The Ugly Singaporean Award

– that a 46-year-old male beast, obsessed with oral sex, had abused the young daughter of his friend since she was five years old. Facing 11 charges, the former driver – who cannot be named to protect the identity of his two young daughters – was sentenced to 21 years in jail and eight strokes of the cane for repeatedly making the girl he was babysitting perform oral sex on him. (This is another one CJ Yong should do something about.)

The World This Week

– that Florida businesses could soon face criminal charges if they try to stop employees from bringing guns to work in their cars, thrusting the state into a growing national debate pitting individual freedom against job safety. Backed by the National Rifle Association, two state lawmakers have filed bills that would allow workers to have guns at work, as long as the weapons remain locked in their vehicles. (And what’s there to stop them from taking the guns out of their cars?)

– that Warmonger Bush allegedly said God told him to invade Iraq and Afghanistan, a new BBC documentary will reveal, according to details. Warmonger made the claim when he met ‘Palestinian’ lea-duh Mahmud Abbas and then foreign minister Nabil Shaath in June 2003, the ministers told the documentary series to be broadcast in Britain later this month. (George, did God really say that? See a psychiatrist!)

– that the White House has denied that Warmonger Bush said God told him to invade Iraq and Afghanistan, as a new BBC documentary is expected to reveal. “That’s absurd. He’s never made such comments,” White House spokesman Scott McClellan said. (Even if he did it wouldn’t be to his advantage to admit. But I wouldn’t trust the guys who said Bush said what he said.)

– that a new survey of Muslim students in Britain shows 10% would not inform police if they knew of a fellow Muslim planning a terrorist attack. While 72% said they would inform police right away, some said they ‘would never grass on a Muslim’, according to the poll of 466 students by the Federation of Student Islamic Societies. (There’s something called the sin of omission. Well, probably those 10% has never heard of such a concept.)

– that attacks on a executive’s home and a university show animal rights extremists are growing more violent, a scientists’ group says. Tougher laws had driven a ‘hardcore minority’ to tactics such as arson, the Research Defence Society (RDS) says. It comes after activists admitted firebombing the Bucks home of a Glaxosmithkline executive and a Corpus Christi College, Oxford, building. (Fight for animal rights, yes. But anyone who put animal rights about that of other fellow humans is unworthy to be a member of the human race.)

– that Islamic groups and civil libertarians said the Australia’s new counter-terrorism laws were dangerous, and expressed fears they would be used to attack Muslims. Terrorism suspects will be detained for up to two weeks without charge, and law enforcement agencies will be given extra tracking powers under tough new measures agreed upon. (In Singapore they can detain you indefinitely without charge, so stop whining already!)

– that Australia pressed the Indonesian gover-min to outlaw the terrorist group blamed for the Bali bombings and protested a possible cut in the jail sentence imposed on the group’s alleged ‘spiritual’ lea-duh. Alexander Downer will travel to Indonesia to lobby the gover-min to ban the terrorist group Jemaah Islamiyah (JI) following the latest Bali attacks, John Coward announced. (What are the Indonesians waiting for before they would do the correct thing?)

– that police in northwestern Pakistan have launched an inquiry after complaints about two dead women being declared elected in a local election held recently, election officials said. The women, one of whom died 13 years ago, were elected as councilors in the Upper Dir district in the North West Frontier Province, according to the News daily newspaper. The other woman died three years ago. (Maybe they thought they were electing their representatives in paradise.)

– that Junk-ichiro Konkz-umi said he disagreed with a court ruling that his visits to a controversial war shrine were unconstitutional. “I do not think my visits to Yasukuni shrine violate the constitution,” Konkz-umi said in parliament after a high court in western Japan said the visits contravened the constitutional separation of politics and religion. “It was not like I have made my pilgrimages as part of the prime minister’s official duties. I have paid homage to express my grief over people killed in war and pledge not to cause that kind of war again.” (What’s there to grief about when most of these died invading someone else’s country? Go to the victim countries and express some real grief, Konkz.)

– that Taiwan protested to Internet powerhouse Google for naming the island a province of China in its map section. Foreign ministry spokesman Michel Lu said he was confident Google would change the reference despite possible pressure from China. Describing Taiwan as a province of China ‘is not a fact’, he said. (Calling a fact ‘not a fact’ won’t make it a fact.)

– that Google, the most-used Internet search engine, said its description of Taiwan as a province of China is consistent with international naming conventions such as those followed by the UN. “We rely on international naming conventions to find a consistent policy,” said Ms Debbie Frost, a spokesman for the company based in Mountain View, California. (Doesn’t Taiwan get it? There’s no fighting with China. It’s the economy, stupid!)

– that the Philippine Justice Department ordered an investigation into Corazon Aquino and the Senate president, Franklin Drilon, over an alleged plot to assassinate Gloria Arroyo. (Anyone might resort to assassination, but Cory Aquino? Benigno Aquino would be rolling in his grave if she does that.)

– that the allegation was made by Senator Miriam Santiago. The Arroyo ally claimed to have uncovered a plot engineered by Mrs Aquino and Franklin Drilon to ‘physically remove’ Arroyo if she failed to step down this month. “Of course, physical removal refers to assassination. Hence, I told President Arroyo that she should strengthen her security measures,’ the Manila Times quoted Ms Santiago as saying. (Politicians always never say things literally so they read things literally too.)

– that the Philippines rejected allegations that the masterminds behind the recent bombings in Bali had undergone military training in guerrilla camps run by separatist Muslim rebels on its territory. National police chief director-general Arturo Lomibao said the armed forces had overrun all major terrorist camps in the southern region of Mindanao in recent years, forcing the terrorists to move their bases elsewhere. (Elsewhere in the Philippines where he hasn’t yet found them doesn’t mean it’s no longer in the Philippines.)

– that Abu Bakar Ba-shit, in prison for links to the 2002 Bali bombings, may be among the thousands of prisoners to receive sentence cuts to mark the end of the Islamic fasting month. (No wonder the terror attacks just never end.)

– that a love-lorn soldier could not have known he would provoke ‘moral’ outrage when he kissed his girlfriend goodbye before leaving Aceh in a military pullout, following a peace treaty between the gover-min and separatist group Free Aceh Movement. A picture of the passionate farewell was plastered on the placards of dozens of angry Indonesian women who gathered at the state governor’s office in Banda Aceh to protest against kissing in public. (It makes one wonders how many of these wouldn’t bat an eye if asked to perform oral sex or to kiss their husband’s dicks, in the privacy of their own room !)

Singapore This Week

– that condemning the deadly bomb blasts in Bali, Baby Lee said his meeting this week on the island with SBY would go on as scheduled. (Baby Lee and SBY are after all, once army generals. But for once, well done, Baby!)

– that Baby Lee said, “We have to carry on with the retreat. To change our plans and not to meet is really to concede. We will take the necessary precautions and I’m looking forward to meeting the President.” (Yes. And all JI and similar organisations should not only be banned, but also to make it a capital offense for participation. It doesn’t matter if you did or did not plant a bomb or assist bombers but just joined to pray. As long as you are a member, your punishment is death.)

– that as the gover-min looks at ways to help Singaporeans retire comfortably, Ng Eng Eng said changes to the CPF Investment Scheme (CPF-IS) will be announced within the next two months, with the aim of lowering the cost of investing. Ng said, “We want to introduce a product that has low costs, manageable risks and meaningful returns.” (Ya right. Maybe he can try investing in prostitution. Low cost: A T-shirt and shorts plus a good corner. Manageable Risks: Condoms provided. Meaningful Returns: $60 – $80 per half hour meaningful enough?)

– that some girl students were made to remove the remarks from their Internet diaries, or blogs, and suspended for three days for ‘flaming’ their teachers on the Internet. Their parents were also informed. (Did someone squealed to the teachers or the school something like 3am in the morning?)

– that seven secondary schools and two JCs have asked bloggers who criticise or insult their teachers online – ‘flaming’ in Internet jargon – to remove the offending remarks. One such remark referred to a secondary school teacher as a ‘prude’ for disciplining a student for wearing a too-short skirt. ‘Frustrated old spinster. Can’t stand to see attractive girls’, the blog read. (Well, this girl probably figured that she’ll never get old, ever. It would be poetic justice if she’s condemned to a life of singlehood.)

– that well before the first casino opens for business, a simple rule – with enforcers to back it – will already be in place: No criminal shadows or illegal activities. The Casino Control Bill will be ready as early as next year to spell out the ground rules. Then, in 2007 or the year after, a regulatory body for casinos will be born. (No problem. The next Dai-E-Loan is just around the corner at Geylang. Just call 1800-DAI-E-LOAN. Also, there will be prostitutes girls just standing around harmlessly.)

– that the law may be changed to make it an offence to pay for sex with anyone under 18. The study is part of a wider review of the Penal Code by MHA, which is also studying the feasibility of prosecuting Singaporeans who have sex with minors overseas. The ministry said the review should be completed by the end of the year. Current laws make it a crime to have sex with girls under 16, punishable by up to five years in jail and a $10,000 fine. If passed, the review would make it criminal also to have sex with 16- and 17-year-olds, but only if money, or payment in kind, is involved. (How about increasing the fine for dirty old men too?)

– that the transport operators have estimated an annual revenue loss of about $9 million due to fare evasion on buses. This estimate is arrived at based on the detection rates and the average amount of fare evaded in the cases of underpayment, non-payment and concession abuse as detected during actual ticket checks. Fare evasion takes place on about 1.8% of trips. (Doesn’t matter that this ass-timate makes Singapore a country of cheats.)

– that if transport operators loses $9 million a year, then they lose $24657.53 a day. If every fare cheat has been cheating $1 per trip, we have almost 24,658 cheats a day! (A country of cheats! Will that make it to the guiness book of records?)

– that the LTA claims that public-transport operators do not gain from system faults, as they absorb the revenue losses from undercharging, while commuters can claim full refunds if overcharged. (What happens when commuters did not notice that they are overcharged?)

– that the LTA and the public-transport operators will keep up efforts to reduce the incidence of incorrect fare deductions. Already, improvements to the system have significantly reduced the incidence of incorrect fare deductions to 0.006% of the two million daily ez-link transactions on trunk services, or about 120 cases daily. (So that’s 120 confirmed and reported cases. But what’s the ass-timate on the number of un-reported cases, huh? 50,000 cases a day? 3.7%? Talk about losses and an astronomical estimate is given. Talk about gains and everything so prim and proper. Bah!)

– that defense lawyer Kelvin Lim said, “He (Michael McCrea) tells me he suffers from post-traumatic stress disorder. He has got three exceptions to murder, where we’re hopeful and confident that the charge may be reduced. One of the defences is sudden fight; the other is the exercise of his right for self-defence, and the third is grave and sudden provocation.” (Then he shouldn’t have run in the first place!)

– that even before the ink had dried on the answer scripts, tears started flowing and complaints were made to the media about the PSLE paper on mathematics this year. A kiasu said that the paper was so tough, his daughter and his neighbour’s daughter cried after handing in their answer scripts. He said the questions asked were ‘different in their content’ and ‘nothing close’ to the standard of the school’s prelim paper. Two of the tougher sections also carried a heavy weightage of marks, according to the students. (Whoever said exam papers are supposed to be easy? But considering that Singaporeans whine about speed traps too…)

– that after about a month, the police have closed their investigation into the ‘white-elephants’ incident with a ‘stern warning’ to a veteran grassroots lea-duh. (They would have better spent their time investigating those jokers who are going around pasting posters about alleged abused in China against Far-Long-Gone members.)

– that in a statement to the media, the police said that while the investigation established that there was an infringement of the Public Entertainments and Meetings Act, it noted that ‘the placards did not cause public annoyance or nuisance’. After ‘considering the circumstances’, the police have decided to issue a stern warning to the offender, who was not named. (Will there be a stern warning to the kaypoh who called at an ungodly 3am in the morning too, if I think this guy is an annoyance and a nuisance?)

– that in the competitiveness report released by the Geneva-based World Economic Forum, Singapore is 69th in the health and primary education segment of the rating. (There’s utmost confidence in our nation’s propagandists to turn this around and make it sound like some kind of achievement. Perhaps, something like, the first time we are out of top 50?)

– that Indonesian prostitutes are being brought to work in Geylang by Singaporeans posing as their relatives. They are being paid to do so by a Batam-based vice syndicate. Two women have been arrested following a probe by the CPIB. (And of course, if the prostitutes came willingly, this is not considered as trafficking! Talk about the spirit of the law man!!)

– that this joker left his car unattended along a single-lane, two way road with double jagged yellow lines somewhere in Siglap for a good 10 minutes. (Well, what’s 50 cents of carpark compared to a COE? And why isn’t this in the ‘Ugly Singaporean Award’ section? A chow angmoh was driving this scrap.)

Trivial, Jokes and Thoughts from Discussions

– that a six-month-old labrador pup was recently found alive with a huge double hook through its snout – like the dog above – and another through a leg. The cruel practice takes place on French-controlled Reunion Island in the Indian Ocean. The RSPCA plans to petition the French government, demanding an end to the hideous torture. (Perpetrators of this crime should be hooked by their balls.)

– that actors Demi Whore Moore and Ashton Kutcher were finally married, capping their celebrated two-year older woman, younger man relationship. The wedding was described as a traditional Kabbalah ceremony put together at the last minute. (Anyone taking bets how long this one will last?)

– that Paris Hilton is not ready for the simple life. She said that she ended her five-month engagement to a Greek shipping heir because she is not prepared for marriage and did not want it to end up in divorce. Hilton said she still loves Latsis and they will continue to work together on business endeavours and have ‘movies together in the works’. (Perhaps she decided that she has less to gain that Latsis. Meanwhile in Singapore, Sylvester Sim and Maia Lee… Oh come on! Singapore has been there, done that!)

– that the word ‘toilet’ stems from the French word for ‘little towel’ and was originally a pleasantly indirect way of referring to the place where the chamber pot or its equivalent resides. But toilet has since come to mean the porcelain fixture itself, and so sounds too blunt to use in polite company. (So in the future, when I said I am ‘paying my respects at Yakusuni’, what I really meant is that ‘I am shitting on Japanese Imperialism’.)

– that there’s blogs on the company server! Not the kind of blogs you see on the Internet but work-blogs keeping a daily entry of all the problems encountered daily and what is done to resolved the issues. Makes life hell alot easier for the next guy who takes over the next shift. (Whoever said blogging is all bad?)

– that complaints that iPod nanos scratch and crack with irksome ease has prompted Apple Computer to offer to replace defective screens on the music players, company officials confirmed. (Apparently, the nano isn’t the only thing that is facing quality woes lately. A customer of my friend – a supplier – is so irked by Apple’s ‘non-existent’ service that he has threatened to strip apart his faulty set which is dead on arrival before the Apple support people in the Apple support centre here in Singapore. And I can guess what Mac Freaks would be saying. I just won’t repeat it here.)

– that some recent reports suggests that many people resort to colonic cleansing to keep their digestive system clean. (For Princess Diana to do it, it’s called ‘Royal Flush’. For commoners, is it called a ‘Straight Flush’?)

Found some of letters objecting to the method of evangelism by some of my over-zealous brethen on the Stooge Times Forum recently.

To be frank, I am a little annoyed. At the moment when these letters are read I proceeded to write an angry retort which is designed to ‘rip several new exits for the alimentary canal’ on the very writers of these letters. Most of my retort centred on the theme of ‘religious intolerance in the name of religious tolerance’.

I must say I am so damned proud of the piece until, you believed it or not, God spoke to me. Yes, I could hear Him in my head saying this, “This isn’t going to help. What you are doing is adding oil to the fire and helping My enemies. I will hold you responsible if I lose these souls to the devil.”

* gasp * Me? Responsible?

I am a stubborn person and I don’t usually hear admonition from God loud and clear. This time round, it was like thunder cracking across the quiet evening night. I took a hard look at my ‘masterpiece’ and being to see things a little differently. It suddenly became clear to me that the root of the problem is the misgivings these writers have about evangelism. Looking deeper, there appears to be a deep misunderstanding about Christianity itself. Indeed, it wouldn’t help if I proceed with my original piece. I decided to change it.

I am not a great writer, and maybe I didn’t successfully remove all the direct criticisms of the writers in the letter. This is the final draft I sent to the Stooge Times Forum Editor @ stforum@sph.com.sg:

I refer to the following letters, “Should teachers seek to convert pupils?” (ST, Oct 1), “Isn’t Boys’ Brigade just a CCA?” (ST, Oct 05) and “All religious groups should be given equal number of schools” (Online Letters, Oct 5) First, on the matter of converting pupils over MSN chat. In her zeal to share about Jesus Christ, it seems to me that the teacher has implicitly encouraged the child to disobey his parents. Let me just take this opportunity to clarify that Christianity does not encourage children to disobey their parents. Disobeying one’s own parents without good grounds is against the teachings of Christianity. I also find it self-contradicting when this was said, “teachers, as educators and authority figures to be respected in school and in society, should be the ones to inculcate tolerance and respect for other cultures and religions.” I found myself asking, ‘Would there be this letter at all if the teacher was talking about another religion?’I have yet to understand what is so inherently wrong with the teachings of Christianity that objection is often displayed whenever it is shared. Next, the matter of the Boys’ Brigade. While the Boys Brigade maybe just another CCA, isn’t the writer already aware that it is the Boy’s Brigade’s mission ‘To nurture Youth, based on Christian values, to lead and serve.’? I also looked through the Boys Brigade website (www.bb.org.sg) and it is stated clearly there that ‘We are a Christian organisation, for all Youth.’ I believe that this might be the case for the Girl’s Brigade too. It appears that this parent wouldn’t have been aware that the Boys Brigade is Christian if not for his child’s – a teenager’s – wish to become a Christian. What is it about Christianity that raised the ire of this parent? Finally, the matter of mission schools. The Christian Church (both the Protestant and Catholic branches) has always actively set up mission schools with the intention to provide eduction and introduce the Gospel of Jesus Christ to students. it is of no surprise that there are a large number of mission schools around, not just in Singapore, but in places where Christianity has a presence. This has absolutely nothing to do with Singapore’s colonial past. In fact, one might even notice that the Church has also set up hospices, old folks and child care centres etc. Why stop the Church from contributing to community service? If the other religions do not have a stronger presence than Christianity in these areas, then shouldn’t they work on that, instead of limiting the Christian contribution, or force it upon Christians to teach other religions too? Let us stop masking our own fear and misunderstanding about certain religions by chanting the mantra of ‘religious tolerance’ and ‘fairness’. I am quite sure every Christian will be glad to sit down with these writers and address their concerns.

All those letters to the papers about the road divider (see pic) have gone on for quite some time. First it was complaints about the divider preventing people from entering D’Almeida street directly from Robinson Road, then it went on to become a matter of jaywalking and the unfriendliness of the underpass to handicapped users and old folks. First of all, let me just say that the only feedback that should be taken seriously is that of the handicapped and the aged. I am sure if something can be done at the Citilink underground mall to assist these people, something similar can be done for some of these users.

I cannot help but wonder why couldn’t some of these motorists come by Cecil Street to enter D’Almeida street! I have noticed how most people choses to use Robinson Road instead of Cecil Street to drive to the Collyer Quay area, and I have never understood why. Did they not realize that there’s no traffic light along Cecil Street at the Boon Tat street junction which stops all traffic simultaneously so that pedestrains can cross that junction diagonally? Did they not realize that with the new divider, traffic coming down from Cecil Street can now bypass the traffic light before Finlayson Green without the need to stop? Would they only decide to use Cecil Street only when the LTA puts up another ERP gantry on Robinson Road itself?

Next, the matter about jaywalking at that location. LTA should just put the kerb back because even if the LTA put landmines and barbed wire fences in between, there’s no way to stop a determined jaywalker from finding ways to go around it. The LTA should cease to be responsible for people who put their own convenience in above the safety of their own lives or insist on going by the same way everyday. Or else the LTA should just park a tank there.

I am not fan of the LTA. But, enough is enough! Give the LTA a break.

World Hero Award

– that Mr Simon Wiesenthal, a famous Nazi Hunter, has died in Vienna at the age on 96. When the Holocaust ended in 1945 and the whole world went home to forget, he alone remained behind to remember. He did not forget. He became the permanent representative of the victims, determined to bring the perpetrators of the history’s greatest crime to justice. Mr Wiesenthal was perhaps best known for his role in tracking down Adolf Eichmann, the one-time SS leader who organized the extermination of the Jews. Eichmann was found in Argentina, abducted by Israeli agents in 1960, tried and hanged for crimes committed against the Jews. (Your death is mankind’s loss, Mr Wiesenthal.)

The Ugly Singaporean Award

– that WANG KANG LONG was convicted of causing hurt to his mother, Madam Hong Soon Kwee, 44, and threatening her at their home in Block 45, Bedok South Road on Aug 1. He was jailed for six months. (Just 6 months? They should also whip his sorry ass!)

– that this was not the first time he had attacked and threatened his mother. The court heard that 4 days before she was hit with the chair, Wang had demanded money from her. He held up a kettle of boiling water with one hand and told her that if she did not give him any money, he would scald her with the hot water. The pattern of abuse goes back several years. Wang had faced 3 charges in January, including throwing a plastic bag filled with urine at Madam Hong. Then he blocked her way and threatened her with a pointed chopstick. Earlier, he had pushed, pinched, scolded and acted aggressively towards his mother. He was sentenced to five weeks’ jail in March. (This is probably one case one wouldn’t feel sorry about even if CJ Yong triple the sentence and give this beast a few more strokes of rottan.)

The World This Week

– that nearly 2/3 of citizens around the world say they do not believe the will of the people influences their gover-mins. Worse, less than half believe elections are free and fair, according to a global poll released by BBC radio. (Did that surprise anyone?)

– that police cut short a speech by Cindy Sheehan and arrested a rally organizer, saying he hadn’t obtained a permit for use of a loudspeaker. Sheehan, whose 26-day vigil near Warmonger’s Texas ranch sparked anti-war protests around the country, had nearly finished her speech when police intervened. (They sure it’s not something about an Entertainment license?)

– that a spokesman for Mexican President Vicente Fox warned that no one may accept illegal funds, responding to a Roman Catholic bishop’s statement that the church has no obligation to investigate whether donations come from drug trafficking. The bishop said money can start out being dirty but ‘can be transformed’ when it enters the church, Mexican news media reported. (Will an absolutely Holy God have anything to do with evil?)

– that the Vatican is to ban all homosexual men from joining the clergy even if they accept a vow of celibacy, reports say. The late Pope John Paul II ordered a review of the Catholic church’s policy on homosexuality after U.S. priests were involved in child sex abuse. (They can all go ahead and form their own homosexual ‘church’, and probably no one will give a damn.)

– that the man who led Australian opposition Labor Party to a disastrous election defeat last year has turned on the party, describing his former colleagues as ‘sewer rats’ and his successor as ‘indecent’. Mark Latham made these attacks in his memoirs, ‘The Latham Diaries’, soon to be released. Mr Latham, 44, has a reputation as an abusive political brawler and had once broken a taxi driver’s arm in a beer-fuelled dispute. (How many of these ‘sewer rats’ would be part of his rat-binet – cabinet of rats – if he win the elections?)

– that larget-scale corruption in Iraq’s ministries, particularly defence, has led to one of the biggest thefts in history with more than US$1 billion going missing. Finance Minister Ali Allawi said, “Huge amounts of money have disappeared. In return we got nothing but scraps of metal. It is possibly one of the largest thefts in history.” Corruption, both in the bidding for and the awarding of contracts, as well as in the administration of public offices, is one of the most frequent accusations made by Iraqis against their gover-min and foreign firms operating in the country. (Those who are caught should be made to join Saddam in facing the firing squad.)

– that at least 15 ‘Palestinians’ have been killed and scores injured in a blast during a parade by the militant Hamas group in the Gaza Strip. A truck carrying gunmen and home-made weapons blew up during the rally in the Jabaliya refugee camp in northern Gaza. Israel has denied involvement, while the ruling ‘Palestinian’ Fatah faction said it held Hamas responsible. (Poetic justice. Time for them to have a taste of their own shits after blowing up so many innocent Israelis. And don’t give me the shit that they are innocent too. They supported the actions of Hamas against Israel, do they not?)

– that Hamas accused Israel of causing the blast and vowed revenge. However ‘Palestinian’ lea-duh Mahmoud Abbas’ Fatah faction said it held Hamas ‘fully responsible for the victims of the military parade [that was held] among civilians’. (Hamas would blame Israel even for their own bad breath and constipation.)

– that Hamas announced a halt to Gaza-based attacks on Israel, even as two Islamic Jihad militants were killed in an Israeli air strike on the outskirts of Gaza City. Mahmud Zahar, the Hamas leader in its Gaza Strip stronghold, made the announcement shortly after Israel carried out its second of two targeted killing operations. (Are they explicitly admitting that their blaming Israel for an earlier explosion to justify their attacks has no basis now?)

– that top Muslim clerics have come out in support of India’s teen tennis sensation Sania Mirza, days after a Muslim group issued an edict describing her short skirts and sleeveless shirts as un-Islamic. “What Sania wears in (the) tennis court is the demand of the game,” said Mr Khalid Rashid of the All India Muslim Personal Law Board, which arbitrates over religion-related issues for more than 160 million Muslims living in this country. (Well, for a moment I was anticipating the day in which someone wearing a burqha wins a female tennis championship.)

– that thousands of Islamic schools in Pakistan rejected an order from Pervez Musharraf to register with the authorities, branding it discriminatory. (And it is doubtful Musharraf has the courage or the ability to enforce his order.)

– that the names of Bill ‘Blow Me’ Clinton and Monica ‘I did not swallow’ Lewinsky, the intern who had sex with him, will be attached to a new line of condoms. According to a report in the Mainichi Daily News, a contraceptive company in China has begun marketing condoms under the brand names Clinton and Lewinsky, ‘apparently seeking to exploit the White House affair that led to the impeachment of America’s 42nd president’. (They should have used Lewinsky’s name for a new line of ‘morning after’ pills or sanitary pads.)

– that China observed the 74th anniversary of the Japanese invasion of its north-eastern region, with official media urging citizens not to forget the episode but not let it poison their feelings towards Japan. Chinese in more than 100 cities marked the anniversary by gathering at memorials to victims of China’s Anti-Japanese War and standing at attention as bells tolled and sirens wailed. In a commentary, the People’s Daily said the Sept 18, 1931 attack by Japan in the north-east city of Shenyang had unleashed an era of untold suffering. But it attributed the attack to ‘a small group of Japanese militarists’, rather than to the Japanese nation as a whole. (Did it also say it was ‘a small group’ in command of a large number of loyal soldiers who would die when ordered?)

– that deputy U.S. Secretary of State Robert Zoellick has warned the Chinese gover-min that it must improve international economic cooperation and take a stabilising role in regional affairs if it expects to become a ‘responsible stakeholder’ in the new global economy. In a surprisingly hard-hitting speech at a gala Sino-American friendship event, Mr Zoellick also encouraged Beijing to explain its military spending, to loosen the Communist Party’s monopoly on power, and to moderate its thirst for foreign energy sources (There’s nothing for China to explain when America maintains a force which can threaten any country on this planet.)

– that North Korea’s demand for a light-water reactor before it dismantles its nuclear weapons program is unacceptable, Japanese Foreign Minister Nobutaka Machimura said. A North Korean foreign ministry spokesman said that the U.S. ‘should not even dream’ of Pyongyang dismantling its ‘nuclear deterrent’ until it provides light-water reactors. (Not any more unacceptable than Japan keeping the Yakusuni Shrine around.)

– that Taku Yamasaki, a close aide to Junk-ichiro Konkz-umi, acknowledged it would not be easy to separate the 14 top war criminals for veneration elsewhere with the shrine opposed to the idea, while noting that it would take time to build a new national memorial. (Actually, no new memorial is needed. In fact, they can probably downsize Yakusuni after removing those who are venerated in there for invading another country.)

– that a Japanese woman who hired a ‘hitman’ over the Internet to murder her lover’s pregnant wife has been arrested – after she complained to police that he never carried out the killing despite being paid $US136,000. (Idiocy has no limits.)

– that a ballistic missile defence system being developed by Japan and the U.S. will cost US$3 billion, nearly three times the initial estimate. The project includes the development of a larger version of the Standard Missile-3 (SM-3) intercepter to be deployed on an Aegis vessel to defend against ballistic missiles. Washington’s initial estimate saw the U.S. shouldering US$545 million until fiscal 2011, with work on the project starting in fiscal 2006. It also asked Japan to shoulder a similar amount. But the cost spiked to around US$3 billion after the U.S. government re-examined earlier arms development costs and extended the project until 2014. (The U.S. needs to find a source to cover the future money it has already spent. Japanese taxpayers, along with the Taiwanese, can help to shoulder some of it. Arigato gozaimatsu.)

– that Chen Shui-bian is scheduled to fly to Miami where he will receive a human rights award in a move sure to annoy Beijing. Chen will make stopovers in the U.S. while travelling to and from the island’s five diplomatic allies in Latin America. (Let the lame duck pat itself on the back with all these useless awards while Taiwan sinks further under his administration.)

– that Chen Shui-bian has ‘offered’ to hold unconditional talks with Hu Jintao, saying it may open ‘a window of opportunity’ for peace across the Taiwan Strait. “I would like to display my goodwill and sincerity again and invite the lea-duh of the other side for a talk without any preconditions,” Mr Chen was quoted as saying by Taiwan’s official Central News Agency (CNA). (So China must agree to the Chen’s conditions of ‘unconditional talks‘? Sleep earlier, Chen.)

– that the U.S. is increasingly frustrated with Taiwan’s reluctance to approve the purchase of an American weapons package to bolster the island’s defences. And there are signs that the Bush administration’s patience may be wearing thin, even though officials say there is no deadline for the arms sales. The repeated moves by Taiwan’s opposition politicians to block the arms deal ‘only give the U.S. the impression that Taiwan is not serious about defending itself’, said Retard-ican Representative Rob Simmons of Connecticut. “We might not be prepared to defend Taiwan if it is not willing to pay the cost for its own defence,” he added. (Is there an expiry date on the stuff they are selling?)

– that Thaksin Shinawatra told Thais to vote him out of office if he fails to end an Islamic insurgency in southern Thailand before the next polls in three years. “I am taking all responsibility for everything that happens. I will supervise and closely instruct the military on how to put down the unrest in the south,” he said on his weekly radio address. “If I make mistakes, you should not vote for me in three years.” (Did he find it easier to manage Shin Corp than a country?)

– that Anwar Ibrahim said he will launch a lawsuit against Mama-thir Mohamad for accusing him of being a homosexual. Mama-thir said earlier this month that he was forced to sack Anwar in 1998 to prevent mainly-Muslim Malaysia from having a homosexual lea-duh. Anwar was jailed for sodomy after his sacking but the conviction was overturned last year. Anwar said he was ‘shocked’ to hear of Mama-thir’s ‘defamatory’ remarks, particularly after a court awarded him 1.2 million dollars in damages over a book that aired the sodomy allegations. (There’s a price for power and maybe it’s time for Mama to pay for it.)

– that Malaysian MPs have a theory on why their names were made public by the Ministry of International Trade and Industry (MITI) as recipients of Approved Permits (APs) for imported cars: To shut them up. They believe the tactic was payback for the din they had been making over the permits. It was aimed at portraying them as hypocrites, they said. (What are they whining about when they got their APs for personal use wor?)

Singapore This Week

– that new and serious drug threats are emerging. Synthetic drug abusers constituted 76% of the drug arrests last year. The profile of synthetic drug abusers is also different from the heroin drug addicts. They are now younger and percentages of Chinese abusers and female abusers has increased sharply, and socio-economic profiles have become less blue-collar. (Heavier punishments is needed for the decadent middle class.)

– that a good hearted MRS KOH MAY LIN wrote to the Stooge Times Forum that she is concerned about the safety of pupils of Kong Hwa School in Guillemard Road when they are on the road in the morning. The reason being that she has seen many motorists stopped outside the main gate, a short distance after the lights, to let their children alight and then reverse while other pupils were still crossing behind them. This is extremely dangerous as some drivers may not be able to see children of smaller build. (These fumb ducks will only learn when one of these days they killed someone else’s precious child. The first shithead who does that will have the honour to have his photo on this site.)

– that a new national sports association (NSA) governing cybergaming may be set up in as little as nine months, Team Singapore general manager Kelvin Chua said. “Cybergaming can be considered a sport in the broadest definition of the word.” (Cybergaming is a sport as much as masturbation is having sex.)

– that a DANNY CHUA suggested that town councils should also take responsibility for mosquitoes breeding in outdoor areas because if a resident or company can be fined for breeding mosquitoes, then why should town councils be spared the fine? (And guess who the town councils will pass the cost to, genius?)

– that the same ‘genius’ also wrote: ‘The fine for a first-time offender is $100. Perhaps NEA should consider a hefty fine like in Hong Kong: Perhaps $1,000 for the first offence and $2,000 for the second?’ The fines can go towards a dengue fund to fight mosquitoes and pay for the medical expenses of dengue victims. (Let this genius be the first to get caught.)

– that as Yaacob Ibrahim kicked off the Campaign Against Dengue, his message to Singaporeans was: ‘Play your part in the fight and don’t wait for the gover-min to take action.’ (There are just too many drones incapable of having independent thought and initiative. 75.2%, in fact, circa 2001.)

– that a TAN SOON QUANG complained on the Stooge Times Forum that 5 days after he informed the town council, LTA and PUB, and 3 days after he contacted the NEA, a drain at Bukit Batok West Avenue 6 – near the junction with Avenue 8 – is still filled with stagnant water. (Well, Tan, just ‘play your part in the fight and don’t wait for the gover-min to take action.’ It’s probably not a drain so big you can’t do shit about.)

– that all letters from the NEA notifying residents of upcoming inspections for mosquito-breeding grounds will be in the four official languages. The change, which adds Malay, Chinese and Tamil to the existing English text, has been made in response about a resident who panicked when he could not understand the NEA notice pasted on his door. (Aiyoh! Mai ‘kam’ lah. Dai-E-loan will splash paint and lock your door and put ‘O $ P $’. Where got so free put nice nice English notice? You think Dai-E-loan also upgrade is it?)

– that the proposed changes to the 18-year-old Public Transport Council Act introduced in Parliament, if passed, will mean that people who cheat cabbies will face a fine of $1,000 for a first offence, and $2,000 or a jail term of up to six months for subsequent offences. Bus commuters found by council-appointed inspectors to have paid incorrect fares will face a penalty, which has yet to be determined. Those who fail to pay this penalty also face fines of up to $1,000 for first offences, or $2,000 and six-month jail terms for repeat offences. (Well, they needed more money to fix that broken Itchy-Link system, is it?)

– that some bus commuters are still being overcharged because of bugs in the Itchy-link card system, one of which causes the bus driver’s console to lose communication with the card reader at the back. At least 25 claims of overcharging were made after TransitLink, a company set up by transport operators to integrate public transport, announced on Sept 9 that it would refund the full amount deducted, instead of just the difference in fares. (If fare cheats are to be put to jail for cheating on their fares, then transport companies needs to be punished accordingly as well.)

– that the Transport Mini$try said that cases of wrong deductions stemming from system errors had fallen 88% between April and July, or from 0.053% to 0.006% of total passengers on trunk bus trips. (That’s the number of reported cases, isn’t it? Anyway, 78 million trips are made each month.)

– that acording to TransitLink, the fare integrator of the public transport system, annual losses on account of underpayment, non-payment and fraudulent use of concession Itchy-link cards amount to $9 million. (First, tell us how they come to this figure. Then tell us what’s the annual profit resulting from the 0.006% of wrong deductions.)

– that neat, tidy and fabulously wealthy Singapore will loosen up for law-abiding protesters when it hosts next year’s annual meetings of the World Bank and IMF. Raymond Lim promised that the demonstrators who traditionally dog the meetings of the international financial organisations would not be kept out. “Absolutely – within the limits of the law,” he told reporters when asked if Singapore would tolerate public protests at the meetings next September. “We can’t be prim and proper Singapore. To stay relevant, you can’t wipe the dust off all of the time,” Lim said, in advance of this year’s IMF-World Bank meetings in Washington. (‘Prim and Proper’ Singapore is for Singaporeans, exclusively.)

that in the latest effort to rent out more taxis, two of the fastest growing cab companies are offering their drivers cash incentives to recruit new cabbies. For e.g. Premier Taxis’ scheme pays a driver and the person he recruits to rent a cab $20 a month. The first driver receives another $15 a month if his charge recruits another person, and $10 a month if this person recruits another. They are rewarded for every month the hirers stay with the company. (Must be damned desperate to resort to a ‘pyramid-like scheme’ like this.)

– that the labour movement wants the gover-min to do more for the poor, including exempting those who earn $1,000 and below a month from CPF contributions. Currently, only those who earn up to $500 a month are exempted. ($1000 a month isn’t a lot these days.)

– that the ‘Cheng Ho’ was finally raised from the sea bed It took a week of planning and work by Singapore Salvage Engineers to raise the boat. Eight divers attached cables to lift the 33.5-metre, 413-gross tonne waterlogged vessel out of the water. The ‘Cheng Ho’ won’t sail again as it will be disposed of. (Saw a ship called ‘Cheng Ho 2’ in the pier. Wonder if insurance paid for that.)

click on image to enlarge

Trivial, Jokes and Thoughts from Discussions

– that busty Taiwanese female group F4 – named after the girls’ F-cup breasts bras – could seek compensation from the gover-min for loss of income after Chen Shui-bian’s wife, Wu Shu-chen, branded them a ‘source of social chaos’. Wu made the remark at a charity function in Taipei last week, and she urged the media to refrain from sensational reporting of ‘provocative details’ about the four girls. A day after Madam Wu’s comments, a booking for the group was cancelled, Taiwan News quoted F4’s agent, Mr Huang, as saying. Huang says some companies keep a distance from F4 to please the gover-min. (Indeed. There are always other ‘provocative details’ to talk about. Especially those of the Taiwanese First Family.)

– that the Swedish clothing chain Hennes & Mauritz says it will drop a planned advertising campaign with model Kate Moss after she admitted to recently using cocaine. H&M, Europe’s largest fashion retailer, had planned to use Moss to help launch a new collection designed by Stella McCartney that will hit stores in 22 countries in November. (Well done H&M.)

– that British police are to investigate newspaper reports that supermodel Kate Moss took cocaine, London’s Scotland Yard said. “Assistant Commissioner Tarique Ghaffur has reviewed the matter and had asked officers from the specialist crime directive to look at reports as highlighted in a national newspaper,” a Scotland Yard spokeswoman said. (And will they just slap her on the wrist like they did Winona Ryder?)

– that allegations that a supermodel such as Britain’s Kate Moss may have snorted cocaine should come as no surprise as drug abuse is rife in the fashion world and other high-profile industries, models and experts say. (It’s time for some spring cleaning.)

– that Naomi Campbell has spoken out in support of Kate Moss, who has lost three modeling contracts and is being investigated by London police on allegations that she used cocaine. “Kate Moss is my friend … I think it’s like everybody is being bad to her,” the 35-year-old supermodel told a news conference in the Colombian capital where she was judging a modeling competition. (Sorry. There’s no vendetta here. Do drugs and you can ‘die’.)

– that to know if you are squeaky-clean, donate money to the Tali-PAP. (If they reject your donation, then don’t even get into anything political just to be safe. Maybe Andrew Kuan should try.)

– that a MISS LIEW YI XUI wrote this on the electronic version of the Stooge Times Forum in a complaint about her inability to access her UOB internet banking account on the Safari browser on her Mac: “I was very unhappy and wrote again to tell the bank that it just did not make sense for me to buy the Netscape software just to access my UOB internet banking account when all other sites work with Safari.” She then wrote, “I have already cancelled all my accounts with one local bank (the biggest one) because it provided shoddy customer service. Does one really have to use off-shore banks just to get some customer service?” (While UOB’s management may take this seriously and some heads may roll, UOB’s IT department is probably rolling on the floor laughing their asses off. Does anyone actually need to buy the Netscape browser? In fact, isn’t there an IE version for Mac too? And they are all free. It has been a damned long time that browsers come free. Geddit? Free!)

– that an ex-colleague fired his maid and sent her home recently because he caught her putting a hex on him and his entire family. Found a photo of the family in the maid’s possession with their faces circled out and odd inscriptions written on it. (And you thought these are urban legends you read on the evening tabloids!)

– that this reminded me of another friend who also fired her own maid whom she has treated with respect, and even given her money to get her own mobile and phone card to call home when she caught her washing all their plates with urine. (Seldom do we get the employer side of the story when they get nasty maids. All we get are stories about ill-treatment.)

– that researchers found it was possible to re-grow fur on bald mice by correcting a gene mutation, the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences reported. Mutations in the hairless gene in both humans and mice mean the natural process of hair growth, shedding and re-growth is disturbed. (Sounds like it’s time for all those hair-treatment centres to start reading the book ‘Who moved my cheese?’)

– that problems with the recently launched iPod Nano are emerging as owners complain of broken or scratched screens. The smaller version of the popular iPod was unveiled at the beginning of September to much fanfare and delight at its sleek design. Its delicacy was heralded as a design break-through. But some fans are beginning to question whether the machine is too fragile for everyday use. Owners are complaining about cracked, scratched or inexplicably failing screens, sometimes within hours of buying the machine. (Mac and iPod freaks must have found that really kewl too!)

Chain mails is a beast that just won’t die. And now that stupid song ‘Hotel California’ is running in my head after I read this. Bah!

A powerpoint presentation claiming that Mondain the Evil Wizard Mondex is planning to replace money with biochips embedded in people’s heads and hands came through the post today. It is very interesting, and no doubt it either scared the shit out of many devoted Christians or it makes them more fervent. What more scares them or convinces them than evidence that confirms as passage in the Book of Revelations?

Revelations 13:16 -18: He also forced everyone, small and great, rich and poor, free and slave, to receive a mark on his right hand or on his forehead, so that no one could buy or sell unless he had the mark, which is the name of the beast or the number of his name. This calls for wisdom. If anyone has insight, let him calculate the number of the beast, for it is man’s number. His number is 666.

Fortunately (or perhaps unfortunately, for some Christians), the device pictured in the powerpoint presentation is a Radio Frequency Identification (RFID) chip – also known as an ‘ID chip’, used – among other purposes – to assist retailers with Automatic Identification and Data Capture (AIDC). Tiny RFID chips can be embedded in products (or their packaging) and when triggered by sensors, these chips emit short bursts of identifying data streamed via radio waves. It is a device designed primarily as a replacement for the bar-code system.

Other uses for RFID chips have included implanting them in pets to help identify the owners should the animals become lost (a collar and tag can too easily come loose or be removed), or implanting them in humans to encode vital information that emergency medical personnel might need to know when treating a patient who is unconscious or unable to speak.

Granted, that is has been used in humans, but the main purpose here is for medical and rescue purposes, and not what the presentation suggests. And by the way, one should stay on guard for the return of the Lord Jesus all the time and not just start doing it when they see an article like that or when disasters like a tsunami or a hurricane hits them right in the face.

For more information on this falsehood, read this.