Satire – Why we shouldn’t be building more drains

Our Prime Mini$ter, Baby Lee said any attempt to eradicate flooding in Singapore would require plenty of money and land.

“If you are going to do that, you will need huge tracts of land put aside for huge monsoon drains, which will be empty most of the time, (and) the infrastructure will cost a lot of money and it is not worth it,” he said, speaking in the wake of the recent flash floods here.

I am impressed. Our Prime Minister has the superpower of prescience to know that it would take plenty of money and land to deal with the floods all over Singapore in just barely over a month. It almost certainly make me felt his S$3 million annual salary is worth it. All lesser mortals would have committed the PUB and the relevant mini$try to study and come up with plans on how to deal with the situation before they are capable of coming to that conclusion. Just imagine how much more money it would have cost us to conduct such a study?

In fact, it is more worth it for land to be released to build golf courses in Singapore. It is a fact that there isn’t enough land for golf courses because the Marina Bay Golf Course has to be built on reclaimed land. It really doesn’t matter the golf courses are also technically empty most of the time and they benefit only the rich. They are a such pretty sight when they aren’t in use during inclement weather. Just imagining the misty rain and grassland gave me an orgasm already. 9 golf courses on the main island of Singapore (not including the one in Sentosa) definitely is not enough. Forget about the environmental impact of golf courses, specifically the amount of water, chemical pesticides and fertilizers used for its maintenance. We will be watering them all with Newater, and NEA will monitor the level of chemical pesticides and fertilizers used to ensure they will not be harmful to Singaporeans.

Don’t forget that cost and profit is paramount in all decisions of the Tali-PAP government gahmen. Singapore, Inc is run just like any other corporation! If something would cost and not profit, the decision will certainly be a irrevocable no. That is why a lot of the old guard of the Tali-PAP no longer hold any position these days. They would have gone ahead with building the drains and paid the cost. That would be costly and unprofitable.

In fact, other than selling land to clubs to build more golf courses which catered to the rich, it is even more profitable to sell the land to a developer to turn it into more blocks of soulless apartments or shopping malls. Worse come to worst, the land can still be ‘sold’ to the HDB to turn into more ‘affordable housing’ which still take the entirety of many Singaporeans’ useful, working life to pay off. They would be daft to complain about this!

So, the car owners, home owners and shop owners can deal with the recurring cost of damage cost by the floods on their own. There is no way that can cost more than the gahmen to pay a one time cost to eliminate the problem entirely. All of Singapore Inc’s money are belong to the Tali-PAP. The Tali-PAP will decide how the money will be better spent. After all, the MAS can ‘create’ more out of thin air with the stroke of a pen and have the Singapore Mint made them.

It is not ironical that in spite of real rainy weather the gahmen will not even use a cent from the reserves to deal with the situation. That money is better used by Temasek and GIC to buy into money-losing American and European Investment banks. Be grateful they are ‘making losses’. Because if they did not buy high and sell low, more jobs maybe lost. By doing so, Singapore is helping put more money into the global markets and economy to fight the credit crunch and prevent a double dip recession. America will be happy and it will sell us more of their high tech weaponary which will keep us safe.

That is why we definitely can’t spend that money on drains! The more I think of it, the more I am moved to tears. They are tears of joy in knowing what a caring and responsible gahmen we have.

Random Discourse – Floods & A Handcuffed Reporter

It was quite shocking when I saw this on Saturday’s evening tabloids. It’s not the reporter who got handcuffed that got my attention (though I’ll get back to that in awhile) but the so-called freak floods that happens every fifty years or so has happened again in less than fifty days. It’s not only the usual places like Bukit Timah that is flooded but Orchard, and it was exactly one month ago that Orchard Road turned into Sungei Orchard.

If God Himself is making a statement that He objects to being blamed for the floods, He certainly has a sense of humor. Though those who have a part to play and has suffered in His current ‘drama’ would hardly find it humorous.

I felt especially sorry for Wendy’s, which is under renovation after incurring S$500,000 in damages from last month’s flood. It was once again submerged in waist-deep water. Liat Towers clearly need to get some civil engineers in to study the viability of installing some kind of pump system to pump the water out into the sewage system during heavy rain since it is no use pumping back onto the drainage system when it has overflowed. I am actually tempted to ask the meteorological services to provide the public past records in which the same amount of rainfall was experienced, so we can see for ourselves whether similar flooding has occurred. Just why has our local press not taken the initiative to do this for our information once again points to the sub-par journalism standards in this country. It makes one wonder whether revealing the historical records would put certain departments or mini$tries or people in a very difficult position – such as revealing that the storms causing these so called ‘freak floods’ are not so uncommon after all. In fact, a rather bad tropical storm called Vamei hit us back in December 2001 and I remember that it went on raining for days. None of us were even informed we were hit by one of the worst storms in the history of Singapore and according to these records, Vamei was even classified as a Typhoon before it landed in Johor. Most of us probably still reported to work that day and I recalled seeing many ruined umbrellas in the trash can outside the office building one particular morning. Was there any floods in Orchard then? I have extracted the data related to Vamei from the site for easy reference (see below).


To understand the data format click here.

Just what excuse will Yaacob Ibrahim give this time round after the PUB cleared the blockage at that culvert or whatever? Perhaps some contractor didn’t do a good job, eh? After being paid a million dollars for his alleged talent, the million dollar mini$ter cannot expect us to be forgiving or patient in the face of such repeated fiascos. He and the well paid civil servants serpents under him do not need me to tell them to quit blaming the ‘freak weather’ for all these woes and instead take a hard look at the change of landscape in those areas and do a detailed study on what effect those changes brought to the area. To quote one of the tenants of Delfi Orchard, Ms Shanta Sundarason:

“So much for the ‘once in 50 years freak flood’ along Orchard Road. It would be nice for the problem to be addressed and dealt with, rather than a sweeping statement from the ministry.”

Singaporeans should give Shanta Sundarason a standing ovation for being forthright even though her response is still rather mild. In ancient China, the reason for the occurrence of such disasters is obvious: those in power has lost the Mandate of Heaven and until they atone for all their sins, the punishment will continue. Do not let Heaven wait too long, for when it makes the decision to pass the Mandate to another the reckoning that follow will definitely not be pleasant.

In ancient Japan, I will have given the mini$ter a katana, and he can use any public park for his final act of atonement (in traditional samurai fashion) to his dismal failure. In modern days however, there would normally be an outrage and a loud outcry for blood. When the disaster relief effort was badly managed after Typhoon Morakot hit Taiwan in 8 Aug 2009, the entire cabinet there subsequently resigned. In Singapore, all the people can do is complain (or make #FAIL posters, or make songs about it) and then just dream on. We can’t even get the responsible mini$try to admit to the failure and we can definitely forget about even getting the mini$ter in charge of it to be accountable.

From the escape of Mas Selamat to the losses suffered by town councils ‘investing’ their sinking funds, from the failure to control runaway property prices to failure to successfully deal with our public transport and traffic woes, the accountability we have gotten from the highest levels here is as good as a big fat zero. When one considers that being accountable does not seem to be part of the requirement, I am tempted to agree with a Dr. Ng Eng Hen Ng Eng Eng that all our mini$ter$ are value for money even while some might say we should pay them lesser because of that.

This is the kind of caring and responsible government gahmen we are getting. To them, good economic performance and economic indicators is all about good governance. The other things are deemed insignificant. That is not a surprise since economic indicators would be the justification to the mini$ter$ own remuneration! It probably never occurred to them that even though a good economy ensure jobs for most people and indirectly the economic well being of Singaporeans, there is more to living than just having a job and money to go around. If economic performance the only indicator on how well this country is run, we should do away with all the other ministries except one – the one who will make the economic policies and ‘run’ the economy.

Now, let me get back to the part about the poor reporter. From what I understand, anybody convicted of ‘interfering’ with the police carrying out its ‘public duty’ will be sentenced to a jail term no less than three years or fined up to $2,500 or both. However, I have yet to find an official press statement (under ‘News Releases’) on the Singapore Police Force website on this matter even though the Temasek Review claimed that such a statement has been released. Perhaps I was looking at the wrong place though I would have expected this well established people journalist site to have linked the press statement for our reference.

It makes me wonder if the poor sod was dealt with that way as a subtle warning to all the ‘people journalists’ out there that those who report on news that is negative to Singapore’s image should desist ‘for their own good’. After all, I see no reason why the Lianhe Wanbao [联合晚报] reporter Wu Qing Shun [吴庆顺] should be treated that way from the newspaper report.

The newspaper report cited that Wu arrived at an affected area along Upper Bukit Timah around 7am. When Wu attempted to find a better angle to take a photo of a vehicle trapped in the flood he was stopped by a police officer. Even though he has politely asked to take one more photo, the police officer handcuffed him and threatened to take him to the station. According to an article on the Temasek Review, the police claimed that Mr Wu was handcuffed as he was posing a ‘danger’ to himself and others. He was released after ‘assessment’ which confirmed that he would not ‘hinder’ the police’s ‘rescue operations’.

There is a major contradiction between the newspaper report and the article on the Temasek Review – i.e. the newspaper report did not indicate that Wu was posing any danger to anyone or himself while the Temasek Review reference to a police release spoke about Wu endangering his own life and that of others. What sort of ‘danger’ has Wu placed himself and other people in? Unless Wu was already in a position of grave danger, the police officer should spend more time explaining why he should desist and leave. Was Wu already way ahead into a dangerous position and the police officer has moved forward to advise Wu to move back to somewhere safer? After all, if Wu was handcuffed because he is in a position where was posing a ‘danger’ to himself and others, then the police officer is also in danger and he has every right to use limited force to not just safeguard the life of Wu but that of himself.

Beside that, I am under the impression that all rescue operations were conducted by the SCDF (Singapore Civil Defense Force) and not the police. It was my understanding that the job of the police to cordon off any dangerous areas from the general public so this so-called police release is rather puzzling. That is the reason why I am making such a fuss over the linking of the police’s press release.

At this moment, I find both of these reports equally deplorable as they do not really give the general public the necessary and important information. It has left the public with more questions than answers and the only objective it has served was to give everyone the impression of police brutality or at the very minimum, a misuse of police authority.