WARNING: Opinions expressed in this post WILL BE offensive to some.

A friend showed me a petition on “No To Rape” addressed to our Prime Mini$ter.

The intention behind this is certainly noble, and indeed I am against men with a high sex drive treating their wives like an object to vent their lust. However, in view of the protection granted to women under the Woman’s Charter, the repeal of Section 375(4) in particular would put all married men in Singapore at a complete disadvantage. It’s repeal would be the equivalent of the complete capitulation of men in Singapore to women. It will leave all married men in Singapore completely vulnerable.

First of all, consider the possibility of a wife, after having sex with her husband, then turns around and accuses him of rape. Next, consider the scenario of a man who is denied sex by his wife for long periods. What avenue does a man have to satisfy his desires? Go to a prostitute? Keep a mistress? Or have a tryst with some other female companion? The main problem is, if he is caught by his wife, she can then file for divorce under the grounds of adultery. And guess what is going to happen to the poor man under the Woman’s Charter? In the worse case scenario, he could easily lose half his wealth.

So what can a man really do when the wife denies him sex? He can’t get it outside so he’s left with doing it himself. But another friend told me that a woman can actually accuse her husband for ’emotional torture’ if she catches him watching pornography and masturbating. The best part is that this can also be grounds for divorce!

While it is true that a husband can also file for divorce on the grounds that his wife refuses to consummate the marriage, the wife’s lawyer will then portray him as a inconsiderate sex crazed demon, since the wife has to work and have other ‘wifey duties’ to perform too. It doesn’t matter whether the man may have just asked for it once a week, month, quarter or year at all. After all, there is nothing to justify how much sex is excessive!

In fact, someone (I believe it was a particular Dana Lam) who said this ‘rape is the violent cover up for men’s inadequacies’. A logical question to that remark would be how much sex and what manner of sex would then be considered adequate just so men will not to resort to rape to cover it up? Perhaps Dana and women like her should agree on that and have the specifics stick into some law themselves and have the men abide by it. Indeed, the women, and not the men should be doing that, because a blog post on “No To Rape” lambasted President Kazai of Afghanistan for ‘entitling men to sexual access to their wives bodies every four days’ as legalising legal rape.

So consider this, there is now no legal grounds left for the man to actually obtain sex from his wife! Meantime, the dire consequences as a result of the Woman’s Charter, places the ‘alternatives’ of obtaining sex elsewhere undesirable. Even jerking off in your own study room to a porn movie or in the toilet can be grounds for divorce. What’s there left for married men in Singapore except the misery of a ‘sexual desert’?

I am NOT for marital rape nor am I trying to protect those who commits marital rape. To be frank, I am single so this probably doesn’t affect me now, even though it might possibly affect me later should I choose to get married. In fact, had there not been laws that already created a prior imbalance (as a result of the Woman’s Charter) I would be all for the petition. A pastor once said to us wife beaters are demon possessed – a husband gotta be beating his wife before he rapes her – and I am all for punishing them.

However, with the Woman’s Charter in place, any man who is invited to sign this petition should hold their horses. A man should take some time to consider the prevailing conditions, really understand what he is signing up for, and think really hard how that is going to impact him later.

Remember, these days it is not always the husband that is abusive and unless a more comprehensive, gender-neutral laws against marital violence is written, the repeal will place every married man in Singapore (not just Singaporeans) at a disadvantage. Signing this petition under the prevailing conditions is almost akin to an unconditional surrender. Should you sign it, your only alternative maybe to leave Singapore forever, just so you don’t end up on the business end of such laws.

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