political soap opera that has gone on for too long.)

– that Indonesia’s president called on the media to draw a lesson from the publication of cartoons that have sparked Muslim protests worldwide, saying freedom of the press was not absolute. Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono, lea-duh of the world’s most populous Islamic nation, also said he ‘can comprehend’ strong reaction from Muslims following the publication of caricatures of the Prophet Mohammad in a Danish newspaper. (What I ‘cannot comprehend’ is that Muslims were far weaker in their reaction to those who hijack their religion as a political mean to serve their own political ends.)

– that the action taken by Malaysian police to shave a group of men bald after they were caught playing mahjong at a coffeeshop during Chinese New Year has triggered widespread criticism, including from politicians and human rights groups. (New slogan for the Lunar New Year: Malaysia Botak!)

Singapore This Week

– that visiting Britain after the July bombings in London last year has convinced Dr Yaacob Ibrahim, the Minister-in-charge of Muslim Affairs, that teachers of Islam are a key force in the battle against extremism. And it boils down largely to ensuring that the true teachers correct – and not ignore – false preachers. (And discredit the charlatans too.)

– that Singapore’s office workers are playing at work – and making up for it by working at home. A study by the NUS Business School last year found that the average employee spends almost 3.2 hours a week surfing the Internet, sending e-mail to friends, chatting online and even playing online games during office hours. This can add up to almost 20 working days a year, based on an eight-hour workday. (They need a network administrator from hell.)

– that to make sure their tasks are completed, employees make up for it by working online from home for an average of 4.5 hours a week, the same study found. That adds up to 28 working days a year. (On second thoughts, they are already punished. Poetic.)

– that using the company’s Internet access for personal purposes during work hours, or cyberloafing, has become one of the top distractions at work, overtaking traditional time-frittering activities like socialising in the office pantry and running errands. (The Internet is for porn… grab your d**k and double click… For Porn Porn Porn… Wahahaha… Don’t look at me!! This is from a Google video.)

– that Singapore youths are still downloading or copying songs for free. A recent survey by the Singapore Polytechnic shows only 5% paid for the songs they downloaded from the Internet, while 61% did not. The majority admit they get their songs for free by downloading them or copying them from friends. (What else is new?)

– that if you see a sexily-clad sweet young thing riding a bright red scooter zipping by your local coffee shop or wet market, she’s just one of several sexual health investigators who, starting this coming Valentine’s Day, will be going deep into the heartlands on Vespa scooters to conduct a year-long sex survey. The study – which will poll 5,000 Singaporeans on areas like the quality of their sex life and views on unprotected sex – is the brainchild of Singapore’s resident sex guru, Dr Wei Siang Yu. (It won’t be surprise that the survey discovered that some actually have a good quality sex life. Just not with their wives.)

– that in one of the most glaring lapses spotted at a gover-min agency, the CPF Board failed to pay $7.4 million in insurance claims to the dependants of 216 members who died. The board explained that the error arose because a wrong method was used to identify whether a dead member’s insurance policies, under the Dependants’ Protection and Home Protection schemes, were still valid. As a result, it had used the date of the report of the death rather than the actual date of death to verify the validity of the policies. (Really doesn’t matter. Can the CPF Board also pay the accrued interest resulting from the lapse to the dependents?)

– that it took more than two years before the families of 108 deceased members were compensated, with 43 of them having to wait more than eight years. In 15 of the unpaid claims, the policies of dead members were automatically renewed and premiums deducted from their CPF accounts even after their deaths. (ICA computer never tie down with CPF? How come change address change at police station using this thing called OSCAR, CPF will know but when person ‘mati’ CPF Board doesn’t know?)

– that a NG TZE YIK wrote to the Stooge Times forum on the matter of ‘students waking up too early to go to school’ and asked if Singaporean parents are pampering the kids too much. (The man is right on man! Back in my days I also wake up around same time and take bus to school why no one say I waking up too early? Play less xbox and computer games and sleep earlier then sure will have enough sleep lor.)

– that on follow-up, a MS JOANNA TEH HUIYING asked, “So why do parents blame the system for their children’s lack of sleep time when their children choose to sleep late? I hope Singaporean parents will limit their children’s ‘playtime’, not only to teach them the importance of time management, but also to get their priorities straight.” (As Jacky Chan has pointed out, some parents are entirely incapable of parenting.)

Trivial, Jokes and Thoughts from Discussions

– that Xiasuay has come under fire for accusing foreign workers of molestation at the Christmas Eve and New Year’s Eve street parties in Orchard Road. She said in a Dec 28 posting that foreign workers are ‘usually the ones’ to molest ‘because they are not in their own country, and they think they can get away with it’. (Singaporean males no ti-koh peh is it? Xiasuay should go stand at any Geylang lorongs from 8 to 14, for just 5 minutes one evening, to find out.)

– that Xiasuay had specified the nationality of the foreign workers in an earlier entry, but replaced it with a general term after she was lambasted online. She also wrote: “So yes, I don’t like our foreign workers, whatever race they are – but you know the kind we all dislike the most.” The Internet community condemned the posts as ‘racist’, ‘irresponsible’ and ‘insensitive’. Some called for her blog, which attracts over 20,000 visitors daily – mostly teens – to be shut down. (About damn time they put an end to the garbage she’s spewing online anyway.)

– that ‘genius’ MS SUZANA JORAMI wrote to the ST Online Forum and asked “Why does McDonald’s at East Coast Parkway allow dogs on its premises?” simple because McDonald’s East Coast Parkway has a lot of customers dining at the restaurant with their dogs as it is near the beach where the owners walk their dogs. (Here’s a joke, and no offense intended: “This is the year of the dog. So this year give some priviledges to dogs.”)

– that she said dogs should not be allowed at the restaurant as McDonald’s is a halal fast-food joint and Muslims are not allowed to come into contact with dogs. (1. She can avoid that by not going to that McDonald’s. 2. Halal food simply means that the food is prepared in a way acceptable to Muslim. 3. You can still honour your God by being pro-active, not reactive. Granted that the pet owner was inconsiderate and insensitive. But if the animal isn’t leaving, you can, even though you have all the blasted right in the universe to demand that the owner and the animal do so. It seems to me that tolerance for Ms Suzana only goes ONE WAY.)

– that kung-Fu star Jackie Chan says he is dismayed by the rising number of parents who spoil their children – something he said he noticed on the set of his latest movie, Project BB, in Hong Kong. (Maybe Jacky ought to give these parents a good spanking they will never forget. Or we can make robots in Jacky’s image to spank those little tyrants.)

– that Britney Spears has defended holding her baby son on her lap while driving, saying she was trying to escape the paparazzi. She described the car incident as a ‘horrifying, frightful encounter’. She said she had been scared for her son after a recent incident when she was ‘trapped in my car without my baby by a throng of paparazzi’. (Get some pointers from Michael ‘Wacko’ Jackson on how to remain incognito, Smears. For e.g. Walk around town dressed up in a burqha or something like that.)

– that Madonna’s performance was struck from Malaysia’s television broadcast of the Grammy Awards because her skimpy outfit and steamy dance moves were too risque for audiences in the Muslim-majority nation, a network official has said. (It’s not great loss. She’s a has-been that’s not worth watching anyway.)

– that Brad Pitt wants a big homosexual movie role. The Hollywood hottie has been wowed by the success of ‘Brokeback Mountain’ and wants to find a script which will portray the ultimate homosexual love story. An insider said: “He wants it to be a story that appeals to both men and women and he wants it to be the edgiest work he’s done.” (That’s easy. Just dump Jolie, and be a real life homosexual. Then marry Elton John. And how you get to marry Elton, Mr Pitt, would be the story itself. I am quite sure it’s gonna sell.)