The Stupid Shitty-Porean Award

– that a female flying lemur and its baby were shot down by slingshot-wielding miscreants in the MacRitchie Nature Reserve, in an incident that has shocked nature lovers. While the baby was found unharmed by park rangers, the mother was seriously injured and had to be put to sleep later, a spokesman for the National Parks Board (NParks) said. (Whoever did this should pick on someone his own size. Why not try the same thing with an Gorilla in Africa, wimp? Picking on innocents which can’t fight back has a dirty name to it – TERRORISM.)

The World This Week

– that U.S. and Canadian authorities said on Wednesday they had cracked an international child pornography network that in some cases transmitted molestations live over the Internet. “These are the worst imaginable forms of child pornography,” said U.S. Attorney General Alberto Gonzales, adding that one case involved the abuse of a toddler less than 18 month old. Twenty-seven people from nine U.S. states and Canada, Australia and Britain, are charged with possession, receipt, distribution and manufacture of child pornography in connection with the case, authorities said. (They should have these criminals’ faces posted all over the Internet and mass media.)

– that the International Civil Aviation Organisation (ICAO) will name countries with dismal air safety records by posting their failures online, the UN agency’s head, Dr Assad Kotaite said. But several countries in South America and Africa oppose the plans. They fear the information may be ‘manipulated with evil intentions’ by foreign airline competitors or ‘misinterpreted’ by the public as it is too technical. (Well, then buck up and fix it instead of just plain fearing!!)

– that three years after invading Iraq, Warmonger Bush said he had a strategy for ‘victory in Iraq’ while officials denied that the country had sunk into civil war. (Well, getting Iraq into civil war is a ‘victory’ strategy when the Iraqis are fighting themselves, not the Americans.)

– that a U.S. State Department purchase of more than 15,000 computers built by the LeyLoMoh Lenovo Group, a company controlled by the Chinese gover-min, is starting to draw criticism in the latest sign of American unease about the role of foreign companies in the U.S. economy. The critics warn that the deal could help China spy on U.S. embassies and U.S. intelligence-gathering activities, using hardware and software planted in the computers. (First Dubai because it was Arab. Now Lenovo because it is Chinese. When America sees enemies everywhere instead of friends, it is high time it re-evaluate its foreign policies.)

– that Tony B-liar has sought to dispel views that he is an unquestioning ally of the U.S. and condemned growing anti-Americanism as a hindrance to closer global ties. B-liar, who has faced domestic criticism for his support for the US-led invasion of Iraq in March 2003, told a rare joint sitting of the Australian parliament in Canberra that isolating the U.S. on the world stage was ‘madness’. (Odd. England should demand payment for some tea some rebels calling itself the United States dumped in the Boston Harbor some 230 years ago and not be a U.S. apologist. England prevails! ;))

– that a proposed French law that would force Apple Computer to make the songs it sells through its iTunes music store playable on devices that compete with its own iPod amounts to ‘state-sponsored piracy’, Apple said. France’s lower house of parliament passed a law that would require digital content providers to share details of their rights management technologies with rivals. iTunes songs are protected by Apple’s FairPlay technology and are incompatible with most non-iPod players. The bill, designed to prevent any single music-playing technology–and hence, any one media seller or device maker–from dominating the online market, now moves to France’s senate. (The attempts of Apple at online music monopoly is despicable even though the Frogs are evil.)

– that one third of French people say they are at least somewhat racist, an opinion poll suggests. The figure shows an eight percentage point rise in those who said they were racist in a similar poll last year. (Not unexpected of the evil frogs who still thinks lingua franca refers to the French language and the world revolves around France.)

– that the death of Slobodan Milosevic in his prison cell makes it less likely that Ratko Mladic will soon be handed over to the U.N. war crimes tribunal, Europe’s top security agency said in a report. The EU has said that if Mladic was not handed over to the tribunal by March 31, the EU would suspend its negotiations with Serbia on eventually joining the bloc. The next round of the negotiations was set for April 5. (Not likely Serbia will hand him over and face a popular revolt.)

– that East Africa’s long-running drought has devastated livestock and wildlife in Kenya, but now a spurt of rains is killing animals too. Wardens at the Hell’s Gate National Park, in Kenya’s Rift Valley, say hungry animals ate too much when rains finally fell on parched lands in recent days. “Once the grass sprouted, the animals fed excessively and many died owing to bloat,” Charles Muthui, senior warden at the park about an hour north of Nairobi said. (生死有命，富贵在天。Can eat how much, live how long, is all fated.)

– that Mahmoud Abbas has condemned Israel’s raid on a West Bank prison and seizure of Ahmed Saadat – a terrorist lea-duh – and four of his alleged accomplices as an unforgivable crime aimed at humiliating his people. The raid has undercut the authority of Mr Abbas, boosted the electoral prospects of acting Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert and sent a strong warning to Hamas about failing to honour past accords. Saadat is wanted for the 2001 murder of an Israeli Cabinet minister. (Abbas has a problem with a murderer facing justice?)

– that senior Muslim clerics are demanding that an Afghan man on trial for converting from Islam to Christianity be executed, warning that if the gover-min caves in to Western pressure and frees him, they will incite people to ‘pull him into pieces’. (These murderers have the cheek to call themselves religious men! They can’t have his soul and so they destroy his body.)

– that this trial has fired passions in this conservative Muslim nation and highlighted a conflict of values between Afghanistan and its Western backers. “Rejecting Islam is insulting God. We will not allow God to be humiliated. This man must die,” said cleric Abdul Raoulf, who is considered a moderate and was jailed three times for opposing the Taliban before the hard-line regime was ousted in 2001. (God can’t be humiliated and is strong enough to stand up for Himself. Only murderers like you are a humiliation to the Almighty.)

– that Afghan court has dropped its case against a Christian who faces execution for converting from Islam, referring the matter to Kabul’s top prosecutor for a final decision. The Supreme Court had decided not to pursue its case against Abdul Rahman after hearing testimony that he was mentally disturbed, court spokesman Wakil Omari said. The attorney general’s office in the capital would now decide if the case against Rahman, 41, should be pursued or dropped. Its investigation was likely to include medical tests, Omari said. (Taichi #101: Better some other people let this guy go and get the wrath of the fanatics.)

– that Pakistan has successfully test fired a nuclear-capable cruise missile for the second time, the military said. The terrain-hugging Hatf VII Babur missile has a range of 500 kilometres and can carry all kinds of warheads, a senior military official said. (As if an Islamic bomb isn’t bad enough, the bomb has now gained wings! It’s enough to make me lose sleep.)

– that Pervez Musharraf – under pressure to do more to prevent foreign extremists from using Pakistan as a safe haven – ordered all foreign militants to leave Pakistan or be killed. “All foreign militants should leave Pakistan, otherwise they would be crushed,” Musharraf told a rally of some 80,000 people in the eastern city of Lahore. Musharraf’s comments come amid increased tension between Pakistan and Afghanistan over allegations Islamabad is not doing enough to prevent Taliban and al-Qaida forces from launching cross-border attacks from within Pakistan. (It remains to be seen who might end up getting killed.)

– that Tokyo education officials have ordered school principals to make students stand for the Rising Sun flag and sing the Japanese national anthem at ceremonies, cracking down on dissenters who say the symbols are tainted by militarism. The move followed a certain graduation ceremony at which students refused to stand, he said. (There’s a reason why the Germans banned the Nazi Swastika. The Japanese will do well by learning why.)

– that Japan has frozen aid loans to China amid worsening tensions between Tokyo and a neighbour that has emerged as one of the country’s biggest economic rivals. The move comes amid criticism in Japan that, with a booming economy, China no longer needs the handouts. It will, however, raise the ire of Beijing at a time when the countries are squabbling over natural resources and the legacy of WWII. The loans date back to 1979 after Japan and China established diplomatic relations, but the yearly amount has been dwindling since 2000 as Japan battled to revive its own economy. China, by contrast, has seen stellar economic growth. (Despicable Japan finally realise that it can’t BUY forgiveness. And while this might delay the inevitable of Japan becoming the armpit of Asia that it was in the past, it will not avoid it.)

– that an off-duty Hong Kong policeman who was believed to have started a street gunbattle that left two officers dead was involved in two previous murders, the police chief said. Officer Tsui Po Ko was almost certainly involved in the killings of a policeman in 2001 and of a bank security guard nine months later, Commissioner Dick Lee said. (Wow. Real life ‘Infernal Affairs’ 无间道。)

– that Taiwan is considering sending troops back to the disputed Spratlys archipelago – the oil-rich region over which several Asian countries, including China, claim sovereignty – the Defence Ministry said. Taiwan withdrew troops from Taiping, one of the biggest islets in the Spratlys, in 1999 due to what it called logistical difficulties, leaving the coast guard to patrol the island chain in the South China Sea. (Funny. If Taiwan isn’t part of China then by what authority does it claim sovereignty of the Spratlys?)

– that Chen Shui-bian assured the U.S. he would not push for independence during the rest of his term, after his decision to scrap a unification council touched nerves in Washington and Beijing. “I would like to say again that my previous pledge to the U.S. gover-min and President Bush (not to push for independence) has not changed,” he told the new de facto U.S. embassador Stephen M. Young. “The Taiwan gover-min, its people and myself will continue to serve as a responsible contributor to the maintaining of peace in the Taiwan Strait,” Chen said. Chen said he believed the relationship between Taiwan and the U.S. would become closer and promised that ‘there will not be any so-called surprise’ before he retires in 2008. (Chen’s promises are worth donuts.)

– that if the stars are anything to go by, things are going to get tougher for Thaksin Shinawatra. “Saturn is stuck in Cancer which is not so good for him,” fortune-teller Soothee Sathirabutra proclaimed after tracing Mr Thaksin’s July 26, 1949, birthday through a series of astrological tomes, charts and tables. “He also has a problem with the number four, which means information, speech or anything else that comes out of his mouth,” the bespectacled sage said from behind his leather-top desk in a swish Bangkok shopping mall. “I think they will have to cancel the election and the King and his advisers should appoint a successor.” (So do you know when is the next time you will be sick, ‘Sage’? Or the exact hour you will ‘lao sai’?)

– that worshippers at the Erawan Shrine beat a 27-year-old man to death in downtown Bangkok after he destroyed a famous statue of a Hindu deity with a hammer, police said. Thanakorn Pakeepol, who police said had a history of mental disorder, was killed by worshippers after he broke into the Erawan Shrine and used a hammer to shatter a four-headed statue of Brahma. It was originally built in 1956 to ward off bad luck during the construction of an earlier hotel, which was later torn down. (And the ‘Sage’ will probably have much to say when ‘bad luck’ befalls Thailand.)

– that Thailand’s king has met his top advisers to discuss the growing calls to appoint a new prime minister and end the country’s political stand-off, sources close to the meeting have said. King Bhumibol Adulyadej held a rare meeting with the Privy Council, which presented him with appeals to replace embattled Thaksin Shinawatra, they said. (Is the King preparing for the inevitable?)

– that Singaporean investors, urged by Indonesia to set up businesses that create jobs instead of just buying stakes in existing companies, are exploring several such options. (Amazing! The ‘mighty’ green Indonesia has need for the ‘little red dot’? And yes, we are far more magnanimous than the small minded people like Habibie Half-Babie and Gus Goon Dur can imagine.)

– that Syed Hamid said that three options were on the table for the replacement bridge – a full, straight bridge; a full ‘scenic’ bridge; and a ‘scenic’ bridge, the last option being a bridge that Malaysia would construct without Singapore’s cooperation. (Just call it the ‘scythe’ bridge, alright? And if Malaysia wants water to flow freely by building a bridge, how about one that’s just 5 meters above sea level?)

Singapore This Week

– that while making a defence of his statements about the judiciary, Typo Gangster Chee said at one point he did not want to go to prison. Then his voice began to crack as he spoke of the prospect of leaving his ‘wonderful wife and three beautiful children’. He could barely finish his sentence before tears flowed. He asked the court to give him a moment, fished for a handkerchief in his pocket then sat down on his chair. (… I usually have nothing good to say about Chee. This time round, I really do feel a little sorry for him.)

– that Steve Stiff Chia will consider bowing out of politics altogether if he loses in Chua Chu Kang. He will also not accept the position of a NCMP if he is offered it again as the top opposition loser in the coming election. Raising the stakes for himself in this election, the secretary-general of the NSP said at a walkabout in Chua Chu Kang: “If I don’t win, I must recognise that voters, for all their talk, do not want opposition in Parliament. Or that I am not credible enough for them. So the next better player should take over.” (Now that’s something Typo Gangster Chee should learn.)

– that the SDP remains united even though its secretary-general Chee Soon Juan has been jailed and fined for contempt of court, party lea-duhs said. Typo Gangster’s sister, Chee Siok Chin, said it remains ‘unaffected’ as its affairs will continue to be managed by the central executive committee. “The SDP will not come apart. All of us are in this together,” she said after Typo Gangster was sentenced. (You can’t tell apart a motley band’s unity from its disunity.)

– that SDP chairman Ling How Doong Ding Dong said that Typo Gangster’s absence will not hurt the SDP ahead of the upcoming election. He also joked that the party might even be run better. (He might think this comment portrays that the other party members are equally or even more capable. But in reality, considering the SDP’s standing among the people, it simply means it makes no difference who runs the show and that it might be better for Typo Gangster to be gone is really food for thought for the Electorate! Thanks for the own goal, Ding Dong!)

– that WP secretary-general Low Thia Khiang says he will not be distracted by Lao Goh entering the fray to help the Tali-PAP win back opposition-held Hougang. Speaking to reporters after his weekly Meet-the-People session last night, Mr Low said he welcomed Lao Goh’s presence there but added that his constituency and party election plans would ‘remain on course’ and he would not be intimidated. (The Tali-PAP obviously have no confidence in their candidates winning on their own in opposition-held SMCs.)

– that Britain is now the biggest investor in Singapore, to the tune of S$45.7 billion from 2,000 companies at the end of 2004. The latest figures available show that investment that year rose almost 16% from the S$39.5 billion put in by British companies the previous year, when the country overtook the U.S. to become Singapore’s top investor. (The Empire Strikes Back.)

– that butter-filled buns capped with caramelised coffee cream are not selling like hot cakes any more. Worst hit are Rotiboy Bakeshoppe, PappaRoti and Roti Mum – stores that sell only buns and nothing else. Business has been so bad, say industry sources, that Rotiboy, the first provider of the bun, is calling it quits. (My dear friend Gary’s been saying for at least half a year that Rotiboy is finished. Maybe I’ll ask him what’s the First Prize number half year from now.)

– that a NTU undergraduate is causing a stir on campus with a mass e-mail message calling on students to get together to address the problem of foreign lecturers who speak broken or heavily accented English. Second-year mechanical engineering student Gary Goh, a 22 year-old Malaysian from Penang, who sent out an e-mail message to 8,000 students, complained about having to decode the speech of some lecturers and laboratory instructors from China and India. (SEDITION!! SEDITION!!)

– that Gary Goh, who is here on an Asean scholarship: ‘I am not saying all foreign lecturers and tutors are bad, or that they have to speak perfect English. I admit, my English isn’t that good. But they should speak good enough English or modify their accents so that we can understand them.” (Maybe he needs to improve his own English skills before whining about it.)

– that he said the issue had been raised before by students on the forum board set up by the students’ union and once in the student newspaper, the Nanyang Chronicle. “But no one has looked into it. And these students are paying fees. I am lucky. As a scholarship holder, my tuition fees are covered,” he said. (Well, perhaps the others have learnt to live with it? Or found a way around it?)

– that checks with 23 NTU students showed that the language problem appears confined to the engineering faculty. Third-year electrical engineering student Raimond Liang, 24, who is signing up for the committee, said he has been skipping three professors’ lectures since his first year because he could not get past their accents. He said: “I find it more efficient to do my own research on the subject in the library.” (Funny. If he has found a way around it why still join the whiner who doesn’t use his brains to do the same? Have we lost our ability to find a way out of our own difficulties and adapt to circumstances, but instead expect everyone to change to suit us? God bless Singapore and I hope Lao Lee is good to his promise to rise from the grave to save us when we needed him!)

– that Loy Pei Phoong, 25, a fourth-year civil and environmental engineering student, said: “As long as lecturers have knowledge, you can easily find a way around their accent, by reading your notes or asking them questions.” Second-year materials engineering student Lau Ming Yang, 23, said that it usually takes just two to three lectures for him to get the hang of a foreign accent. Samuel Tan, 22, thinks Mr Goh’s move was an ‘overreaction’. He said: “Just because lecturers speak with accents does not mean that their English standards are low. If NTU wants to be a global hub, it has to learn to accept foreign accents.” (It would be fun to see Gary Goh squirm in an MNC with people coming from all over the world speaking all forms of accented English.)

– that the former head of China Aviation Oil has been sentenced to four years and three months in jail for his role in the firm’s near-collapse in 2004. Chen Jiulin, who had earlier pleaded guilty to six charges including insider trading, was also fined SGD 350,000. (4 years and $350,000 for causing many to lose their life savings and thousands stuck in a dead share is too kind to this assh*le. They should have at least fined him 2 peanuts -of the Durai kind – and lock him away for 10 years.)

Trivial, Jokes and Thoughts from Discussions

– that Microsoft said it plans to delay the consumer launch of its much-anticipated Windows Vista operating system to January 2007 from its earlier target of the second half of 2006. (So my PC will last one more year before I need to upgrade. YAAAAY!!!)

– that Google Inc. is devoting a section of its Web site to information about the stock market and corporate America, filling a gaping product hole as it continues to battle for Internet traffic with rivals Yahoo Inc., MSN and America Online. (Unless it’s going to offer real time rates for free, what difference does it make compare to the other services?)

– that DDOS – Distribute Denial of Service -attacks were once the tool of bored teenagers who got a kick out of seeing Web sites crumble. But these days, DDOS attacks are sometimes used by criminals looking to extort money from online businesses–especially those on the margins, such as gambling sites and the adult-entertainment industry. (Set up your own pR0n and gambling sites for the quick and easy money, you losers.)

– that a study on the accuracy of the free online resource Wikipedia by the prestigious journal Nature has been described as ‘fatally flawed’. The report compared the accuracy of online offerings from Encyclopaedia Britannica and Wikipedia. Nature found that both were about as accurate as each other on science. Encyclopaedia Britannica has hit back at the findings, calling for the paper to be retracted. (Doesn’t matter that beyond the matters of science, such as current affairs, Wikipedia can be tainted by the liberal agenda.)

– that the man in charge of Manhattan’s St. Patrick’s Day parade has fueled a controversy by saying allowing a gay group to join Friday’s march would be like permitting neo-Nazis to participate in an Israeli parade. (What an analogy!)

– the scientists think they have found the reason why bird flu does not as yet spread easily among people. The H5N1 virus prefers to infect cells in the lung instead of areas like the nose and windpipe, so it is not easily coughed or sneezed out into the air, new research says. (Let’s hope God keeps it that way so the pandemic can be averted.)

– that the first human to orbit Earth, Yuri Gagarin, said he didn’t find God in outer space. “I looked and looked but I didn’t see God,” he is reputed to have uttered in 1961, after orbiting Earth for 108 minutes in the Vostok 1 spacecraft. He did not get a second chance. Shortly afterwards, he was killed in a plane crash. (Was the last thing Gagarin heard, the herald angel announcing, “The LORD will see you now.”?)

– that action star Jet Li has been sued for his film about late Chinese gongfu master Huo Yuanjia, whose life it misrepresents, say his relatives. The Xinhua news agency has reported that Li’s name has been added to a March 7 lawsuit against the producers and distributors of the movie ‘Fearless’. The suit was filed by Huo’s grandson Shoujin, who does not want the movie to be released worldwide. He also wants the film to be pulled from theatres in Asia. Li’s name was added because he ‘not only played the lead role but took part in the making and production of the movie’, Xinhua said, citing family lawyer Yang Zhonghai. ‘Fearless’ traces Huo’s path from a fighter keen on domination to one who uses martial arts for self-betterment. (There are just too many movies out there that’s full of misrepresentations. ‘Pearl Harbour’ and ‘Kingdom of Heaven’, for example.)

– that a SEE LAY KENG (MDM) complained that many sports competitions are held at 2pm, the hottest time of the day, under the merciless scorching sun. She went on talking about her son’s primary school’s basketball team which training used to start at 3.30pm. As the competitions start at either 2pm or 3pm, the school decided to change the training time to 1.30pm so that the pupils would get used to the burning heat. She asked if something be done to let our young enjoy sports and yet spare them from the harmful ultraviolet rays of the scorching sun. (Just have your child play sports on a computer. How about Championship Manager? I shudder to think of the consequences when the son gets to the army.)

– the in an online letter to the Stooge Times Forum, ‘genius’ ANDREW SEOW CHWEE GUAN wrote that ‘ SBS Transit should paint a white line with directional arrows so that commuters can keep to the left and crowd movement would be more orderly’ because ‘during the morning and evening peaks, many commuters would bump into one another as there is no demarcation line and everyone is in a hurry’. (SillyPoreans have all got no common sense to keep to the left side of a congested passage way and not walk in a line abreast when among friends, or walk all over when alone. No line is really needed. Just walk into the bastards who are on the wrong side of the passageway.)

– that a LIN QIAN WEN wrote that cabbies won’t pick up passengers waiting in queue at Marina Square but waited for booking calls instead. (This has been an ongoing malpractice for a long time. What needs to be done is if a cab has been unhired for more than 10 minutes in the CBD area, the satellite booking system on the cab should be disabled for 1 hour to punish him for his pickiness.)

O2s and the all those cool looking PDA phones. But do you really need them? Here’s the evaluation from – if it pleases you – a bunch of sour grapes.

These days, even the most basic phones comes with the standard PIM (Personal Information Manager) functions, similar to that of Outlook – Calender functions with appointment reminders, alarms etc; Notes; Task list. It even comes with a synchronisation program that allows you to sync with your Outlook. So there, one function you can’t do without avaiable also on your normal phone.

Next, applications. How often does one use the Pocket Word or Excel on that thing anyway? Not to mention with a screen so small, it’s probably quite a pain in the butt to do so. And if you talk about the ability to install programs on the O2, well, there are phones which you can install applications on it too. But the real question isn’t what you can or cannot put in, but rather, how often do you use it?

What about surfing the internet? Wireless LAN (WLAN) features? Come on… surf the web on that little screen?! I have better ways to test my eyesight than that! And what can’t you do on GPRS that you actually need to do it on the O2? In fact, I don’t even think you can do Internet banking with the browser on that thing, since I don’t know there’s anyone locally who has actually managed to load some kind of JVM – Java Virtual Machine – on that thing. That’s not mentioning I can get movie tickets off my old Nokia 6100 without any problems at all.

And how about games? There is also a large number of games for mobile too, and even some titles on the PC is available, for e.g. Age of Empires II, for some Sony Ericsson models! And you are really supernatural if you don’t feel tired staring at that little screen playing AOE II.

There are really few people I know who would need an O2, and in extension, a PocketPC, anyway. The techie geeks, the financial advisor aka insurance agent, and maybe even your recently despised Tai-E-Loan, are the few people I can think of who will need one.

In other words, it is my considered opinion that a lot of people are getting an O2 simply to show off, or to try and prove they are computer savvy. I don’t want to talk about that moron in my office who brought one, and don’t even know how to toggle it between keyboard and graffiti mode. It reminds me of the time I was listening to Tchaikovsky to act if I am a cultured person when I don’t even know that Tchaikovsky = 柴可夫斯基! Malu siah!

Then of course there are those who are buying because of peer pressure and a matter of face. ‘Everyone in my office also buy I don’t buy how can?!’

And guess what? A piece of useless junk like these get sold at obscene prices starting from like $800 a piece! If you really have too much money, you can always put into my bank account.

The World This Week

– that the Nazi regime was responsible for about 35 million dead during World War II. (Unfortunately we couldn’t make Hitler die 35 million times for his crime. And the coward took his own life!!)

– that California has cancelled the execution of a convicted killer over ethical issues surrounding the lethal injection method. Michael Morales was convicted of the rape and murder of a 17-year-old girl in 1981. Lawyers for Morales had successfully called for the presence of anaesthesiologists during his execution, arguing that he would suffer extreme pain because of the mix of drugs in the three-part injection. (So what about the suffering his victim went through? It is not a matter of revenge or whatever. It is simply a just fate to befall such a criminal.)

– that the identities of 2,600 employees of the CIA can be found easily on the internet, according embarrassing revelations about the U.S. spy agency. (So much for Homeland Security.)

– that the family of missing white supremacist lea-duh Jack van Tongeren today say they are concerned for the neo-nazi group lea-duh who probably skipped bail because he feared for his life. They also called for the former Vietnam veteran and lea-duh of the ultra right-wing Australian Nationalist Movement (ANM) to give himself up. Van Tongeren and another ANM member, Matthew Billing, are wanted by police after skipping bail two weeks ago, ahead of their trial in Perth on March 20 for allegedly plotting to firebomb four Chinese restaurants in 2004. (Show some ‘white supremacy’ by having the guts to claim trial, asswipes, and not be another ball-less wonder like Adolf Hitler.)

– that Slobodan Milosevic claimed before his death that he risked being poisoned, his legal advisor said, fueling swirling rumours over the demise of the former Yugoslav lea-duh while on trial for war crimes. (But who would poison him when almost the whole world wants to see this criminal against humanity brought to justice?)

– that the UN war crimes tribunal fended off speculation that Slobodan Milosevic was poisoned in its custody, citing provisional tests that showed no signs of foul play. The Netherlands Forensic Institute had cited the immediate cause of death as a heart attack but did not say what brought it on, allowing Milosevic’s supporters to voice suspicions of poisoning. (You don’t need to poison someone to kill him. According to David Morrell in one of his ‘Brotherhood of the Rose’ novels, a injection of certain chemicals can cause a massive cardiac arrest and the residual constituents of the injection would leave no one any the wiser about what killed the victim.)

– that Saddam Hussein, after days of withering testimony about his involvement in the killings of 148 residents of a small farming town, decided he’d had enough. He’d been called a torturer and a murderer and toward the end of a court session, he sternly sought to command the courtroom’s attention. The essence of his comments: “Of course I did it. I am Saddam Hussein, and at the time of lea-duhship I am responsible. It is not [my] habit to rely on others.” (Funny he didn’t have that much balls when the Americans caught him. He should have fought the Americans with his pistol when they found him in his own dog hole. At least he would have died with some dignity.)

– that Saddam Hussein also denounced his trial as a ‘comedy’ in his first formal testimony and called on Iraqis to resist the U.S.-led occupation, prompting the judge to order a closed session. “I call on the people to start resisting the invaders instead of killing each other,” he told the Iraqi High Tribunal, which is trying Saddam and seven co-defendants over a massacre of Shiites in the 1980s. (The ‘comedy’ can’t continue with its chief clown and comedian, Saddam Hussein.)

– The U.S. military will leave the notorious Abu Ghuraib prison and turn it over to Iraqi authorities after a new detention facility is completed in some three months, the U.S. command said. Once the U.S. moves detainees to the new prison at Camp Cropper and other facilities, Abu Ghraib will be returned to Iraqi prison authorities, said Lt. Col. Barry Johnson, a U.S. military spokesman in Baghdad. (‘New Abu Ghuraib’ would be a great name for this facility.)

– that Mahmoud Abbas said the world should give the terrorist group Hamas a chance to moderate as it prepares to form a gover-min. Abbas said Hamas must change its policies. But he also appealed to the international community to keep up financial support for the ‘Palestinians’ and respect the results of democratic elections on January 25 that brought Hamas to power. (The chance to moderate has always been there. It is up to Hamas to take it.)

– that Hamas lea-duhs visited Saudi Arabia to seek aid from the oil-rich kingdom for a ‘Palestinian’ gover-min headed by the terrorist group. Mohammad Nazzal, a Hamas lea-duh in exile, said the delegation would be led by Hamas’s top lea-duh, Khaled Meshaal, and meet Saudi King Abdullah. (“Pay up! Pay up! You can’t have my people fighting your proxy war without paying up!”)

– that the people of Zimbabwe have been told to dig deep into their pockets to fund celebrations for Mugabe’s 82nd birthday. Three million Zimbabweans are short of food, according to independent estimates, but Mr Mugabe will still hold his biggest ever birthday party this weekend in the city of Mutare. (Mugabe, beware of the fate of Nicolae Ceaucescu.)

– that Sri Lanka’s Tamil Tiger terrorists are extorting money from Tamils living in Canada, Britain and Europe to fill their coffers for a final war against the island’s gover-min, U.S.-based Human Rights Watch said. The Tigers have threatened expatriate Tamils and their families with violence unless they contribute often thousands of dollars and many ex-pats have been told they can only visit relatives back home if they pay up first, the group said. (So much for these terrorists calling themselves ‘freedom fighters’.)

– that China rejected a U.S. report that branded it one of the world’s worst human rights offenders, instead accusing Washington of hypocrisy and its own ‘serious violations’. (Gitmo. ‘Nuff said.)

– that China has denounced a comment by Japan’s Foreign Minister Taro Aso Arsehole after he called Taiwan ‘a country’. Japan’s foreign ministry denied Arsehole’s remark was a change of Tokyo’s official position, which recognises China’s claim to Taiwan. China also rejected a Japanese proposal to jointly develop disputed gas fields in the East China Sea. Ties between China and Japan have deteriorated recently because of rows over energy and history. (The evil intention and attempt of Japan to drive China into a military confrontation over the gas field disputes and Taiwan is clear.)

– that dozens of Taiwan independence activists demonstrated outside the de facto U.S. embassy in Taipei demanding Washington review its ‘One China’ policy which opposes any change in the island’s status. The demonstrators raised their fists in air while chanting slogans and holding placards reading ‘Respect Taiwan’s mainstream opinions’ and ‘Support President Chen (Shui-bian)’ during the rally in Taipei. (A few dozens thinking they represented ‘Taiwan’s mainstream opinions’ should just be ignored.)

– that without firing a bullet, China can force Taiwan to its knees in a week with a massive trade war in the event that the self-ruled island formally declares statehood, a prominent Chinese economist says. (Right. Why waste Chinese bullets to kill Chinese?)

– that a Republican congressman has questioned whether the U.S. would defend Taiwan if provocative actions by the island’s lawmakers were to spark a military conflict with China. “If a conflict with China were to be aided by inappropriate and wrongful politics generated by the Taiwanese elected officials, I am not entirely sure that this nation would come full force to their rescue,” said Senator John Warner, the powerful chairman of the Senate Armed Services Committee. Speaking at a committee hearing, he described Chen Shui-bian’s decision to cease operations of the National Unification Council (NUC) as ‘one of those unfortunate incidents that seem to continue to arise’. The council was set up in 1990 by the then-Kuomintang government to examine unification with China. (“Just buy our weapons. That’s as far as we will go in ‘defending’ Taiwan.” – U.S.)

– that thousands of slogan-chanting opposition demonstrators took to the streets of Taipei in the second rally in a week protesting against Chen Shui-bian. Protesters complained that the independence-leaning Chen is pre-occupied with cross-strait matters and ignores pressing livelihood issues closer to home. “There are a string of problems challenging this country such as gover-min corruption and serious credit card and cash card payment defaults. They need the lea-duh to show his concern,” said opposition lea-duh Ma Ying-jeou, head of the KMT. (Maybe it’s high time for Taiwan to have its own Edsa and throw out the likes of Chen and his troublemaking lackeys.)

– that the Hong Kong Disneyland is too crowded, a senior Chinese tourism official said, hinting that another Disney park is necessary. The comments by Mr Shao Qiwei, director of China’s State Administration of Tourism, came a day after Shanghai Mayor Han Zheng said his city was preparing to build China’s second Disney theme park. But a Disney spokesman said no agreement has been reached on the park in Shanghai so far. The Hong Kong park was widely criticised in January when it turned away hundreds of Chinese New Year holidaymakers from mainland China as it was packed to capacity. (It must have been an eye-sore to the Shanghainese to see so much of Chinese money going out to benefit Hong Kong. Part of China or not!)

– that North Korea cannot return to six-way talks on its nuclear programs unless the U.S. ends its financial crack down on Pyongyang’s assets, Yonhap news agency quoted a senior North Korean official as saying. The comments from Ri Gun, North Korea’s deputy chief envoy to the talks, reiterated rather than hardened North Korea’s stance but came as pressure builds for Pyongyang to return to the table. (In simpler terms, all they wanted is more money.)

– that Gloria Arroyo announced she had broken up a coup plot and declared a state of emergency. The attempt came as people across the country celebrated the popular revolt that ousted Ferdinand Marcos 20 years ago this week. (The Philippines bestowed upon the world People’s Power and has changed the lives and fate of many countries, like South Korea and the Ukraine. It has also led to a heart breaking atrocity – Tian-anmen. Sadly, 20 years since then, the fate of their country remained unchanged. They should let Fidel Ramos back to the Presidency.)

– that Gloria Arroyo will extend a state of emergency she declared over an alleged coup plot after a weekend standoff with Marines renewed political tensions, her spokesman said. “I believe the public will understand that the lifting of Proclamation 1017 will be slightly delayed,” spokesman Ignacio Bunye said on Philippines radio, referring to the emergency declaration. (Copy Cat! ‘State of Emergency’ is Arroyo’s version of Ferdinand Marcos’ ‘Martial Law’.)

– that Gloria Arroyo warned that she would not hesitate to order another clampdown after imposing a week-long state of emergency to quash an alleged coup attempt. Arroyo said last week’s coup bid would have destroyed democraZy in the Philippines if it had triumphed. (As if what she has done hasn’t done the same.)

– that Thailand’s biggest opposition party said it may boycott the snap election called by Thaksin Shinawatra for April 2. (So that’s what they understand by democraZy? How can the people decide if they don’t even stand for election? F@cking politicians.)

– that women in Indonesia marked International Women’s Day with a march to pressure Parliament to drop an anti-pornography Bill. It seems an unlikely protest for a day focused on women’s rights. But the demonstrators fear the Bill could lead to penalties of up to 12 years in prison and fines of up to 2 billion rupiah for such simple acts as kissing in public and baring of legs or shoulders. (The Indonesian Parliament needs a lesson on the meaning of the word pornography.)

– that Indonesia has 9,634 islands which have yet to be named. The Ministry of Home Affairs, which gave the figures yesterday, said 7,870 others have been named. “One of the reasons why these outer islands have not yet been named is the lack of the gover-min’s attention, including its small budget allocation,” the Antara news agency quoted the ministry’s secretary-general Progo Nurjaman as saying. He said the allocation in the 2006 state budget for surveys and data gathering was only 3.2 billion rupiah – about S$560,000. (Give me that S$560,000 and I’ll name all of them for you, starting from ‘Pulau tanpa Nama Satu ‘ – Island No-name / Un-named #1. In fact, I’ll even give the Indons a $56,000 discount if they let me do it. * Pardon my broken Melayu *)

– that Sammy Vellu, Malaysia’s Works Minister, was swamped with 2,600 text messages and hundreds of calls on his cellphone after he asked the public to direct their complaints to him, reports said. He said his mobile phone has not stopped ringing since he gave out his number during a television show after viewers complained about inefficiency at his ministry. “I received so many calls and messages that I think my phone may quit on me soon,” he was quoted as saying by the New Straits Times. (Maybe when his phone goes kaput, he should go too.)

– that on Feb 26, Malaysian police arrested the man suspected of shooting dead nightclub owner Lim Hock Soon on Feb 15, catching a suspect in another Singapore murder in the process. Tan Chor Jin, 39, – nicknamed ‘One-Eyed Dragon’ was captured when police stormed a room at the five-star Grand Plaza Parkroyal hotel in the heart of the Kuala Lumpur tourist zone at about 4am. (They needed a big break after all the bad press from the squatting ‘China girl’ and the ‘gambling botaks’. This was it.)

Singapore This Week

– that the Singapore Police Force is saying of its latest initiative to send letters to parents of youths below 17 years old seen loitering in public places is not a curfew but rather, a preventive measure. (Singaporean parents needs the police to remind them to buck up on their parenting.)

– that a AVERAL LIM suggested that the reason why teenagers are staying out late is that entertainment centres catering to them are closing later. The popular E2Max gaming centre in Orchard Cineleisure opens all night on weekends. At Parklane Shopping Centre, many LAN shops open till 3am. KBox also offers packages from midnight to 5am on weekends. He suggested that all entertainment centres should be banned from opening after 11pm. (Might as well just close them after the last daily prayer at the mosque everyday. The ‘teen problem’ of staying out late is merely a consequence and outcome of failed parenting.)

– that according to reports in Malaysian newspaper The Star, copies of the Tammy sex video in DVD and VCD format have been found on sale in Penang. Enterprising roadside vendors there have been downloading the two sex video clips onto CDs and DVDs and selling them for between RM$10 (S$4.50) and RM$20 a copy, up to five times what they charge for illegal DVD copies of the latest Hollywood blockbusters. (Move over Qu Meifeng and Paris Hilton. Tammy is here.)

– that Tammy, the student in sex video said, “We didn’t intend to be porn stars. I have done nothing wrong… Everyone does it.” (We are clearly making advanced technology available to monkeys without teaching them the dangers of it. And I love this ‘Everyone does it’ argument. Because they are saying that ‘eating shit is alright if a lot of people around them also eat shit’. And by the way, a lot of people around me doesn’t go around telling people whether they made sex videos of themselves. So I don’t know where she get the idea that ‘everyone does it’.)

– that onlookers vent anger and some even try to stop police car as the stepdad of Nurasyura Mohamed Fauzi, suspect for murdering her, is taken away. Some called him an animal, others hurled obscenities at him and one man even tried to break the police cordon to get at him. (Now I finally figured out what the ice-cream seller and one of the bystanders were arguing about when I walked pass the junction of Talma Road and Geylang Lorong 10 when I was heading to a bus stop along Guillemard Road the other night.)

– that severe erosion over the past few years has caused parts of the reclaimed shoreline along the East Coast Park and Pasir Ris to recede. Surveys mapping the physical contours of the beaches and surrounding waters are under way. The final report may take up to two years to complete, said a BCA spokesman. One possible reason for the excessive erosion is that the breakwaters – stone and concrete structures built to protect the beaches – have not been as effective as expected, said Prof Tan Soon Keat, a coastal engineering expert from NTU. (Maybe they can dismantle that golf course they are building across from Marina South and dump the sand at these places to reclaim what was lost.)

– that for torturing a 1.5 month-old kitten until her left eye protruded and her nostrils were stained with blood, David Hooi Yin Weng got away with only three months’ jail. The kitten’s injuries were so severe she had to be euthanised. (This criminal should be castrated.)

– that more than 70% of bus delays are due to traffic conditions. The outcome is that bus captains would not always be able to stick to the schedules because of traffic jams and this invariably results in bunching and overloading. (Traffic jams may explain overloading. But bunching?)

– that a teacher had to be treated for depression after being harassed by a parent – and this is something the Education Ministry intends to get tough on. Those who harass teachers or verbally abuse civil servants could be taken to task. (The maturity of some people!)

– that ‘genius’ WONG HOONG HOOI wrote this in an online letter on the Stooge Times forum titled ‘English not the mother tongue of Asians’: “Chinese who have the vision and resolve that there should be greater plurality in a truly globalised future should hold on to their mother tongue – putonghua.” (Funny. My mother and her mother, and my father’s mother, do not speak Putonghua. Is it a surprise why our Chinese standards remain dismal, when we can’t even grasp the concept of ‘mother tongue’ properly?)

– that ‘genius’ NORMAN HO MENG KEAT suggested in an online letter on the Stooge Times Forum that ‘we can perhaps modify the system to shut down the lift when someone smokes inside’ to ‘discourage residents from smoking in lifts’. (Doesn’t matter if the lift might also contain old folks, kids, and people rushing home or to work. All of these people will be trapped in the lift along with an inconsiderate smoking f*ckwit.)

– that Chiam See Tong says he is not too worried with the Tali-PAP’s strategy to recapture opposition wards by appointing Lao Goh to support its candidates in those areas. Chiam, who is also Secretary-General of the SPP and Chairman of the SDA, says: “The impact will be marginal because what gets people to vote is whether they have been moved to do so, so the most important thing is not Goh Chok Tong but the voters themselves.” (The problem is what goodies will Lao Goh be promising to entice Singapore’s usually myopic voters, Chiam.)

– that Lao Goh Chok Tong says he has been asked to help win back the two opposition wards of Hougang and Potong Pasir in the next General Election. Lao Goh says: “I am not too concerned over the candidates. I am concerned over the interest of the residents. So I want to find out from Eric Low and Sitoh Yih Pin, and of course through the visits down to Hougang and Potong Pasir, what are the needs of the residents, what problems do they have, what are their hopes, what facilities do they need, what amenities can we give them? (Hopefully, they might just prefer to have a thorn at the side of the Tali-PAP to keep things interesting.)

– that the Tali-PAP will start introducing its new candidates – revealed Baby Lee, who is also the party’s Secretary-General. Baby says the Tali-PAP is aiming to win all the constituencies in the upcoming General Election, including the opposition wards of Hougang and Potong Pasir. (And will there be those who dares to hope that such a terrible, history reversing outcome wouldn’t happen? The people only needs to give the Tali-PAP the legitimacy of rulership through the elections. There is no need to give it absolute power.)

Trivial, Jokes and Thoughts from Discussions

– that hackers have managed to get Windows XP running on an Apple Mac computer. The success ends a competition started to see if the feat was even possible when Apple unveiled computers that used Intel chips. (An expected outcome. Microsoft should release a version of Windows for Macs. Or the hackers should take it further by coming up with a hardware that can turn Macs into just another PC clone.)

– that Yahoo Mail will now let people register usernames that include the word ‘allah’ after a ban designed to thwart prejudice went astray. The existence of the ban made a bit of a splash on the Web after it was reported. It seems the situation has been a problem since at least June 2005, judging from a Web page (which includes profanity) created by someone named ‘Kallahar’, who said Yahoo barred him from registering his name. Apparently, ‘allah’ was not banned by Yahoo until after 2000, the site says. (It was unnecessary for such a ban in the first place. ‘Well done’, Yahoo.)

– that Google is planning a massive online facility that could store copies of users’ hard drives – a move set to spark alarm among civil liberties campaigners. Plans for the ‘GDrive’, previously the subject of rumour among computer experts, were revealed accidentally after notes in a slideshow were wrongly published on Google’s site. (Sounds like a good new avenue to distribute MP3s.)

– that there was a big hoo-ha over the matter of a clinic refusing to accept patients coming in near their closing hours. (For these people special people who can ‘suddenly’ get sick near a clinic’s closing time, they should sign a contract with a clinic and have their own standby doctors. And there should be an SLA stating that the doctor must respond within 2 hours, even during the most ungodly hours.)

– that according to Dan Brown in his book ‘Deception Point’ – “with over 1.25 million known species and another 500 thousand still to be classified, the Earth’s ‘bugs’ outnumbered all of the other animals combined. They made up 95% of all the planet’s species and 40% of the Earth’s biomass. (Shocking. But it is pretty obvious because having been through NS can probably tell you that one of the first organism he sees during training are some kind of bug.)

– that their resilience are as impressive as their abundance. They are found in the Antarctic and the desert and even survived the radiation at ground zero of a nuclear blast. (Well, they outlived the dinosaurs too, didn’t you notice?)

– that the poles actually got their name from the polar bears. Arktos in Greek for bear. (Now that helps you remember why there are no bears in the Antarctic – Anti-Arktos. And of course there are no penguins in the Arctic because the bears would likely have eaten them as appetizers)

– that a lawsuit against the publisher of ‘The Da Vinci Code’ for breach of copyright could taint the novel and delay the much-anticipated movie version. Michael Baigent and Richard Leigh, authors of the 1982 nonfiction book ‘The Holy Blood and the Holy Grail’ are suing publisher Random House, Inc. over the allegation that parts of their work formed the basis of Dan Brown’s novel, which has sold more than 40 million copies worldwide and remains high on best seller lists nearly three years after publication. (And we thought we heard the end of stuff like these when NTP and Research In Motion reached a settlement.)

– that a baffled Andy Tierney blasted the Hinckley and Bosworth council busybodies over his £50 litter bin fine, saying: “I did the right thing.” And he vowed to fight the pompous fixed penalty notice, issued for dumping two junk mail letters. It accused him of committing ‘an offence under Section 87 of the Environmental Protection Act 1990’. It continued: ‘Domestic refuse from your property was dumped into a street litter bin… the fixed penalty is £50.’. (That doesn’t explain why everyone in Singapore just swept their stupid junk onto the floor from the letter box, though.)

– that ‘Crash’ beat ‘Broke-ass Brokeback Mountain’ as best Oscar picture. (A well deserved win for ‘Crash’.)

– that Isaac Hayes has quit ‘South Park’, where he voices Chef, saying he can no longer stomach its take on religion. “Religious beliefs are sacred to people, and at all times should be respected and honored,” he continued. “As a civil rights activist of the past 40 years, I cannot support a show that disrespects those beliefs and practices.” (It is my considered opinion that much of ‘South Park’ can be considered offensive by some and I don’t see Mr Hayes objecting to it then.)

– that ‘South Park’ co-creator Matt Stone responded sharply in an interview, saying, “This is 100 percent having to do with his faith of Scientology… He has no problem — and he’s cashed plenty of checks — with our show making fun of Christians.” Last November, ‘South Park’ targeted the Church of Scientology and its celebrity followers, including actors Tom Cruise and John Travolta, in a top-rated episode called ‘Trapped in the Closet’. In the episode, Stan, one of the show’s four mischievous fourth graders, is hailed as a reluctant savior by Scientology lea-duhs, while a cartoon Cruise locks himself in a closet and won’t come out. Stone said he and co-creator Trey Parker ‘never heard a peep out of Isaac in any way until we did Scientology. He wants a different standard for religions other than his own, and to me, that is where intolerance and bigotry begin.’ (Is Matt Stone accusing Hayes of double standards and hypocrisy?)