To: Minister of Labor & Chairman of the Federation of Labor Unions

Dear Sirs,

Since the dawn for time and for many many generations, my kind and I are not allowed to see the light of day. We are kept in a dark place behind two pieces of cloth most of the time and are let out only several times a day for at most several minutes at times. Our living conditions are so terrible that we do not even have basic ventilation, much less air-conditioners.

When we are let out for longer periods, it is either washing time, or when we are made to work in the most hellish and undesirable conditions. While the job is simple – it is just to move up and down some kind of tunnel, conditions in the tunnels are so bad that we end up puking a white mixture. Even the strongest of my kind are unable to work longer than 30 minutes in this condition.

Let me further describe the hellish environment and conditions that my kind usually works in. It is usually a tunnel that is warm, dark and moist. At times, it starts to flood as we are made to move up and down in that tunnel after some time. To make matters even worse, there is only so much room that we can move either backwards or forward. This only stops after we had vomitted. There are also situations in which we are caught in some kind of grip, shaken, and jerked around in several directions. Whatever the conditions are, the end result is always the same, we all end up puking.

On top of that, because of biochemical hazards in the tunnels we worked in, we are sometimes made to wear an over-stretched rubbery environmental suit. Members of my kind who are exposed to such hazards sometimes end up with sores and blisters on the body. Many have died a horrible death because of this.

I appeal to you, dear sirs, to take note of the plight of my people and assist to liberate us from the hell we are born into.

Yours Sincerely,

The Penis