Damned hilarious, sent to me by a good friend…
(You can find more of this group by just searching for the keywords ‘SGX part’ on Youtube.)
Category: Humor
Funny Stuffs, Jokes, Humor
废话！鱼当然有骨！
今天和我朋友喝茶时又聊了一些无聊的事。就当我和他提起同事那 “前面长屁股” 的笑话时，他也顺便的提起很多年前在一个经历。
故事的主人翁是某小贩，主要卖的是鱼汤和鱼头米粉之类的食物。但是也有卖些和鱼有关的炒食 – 如炒河粉。
某天，我朋友再光顾时就叫了盘炒河粉。但是这摊炒河粉有点不一样，因为主要是卖的并不是炒河粉，所以配炒河粉的鱼肉带骨，而且还不是那幼幼细细的，而是靠近骨干，又大又硬的那种。由于在朋友的印象之中，所有的炒河粉都是无骨鱼片的，所以朋友就对小贩阿嫂随口说了这一句：“老板娘，你的鱼有骨吔！”
老板娘听后就反驳了那么一句令我朋友 ‘刻骨铭心’ 的话，“废话！鱼当然有骨！”
朋友讲了当时的心情： 哭笑不得。因为自己原本的意思是想说炒河粉的鱼是应该用无骨的鱼肉，但是因为表面意思的错误而碰了一鼻子的灰。心里当然不爽，但是又无可奈何。多年过去还无法忘怀，但是已经是把这经历来警惕自己讲话要三思而后行，或者是讲出来让朋友听的笑话。
爸！这人怎么前面长多了一个屁股？
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某天和同事喝茶聊天的时候说起了小时候的事。同事就说了他年纪很小的时候他爸带他去看了一部王沙和野峰演的电影 – 《阿牛入城记》。当时电影里有位身材挺好的女星 – 艾蒂 – 是穿着三点式泳装出现在银幕上。 在那个时代 (七十年代)，如果有穿着三点式泳装出现在银幕上是非常稀有的事。童言无忌的同事就跟他爸说了，“爸！这人怎么那么奇怪，前面长多了一个屁股？” 听了之后，我同事的爸也笑了。 之后，每当看到这类画面时，我同事他爸就会问他，“这是什么啊？” 而我同事就会大声的回答， “屁股！” 然后两父子就会一起大笑。当时，同事是以为父亲是应为觉的那些人前面长多了个屁股可笑才笑的。这也要到他到了青春发育期之后才知道那所谓的屁股到底是怎么一回事。 |
 那长在前面的 《屁股》。 |
[NSFW] A Penis’ Complaint
To: Minister of Labor & Chairman of the Federation of Labor Unions
Dear Sirs,
Since the dawn for time and for many many generations, my kind and I are not allowed to see the light of day. We are kept in a dark place behind two pieces of cloth most of the time and are let out only several times a day for at most several minutes at times. Our living conditions are so terrible that we do not even have basic ventilation, much less air-conditioners.
When we are let out for longer periods, it is either washing time, or when we are made to work in the most hellish and undesirable conditions. While the job is simple – it is just to move up and down some kind of tunnel, conditions in the tunnels are so bad that we end up puking a white mixture. Even the strongest of my kind are unable to work longer than 30 minutes in this condition.
Let me further describe the hellish environment and conditions that my kind usually works in. It is usually a tunnel that is warm, dark and moist. At times, it starts to flood as we are made to move up and down in that tunnel after some time. To make matters even worse, there is only so much room that we can move either backwards or forward. This only stops after we had vomitted. There are also situations in which we are caught in some kind of grip, shaken, and jerked around in several directions. Whatever the conditions are, the end result is always the same, we all end up puking.
On top of that, because of biochemical hazards in the tunnels we worked in, we are sometimes made to wear an over-stretched rubbery environmental suit. Members of my kind who are exposed to such hazards sometimes end up with sores and blisters on the body. Many have died a horrible death because of this.
I appeal to you, dear sirs, to take note of the plight of my people and assist to liberate us from the hell we are born into.
Yours Sincerely,
The Penis
The Cow Story
This is in response to this post on xinyun’s blog.
A SINGAPOREAN:
The gover-min tells you that you owned two cows (which can be taken away anytime). You have to buy the grass to feed the cows you don’t really own and pay 7% of tax for it. This tax is for the gover-min to ‘help’ those people whose cows are less healthy and productive. On top of that you have to milk the cows yourself for the milk and the gover-min takes some of the milk you get. The gover-min also take credit for the quality of the milk and rewards themselves so much milk in one year that they can’t drink them all in a lifetime so the gover-min won’t be stealing your milk.