The Ugly Singaporeans Award

The Sub-Human Award

– that confessed al Qaeda conspirator Zacarias Moussaoui said it made his day to hear accounts of Americans’ suffering from the September 11, 2001, terrorist attacks. Taking the witness stand for the second time in his death-penalty trial, Moussaoui mocked a Navy sailor who wept on the stand as she described the death of two of her subordinates. “I think it was disgusting for a military person” to cry, Moussaoui said of the testimony of Navy Lt. Nancy McKeown. “She is military, she should expect people at war with her to want to kill her.” (This beast is trying very hard to make the Americans sentence him to death. They should suspend all human rights articles for him alone and subject him to 100 years of excruciating pain punishment. A medieval iron maiden from the museums would do just fine.)

– that Zacarias Moussaoui told a jury deciding whether he should live or die that he is willing to kill Americans ‘any time, anywhere’. (The feeling is mutual, you sub-human piece of shit. Too bad you can’t be killed again and again.)

– that Moussaoui testified at his sentencing trial that he had ‘no regret, no remorse’ over the September 11, 2001, terrorist attacks and is disappointed that additional attacks were not carried out. “I just wish it could have gone on the 12th, the 13th, the 14th, the 15th, the 16th, the 17th. We can go on and on,” Moussaoui said. “There’s no remorse for justice.” (As long as you aren’t the one on the receiving end of that ‘justice’, isn’t it?)

The World This Week

– that Warmonger Bush and his team reiterated their position on Iran’s nuclear program: America wants a diplomatic solution, and any suggestion it is moving toward an inevitable strike on Iran is ‘wild speculation’. (They are still bleeding from Afghanistan and Iraq and so they don’t need Iran to add to the bleed.)

– that Gen. Pete Pace, the top U.S. military, defended Donald Rumsfool against three retired generals demanding his ouster, and denied that the U.S. invaded Iraq without sufficiently weighing its plan. Standing next to Rumsfeld at a Pentagon briefing, Pace said critics could legitimately question the Rumsfool’s judgment but not his motives. (His motives are clear as crystal to everyone – Continual U.S. domination of the world. His judgement – An utter disaster.)

– that calls from a growing number of retired U.S. generals for Donald Rumsfool to resign over his handling of the Iraq war are inappropriate, former Joint Chiefs of Staff Chairman Gen. Richard Myers said. Six former generals, joined on Saturday by former NATO commander Gen. Wesley Clark, have spoken out against Rumsfool, accusing him of arrogance, ignoring his field commanders and micromanagement. The calls come amid growing fears of a civil war in Iraq and slumping approval ratings for Warmonger Bush. (Donald Rumsfool should go down in history as the person who f*cked up both times he was Defense Secretary.)

– that London Mayor Ken Livingstone compared the history of Beijing’s Tiananmen Square, the site of the military crackdown on democracy protesters in 1989, with that of London’s Trafalgar Square. “In the same way that Trafalgar Square has had an interesting history in the past, not always a peaceful one, there’s a very clear parallel,” he told reporters on the first day of his visit to China. (Politics can always make certain things remembered or forgotten.)

– that bowing to public opposition and persistent street demonstrations, the French gover-min withdrew the controversial youth jobs law that Prime Minister Dominique de Villepin had brandished as a bid to liberalize and modernize France’s slow-moving labor market. “The necessary conditions of confidence and calm are not there, either among young people or companies, to allow the application of the First Job Contract,” Mr. Villepin said in a brief speech. He said the now-defunct contract would be replaced by a series of measures to encourage employers to hire unqualified young people. (That’s so funny. In Singapore, we get people who failed to get hired because they were over qualified!)

– that Silvio Sicko Berlusconi has refused to concede in the country’s elections, despite official results showing opposition lea-duh Romano Prodi’s center-left coalition taking control of both houses of Parliament. “There are big discrepancies and all these discrepancies have to be looked at and checked, so I don’t think that these could be called the final results,” Berlusconi said in a nationally broadcast television address. (O Sicko, there’s a marked similarity between going to the toilet, dying, and losing political power. That is: When it’s time to go, it’s time to go. Don’t resist the inevitable and go keep Thaksin company for awhile.)

– that the Israeli gover-min signalled a formal end to the tumultuous five-year rule of coma-stricken Ariel Sharon, declaring him permanently incapacitated. The announcement was made at a cabinet meeting which saw his deputy and recent election winner Ehud Olmert – handed the reins of power after Sharon’s massive stroke on January 4 – confirmed in the post of acting prime minister. (Let Sharon go.)

– that confronted by a financial crisis and growing diplomatic isolation, the new Hamas-led gover-min is accusing ‘Palestinian’ lea-duh Mahmud Abbas of clipping its wings and seeking its collapse. Tensions between the terrorist group and the moderate ‘Palestinian’ Authority president have threatened to erupt ever since Hamas routed Abbas’s Fatah faction in January parliamentary elections and then formed its first ever cabinet. (They clipped their own wings with their murderous intent and rhetorics.)

– that Iran’s president said that the existence of the ‘Zionist regime’, Iran’s term for
Israel, was a threat to the Islamic world, days after declaring Iran had become a nuclear power by enriching uranium. “The existence of the Zionist regime is tantamount to an imposition of an unending and unrestrained threat so that none of the nations and Islamic countries of the region and beyond can feel secure from its threat,” Ahmadinejad said. (As a matter of fact, it is such meaningless, fiery rhetorics that is an unending and unrestrained threat to, well, world peace. And yes, I know I ain’t Miss Universe.)

– that defiant Iran vowed to expand its nuclear program after making a crucial advance in the fuel cycle that triggered global condemnation and could risk UN sanctions. World powers were scrambling to find consensus on how to contain Iran’s nuclear activities as the head of the UN atomic watchdog was headed to Tehran in a fresh bid to resolve the escalating crisis. (Find a way to end the supply of uranium or nuclear technology to Iran.)

– that Russia called on Iran to halt immediately all uranium enrichment work and attacked Tehran’s announcement that it had successfully enriched uranium for nuclear fuel as a ‘step in the wrong direction’. Iran must ‘suspend all work on uranium enrichment, including for research’, the official ITAR-TASS news agency quoted foreign ministry spokesman Mikhail Kamynin as saying. (Cute. Aren’t these the same guys who are supplying them the nuclear technology?)

– that Iran is giving $50 million to the cash-strapped ‘Palestinian’ Authority to fill gaps left by Western aid cuts, Foreign Minister Manouchehr Mottaki said. The donation will help make up the shortfall left by the aid cut-off by the U.S. and the EU and Israel’s freezing of the transfer of about $50 million a month in tax and customs receipts to the Hamas-controlled ‘Palestinian’ gover-min. “I am honored to announce that Iran has donated $50 million to help the ‘Palestinian’ nation,” Mottaki said in a televised speech to a conference in Tehran on the ‘Palestinian’ issue. (And how many more Arab youths will be made to die ‘honorably’, just so this proxy war on Tehran’s behalf can go on?)

– that Iraqis have become increasingly fearful that their religious allegiance could cost them their lives. Names, many of which identify which sect you are from, have become a matter of life or death. Hit squads and kidnappings have forced some people to apply legally for a new identity, a painful move in a country consumed by sectarian passions. Shiites named Ali become Omar and Sunnis named Osman call themselves Hussein, hoping to survive in densely populated mixed districts where people are killed in sectarian street attacks every week. (Is the Iraq’s version of the Thirty Years War?)

– that Saudi Arabia has invited bids for the construction of a security fence along the whole length of its 560-mile desert border with Iraq. The proposed state-of-the-art barrier is part of a comprehensive, hi-tech package to secure the Kingdom’s 4,100 miles of borders in order both to improve internal security and bolster the oil-rich Kingdom’s defences against external threats. The double-line fence will include 135 electronically controlled gates, fence-mounted ultraviolet intrusion detection sensors, buried radio detection sensors and razor wire. (Will there also be minefields?)

– that the U.S. trade deficit fell back in February as its politically sensitive trade gap with China shrank to the lowest level in nearly a year. The Commerce Department said the trade deficit – the difference between what the U.S. exports and imports – had narrowed by 4.1% to $65.7bn. (It will narrow further when China buys Boeing jets, soyabeans, and many things American. Even more with a new Chinese law to have all computer systems preloaded with a licensed copy of OS ‘to stop piracy’ and make Bill Gates a very happy man.)

– that Hu Jintao starts his U.S. visit in Seattle with a dinner at the lakeside home of Bill Gates, the chairman of Microsoft. (As I was saying…)

– that the new lea-duh of Japan’s opposition said today that the names of war criminals should be removed from a controversial war shrine at the centre of friction with Asian neighbours. “So-called Class-A war criminals should not have been enshrined at Yasukuni, which honours the war dead,” Democratic Party of Japan president Ichiro Ozawa said to public broadcaster NHK. The war shrine honours 2.5 million war dead and 14 Class-A, or top-ranking, war criminals from World War II. (Just demolish that blasted shrine and if Konkz-umi really meant what he said about remembering the horrors of war not wanting Japan to start another again, he can go to Ground Zero at Hiroshima.)

– that KMT honorary chairman Lien Chan attacked the island’s pro-independence gover-min for blocking cross-strait air links, saying it was derailing economic ties. The lack of direct air links has become the bone of contention at a top-level economic forum in Beijing, jointly organised by China’s Communist Party and Taiwan’s main opposition KMT. Remarking on the ‘unproductive’ eight-hour journey via Hong Kong that he and his 170-strong KMT delegation took to get to Beijing, he quipped that the forum should be subtitled ‘Getting straight to the point’. (The post-Chen Shui-bian era is something that many people is looking forward to, impatiently.)

– that Chen Shui-bian said China was using a joint economic forum with the island’s opposition KMT as ‘a cover for its evil intentions’. His criticism appeared to suggest that he did not agree with his Cabinet’s decision to push for a deal with the mainland within six months on direct cross-strait flights and letting mainland tourists visit Taiwan. (包藏祸心 ‘a cover for its evil intentions’ = doing what that appeals to his hardcore pro-independence voters at the expense of the good of Taiwan.)

– that a former top aide to Chen Shui-bian was in detention on suspicion of graft. Chen Che-nan was arrested after he was accused of taking money from construction tycoon Liang Po-shun to help him solve legal problems, said Taipei prosecutor Lin Pang-liang. The arrest is likely to further embarrass Chen Shui-bian, who has suffered low poll ratings since the scandal broke late last year. (It’s time the Taiwanese kick over the carpet and see what kind of filth and vermin their previously beloved ‘Son of Taiwan’ has been hiding below it.)

– that Chen Shui-bian has denied an opposition legislator’s allegation that he and his wife received illegal political contributions from a convicted businessman. KMT lawmaker Lee Chuan-chiao said at a news conference that Mr Chen had received NT$1 million from Liang Po-hsun through former presidential aide Chen Che-nan. Lee also hinted that Chen’s wife, Wu Shu-jen, had received thousands of dollars in illicit shopping coupons. His accusations came a day after Chen Che-nan was taken into custody for allegedly taking NT$7.11 million in bribes from Liang. (Chen should let his wife explain this to the Taiwanese people personally.)

– that Chen, facing accusations that his wife had accepted NT$240,000 worth of shopping vouchers from three businessmen, said he would resign if any member of his family had accepted such gifts. The presidential office said in a statement issued that his wife, Wu Shu-jen, had used vouchers worth about NT$30,000 at the Pacific Sogo Department Stores in 2003. But the vouchers had been bought by Madam Wu and her friends themselves, the statement added. “The President and his wife never accepted Sogo gift certificates” from the businessmen, it said. (Who are these friends?)

– that Thailand’s People’s Alliance for Democracy (PAD), which has been leading protests for months, wants the King to appoint a non-partisan gover-min to bring about political reform. (Democracy? It’s more like mob justice. Now what, that Thaksin’s gone?)

– that Sondhi Limthongkul, who spearheaded two months of protests that eventually led Thaksin to stand down, will face criminal charges over remarks considered insulting to the King. National police spokesman Ajirawid Subarnbhesaj said yesterday: “With the evidence that police have found, it is likely that his remarks are what would be considered an insult to the King.” Sondhi, one of Thaksin Shinawatra’s fiercest critics, has denied that his comments to thousands of protesters at a rally before this month’s controversial elections were insulting. (Time to put a troublemaker in his proper place.)

– that pilgrimage to Mecca is a $575 million-a-year business for the Indonesian gover-min, riddled with corruption. Just how deep, and high, corruption has snaked into the administration of the annual hajj was a matter of gossip and speculation for the most part until the emergence of a tape-recorded conversation in late 2003 produced the kind of evidence that should have been hard to ignore. Imam Budihardjo, the manager of a Jakarta travel agency, secretly captured Sayid Alwi Fahmi, the brother of the minister for religion then, appearing to ask for a kickback of 400 million rupiah over the awarding of a catering contract for hajj pilgrims. (They should put this corrupted asshole in that place where they stone Satan during the hajj.)

– that Indonesia’s war on corruption will not see significant results for at least a generation, Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono said. Speaking to Asian police officers meeting in the capital, he said fighting corruption is a long-time effort. “I might be over-optimistic but I believe corruption can be significantly reversed in one generation.” (Eh… one 30-year generation or one 100-year generation?)

– that the Singapore media is not helping to improve relations between Singapore and Malaysia by frequently publishing inaccurate reports on Malaysia, Information Minister Zainuddin Maidin said. The Bernama news agency said he made the point when commenting on the April 2 report in The Sunday Times newspaper in Singapore which highlighted crime in Johor Baru, in particular theft of cars including vehicles owned by Singaporeans. Datuk Zainuddin said such reports would further hurt Malaysia at a time when bilateral relations needed strengthening. (One side exaggerate. The other side sticks its head in the ground. It’s definitely more that just the Singapore media that’s not helping.)

– that Malaysia has denied that it gave in to Singapore after abruptly scrapping plans for a new bridge to link the two nations that had been opposed by its neighbour. Malaysia dumped its long fought-over plans to replace an ageing causeway linking it with its neighbour, saying it could not accept a trade-off that would have given Singapore access to its airspace and sand for land reclamation projects. Abdullah Ahmad Badawi has said the public was deeply opposed to Singapore being granted the concessions in return for the bridge. He also said Malaysia anticipated legal problems if it intended to cut the causeway without Singapore’s approval, once the new ‘half-bridge’ was completed. (Now it’s made to sound like Singapore is using the bridge to blackmail them for sand and airspace and they did the right thing not to ‘give in’! That’s a real masterful face saving measure when in reality it isn’t Singapore they aren’t giving in too.)

– that the contractor, however, is being compensated. Gerbang Perdana will be paid RM100 million in compensation for the abandonment of the bridge project, Abdullah Badawi said. Officials say the exact amount to be paid to Gerbang is being worked out, but the payment is likely to be in the form of gover-min projects in Johor rather than in cash. Gerbang was awarded the project, then called the Southern Integrated Gateway, by Mama-thir Mohamad. The project was to include the CIQ complex, the Johor side of a suspension bridge, a terminal for JB buses and a KTM railway station. (No cash compensation? No wonder someone is sooooo unhappy.)

– that no cost details were officially revealed. Newspaper reports have estimated the entire project would cost taxpayers between RM1.2 billion and RM2.5 billion. (10% of that amount would be good enough for my retirement. * hint *)

– that this was not the first time that Abdullah Badawi has stepped in to scuttle a Mama-thir project. Months after he took over as Prime Minister, he cancelled a RM14.4 billion project to electrify and install double tracks for the peninsula railway line. Earlier this year, national carmaker Proton sold off for 1 euro its stake in loss-incurring Italian motorcycle maker, Agusta. Proton adviser Mama-thir had defended the purchase of Agusta, which holds the Cagiva and Husqvarna brand names, to learn engine-making expertise. Proton had paid 70 million euros to buy Agusta. But Abdullah Badawi was advised that the Italian firm was bleeding money, with no near-term turnaround. (The country shouldn’t continually pay for someone’s delusions of grandeur.)

– that in an open attack on his successor, Mama-thir Mohamad suggested holding a referendum in Johor to see if there was backing in the state for the gover-min decision to cancel the bridge project. (And if there is actually backing in the state for that, will Mama eat humble pie and shut his big mouth up, forever?)

– that with regard to George Yeo’s remark that the question of who on or lost did not arise in Kuala Lumpur’s decision, Mama-thir said: “Singapore will surely think it did not win but Malaysia lost.” (The only loser is Mama.)

– that when when asked to sum up his feelings, he told reporters: “I am hiding my sadness because if I were to cry like I did when I announced my resignation, I will embarrass you. So, I laugh. This is because I cannot believe that before I die…the sovereignty of our country can be violated so easily. We retreated as if we surrendered our land to others.” Malaysia had lost a little of its independence, he said, because it was unable to do something like building a road and bridge within its own territory. (Malaysia sovereignty is perhaps the least of his concerns before he dies. And there’s only one thing on him that needs to die. His big mouth.)

Singapore This Week

– that Lao Lee said it is not the job of the gover-min to help the opposition parties win votes. Neither can the opposition be eliminated from the Singapore political scene. But Lao Lee said the current opposition is not up to the mark. (Of course not. Just imagine what would happen if he said they are up to the mark.)

– that Lao Lee threw down a challenge to veteran opposition politicians Chiam See Tong and Low Thia Khiang to stand in a GRC this time round. Mr Lee said: “With the ground in Singapore as it is, wanting an opposition, we know that, all of you want an opposition right? You are young. You want to vote and you want to see a fight in Parliament. You want to see the heat and dust of a clash in the arena. If they are any good, you will vote for them. Chiam has been there 20 years. Low Thia Khiang has been there 15 years. He has had all the exposure in Parliament. Take on a GRC but watch whether he will do it or not.” (And get themselves wiped out? No one is so stupid. Why not send one of those big shot million-dollar mini$ter$ to re-take Potong Pasir and Hougang?)

– that Lao Lee also reiterated the Tali-PAP’s stand on upgrading in opposition-held wards. Lao Lee said: “The reality is that Potong Pasir and Hougang will have to wait for their turn at the end of the queue. It is as simple as that. Look, ask yourself – does any gover-min help the opposition to displace itself? Is it the business of the gover-min?” Lao Lee then went on to cite examples in Malaysia and asked if in America or Britain they gave benefits to all constituencies equally too. (Those countries have laws in place to make it difficult even for the opposition to use their own money to do certain things too? Just like Potong Pasir’s lift upgrading?)

– that Lao Lee also drove home the importance of why the votes of young Singaporeans matter. (Well, with the GRC system in place so that there’s many walk overs, they don’t even get to vote! So much for importance.)

– that Lao Lee said, “It is necessary for people like you and your generation to understand that this is not a business of just voting or not voting. Politics has got to do with your life, your job, your home, your Medicare, your children’s future. Suppose it goes wrong. You don’t need to do political science to know that something has gone wrong, right? It is not for the fun of it. It is for a very serious purpose to ensure a good gover-min for Singapore and the opposition when it gets in, be equally good.” (Are Singaporeans incapable of deciding what is good or not for them?)

– that Lao Lee said, “There are things which I can do as a minister in gover-min which I believe – and the Prime Minister knows it, the Senior Minister and I think the rest of the Cabinet ministers also know – no other person can do. It’s as simple as that.” (Just like the problem with the SIA pilots the other time. No one else could handle. Really. Can you name someone else who could?)

– that a walkover for the Tali-PAP spells a strong mandate, Lao Lee argued. If a constituency is not contested, it means the opposition knows it cannot trump what the Tali-PAP has done so far, said Lao Lee during a televised forum with young journalists. And that, to Lao Lee, is a ‘pretty strong mandate’. “Suppose they stand a chance of winning – would they stay away? There are so many people with so many bright ideas,” he pointed out. (That’s why the opposition, if they really have a vision, should contest every seat, even if that means losing their deposit money. And for what? To put to an end the conceited argument that no contest = mandate.)

– that nothing will happen to you if your vote against the Tali-PAP. That something would happen to you is not ‘an impression that the Tali-PAP has created’ but one spread by the people. (There will always be those who would prefer to err on the side of paranoia.)

– that Low Thia Khiang issued his own challenge in response to Lao Lee’s dare that he contest a GRC: Give him one that includes his ward and Potong Pasir as well. It would not be difficult for Lao Lee to ask the Electoral Boundaries Review Committee to draw a GRC that would include the two opposition-held constituencies, the Hougang MP said. (Mai dua kang lah! [Translation: Please don’t show off.])

– that Low Thia Khiang said the Tali-PAP never had problems scrutinising opposition candidates and could, within days of the start of campaigning, find out about their past and personal lives. But Baby Lee shot back: “I don’t understand. Low Thia Khiang said he will wait until Nomination Day because he thinks that we’re very fast in finding out things which are wrong with the opposition candidates. But if there’s nothing wrong, why are you afraid of somebody being found out?” (Given enough time, something wrong can be found on anything even when there’s nothing wrong.)

– that Baby Lee had said the opposition parties were not discussing ‘the future of Singapore and the direction it should take’. In his statement, Mr Jeyaretnam rapped the opposition: “This is because they accept the Tali-PAP system – even the present lea-duhs of the political party which I once led.” (Try and imagine Jeyaretnam being Minister Mentor now. Does anyone sincerely think things will be different?)

– that J.B. Jeyaretnam slammed opposition figures in an outburst that some analysts say could hurt their cause. Jeyaretnam accused them of not being bold enough to challenge and change Singapore’s political system. Branding it a Tali-PAP system, he said it was ‘undemocratic and completely bad for the future of Singapore’. (He hasn’t figure out that few people are interested in an all-out confrontation with the Tali-PAP after all these years. Thanks for all the own goals, old chap.)

– that outlining his own ideal system, Jeyaratnam said it should be one with a ‘completely free civil service, independent judiciary and where the power is with the people and not in the gover-min’. (First of all, you need people to share your ideal. Just go get some lesssons on neo-realism, dude.)

– that Wong Wua Kan Seng has assured Singaporeans that their votes are secret. However, he said it was possible for candidates from all political parties to tell how a specific polling district has voted when they witness the counting of the votes. (Knew that a long time ago. It is simply too labour intensive and time consuming to go check vote by vote and hunt down those who voted for the opposition, in spite of the serial numbers on the voting slip.)

– that the coming erection election will be a watershed one for a first-time Prime Minister who wants to take Singapore to the next decade, says Wua Kan Seng. (That still doesn’t mean over-whelming support in votes and absolute power in parliament.)

– that apart from Lao Goh, more mini$ter$ are lending their weight to Hougang’s advisor Eric Low in preparing for the General Election. Tharman Shanmugaratnam, who celebrated the Indian New Year festivities with Hougang’s Indian Activity Group, emphasised that Mr Low is part of the Tali-PAP team. (Ever consider going there to run yourself, Goh?)

– that the General Election will likely take place in the first two weeks of May, Lao Goh hinted. (Someone jokingly shouted out to the whole battalion it will be on May 6th, during my Stand Down Parade on March 31st. Too bad he didn’t shout to us the 4D number for that Saturday.)

– that the Tali-PAP for Hougang said Lao Goh’s latest move – offering estate upgrading to precincts that show strong support for the PAP – will boost his chances in the polls. Lao Goh had raised the possibility on Sunday with about 180 homes in Realty Park estate in Hougang, but said it would hinge on Mr Eric Low getting at least 60% of their votes. (Funny why they love to call refurbishment – upgrade. And when you have to pay for a part of that refurbishment, even when some of it is necessary, there’s really no hurry.)

– that Lao Goh will be the only veteran left in the new Marine Parade GRC slate and he is angling for a fight. “I would be looking forward to this contest because it will be very good for the new candidates. So (the opposition) should come to the Marine Parade GRC.” (They should go to Ang Mo Kio too, just to keep these fellows occupied.)

– that Yeo Cheow Tong Lam Cheow Kong says that there is no need for a shadow Cabinet to act as a check on the Tali-PAP in Parliament. He explains that the Nominated MP and Non-Constituency MP schemes already do that. Lam was reacting to the SDA’s aim for a shadow Cabinet as outlined in its manifesto soft-launched online. (Actually, we do need is a shadow Transport Minister. After all the only solution Lam has offered so far to every congestion problem is nothing but implementing ERP. We do need some fresh ideas.)

– that Lam dismissed the SDA’s call to have more opposition MPs. “It’s not a matter of whether there are opposition MPs in Parliament or not. The fact is that even if PAP has a clean sweep, there will still be a number of Non-constituency members or NCMPs. So, there will always be opposition members in parliament. At the same time, we have the NMPs as well. Therefore, there will always be people who don’t belong to the PAP,” Mr Yeo said during a walkabout in Hong Kah GRC. (NCMPs and NMPs are chosen either by law or by the gover-min. They not elected by the people, whether they are good in parliament or not. In fact, they can just join the rest of us and use the feedback channels.)

– that Steve Stiff Chia also felt that the upgrading carrot should not concern voters as the gover-min’s intention is to upgrade all estates by 2014 in any case. “Voters need to ask their PAP MPs and candidates where they are on the list of upgrading priority. If they are ranked at the bottom, then it won’t make much difference whether they vote for the PAP or not.” He was at a walkabout in Chua Chu Kang with SDA members, distributing pamphlets explaining the alliance’s election agenda. (Singaporeans loved to rush, Stiff. They would want it now instead of 2014.)

– that after the WP and the SDP had sealed a deal on which party will contest Sembawang GRC, it looks like Nee Soon Central could now be the source of a dispute between them. It is understood that the SDP still wants to contest in the single-seat ward, although the WP has now asked for it in exchange for ceding Sembawang GRC to the SDP. Sources close to both parties said that SDP secretary-general Chee Soon Juan wants to field his sister Chee Siok Chin there. (Treachery must be the hallmark of SDP’s version of democracy.)

– that the NKF charity scandal is a major plank opposition parties intend to use against the ruling Tali-PAP during campaigning in the coming general election. The SDP was first to signal it will use the issue to win votes in Sembawang GRC, where its team will contest against Health Minister Khaw Boon Wan, who will lead the Tali-PAP team there. (Please, look forward and give up flogging that corpse called NKF!)

– that Chiam See Tong confirmed the NKF will be one of several issues his four-party SDA will raise during the polls. “It is not NKF itself that is the issue. It is the way the organisation has been run,” said Mr Chiam, who is SDA’s chairman. “It is about how NKF is run and governance issues: the lack of accountability and openness; what happened to the investment and public money poured into it? Who accounts for that? Some people have been saying it mirrors the way Singapore is governed too.” (Careful, Chiam! Don’t end up with a defamation suit.)

– that Khaw Boon Wan showers 3 times a day. (We’ll definitely need a few more reservoirs. :P)

– that the chairman of the Jalan Besar branch of the YPAP dismissed an opposition candidate’s statement that there was a climate of fear among its members. Mr Patrick Lim, 33, said he does not recall Mr Edmund Ng, a former YPAP member now with the SDA, expressing alternative views to gover-min policies and being told off for it. “I can vouch that our MP, Dr Lee Boon Yang, and the party activists in Jalan Besar do not tell any person who has an alternative view to shut up or tone down,” he said in a statement to The Stooge Times. (Opposition members can spare us of such boo-boos in the future.)

– that the NKF wants some of the money paid out by its former board and ex-CEO T.T. Durai back. Signalling its determination, it has retained legal powerhouse Allen & Gledhill to see if there are grounds to sue for the return of the money. Senior Counsel K. Shanmugam, who heads its litigation and disputes resolution team, will lead the review. (Those jokers haven’t yet returned the money out of their own accord to make peace with the public? The gall of it!)

– that the police raided the Chinatown cyber-brothel which had promised its clients the fulfilment of their sexual fantasies. The tagline on its website claimed it was an exclusive members-only ‘Gentlemen’s Club’. The bigger lure was sex with women dressed as air stewardesses, corporate executives, secretaries – even Sailor Moon, the popular Japanese Anime character. The name of this so-called club was ‘Dreams Come True’. (The Lar Sup – sleazy – Business Model goes cyber! Wow.)

– that unlike others, there was not the usual red lantern outside its premises. No large address number plate. No signboard. It looked like any other Chinatown shophouse. (Even better than those so-blasted-oblivious tui-na – 推拿 – joints! Erhem… ‘先生，要抓根吗？’)

– that each session at this brothel costs $140. Information obtained from the brothel’s website, indicates that it was a less than five-minute walk from Chinatown MRT station. The brothel was on the top floor of a three-storey shophouse, which also houses restaurants, law firms and other offices. Open from 11am to 11pm, it was accessible by a flight of stairs. (The next step would be to make it mobile in such a way that there’s no fix place to raid.)

– that Singapore is exploring the possibility of hosting a Grand Prix after new rules allowed the Formula One calendar to expand to a possible 20 races in 2008. It is examining a plan which would see races staged around a street circuit. (Time to use it to bring in the tourists and give KL a run for its money.)

– that ComfortDelGro and some commuters and cabbies have dismissed the idea of dropping the call-booking surcharge for taxis here. The idea of making a phone call the normal way of getting a taxi was floated in this newspaper, following a debate in its Forum pages among commuters and cabbies over the issue. ComfortDelGro, which runs the Comfort, Yellow-Top and CityCab fleet of cabs and takes the lion’s share of call bookings daily, was not enthusiastic. It said through its spokesman that call-booking was a premium service that ought to continue attracting a fee. (Why drop the call-booking surcharge when you can make the system ban certain drivers from bidding for a call when their cabs have been idle in the vicinity of town over a certain timespan, say, 10 minutes?)

– that many HDB flat buyers who bypass estate agents to make their purchases are still being fleeced for thousands of dollars in commissions – by the sellers’ agents. CASE has received a growing number of complaints from home buyers who were unaware they are not required to pay the fees but who were misled into coughing them up. Independent buyers complain that the sellers’ agents inform them they have to pay the commissions just before the purchase documents are signed. This leaves the buyers with little time to find out their rights. The buyers, in fact, can opt out of paying the fee – usually 1% of a flat’s price – if they say upfront that they will not be using the agent’s service. This means the buyer will have to do the paperwork himself. (1% huh? That’s even better commission than what remisiers are making.)

Trivial, Jokes and Thoughts from Discussions

– that Sunderland held Manchester ManUre United to a shock 0-0 draw at Old Trafford but were still relegated despite their battling display. ManUre United dominated play and created countless chances but inspired goalkeeper Kelvin Davis managed to keep strikers Wayne Rooney and Ruud Van Nistelrooy at bay. (Long live Sunderland! Any day is a good day when ManUre United falters.)

– that the Gospel of Judas has of course no place in the Christian Bible and is definitely fictitious. (Interesting how this ancient fiction and heresy actually hit the news. According to the Gospels that did make it into the Bible – Judas killed himself after his betrayal of Jesus Christ. So just who did he tell to pass his story in the Gospel of Judas? Pretty common sense, isn’t it?)

– that Google CEO Eric Schmidt defended the company’s controversial decision to censor Internet searches in its Chinese edition, reiterating its position that it has to comply with local laws. (If you want todo business and make money in a certain country, don’t go around acting tough to piss that country’s gover-min off.)

– that banned by Comedy Central from showing an image of the Islamic prophet Muhammad, the creators of ‘South Park’ skewered their own network for hypocrisy in the cartoon’s most recent episode. The comedy – in an episode aired during Holy Week for Christians – instead featured an image of Jesus Christ defecating on Warmonger Bush and the American flag. (The creators of ‘South Park’ obviously are insensitive, irreponsible hypocrites themselves. After all, the angry Muslims probably won’t be able to get to these hypocrites and in the end it would be innocents who are going to get hurt, again.)

– that a frequent ‘South Park’ critic, William Donohue of the anti-defamation group Catholic League, called on Parker and Stone to resign out of principle for being censored. “The ultimate hypocrite is not Comedy Central – that’s their decision not to show the image of Muhammad or not – it’s Parker and Stone,” he said. “Like little whores, they’ll sit there and grab the bucks. They’ll sit there and they’ll whine and they’ll take their shot at Jesus. That’s their stock in trade.” (Christians are really far too mild and civilised in their responses to such provocation. But God stands up for Himself without the need of us mere mortals.)

– that ‘genius’ DANNY QUAH WEI SHENG complained on the Stooge Times Forum about the NS disruption policy in view of shortened NS term. He alleged that there is a sizable number of NSmen who have set their sights overseas or in other local institutions, and they suffer instead of benefiting with the shortening of the NS term to two years as they now have to wait even longer to enter university for the usual fall term. He indicated that he intend to study in the U.S., where the school term starts in September. If he hold my leave and clear it before he ORD, he would effectively be done with his NS by October. This makes him miss the 2006 school term by one month and he would have to wait almost 11 months until September 2007 before he can start school. He asks if this is not a monumental waste. (Instead of being grateful he isn’t going to waste 6 more months in the army if it was a 2.5 years National Service, he whines! People these days, go for a mile when you give then an inch.)

– that three Singaporeans got lost on what they said was a mission to find a legendary karate expert on a snowy mountainside in Japan. One of the trio had said: “Japan looked so small on the world map that we thought we would be able to find him straightaway.” (Did they actually look at how small Singapore is compared to Japan, for starters? Just Kyushu is way bigger than Singapore already!)

It’s been a long time ago I read an irritating letter that actually provoke a response. Here’s it, regardless if the Stooge Times publish it or not.

And this is a combined reply, from me and a friend who is now languishing under SuxHub’s LagOnline services.

We are subscribers of StarHub’s MaxOnline service (2000 and 6500) and refer to the letter ‘MaxOnline well-suited to online gaming’ by Thomas Ee (ST, April 11).

Mr Ee explained that ‘the end-user’s access experience with one ISP may differ from another as the network of upstream providers for every ISP may be different’. Then, did StarHub as an ISP, feedback to their upstream providers to do something about it when it is clear these providers are the cause of user unhappiness? While we agree that ‘Gaming lag is an issue that all ISPs around the world face, from time to time’, it is mind bogging when a 56K Pacific Internet Dial-up to a MMORPG game server in Taiwan achieved a ping time of 110ms, while the ping time on StarHub MOL 2000 is about double of that.

Above which, if gaming experience is ‘affected by many other reasons, including the condition of the modem connecting to the broadband network, and the final data path taken to/from the hosted site of the game’, how does StarHub explain that the lag on StarHub’s services is affecting not just one MMORPG game, but several different games? In fact, even when we looked at just the dozen of game servers for only one MMORPG – which are in different parts of the world – the ping time is between 200ms to 400ms. Needless to say, the game is now agonising to play no matter which server is chosen. This is made worse with the packet dropping issue. Sadly, we had better ping time in the sub-100ms range for some servers and better network stability until about a year ago. StarHub certainly have seen better days.

As to giving feedback direcly to StarHub, let us share our experiences:

Upon receiving a feedback, StarHub’s requires the user to run some commands to obtain some results and then sent them via email. In one case, a friend helped us pinged one of the servers for the same MMORPG using his SingNet ADSL connection and got a ping time of 60ms and 0% packet loss. We contrasted that with MOL 6500, where there was a 50% packet loss and a ping time of 130ms. We noted the packet loss was caused by a router within Starhub’s network but StarHub’s reply was that nothing was wrong despite the logs we sent. Differences in technology between the ISPs aside, this is clearly not just a given server/site issue!

Are the logs we submitted taken seriously and analysed thoroughly to help StarHub identify the problem? Or are these user feedback written off as isolated cases after a standard reply, because StarHub is utterly convinced in the superiority of its network?

Many users would not pursue the matter further after the standard replies because it is time consuming. However, if these issues persist, the good news is we will soon cease to be StarHub’s problem, once our current liabilities with StarHub have expired.

– that it is morally wrong for one people to dispossess, subjugate, or exterminate another people. – excerpt from ‘Collapse: How Societies choose to fail or succeed’ by Jared Diamond. (Someone ought to tell that to Japanese shiteads who came up with these garbage manga to justify their invasion of Korea and their war against many other Asian people.)

The World This Week

– that fossil animals found in Arctic Canada provide a snapshot of fish evolving into land animals, scientists say. The finds are giving researchers a fascinating insight into this key stage in the evolution of life on Earth. U.S. palaeontologists have published details of the fossil ‘missing links’ in the prestigious journal Nature. The 383 million-year-old specimens are described as crocodile-like animals with fins instead of limbs that probably lived in shallow water. (What about the organs? You have so-called ‘evidence’ that fins became legs. Where’s the evidence of proto-lungs or half-gill, half-lungs?)

– that Professor Jennifer Clack, from the University of Cambridge, said that the find could prove to be as much of an ‘evolutionary icon’ as Archaeopteryx – an animal believed to mark the transition from reptiles to birds. (The main problem was that reptilian predecessors to the Archaeopteryx was found in rocks younger in age than those the Archaeopteryx is found. However, the fossil evidence is then re-arranged by evolution minded ‘scientists’ to continually present this as an icon and nothing half-feather, half-scale has ever been found.)

– that a Department of Homeland Security official was arrested night on charges of using his computer to seduce a child after he allegedly struck up sexually explicit conversations with a detective posing as a 14-year-old girl, authorities said. Brian J. Doyle, 55, is charged with seven counts of use of a computer to seduce a child and 16 counts of transmission of harmful material to a minor, according to the Polk County, Florida, Sheriff’s Office. (This ‘lao ti-ko’ – dirty old fart – sure got a different idea of what ‘security’ means.)

– that a new book reveals how Laura Bush was left dumbfounded by her predecessor’s garish taste in home decor and distinctly unimpressed with her housekeeping skills after taking over the White House in 2000. ‘Laura Bush: An Intimate Portrait of the First Lady’ – the first book to be written with her co-operation – reveals that she believes Hillary did not keep good house during her time at the White House. (Don’t be surprised if there are testicles under Hillary’s skirt too. Just look at all those alleged affairs Bill has been having.)

– that Silvio Sicko Berlusconi, the Italian prime minister, labelled people who planned to vote for the opposition as ‘testicles’. Mr Berlusconi, 69, made the remark during a business conference just hours after his TV debate with Romano Prodi, the lea-duh of the opposition. (Thaksin is your mirror, Sicko.)

– that three days before Italy’s general election, Sicko Berlusconi went on the warpath accusing the judiciary, the press, big business and banks of plotting his defeat. In a series of fierce outbursts, he presented himself as a martyr for democracy and warned that civil liberties would be trampled on if his rival, Romano Prodi, won the ballot. (Oh really? Will Romano Prodi be calling himself ‘Il Duce’ too? When you made too many enemies, Sicko, don’t accuse them of plotting against you.)

– that John Howard has declared that his stance against same-sex marriage is not driven by an opposition to homosexuals. Howard rejected the charge by ACT chief minister Jon Stanhope that Mr Howard’s opposition to the ACT’s plan to recognise homosexual unions meant there was ‘no place in Howard’s Australia for homosexuals’. “That’s wrong. This is not an anti-homosexual gesture,” Howard said, adding that it was intended to preserve the ‘special and traditional place of marriage as a heterosexual union for life of a man and a woman in Australian society’. Howard said there was scope to remove discrimination against homosexual couples, but not to equate a homosexual union with a traditional marriage. (No one is going to stop them if they want to stay together. A legal document for them which is the equivalent of a marriage certificate is about the same as adding legs to the drawing of a snake. Not to mention it probably comes with the same mess as a traditional divorce when they decided they wanted to separate later. Well, wouldn’t that be interesting when Steve ask Adam for maintenance and Adam’s lawyer tells the judge that Steve can go earn his own money because they both have a dick? Now that surely redefines what the Hokkien meant by ‘lan pa pa lan’. [‘Lan pa pa lan’ simply means wasting time doing things that have no meaningful effect.])

– that Nigerian security forces encouraged Charles Taylor to flee and helped him get to the Cameroon border before the same agents turned around and arrested him in a double-cross, his spiritual adviser said. Meanwhile, Taylor’s family accused an international war tribunal of denying him access to lawyers he requested and trying to foist on him court-appointed defenders. (It’s time you pay for your misdeeds, Taylor.)

– that the arrest of Liberia’s warlord Charles Taylor sends a powerful message to other war crimes indictees that ‘you can run but you can’t hide’ and there will be no impunity, UN and human rights officials say. As Taylor, the single most powerful figure behind a series of civil wars in Liberia and neighbouring Sierra Leone between 1989 and 2003, awaits trial before a UN-backed special court, rights advocates voiced hope that top Balkan war crimes fugitives Radovan Karadzic and Ratko Mladic would be next to face justice. (Better make sure that even if they do not get to face justice, there won’t be shrines to turn them into gods after that!)

– that South Africa’s former deputy president Jacob Zuma told his rape trial that he took a shower after sex with his HIV-positive accuser in order to minimise the risk of contracting AIDS. Zuma, who at the time sat on the gover-min’s National AIDS Council tasked with awareness and prevention campaigns, also told the court in Johannesburg that she initiated sex. (Was the AIDS prevention campaign a total failure when this clown was on the council? And if she has initiated sex, he better have a damned good reason why she’s suing him now.)

– that U.S. authorities in Iraq guarded freed hostage Jill Carroll after insurgents released her from nearly three months of captivity and published a video showing her praising them. Video footage posted on the Internet showed Carroll in an interview with her kidnappers before her release in which she praised Iraq’s insurgents and even predicted their victory. (Was that why they released her – by turning her into ‘Baghdad Jill’ – the Iraqi version of ‘Hanoi Jane’?)

– that according to Javad Zarif, the Iranian ambassador to the UN, Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, the lea-duh of the Islamic Republic, has issued a decree against the development, production, stockpiling and use of nuclear weapons. (Makes no difference even if that had been the dying wish of Ruhollah Khomeini himself.)

– that the ‘Palestinian’ Authority’s coffers are empty and the new gover-min is struggling to find money to pay tens of thousands of its employees. New ‘Palestinian’ Prime Minister Ismail Haniyeh revealed the scale of the problem at the first meeting of his Hamas-led Cabinet. (Just do a few more suicide attacks, fire a few more missiles into Israel and the money will be more forthcoming from your Arab brothers.)

– that Condom-leezza Lice said the U.S. would push for a South Asian moratorium on nuclear weapons production to ease tensions between India and Pakistan. “We would like to see, obviously, in the regional sense in the relationship between India and Pakistan and others, a look at regional moratorium on fissile material production,” Lice told a congressional hearing on a landmark US-India civilian nuclear deal. (Whatever makes Lice think that these countries will dance to America’s tune?)

– that China should stop buying US debt and gradually cut its holdings of U.S. gover-min bonds, a senior Chinese parliament official said according to a newspaper report. Cheng Siwei, vice-chairman of the National People’s Congress, also said China should increase purchases of U.S. goods to help reduce the trade imbalance, currently in favour of the mainland, according to the Beijing-backed Wen Wei Po daily. Cheng added that these moves should be carried out gradually. (America should just sell China F-22s to ease the trade imbalance. And it won’t take too many F-22s to do that.)

– that China’s gover-min has long said that the most important human rights are the rights to food and shelter. More recently, it has acknowledged abuses by police and other local officials and promised to clean things up. (Some clowns probably think that democracy is a more important pre-requisite than food and shelter. Of course, these clowns need a refreshment course on Maslow’s Hierarchy of needs.)

– that China will begin shipping processed oil along the Mekong River next month as part of an experiment to find alternatives to the congested Strait of Malacca – a vital shipping lane which is also a major source of energy insecurity for Beijing. Citing a new ‘landmark agreement’ between China, Myanmar, Thailand and Laos, the official Xinhua news agency said China will be allowed to ship a monthly maximum of 1,200 tonnes of oil along the river from May to December. The oil – a drop in the bucket compared to the 127 million tonnes of crude oil China imported last year – will reach ports in the south-western Chinese province of Yunnan before being transported inland. (Far better than allowing the oil to sail up the South China Sea exposed to the predation of Japan and U.S. naval assets.)

– that Hu Jintao made a rare conciliatory gesture to Japan last week by offering to hold a summit with Koizumi if he stops his visits to Yasukuni Shrine, which honors Japan’s 2.5 million war dead – including convicted war criminals. However, Taro Aso Arsehole rejected the condition, telling reporters that China’s ‘method is beyond our comprehension’, Kyodo News agency said. “China is saying that they won’t hold a meeting in order to solve the problem. (But) don’t you have to meet someone if you want to resolve a problem?” Aso said, according to Kyodo. (Someone should put a another person on the foreign minister job and fire this bozo.)

– that Arsehole called China a military threat, while a top gover-min spokesman rebuffed conciliatory gestures by Beijing over a controversial war shrine, in comments likely to deepen tensions between the two nations. Speaking on a Fuji TV Network talk show, Arsehole – who has already riled China in recent months with a series of critical comments – rapped what he said was rapid growth and lack of transparency in China’s military spending. (Very funny. Is Arsehole telling the world that Japan every cent spent on its military can see the light of day?)

– that the front-runner to be Japan’s next prime minister has accused China of destabilising Asia with its military spending and not sharing his country’s democratic values. Shinzo Strike Abe, now the top spokesman in Junk-ichiro Konkz-umi’s cabinet, also criticised China in an interview published in the Nihon Keizai Shimbun for cutting off dialogue with the Japanese gover-min. (So visiting a shrine full of soldiers which died invading other countries is an act of stabilising Asia. That’s Japanese logic for you!)

– that a closely watched meeting between Chen Shui-bian and Ma Ying-jeou, lea-duh of the largest opposition party the Kuomintang, has failed to bring the two sides any closer to agreeing on key issues. (Chen needs political lasik to cure his political myopia, for the greater good of the Taiwanese people.)

– that in the meeting, Chen said: “Communist China has always maintained the ‘One China’ principle but not the ‘different interpretation’ aspect.” He even suggested that Taiwan had not been party to any 1992 consensus, a conclusion he drew after speaking to the late Koo Chen-fu who represented Taipei at the 1993 talks, and verifying the matter with Lee Teng-hui. (Bollocks! The 1992 consensus might not be explicit. But without any implicit consensus there will be no Wang-Koo meeting in 1993.)

– that Joseph Estrada today 545 million pesos in payoffs to protect illegal gambling operators, calling the allegations nothing but lies. Estrada, testifying for the third time in his five-year-old plunder trial, said that as a mayor before he was elected president in 1998, he led a campaign against illegal gambling and ordered police to ‘go all out against all forms’ of it. (Against all forms that didn’t give him a payoff?)

– that a day after claiming victory in a national election, Thaksin Shinawatra has announced he will resign amid mass protests and a political crisis that has thrown the future of the gover-min into question. Thaksin addressed the country on national television after meeting with the Thailand’s King. (The well respected King Bhumibol must have told Thaksin to do what is necessary.)

– that Thaksin bowed to months of demonstrations demanding he step down for abuse of power and said he would give up the premier’s post, even though his ruling party won a majority of the vote in the recent elections. But the billionaire-businessman turned politician also said he would stay on in parliament and remain leader of the Thai Rak Thai (Thais Love Thais) party he founded and ruled during his five years in power. (Now that he finds that it is not so easy to be ‘king’, he wants to be ‘king’-maker, or be the puppeteer who pulls the strings behind the curtains.)

– that the Bangkok Post questioned the political motives of Thaksin, who has defied two months of street protests demanding his ouster over alleged abuse of power and corruption. “Political reform would not materialize as the new prime minister would be Mr Thaksin’s puppet and the new gover-min would still be under the TRT’s thumb,” it said. Thaksin’s ruling Thai Rak Thai is the most powerful and best-financed political party in Thailand, and is likely to remain so as long at the 56-year-old billionaire and former telecoms tycoon remains at the helm. (Will someone give up what he has built so easily?)

– that from next month, anyone driving from Singapore or Thailand into Malaysia will have to buy a vehicle entry permit costing RM20 each. The move is designed to partly fend off public criticism against the gover-min for reducing fuel subsidies, which led to pump prices rising at least 19%. Najib Razak is expected to announce details of the new charge soon. The plan is to impose a RM20 charge per entry, regardless of the number of days the vehicle is in the country. (A wise choice. Or else foreigners will be enjoying subsidies at Malaysia’s expense by entering Malaysia and pumping cheap fuel. Singaporeans who complain that this is unjustified should advise our gover-min to give a progress package to PRs too.)

– that Abdullah Ahmad Badawi said Malaysia would not use the water it exports to Singapore as a bargaining chip to get the city-state to agree to a contentious bridge linking the two countries. Abdullah said Singapore has ‘always been worried’ about losing its water supply, but Malaysia has no intention of cutting it off. (It would make no sense at all to Singapore to talk about all the issues individually. Singapore would have gotten no benefits at all to do so.)

Singapore This Week

– that Khaw Boon Wan welcomes a debate with the opposition on the country’s largest charity scandal in the next election, saying he has faith in Singaporeans’ ability to judge fairly how the gover-min handled the matter. Picking up the gauntlet thrown by the SDP, he said he regarded the handling of the NKF episode as ‘one of my strong platforms’. This was regardless of where he contests in the election. (Show the SDP charlatans no mercy. Rip them to shreds for wasting everyone’s time.)

– that Lim Boon Heng Bodok adviced the SDP to get the mathematics right before bringing up the issue of high healthcare costs. In 1996, Typo Gangster Chee had made certain allegations about high healthcare costs in Singapore only to be found to have got his numbers wrong during a select committee hearing. (Oh no, not again!)

– that Typo Gangster Chee charged that the gover-min profits from health care. In response, Bodok told reporters, “I wish Dr Chee did his mathematics and did it properly because if he did, then he wouldn’t come to such silly conclusions.” Typo said in a statement that his party would make health-care costs an election issue. (The gover-min maybe finding means to ease its own burden in health care. But to say it is profitting from health care is an absurd proposition.)

– that the Tali-PAP wants voters to look at its candidates critically but asks that they apply the same yardstick to the opposition. Lim Bodok believes the quality of candidates is critical. (Sure. Just let us use our own yardsticks and not the one the Tali-PAP supplies.)

– that Bodok noted that voters could not expect new candidates to come ready with a deft political touch. But their leadership qualities can be seen in how they lead at work and in community work, he added. (Wua Kang Seng said, “Mr Chiam focused on issues pertaining mainly to Potong Pasir matters…” Well, why should we give a damn what that Tali-PAP candidates has done in community work when that of Chiam’s is discreditted as having done little to benefit Singaporeans?)

– that in the sharpest attack yet on the opposition, Tali-PAP first assistant secretary-general Wong Wua Kan Seng said that the three opposition men in Parliament had done nothing important to improve the lives of Singaporeans. It was the PAP MPs and even the Nominated MPs who had performed better in giving concrete suggestions to improve policies, he said. (Actually, their very existence on its own have already benefitted Singaporeans. The legacy of the current group of opposition MPs may simply be keeping the Tali-PAP on its toes and make it more caring to the people.)

– that opposition MPs defended their performance in the face of criticisms from the Tali-PAP. The three men said they had done their fair share in coming up with suggestions to improve policies, some of which they said had been adopted by the Tali-PAP gover-min itself. They disagreed with what Wua Kan Seng had to say about them. (The Tali-PAP should list all the suggestions – which improves the lot of Singaporeans – given by every single one of their MPs who are not cabinet mini$ter$. It would be interesting to just look at the comments and arguments of some Tali-PAP MPs regarding the institution of National Service during the Melvyn Tan debates.)

– that Teo Chee Hean has once again drawn a clear distinction between the work of Tali-PAP MPs in constituencies and the opposition, many of whom tend to show up only at election time. Speaking to reporters at a Pasir Ris-Punggol GRC constituency event, he said the Tali-PAP had always been working on the ground. “I think that marks the difference between ourselves and a good number of the opposition who turn up at the last moment making promises,” said Teo, reiterating a point he had made previously about the opposition. (When was the last time my MP was in my ward?)

– that Steve Stiff Chia fired back at the Tali-PAP for its call to Singaporeans to judge opposition candidates as they do Tali-PAP candidates. Chia added: “Voting for a Tali-PAP candidate based on the Tali-PAP brand name is also foolish.” He also told The Straits Stooge Times the PAP’s new candidates may not necessarily perform well just because the party’s track record is good. “As it is, many PAP MPs are not performing and some do not even bother to attend Parliament sittings.” (Wasn’t there some who were caught dozing off in Parliment on TV too?)

– that three political parties poised to launch their campaigns online are scrapping their plans after rules on Internet electioneering were made clear. But the parties slammed the gover-min’s decision to ban podcasting and videocasting during elections as an attempt to curb alternative voices. (Try and imagine the Stooge Times showing a photo of an opposition rally with pathetically few souls while the opposition party website showed a large crowd using video streaming. That can’t be allowed to happen right?)

– that gamers are complaining that sluggish StarHub broadband speeds are turning fleet-footed virtual commandos into zombie-like cannon fodder. Complaints about Singapore’s largest broadband ISP, which serves 51% of residential broadband subscribers, have surfaced at popular online hangouts like GameAxis and sgForums, and in interviews with gamers. The Straits Stooge Times found significantly fewer complaints about SingNet, and none about Pacific Internet on these sites. At GameAxis, a thread sarcastically titled ‘StarHub is good for your gaming experience’ has ballooned to 20 pages, filled with complaints about ‘LagOnline’ – a play on the name of StarHub’s broadband service, MaxOnline. (StarHub, buck up please. A 200ms ping time to the Ultima OnLine [UO] game server in Taiwan is unacceptable when that’s the same ping time between my company’s Singapore and London offices.)

– that StarHub senior vice-president for IP services Thomas Ee dismissed such complaints as ‘few and far between’, adding that ‘speed can be subjective and we do not agree our connection is slower’. (That’s something you tell people who are IT illiterate but it just isn’t good enough to fool someone in the same line! Otherwise just explain why a ping time of 110ms is achieved using a 56K dial-up on Pacific Internet to the same UO game server!)

– that commercial pilot and gamer Kenneth Tan, 34, who also heard this reply when he complained. “How can this be true when SingNet or PacNet users don’t face problems with the game server?” countered the MaxOnline 6500 user, who declined to take up StarHub’s suggested solution to his woes: switching to a more expensive plan. (StarHub, listen carefully. I will not repeat myself. If this situation does not improve, I’ll take up one of SingNet’s offer with faster speed and lower costs. StarHub probably won’t give a fu*k as to what I am going to do, but I am going to tell other people whose contract is up to cancel their StarHub plans until StarHub fix its attitude. Also, I am not going to recommend other people to take up a StarHub ‘LagOnline’ plan either!)

Trivial, Jokes and Thoughts from Discussions

– that a taxi driver mentioned that these days, even kids as young as Primary three or four are given money to take a cab to school. Parent’s are apparently so lax in their concern for the personal safety of their kids to entrust their children to a stranger. (After Huang Na, and the poor Malay girl who was found dead under the Aljunied flyover, it makes me wonder if the high security standards in Singapore have completely neutralised our sense of danger.)

– that Irish rocker and charity champion Bono has written to Italian Prime Minister Silvio Sicko Berlusconi to complain about how his picture was used in a magazine listing the gover-min’s achievements ahead of elections. “Mr Berlusconi, as flattered as I can be of appearing in your brochure, I also feel a bit exploited,” Bono said in the letter, a copy of which was printed on the front page of the Corriere della Sera daily. (Maybe in the future Bono can just appear in photos alone lest others accuse him of media whoring.)

– that Eminem’s dysfunctional relationship with wife Kim has hit another low – he has filed divorce papers [again], less than three months after remarrying her. “There has been a breakdown in the marriage relationship to the extent that the objects of matrimony have been destroyed and there remains no reasonable likelihood that the marriage can be preserved,” according to the filing, which was made in Macomb County on Wednesday on behalf of Marshall Bruce Mathers III, Eminem’s real name. (Did these two losers even seriously think about it whenever they decide to get married?)

– that the number of students in England found cheating rose by over a quarter last summer, said the exam watchdog, the Qualifications and Curriculum Authority. Candidates caught with mobile phones in exam halls accounted for 25% of the offences. Students can be marked down or failed for having a cellphone with them during exams, whether they use them to cheat or not, reported Reuters. (This is just another place whereby mobile phone signal jammers will come in handy.)

– that almost any PC you can name has Chinese content. Intel, which supplies the brains for most personal computers, has factories in China. Seagate, the largest hard drive supplier, produces in China. Dell, the largest PC hardware OEM, builds in China. Of Hewlett-Packard’s notebooks, 98% are made in China. Of all the world’s notebooks, 80% are actually manufactured in China, whether they’re partially assembled, as in Dell’s case, made by a contract manufacturer like Quanta and sold under a brand like Gateway, or produced in company-owned plants, as in Lenovo’s case. In fact, Chinese manufacturing is so efficient these days that even most Japanese notebook vendors now make their products in China. (Scary!)

– that Apple Computer said that it has released a public beta version of Boot Camp, software that enables Microsoft Windows XP to run natively on Intel-based Macs. The software, which will be included in Mac OS X 10.5, called Leopard, is available for download on Apple’s Web site. Apple will also preview Boot Camp in August at its Worldwide Developers Conference, the company said. “Apple has no desire or plan to sell or support Windows, but many customers have expressed their interest to run Windows on Apple’s superior hardware, now that we use Intel processors,” Philip Schiller, Apple’s senior vice president of worldwide product marketing, said in a statement. “We think Boot Camp makes the Mac even more appealing to Windows users considering making the switch.” (Superior hardware or no, Apple will perhaps be nothing more than another Wintel clone in the near future. Microsoft prevails! HEIL! And what’s the big deal with this ‘Boot Camp’ stuff anyway? LILO has been there on the PC for a damned long time anyway.)

– that “Apple has no desire or plan to sell or support Windows, but many customers have expressed their interest to run Windows on Apple’s superior hardware, now that we use Intel processors,” Philip Schiller, Apple’s senior vice president of worldwide product marketing, said in a statement. (Philip Schiller should perhaps remember that over the years the Mac has incorporated some PC technologies – PCI Bus, AGPm SD-RAM, and USB. All of which were done to make the Mac more scalable / upgradable.)

– that in spite of the fact that the Mac incorporated PC technologies like PCI, AGP, SDRAM and USB, Macheads will continually hype about just how much more ‘superior’ the MacOS – and the Mac – is over the other OS and PCs. (Well, so why didn’t Apple to allow the MacOS to be loaded onto other Intel based PCs now if the MacOS is really so superior? Why hasn’t it shone the light upon the blind, downtrodden Wintel masses all along? Perhaps the real reason maybe just that Apple wants to maintain a monopoly and keeps everything tightly controlled. That’s why it only had just about 10% market share in personal computing. A deserving fate for what I would call a selfish, self serving little bastard.)

– that it is a fallacy to believe that Apple is a lea-duh in technology innovation. (Well, in my considered opinion? Apple is actually monopolistic. Just consider the fact that every move Apple makes to ensure its monopoly: from suing e-machines over an iMac look-alike PC clone, implementing bios / program upgrades to their iPods to deny music from other online music stores to be downloaded into the iPod, and suing Real Media, which Harmony program originally allows songs from Real Media’s music store to be downloadable to the iPod. Guess what nice little thing some of Macheads called that? “Protecting Intellectual Property”. Ya, right!)

– that Macheads might also tell you USB didn’t take off until the Mac incorporated it. (Well, the RS-232 serial port, and the centronics aka parallel port, have both about reached the end of their useful life and could no longer keep up with the advances in the PC architecture. They were at least 20 years-old when USB ports started appearing on PCs. Now, considering that Apple has just about 10% of the market share up until even now, Mac users will have to be buying tons of USB stuff before there’s enough sales to call it a ‘take off’. And certainly manufacturers didn’t originally just manufacture USB devices for the Mac only! Also, it is generally agreed upon that the Mac has a more superior technology than USB called ‘Firewire’ – compared to USB1.0/1.1, at least. Did that ‘take off’? Sure. Just like some of those Nazi V-2 rockets that ditched into the English Channel. Bwaghahaha…)

– that Macheads will also tell you Wifi didn’t take off until the Mac incorporated it. (Well, somehow I remembered that quite a number of Wifi stuff was out there way before the first ‘Airport’ was out? And again, Macheads gave themselves and their Mac using friends too much credit pertaining to their influence in the world of personal computing.)

– that the Mac maybe cool. (It’s bigoted, fundamentalistic Macheads that isn’t. They sort of reminds me of the mouth-frothing, idiotic, slogan yelling terrorists who blow themselves up. Guess what? Without these morons I would not even care to bash their their precious little * gasp * ‘religion’!)

– that the Mac maybe superior too. (Well, the German Tiger Tanks were surely superior. But it was the American Shermans and the Soviet T-34s that won World War II.)

– that Microsoft Windows and Microsoft Office sucks and they are really a piece of shit. (Obviously. But that probably created jobs for tens or even hundreds of thousands and an entire support industry. Each day more users are churning out useful work on a Windows PC than the Mac. Above which, the strength of Windows – and Microsoft Office by extension – do not lie in themselves. It’s the loads of applications and user written stuff that’s been built upon them over all these years that lend them the strength.)

– that Creative may actually have a more superior portable music player than Apple. (It just couldn’t slap enough ‘coolness’ onto its products like the Zen – and label owning a Creative product as a lifestyle – to appeal to a large crowd out there needing something to deal with their identity crisis. Come on, Creative, geeky looking Sim Wong Hoo can never appeal more to these fu*kwits when compared to the ‘kewl’ Bono of U2! To some, even that ‘Sieg Heil-ing’ short ass with an armband and a square moustache is more appealing.)

– that it is unbelievable why some people just give so much attention to the media whoring of those so called stars and celebrities. For e.g. Bono, Britney Smears, Jay Chou, Eminem etc? (All men needs role models. A lot of them are just following the wrong ones.)

– that some considered it ‘hip and cool’ to be a part of the big group idolising media whores or buying stuff that is considered ‘cool’ – for e.g. a piece of chewed gum from Britney Smears, or maybe even the condom Steve Job uses, if they can actually find one! (Doesn’t matter one can’t simply buy or imitate coolness. Anyway, just don’t expect idolating fu*ckwits who are mentally challenged in the department of uniqueness to realise that! Or else a lot of the media whores and ‘coolness manufacturers’ are going to go MC-Hammer broke. And wouldn’t that be a pretty sight for some of these ‘good-for-nothing non-productives’?)

– that for all the hype surrounding TV and music downloads on cell phones, at the end of the day the mobile market is still about voice communication, according to Jorma Ollila, Nokia’s departing CEO. “Mobile voice is still the killer application,” he said. “Subscriber growth is still fueled by voice, and voice will be the most valuable form of communication for a long time still. There is still much work to do to improve voice connections and handsets.” (Just who the hell needs 3G if their friends don’t have 3G? But again, considering the ‘me-too or else I’m not cool’ fu*kwits these days, maybe Ollila is wrong.)

– that ‘The Da Vinci Code’ author Dan Brown did not breach the copyright of an earlier book, London’s High Court has ruled. Michael Baigent and Richard Leigh, who wrote 1982 book ‘The Holy Blood and the Holy Grail’, sued Random House, publisher of both books. ‘The Da Vinci Code’ is still in the UK top 10 book sales chart, while ‘The Holy Blood and the Holy Grail’ is back in the top 40 thanks to the controversy. (Maybe that’s the true objective of them suing in the first place. Just like you do not necessary need to win on the battlefield to attain certain political objectives. For e.g. Hannibal slaughtered many Romans during the Battle of Cannae, but the Romans achieved a political objective far greater – their determination in fighting Hannibal restored faith in their allies and put an end to further desertion to the Carthigians.)

– that while the New Testament says that Jesus walked on water, a Florida university professor believes there could be a less miraculous explanation – he walked on a floating piece of ice. Professor Doron Moron Nof also theorized in the early 1990s that Moses’s parting of the Red Sea had solid science behind it. (Believing that Moses’ parted the Red Sea and Jesus walked on water are simply articles of faith that needs no scientific explanation.)

– that Judas Iscariot, vilified as Christ’s betrayer, acted at Jesus’ request in turning him over to the authorities who crucified him, according to a 1,700-year-old copy of the ‘Gospel of Judas’. In an alternative view to traditional Christian teaching, the Judas gospel shows the reviled disciple as the only one in Jesus’ inner circle who understood his desire to shed his earthly body. (Wow. An act of betrayal became an act of obediance. No wonder the early church considered it heresy in 180AD.)

– that the Gnostics’ beliefs were often viewed by bishops and early church lea-duhs as unorthodox, and they were frequently denounced as heretics. The discoveries of Gnostic texts have shaken up Biblical scholarship by revealing the diversity of beliefs and practices among early followers of Jesus. As the findings have trickled down to churches and universities, they have produced a new generation of Christians who now regard the Bible not as the literal word of God, but as a product of historical and political forces that determined which texts should be included in the canon, and which edited out. (Well, take the book of Romans for example. Romans 13:1 – 5 demands the obedience of all Christians to authorities. The fact that it is called the ‘Book of Romans’ would go a long way to confirm the belief of those that the Bible today is not the literal word of God.)

The Bad Service Award

– that MS MINDY CHEN SHUQING wrote about the bad service she experienced at the famous infamous Holland Village XO Fish Head Bee Hoon stall at Holland Drive. She and her 10 friends were shouted at because only 7 of them ordered from the stall. In fact those who did not order from them were denied a seat. (The bad attitude of this store has gone on for too long. The consumers – in other words, the market – must react. It’s high time to stop patronising them so as to drive these frigging shitheads to bankruptcy to teach them a lesson or two about good service and humility. 今时今日的新加坡，这样的服务态度是应该被制裁的。)

The World This Week

– that the UN Security Council has too often failed to act swiftly and effectively to contain international crises and needs reforming, the head of the UN nuclear watchdog said. “Too often, the Security Council’s engagement is inadequate, selective or after the fact,” said Mohamed ElBaradei, last year’s Nobel Peace Prize winner. (Ever since Iraq, the UN Security Council has been a joke. And after Darfur, it’s high time that the UN be disbanded.)

– that Donald Rumsfool said after visiting the Pennsylvania site where a hijacked airliner crashed on September 11, 2001 that the U.S. deserves poor marks in how it has waged a ‘battle of ideas’ with groups like al Qaeda. (Rumsfool and his neo-cons must realize that their ‘idea’ of an Americans only utopia isn’t selling.)

– that in 1975, Rumsfool was President Gerald Ford’s secretary of defense when the U.S.S. Mayaguez was seized off Cambodia by the newly empowered Khmer Rouge. The American crew of 38 was captured. Rumsfool shaped the response – which was to ignore diplomacy, begin bombing a Cambodian port city and dispatch a large force of marines to rescue the crew. Bad moves based on bad intelligence. Untold numbers of Cambodian civilians were bombed and 40 American rescuers were killed in an attack on an island where the crew was thought to be held. In fact, the American sailors had already been released unharmed and set adrift on a Thai fishing vessel. The Mayaguez affair was a dress rehearsal for Rumsfool’s war in Iraq. (If experience comes with age, it is definitely not applicable to Rumsfool.)

– that Condom-leezza Lice said the U.S. had probably made thousands of errors in Iraq but defended the overall strategy of removing Saddam Hussein. (They actually have a strategy to start with?)

– that Condom-leezza Lice braved anti-war protestors and hecklers during a friendly visit to the heart of Britain, Washington’s staunch ally. Some 200 opponents of the US-led war in Iraq protested her visit Friday to Blackburn in northwest England, after two dozen anti-war protestors greeted her upon arrival in nearby Liverpool from Paris. (The Brits are such nice people. They should have pelted her with rotten eggs.)

– that during a recent news conference, Warmonger Bush let it be known that the decision to end the U.S. military presence in Iraq will not be his. Instead, according to Bush, it will be for ‘future presidents’ to decide. Barely reliable sources note a possible post-conference follow-up in which Bush plans to leave a number of other decisions to future presidents, preferably Democrats. “As far as the increasing national debt,” said Bush, “future presidents will have to tackle that problem.” (Certainly no one expected Warmonger to be responsible enough to clear his own shit.)

– that although the 14-mile stretch of state-of-the-art fencing separating San Diego, California from Tijuana, Mexico is seen as a success in cutting illegal immigration, the plan for the bigger barrier is struggling to win further support in Congress. Critics compare it to the Berlin Wall and say it goes against the American spirit of openness, sending the wrong message to the rest of the world about the U.S. (Stop whining before they dust off the old plans for the McNamara Line and put it into effect on the U.S. – Mexico border.)

– that Pope John Paul II died worrying that the world seemed dominated by the powers of evil, according to a sermon he had prepared for the day after his death, his successor Pope Benedict said. (Odd. What is there to worry when God has already said the world is evil and it is inevitable the forces of evil will be ascendant prior to His Second Coming?)

– that Silvio Sicko Berlusconi, the Italian prime minister, claimed that communists in China boiled babies. “Read the black book on communism and you’ll find that under Mao’s China they didn’t eat babies, but they boiled them to fertilise the fields,” he said. (Oh right. Was that Shang China this clown’s talking about? Oh yes, they cook the heads of their adversaries and eat in respect of their prowess too. Wanna be the head, Sicko?)

– that whaling has no scientific justification, according to Australia’s environment minister, who cited a new study. Ian Campbell said he would take the results of a ten-year research project in the oceans around Australia’s Antarctic Territory to the next International Whaling Commission meeting in June. “It demonstrates once and for all, if it needed to be demonstrated, that the so-called scientific programmes of the countries like Japan, Norway and Iceland, are a sham,” Mr Campbell said. (It’s high time something is done about the whaling masquerading as some ridiculous ‘scientific’ programmes! Japan, Norway and Island should be made to produce scientific reports of the ‘research’ they have been doing.)

– that Russia’s ambassador in Baghdad gave intelligence on U.S. military movements to Iraq’s gover-min in the opening days of the 2003 U.S.-led invasion, a Pentagon report stated, quoting from captured Iraqi documents. (Was someone expecting the Russians to just sit back and do nothing?)

– that Iran announced its second major new missile test within days, saying it has successfully fired a high-speed underwater missile capable of destroying huge warships and submarines. The Iranian-made underwater missile has a speed of 223mph, said Gen. Ali Fadavi, deputy head of the Revolutionary Guards’ Navy. That would make it about three or four times faster than a torpedo and as fast as the world’s fastest known underwater missile, the Russian-made VA-111 Shkval, developed in 1995. It was not immediately known if the Iranian missile, which has not yet been named, was based on the Shkval. (Just one more thing to make me lose sleep over.)

– that Hamas lea-duh-in-exile Khaled Meshaal said the ‘Palestinian’ terrorist group was intentionally being excluded from an Arab summit in Sudan and urged Arab lea-duhs to work with the new gover-min Hamas forms. “Basically Hamas is being excluded. There is interest that the new Hamas gover-min not attend the Arab summit despite our keen desire to attend the meeting,” he told a news conference at Kuwait airport before departing the Gulf Arab state. (No one really wants to be associated with terrorists, even when behind the scenes they are giving them money. It’s just like how rich families do not want to be associated with pariahs in the family but would dispatch a servant to give the pariahs money so they would go away.)

– that Arab foreign ministers dismissed Western explanations for cutting aid to the ‘Palestinian’ Authority but offered no extra money to compensate for a budget shortfall when Hamas terrorists take office. The ministers, meeting in the Sudanese capital Khartoum to prepare for an Arab summit, renewed an old pledge to give the ‘Palestinians’ some $50 million a month and left open the possibility of giving more later if the ‘Palestinians’ need it. (As I said earlier…)

– that Sri Lanka’s Marxists and the main party of Buddhist monks, who both oppose Norwegian-backed peace moves, were routed as the president’s party headed for a landslide victory in local council elections. Official results showed that President Mahinda Rajapakse’s People’s Alliance had won 205 out of the 247 councils declared so far after local gover-min election for 266 councils. (Religious people should stay away from politics and Marxism is dead.)

– that China may fine-tune its anti-secession law to make it criminal for any Taiwanese to advocate independence for the island, Taiwan’s Liberty Times reported. The paper cited Mr Chiu Yi-ren, Taiwan’s security head, as saying that the process was under way in Beijing. Under the revised rules, active and retired Taiwanese soldiers as well as Taiwanese engaged in pro-democracy activities could be arrested upon stepping on Chinese soil, Taiwan’s Mainland Affairs Council suggested. (How they start to lump pro-democracy with pro-independence says a lot about the real intention of this report.)

– that more than 400 fugitive Chinese officials have been arrested in a crackdown on corruption, state media said. More than 4,000 officials accused of graft are believed to be on the run, with about 500 living abroad, the official Xinhua news agency reported. China’s gover-min has punished thousands of officials in its anti-graft efforts. (Corrupted officials have betrayed the people’s trust and should be dealt with mercilessly.)

-that China’s Health Ministry has explicitly banned the sale of human organs in an apparent attempt to clean up the country’s lucrative but laxly regulated transplant business. Mr Mao Qunan, the ministry’s spokesman, said that the new regulations forbid the buying and selling of organs and reiterate the requirement that donors give written permission. (Is anyone selling his penis?)

– that Japanese Finance Minister Sadakazu Tanigaki urged China to introduce more flexibility in its currency regime, arguing that it was in China’s interest to do so. “I welcomed last year’s reforms and told (Chinese Finance Minister Jin Renqin) that reform for further flexibility in its currency regime would be in China’s interest,” Tanigaki was quoted by Kyodo news agency as saying. (Whatever gave this Jap the idea that he knows better than the Chinese what’s in China’s interest?)

– that China’s increasing military strength and the possibility of it using force to quash independence movements in Taiwan form a major destabilising factor in East Asia, a think-tank affiliated with Japan’s Defence Agency said. In its closely watched East Asian Strategic Review 2006, the National Institute for Defence Studies said that although China has pursued a policy of ‘neighbouring diplomacy’ in an effort to bolster its regional ties, it has also significantly boosted its military capabilities, in particular its ability to use its military power to control Taiwan. (As if American and Japanese implicit hints at military intervention and support of Taiwan is helping to facilitate a conclusion of the Chinese Civil War and providing a major stabilising factor in East Asia.)

– that Junk-ichiro Junichiro Konkz-umi said that his visits to the Yasukuni shrine – which honours convicted war criminals along with the country’s war dead – should not stand in the way of summit meetings between Tokyo and Beijing. “I visit the shrine out of deep condolences for the war dead and out of a feeling that we must never start a war again. So why do I get criticised by a foreign nation as being a militarist or admiring war?” Mr Koizumi said in parliament. (Simple. Because your war dead mostly died for Duty, Honour, Country: Their duty, the Emperor’s honour, and invading OTHER PEOPLE’S country. Geddit, Konkz?)

– that Japan has protested that China has been ‘ruthless’ after the suicide note of one of its diplomats said he had been blackmailed by Beijing agents to divulge secret codes. Japanese allegations that China had been involved in the death of the Shanghai-based diplomat, who was allegedly wooed by a bar hostess, have aggravated already strained ties between the neighbors. (A deserving fate for another ‘hum sup’ – sex maniac – Japanese.)

– that Japan’s Education Un-Educated Ministry has ordered revisions to school textbooks to reflect the gover-min’s view on disputed territories and wartime history, a report said. The ministry, during its annual textbook screening, called for revisions to most references in senior high school textbooks to two sets of islands disputed with South Korea and China. It said they should be clearly referred to as Japanese territory, Kyodo news agency reported, citing ministry officials. The ministry also requested modifications to passages about World War II sex slaves and the number of victims in the 1937 Nanjing Massacre by Japanese troops in China, the agency said. (So much for ‘deep condolences for the war dead and out of a feeling that we must never start a war again’!)

– that North Korean lea-duh Kim Jong Il visited army units nearly every day last week to instil a ‘burning hatred’ of the US, the North’s official news agency said, in the light of joint military exercises by rival South Korea and the U.S. “Our army and people are turning out as one in the sacred anti-U.S. struggle with burning hatred for the U.S. imperialist aggressors and the unshakable resolution to take revenge upon them,’ Mr Kim was quoted as saying during a visit to KPA Unit 3406. “No force on earth can match the single-mindedly united forces in (North Korea), which no weapon can ever frighten or destroy,” the North’s official Korean Central News Agency (KCNA) quoted Mr Kim as saying. (As it is common with all dictators, they believed in a heavenly mandate to rule and the invincibility of their forces. Single-mindedness and prep talk is no use against U.S. cruise missiles and smart bombs from stealth aircraft.)

– that Tuan Tuan the panda won’t be following in the footsteps of his mother and grandparents as a goodwill ambassador for China. Taiwan rejected China’s offer of the panda and a female mate, Yuan Yuan, in the latest sign of a hardening attitude toward its communist neighbor. (Blasted politics. It’s high time the Taiwanese do something about that idiots of the Democratic Progressive Regressive Party)

– that the reason given for the rejection by Lee Tao-shen, vice director of the Forestry Bureau – which was in charge of evaluating the panda offer – was “At the current stage we cannot issue an import permit for the two pandas offered by China.” The official said the decision had been made in accordance with ‘wild animal conservation laws’. (Aren’t Tuan Tuan and Yuan Yuan born in captivity? So much about them being ‘wild animals’.)

– that Myanmar’s military gover-min considers opposition lea-duh Aung San Suu Kyi and her party irrelevant to the democratic process, Malaysia’s Foreign Minister said after a brief visit to that country. Syed Hamid Albar told reporters his visit last week did not convince him that Myanmar is making sufficient progress towards democracy, as claimed by its military rulers. (Megawati and Arroyo would be such fine examples to convince the junta that Suu Kyi is best kept irrelevant. And maybe that’s a good idea too?)

– that the reasons for Myanmar moving the capital are unclear. Some analysts point to a paranoia among senior military figures that they might come under attack, potentially from the U.S., and that a location further from the coast is strategically safer. (Maybe one of the junta’s generals got scared after watching ‘Stealth’.)

– that Mama-thir said that being friendly towards Singapore had failed to build relations and resolve bilateral spats. He admitted that he had been unable to resolve a variety of disputes with Singapore during his 22-year tenure, but blamed the country for making demands that Malaysia would not accede to. (Like what?)

– that negotiations are under way between the two countries over replacing the Causeway linking the two sides with a new bridge, an issue dating back to Mama-thir’s regime. He said Singapore was asking for concessions for agreement to build a new bridge but offered nothing in return. “Now they want sand and permission to use our airspace for their military aircraft to agree to the construction of a bridge to replace the Causeway. But what do they give us in return…nothing…zero,” he said. (Nothing? By agreeing to the bridge, there will be an impact on Singapore’s port and livelihood. It makes life easy for ships to sail between PTP and Pasir Gudang and bypass us! That’s nothing to you, Mama? It’s Malaysia that’s offering us NOTHING because soon, even your water we do not need. Getting to use your airspace is but a small consolation to the longer term economic damage that is done to us! So now, please, f*ck off and die.)

– that police are putting more officers on the street and stepping up patrols, to make Singaporean visitors safer from robberies and car thefts. The New Straits Times quoted state police chief Mohd Amir Sulaiman as saying another 100 men and 45 patrol cars were being rolled out in a move to calm fears of a rise in crime, after concerns were voiced in Singapore. Datuk Amir said police did not distinguish between foreigners and locals when investigating crime reports. (Really? Or is it putting officers on the street to ‘take care’ of Singaporeans along the same line of Darth Vader ‘taking care’ of the Separatists on Mustafar?)

Singapore This Week

– that Lao Goh attempt to lend a lot of weight to the Tali-PAP candidates in the campaign to persuade the people to vote for them. He said he would get the party whip lifted to allow the two Tali-PAP candidates for Hougang and Potong Pasir to perform as ‘opposition MPs’ in Parliament. Lao Goh said, “If you vote for Eric Low, I can tell the Prime Minister to let him be the ‘Opposition’ in the Parliament. We can lift the Whip so that he can speak his mind. Then you can have the best of both worlds,” Mr Goh told an audience of about 500 at the Hougang Community Club. (Why go for the fake thing when you can have the real one?)

– that a day after offering to lift the party whip for the Tali-PAP men in opposition wards, Lao Goh has downplayed the suggestion. Instead, he has another suggestion: for him to be a special ‘resource person’ in Cabinet for Potong Pasir voters. (I have a even better suggestion. Go to Potong Pasir and run yourself. And get perhaps Mabok Tongue or Lim Gay Khiang to run in Hougang.)

– that Goh appeared to back off on this suggestion when speaking to reporters during a visit to Potong Pasir, his first since being charged with the responsibility of winning back the constituency, along with Hougang. “Actually, I was trying to find a way out from a question where somebody said that there are people who want opposition and they also want upgrading,” he said after being briefed by Mr Sitoh on his battle plan. “Let’s be clear. They are Tali-PAP MPs, they are not quite the same as opposition MPs. But what I hope Eric Low and Sitoh Yih Pin will do, regardless of whether the whip is lifted or not, is to speak their minds frankly. Whatever the views they have, even if they disagree with the gover-min and the party, they must voice them in Parliament. That’s important.” (What’s the difference when they voice all sorts of shits to make debate interesting and then yet still vote against what they voiced out?)

– that Yeo Cheow Tong Lam Cheow Kong, Transport Minister says he will step down if asked by Baby Lee. He said: “I have been in politics for 22 years – I have been in Cabinet for 21 years. That is a long time – so sooner or later I must step down to make way for the younger ministers who are coming up. I am very happy to do that at any time.” (Just say you wanna go and be done with.)

– that Baby Lee wants the Tali-PAP to press on with lea-duhship renewal and work hard to have potential successors in place well ahead of time. “When in doubt, we should err on the side of faster, rather than slower, self-renewal,” he said in his first comments since the Tali-PAP began introducing its slate of new faces. (Sounds like there are going to more schemes for the Men-In-White to earn their millions even faster so they can retire earlier. Oh yes. Ministerial pay adjustments are definitely coming. After the elections.)

– that the Tali-PAP wants a strong mandate for a new team led by Baby Lee that will take Singapore into the future, said Wong Wua Kan Seng. “We are not asking Singaporeans to vote for the Tali-PAP at the next general election because of our track record,” Wua said at a media conference to introduce the second batch of Tali-PAP candidates. Rather, the party is asking voters for their support of the third generation of lea-duhs under Baby Lee so that they, together with all Singaporeans, can steer Singapore well through the difficult challenges ahead over the next decade. And so that we can take full advantage of the tremendous great growth opportunities available to us in an Asia with two rising giants, China and India,” Wua said. (As if they never had a strong mandate like that. Please lah, Singapore, 52% is 1% too many leow.)

– that where estate upgrading is concerned, Hougang MP Low Thia Khiang believes he could do ‘as good a job’ as any Tali-PAP MP, if he had the same amount of resources. Speaking to reporters after his Meet-the-People session, Low said pushing for upgrading was an important responsibility of any Singapore MP. But opposition MPs, he added, lacked the same resources as Tali-PAP MPs to maintain and improve the facilities of their constituencies. (Unfortunately that might not be very evident to some of the morons out there.)

– that barely a month after saying it did not have enough candidates to contest even one five-member GRC, the NSP is now singing a different tune. The turnaround in its fortunes is because of defections from the SDP and an influx of candidates from other arms of the four-party SDA, which also includes the PKMS, the SPP and the Singapore Justice Party. (Defections from SDP? Let’s hope it’s none of the charlatans that has turned that party into a pariah.)

– that the SDP wants to contest in Sembawang GRC and plans to raise the NKF issue as part of its strategy to win votes. (Stop wasting everybody’s time. The NKF issue is deader than the Dodo birds.)

– that political debate on the Internet could fuel ‘dangerous discourse’ in Singapore, the gover-min, warning that Singaporeans who post political commentary on Web sites could face prosecution. Speaking in parliament, Balaji Bakaji Sadasivan said anyone using the Internet to ‘persistently propagate, promote or circulate political issues’ about Singapore during election periods was breaking the law. (So if someone can prove he’s been ‘persistently propagate, promote or circulate political issues’ before the election periods is not breaking the law?)

Trivial, Jokes and Thoughts from Discussions

– that in an interview with Fortune, Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer stated that not only does he not own an iPod–he’s forbidden the popular music gadget for his family as well. “My children–in many dimensions they’re as poorly behaved as many other children, but at least on this dimension I’ve got my kids brainwashed: You don’t use Google, and you don’t use an iPod,” Ballmer told the magazine. Google is out of favor in the Gates household, too. (There are many other portable music players out there anyway. And someone need to do something about the insane share prices of Google, which probably is at that level because some shithead talked it to that level.)

– that the latest patch to the popular online game ‘World of Warcraft’ has led to the game’s servers being down for hours longer than expected. According to Gil Shif, public relations manager for ‘World of Warcraft’ publisher Blizzard Entertainment, the latest major patch to the game – version 1.10, which is designed to adjust the talents of priests – caused some ‘snags’ that have affected the servers going back online as planned. (Maybe it was more than just a software patch they were putting up.)

– that last fall, a group of World of Warcraft players in China committed mass suicide. They wanted to draw attention to the latest restriction on their liberty: The same gover-min agency that censors newspapers and bans books had just mandated a system of disincentives to limit the number of hours per day they spent playing online games. Hardcore Warcrafters decided they would rather pull the plug than, er, pull the plug. In January, in the aftermath of the public outcry (and virtual die-ins), the Chinese gover-min announced that adults could play MMORPGs for as long as they like. (The gover-min should do nothing to curb the irresponsible behaviour of certain people and just let them die by way of natural selection.)

– that when a New Jersey teenager decided to create a fictional story about being hired by one of the Internet’s largest companies, he knew just where to spread the news – with the unwitting help of the company itself. Earlier this month, Thomas Vendetta submitted his fake press release about being hired by Google to Google News, a popular site that automatically trolls 4,500 sources for their latest posts. Sure enough, the release appeared on the world’s most popular website for news. (Well done, Google. Now maybe I can submit a piece of news about the birth of the Sith Empire on Earth, with Darth Grievous as its first Emperor. Address me as the ‘Celestial Wisdom’, you mortals!!)

– that news of Microsoft’s demise is usually exaggerated. (Well, for starters, even if you are a geek who can load up Linux with Open Office using the hair of your ars*hole, and sell it really cheap to your clients, it isn’t going to affect that fact that a big part of the world out there have so much developed stuff riding on Microsoft that’s it not worth the money and effort to re-develop or convert them for use on the new platform. That’s not even talking about the troubleshooting time that comes with it after conversion. Above which, lots of financial products runs on Windows – EBS, Reuters, Bloomberg, PFS etc. Try and guess if these providers will develop one more version, or will they just ask you to use Windows? And by the way, if you need to play World of Warcraft or some other MMORPG and there isn’t a Linux version, what the fiaks are you going to do? Dual boot to Windows so you can play? And then think about the amount of jobs that is there because Windows sucks! Get the point now?)

– that ‘genius’ KOH CHOON LIN went to the HDB website to find out about the new window legislation, and can’t see a video on the website pertaining to the legislation that requires Microsoft Windows Media Player to play. He was running his Linux PC, so he could not play the video. Being curious, he checked out the file formats on all the Singapore gover-min websites and it turned out that the file formats hosted on them are all stored in Microsoft’s formats. Thus, he said that he could not use the gover-min services without first buying a Microsoft product. (So what’s the issue here? Find a Windows computer. They are everywhere. And Windows Media Player comes free with every copy of Windows. Need I say more why Linux never really picked up in spite of the fact that Microsoft sucks?)

– thus, the ‘genius’ urged the Singapore gover-min to consider migrating the state’s documents to the OpenDocument Format, which is the only standard for editable office documents that has been vetted by an independent, recognised standards body, has been implemented by multiple vendors, and can be implemented by anyone without restriction. This format was publicly developed by a variety of organisations and is publicly accessible. The OpenDocument Format is intended to provide an open alternative to proprietary document formats, including the popular but undocumented DOC, XLS and PPT formats used by Microsoft Office. (Word, Excel and PowerPoint reader is also available free from Microsoft, for any Windows PC. And by the way, what has Windows Media Player format got anything to do with the OpenDocument Format?)

– that the ‘genius’ went on to suggest organisations and individuals should store their data in an open format such as OpenDocument avoid being locked in to a single software vendor, leaving them free to switch software if their current vendor goes out of business, raises its prices, changes its software, or changes its licensing terms to something less favourable. (Sure. Use plain text. Or post script.)

– that ‘genius’ SEAH LEONG KHAI complained that interest rates have risen in the past year because almost daily he read about high interest rates offered by commercial banks. Seah said these banks typically offer more than 3% per annum on fixed deposit, much higher than the 2.5% given by the CPF Board. He also mentioned that before 2000, the board paid 4.4% per annum and thus it must try harder to enhance our CPF assets for our retirement needs. (And so CPF housing loan will be 4.5% and I end up paying more out of my CPF leaving me a smaller sum to earn the ‘higher’ interest. Imagine this, if I pay out $600 instead of $400 due to the higher interest, I will have $200 less to earn the 4.4%. Seah’s idea of asset enhancement must have come from an economic school that defies common sense!!)

– that Google is adding graphical advertisements to maps on its local search site, foreshadowing the use of its pop-up balloons for various types of information and activities, an analyst said. Greg Sterling, managing editor at The Kelsey Group, said Google representatives told him several weeks ago that the company plans to let businesses add advertisements and logos to the mapping balloons that appear on Google Local. (Google is nothing but an advertising company masquerading as an IT company. While it is using novel means to push ads to the Internet community, it makes one wonders just what sustain that kind of share prices.)

– that a wave of religious books is coming to bookstores to cash in on ‘The Da Vinci Code’ movie in May, including a book saying Jesus survived crucifixion and an Evangelical novel with a modern-day Mary Magdalene heroine. Americans are finally able to buy Dan Brown’s best seller in paperback three years after it was first published, and with ‘Da Vinci Code’ fever as strong as ever, it’s never been so profitable to write about Christianity. (Don’t people ever get bored reading about the non-existent ‘Holy Grail’? How about writing about the ‘Spear of Destiny’ for a change?)

– that George Clooney, Brad Pitt and Matt Damon will star in ‘Ocean’s 13’, the third flick in their franchise about a gang of lovable crooks, distributor Warner Bros. announced. (And everyone thought ‘Ocean’s 12’ was bad enough with Julia Roberts impersonating herself in that one.)

– that Britney Smears’ ex-sweetie reportedly does not approve of her hubby. In fact, Justin Timberlake believes that Kevin Federline is ‘gross’, according to Star magazine. “He thinks Kevin is gross, and there’s not much that would change his mind about that,” a source told the tab. “He says that they [Spears and Timberlake] had a lot of great years together, and he’s pretty sad at how things turned out for her.” (Stick with your Cameron Diaz and just shut the fu*k up, can you? Or do another ‘NippleGate’ – With Diaz this time – if you so crave for attention, you prick.)

– that faded pop superstar Michael Jackson was crowned as America’s most foolish person in 2006, narrowly beating out Dick-head Cheney for the title. The 47-year-old, who is living in exile in Bahrain following his acquittal last June on child sex charges, snatched the dishonour for the fourth year running, according to a survey by a U.S. public relations consultant. (Someone actually beat Warmonger to that?!)

– that Dick-head Cheney tied with Paris Hilton for second place in this seventh annual April Fool’s poll, with 59% of Americans saying that they had done ‘something foolish’ in the past year, down from a high of 64% in last year’s survey. (And Warmonger isn’t even second?)

– that lest some fuggers think I do not love Singapore because of my usual diatribes against the Tali-PAP gover-min and my fellow Singaporeans, wake up now! (Singapore’s all I have got. Like it or not, it’s still HOME to me.)