On NS Dodgers

– that MPs were split on how to deal with NS dodgers, but all of them called for balance in treating them. Tan Cheng Bock Chu-boh, said, “Nobody will want to come back if they face the prospect of jail. We’ve been told time and again that every Singaporean is valuable and talent is important because we’re a small nation and need each other. So why is it in this situation, suddenly talent is not valued?” (So what this ku-bai is trying to say is, “If you have talent, go ahead and dodge NS.” As if they will suddenly change their minds and come back after that.)

– that Chu-boh pleaded with Singaporeans to ‘forgive’ people like pianist Melvyn Tan who evaded NS, and not reject talented ‘sons of Singapore’ if they wanted to return. (Sure. As long as the likes of Melvyn do my NS, my IPPT and RT, and my ICTs on my behalf. Or give me a monetary compensation of a value of my choice. I will not just forgive these ku-bais, I will even shine their boots and welcome them back with a red carpet.)

– that Chu-boh suggested instead that dodgers be made to do community service as a form of punishment, on top of the fines that they have to pay. (No community service these bastards do is worth any NSmen’s 2.5 years, you kriffing mofo.)

– that Iswaran said, “The question that’s been raised is whether our system is equitable or are there a privileged few. We must debunk this. I say that if someone who’s going to be a great pianist chooses not to live in Singapore because of wanting to avoid NS, then it is a sad loss, but a loss that Singapore must live with.” (And why scramble to stick your hot face to someone’s cold backside, Singapore? Have we no dignity? Have we no courage?)

– that Iswaran also said, “I want to be able to look these men, and others like them, in the eye and say to them: ‘We know you’re making a sacrifice. We apply the rules impartially. We respect your sacrifice and service, and we will not forget it.'” (Sir, I will go with you to hell and beyond.)

– that NS dodgers face stiffer penalties under a proposal unveiled by the defence mini$ter. The fine will be doubled to S$10,000 from S$5,000 currently under the Enlistment Act, Teo Chee Hean told parliament. (Make that €10,000 lah. And while you are at that. No harm let the ku-bais come back without a jail term. Just make them pay alot more taxes, such as income tax and property tax; make them pay a ‘National Defense’ tax of 10% of their income; give them no NSS, no ERS, no rebates, no health care, no right to vote, no subsidies for housing, no this, no that… just plain no nothing! If they are so damned bloody talented like Bill Gates, they can jolly well fend for themselves. In fact, make them pay for the army’s equipment too. Tiew!)

– that MP Sin Boon Ann Bern Tan asked, “What if the defaulter in this instance were Einstein or Stephen Hawking? Can we honestly say we would also insist he should equally go to jail? Or what if the defaulter were Bill Gates, who has the potential to invest substantially in our economy and bring employment to thousands of Singaporeans?” (You want my honest answer, you kriffing moffing fumbduck? The answer is YES. Jail the fuggers. Be glad I didn’t yet call for dodging NS to be called a treasonous offense and ask for the crime to be punishable by public execution with a firing squad.)

– that Bern Tan also said, “To insist on such a sentence will only result in one certainty: The likes of Einstein and Bill Gates will never return to our shores.” (Then let them go. Don’t cheapen what it means to me when I said, “My country, My Home.” Don’t expect me to watch your back, you lump of shit.)

– that Bern Tan further said, “Justice must always be tempered with mercy. I do not believe for a moment that Singaporeans do not have it in them to embrace a more compassionate solution that will be acceptable to all. The punishment must be commensurate with the wrongdoing and it need not always be a jail sentence. And national service in some cases need not always be in the form of uniformed service. Justice is never served by blind insistence on imprisonment.” (Tell that to the family of the recently execute ‘drug-mule’, Australian-Vietnamese Nguyen. Do you have what it takes to put your money where your mouth is?)

– that about 700,000 current and ex-NSmen could be getting a one-off bonus and other financial incentives if recommendations by a defence panel are approved by the gover-min. The Committee to Recognise the Contribution of Operationally-Ready NSmen to Total Defence (RECORD IV) has also asked for a special award to be given out to all 20,000 Operationally-Ready NSmen who complete their training cycle every year. (That’s right. And while there should be no goodies for the ku-bais who dodged NS, these ku-bais should be fined whenever the gover-min award the NSmen to defray some of the cost the state has to bear.)

The Ugly Shitty-Porean Award

– that A 29-year-old salesman arrested after his neighbours complained that he walked around naked in his flat has been charged with nine counts of appearing nude in public view. Clifford Wong Wai Lit is accused of appearing nude and exposing himself to public view in a private place on three occasions in December and six times this month. He is also said to have stroked himself in public view on three occasions. If convicted, Wong could be fined up to $2,000 and jailed for up to three months on each charge. (This guy is aspiring to be male AV / porn actor in Japan or what?)

The World This Week

– that DemoRats accused Republican congressional lea-duhs of corrupting the gover-min, claiming that their party has higher ethical standards. “Under Republican guidance, America has truly been put up for sale to the highest bidder,” congresswoman Louise Slaughter said in her party’s weekly radio address. (DemoRats? More ethical? Wait while I laugh.)

– that Washington has refused to hand over custody to Manila of four U.S. Marines charged with raping a woman in the Philippines, its embassy said. (This sure explains why they refused to sign the treaty which will place U.S. military personnel under the jurisdiction of some kind of world court.)

– the U.S. gover-min said it ‘will continue to cooperate’ with Philippine authorities as the case moves to trial under local jurisdiction, the embassy said in a statement. The Philippine foreign department separately said it had filed a diplomatic note to the U.S. embassy demanding that the soldiers be handed over to local authorities, citing the ‘extraordinary nature’ of the case. (The Americans know who they can push and who they cannot. Had the Pinoys not acted like bootlickers for so long, they might still have some respect from the Americans.)

– that Hillary Clinton blasted the Bush administration regime as ‘one of the worst’ in U.S. history and compared the Republican-controlled House of Representatives to a plantation where dissenting voices are squelched. (At least they aren’t unzipping their flies for interns.)

– that New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin said the hurricane that devastated New Orleans was God’s way of showing displeasure about U.S. involvement in Iraq. (Why do everyone imagines they know when God is unhappy? Please, when you talk to God it’s prayer. But when God talks to you, it’s probably schizoprenia.)

– that Tony B-liar was to pick a new fight with anti-social thugs, with hard-hitting plans to combat ‘neighbours from hell’ in his drive to restore respect in British society. As part of his battle to stamp out loutish behaviour, problem families could be evicted from their homes and lose their welfare handouts under powers currently used on drug dens, newspapers reported. (Just pack them up and ship them to Iraq.)

– that British police could be given powers to evict nuisance neighbours from their homes and problem parents will get lessons on raising children under a new government drive to crack down on anti-social behaviour. The ‘Respect Action Plan’, unveiled by Tony B-liar, will also increase on-the-spot fines for yobs and give communities a bigger say over policing. “We need a radical new approach if we are to restore the liberty of the law-abiding citizen,” B-liar told police and community leaders at his office. “My view is very clear: Their freedom to be safe from fear has to come first.” (This might give Singapore an idea how to deal with the Chan’s in Everitt.)

– that the British gover-min moved toward legalizing mini brothels, as it proposed changing the law to allow up to three prostitutes to work together. Home Office Minister Fiona Mactaggart said the current law, which bars more than one prostitute working in a premises, put women at risk. (The dodgy massage parlours in Joo Chiat can teach them a thing or two.)

– that scientists in Ireland may have found the country’s most fertile male, with more than 3 million men worldwide among his offspring. The scientists, from Trinity College Dublin, have discovered that as many as one in twelve Irish men could be descended from Niall of the Nine Hostages, a 5th-century warlord who was head of the most powerful dynasty in ancient Ireland. His genetic legacy is almost as impressive as Genghis Khan, the Mongol Khan who conquered most of Asia in the 13th century and has nearly 16 million descendants, said Dan Bradley, who supervised the research. (Ladies and Gentlmen, let us present you the some of the greatest fockers * sic * of mankind…)

– that one year after he left the Labor leadership, Mark Latham reminded the public why he was unfit to lead Australia. In a classic Latham brain-snap, the former MP with a history of violence threw a punch at a Daily Telegraph photographer, injuring his wrist, and stole the photographer’s camera. His attack on photographer Ross Schultz stunned shoppers in Campbelltown. Mr Latham emerged in a fit of fury from a Hungry Jack’s restaurant, where he was munching on hamburgers with his sons Oliver and Isaac. (Is Gangster Chee a friend of this guy? What a good role model he is to his kids!)

– that Jacques Chirac for the first time raised the threat of a nuclear strike on any state that launches ‘terrorist’ attacks against France. He also said France’s doctrine of nuclear deterrence has been extended to protect the country’s ‘strategic supplies’, taken to mean oil. (Now even Warmonger Bush looks like a saint! Only the evil frogs can think of resorting to the first use of the weapons of the devil.)

– that Spanish police arrested 17 people suspected of helping recruit Islamist militants to carry out attacks in Iraq. The radio said those arrested included the imam of a mosque and a suspect who may be linked to an attack on Italian police in Iraq. (What’s the damned point? There’s no death sentence in Europe.)

– that Nigeria’s gover-min is planning a specific ban on same-sex marriages, with five years in jail for anyone who has a gay wedding or officiates at one. Information Minister Frank Nweke said the gover-min was taking the ‘pre-emptive step”‘ because of developments elsewhere in the world. “In most cultures in Nigeria, same-sex relationships, sodomy and the likes of that, is regarded as abominable.” Homosexual sex is already illegal and in the north offenders can be stoned. Justice Minister Bayo Ojo said the law would also ban ‘any form of protest to press for rights or recognition’ by homosexuals. (Long live Nigeria.)

– that Saudi Arabia blamed unruly pilgrims for the crush that killed 362 Muslims at the annual haj. (Last year also one case blame who?)

– that Israel’s army chief Dan Halutz has ruled out a pre-emptive attack on Iranian nuclear sites, despite the country’s apparent bid to build nuclear weapons, an Israeli newspaper reported. Speaking at Haifa University, the paper reports that Mr Halutz said Iran – Israel’s sworn enemy – was the only remaining threat to the country’s existence. (It’s perhaps too little, too late now.)

– that ‘evangelical’ broadcaster Pat Robertson has apologised to the family of Mr Ariel Sharon for suggesting that Sharon’s stroke was divine retribution for the country’s withdrawal from the Gaza Strip. He said his love of Israel and concern for its safety had led him to make remarks which he now saw as inappropriate and insensitive. (Someone ought to check Robertson for schizoprenia.)

– that Fugitive Taliban lea-duh Mullah Mohammad Omar vowed more attacks against U.S. forces in Afghanistan, a day after Afghan President Hamid Karzai suggested he ‘get in touch’ if he wanted peace. In a message to mark the three-day Muslim festival of Eid al-Adha, Omar reiterated his call for jihad, or holy war, against the United States. “The Taliban attacks in Afghanistan will further intensify in this New Year, which will force Americans to leave Afghanistan very soon,” he said in a message carried by the Pakistan-based Afghan Islamic Press (AIP) news agency. (More effort should be taken to find this mass murderer, and have what the Taliban did to Najibullah done to him.)

– that Pakistan cannot accept actions like an air strike on a village that killed 18 people, Prime Minister Shaukat Aziz said, adding that he will bring it up when he visits Washington. Officials in the tribal zone where the missile landed said separately that the strike was aimed at foreign militants invited to a dinner and that up to five of them were killed – the first such confirmation by Pakistan. (Another 5 demons bites the dust. That’s far better than zero.)

– that research whaling is permitted under the rules of the International Whaling Commission, but Australia and other anti-whaling countries say it is commercial whaling in disguise, with the meat sold, at premium prices, in Japan. (Just what kind of research can’t be done on one whale, but must be done on many? They lied about Nanking. They lied when going to Yakusuni. So they probably lied about this too.)

– that some 200 Japanese soldiers stormed a California beach at the start of a new military exercise with U.S. troops. (That’s the American-Japanese answer to China’s exercise with Russia last year.)

– that Japanese gover-min spokesman Shinzo Schizo Abe, a hardliner seen as the strongest candidate to be the country’s next prime minister, said that Japan should boost ties with India and called on China to improve transparency in its military spending. The powerful Chief Cabinet Secretary also indicated that he would continue to visit a controversial Tokyo war shrine, which is at the centre of strained relations with China. (China should just ignore him the same way he ignores China’s protests about Yakusuni.)

– that Prince Takahito, 90, the sole surviving brother of Hirohito, endorsed the views of his son Tomohito, the only prominent royal to go on record opposing female succession, the Sankei Shimbun reported. He suggested last year that the Crown Prince be allowed to take concubines to produce a male heir instead. (What should be done is to allow the monarchy to discontinue. It’s a price this evil dynasty has to pay for Hirohito’s unpaid war crimes.)

– that a Shanghai community has taken to publicly shaming people who neglect their elderly parents, a newspaper reported yesterday, underscoring the toll busy modern lifestyles have taken on traditional filial piety. The Nanjing East Road Neighbourhood Committee gives two warnings to children who fail to visit their parents at least once every two weeks, the Shanghai Daily said. After that, their names are posted on a public bulletin board for all to see, it reported. (What’s the point to force a matter of filial piety on them? Just like what Singapore do to smokers, China should just levy a ‘filial piety tax’ equal to 20% of their pay to feed the old folks, and defaulting on payment is punishable by DEATH.)

– that China will start taping interrogations of suspects involved in work-related crimes to prevent confessions being extracted through torture, the national media reported. Sound recording will start in March of this year, and video recording in October 2007, the official Xinhua News Agency said, citing the Supreme People’s Procuratorate, China’s highest prosecutor’s office. (Finally they are doing something about this.)

– that Hu Jintao said that he hoped China and Taiwan will open up direct transport and mail routes soon. Hu’s comments went against recent warnings from Chen Shui-bian that rising Taiwanese investment in the mainland is sapping the island’s strength and autonomy. (It is sheer insanity to ban direct transport and mail routes and have goods from Fujian exported to Hong Kong first before it is shipped to Taiwan. Unfortunately, the likes of Chen will bleed Taiwan economically dry to keep their political power.)

– that Taiwanese Premier Frank Hsieh said the island was unlikely to accept the offer of two pandas from the mainland because doing so could undermine Taiwanese sovereignty. “We cannot compromise our sovereignty,” Hsieh told reporters at a Taipei business conference. “The likelihood of the pandas coming to Taiwan is pretty low.” (There’s nothing 2 pandas can do to compromise the imagined ‘sovereignty’.)

– that several thousand Taiwanese took to the streets to demand a thorough inquiry into Premier Frank Hsieh, First Lady Wu Shu-chen and other officials for their alleged roles in corruption scandals. Protesters held signs reading ‘Save justice, get the corrupt officials’ as they marched in Taipei. The event’s organisers also filed a lawsuit against two confidants of Chen Shui-bian for alleged insider trading, malfeasance as well as influence-peddling. (Coming up next, the newest hit from Taiwan: ‘Don’t cry for me, Argentina Taiwan’ – by Madonna Zhang Hui-mei.)

– that Frank Hsieh has announced he is resigning from office, after less than a year in the post. Hsieh’s departure had been expected, following the ruling Democratic Progressive Party’s huge defeat in December’s local gover-min elections. Chen told Reuters news agency he would nominate a new premier before the Lunar New Year on 29 January. Taiwanese media have speculated that the president’s former chief of staff, Su Tseng-chang, would get the job. (It is definite when the candidate Hsieh backed for party chairman failed to win the post.)

– that Taiwan’s Democratic Progressive Party picked Yu Shyi-kun as its new chairman, a move which will strengthen Chen Shui-bian’s hold over the ruling party. Seen widely as Chen’s choice, Yu is likely to echo the former’s policies, say observers. His election as DPP chairman will also put him in the race for the island’s top post in 2008. (The Chinese has an old saying – 换汤不换药 [Change soup no change medicine]. Meaning: The change is just superficial and cosmetic.)

– that Su Tseng-chang, 58, a popular politician and presidential hopeful was entrusted with the job of leading Taiwan’s fifth Cabinet in six years, which will put him in direct confrontation with the opposition-led parliament. (2 more years and hopefully there will be an end to Chen Shui-bian’s ‘Musical Chair’.)

– that Taiwan, home to the world’s first transgenic glowing fish, has successfully bred fluorescent green pigs that researchers hope will boost the island’s stem cell research, a professor said. By injecting fluorescent green protein into embryonic pigs, a research team at the island’s leading National Taiwan University managed to breed three male transgenic pigs, said Professor Wu Shinn-Chih of the university’s Institute and Department of Animal Science and Technology. (Will we all turn green from eating them?)

– that violent crime against Singaporeans in Johor Baru has actually fallen, and many recent reports of attacks exaggerate the situation, a senior Johor state official said. “The perception made by newspapers about crimes in Johor, about how dangerous it is…it’s all wrong, because we are doing our very best to safeguard not only tourists but also locals,” said Superintendent Abdul Manaf Abdul Razak, head of serious crime in the Johor CID. (What does an ostrich do and say when danger approaches? It sticks its head in the ground and says, “What danger?”)

– that while good luck charms are usually worn around the neck, or on wrist, Chinese Malaysians are wearing them under their pants this year. Red men’s underwear emblazoned with auspicious animals and characters have become the rage among Malaysian Chinese ahead of the Chinese lunar New Year holidays, the New Straits Times reported. (Wear that to the specific room I provide IT tech support and I’ll get a day of absolute hell. Strictly no red garments. It brings ‘bad luck’.)

Singapore This Week

– that Andrew Kuan has withdrawn his lawsuit against Inderjit Singh. He has also been ordered to pay Mr Singh’s legal costs and will also make a written apology. Mr Kuan alleged that Singh made remarks that implied he was not reliable. (There are two ways to read this. And no, I am not going to be explicit about the 2 ways.)

– that braving strong winds and rain, Venerable Shi Ming Yi kept his balance to walk a distance of about 20m, on 15cm-wide parallel beams, at the top of the 66-storey Republic Plaza. This feat by the 43-year-old chairman and chief executive of Ren Ci Hospital and Medicare Centre drew more than 240,000 calls alone for Ren Ci Charity Show. (First, lucky draw for donations. Now, stunts for donations. Can we put an end to all these nonsense?)

– that Singapore’s gover-min said it is prepared to cane or imprison protesters who commit violent crimes during the annual World Bank and IMF meetings, to be held in the city-state in September. The World Bank and IMF expect about 16,000 people to attend their annual meetings, which often attract anti-globalization demonstrations and other protesters. (That’s the good old Singapore I know! Cane them all!!)

– that George Soros Sor Loh, financier extraordinaire and an advocate of democraZy, argued that Singapore cannot claim to be an open society if it continues to use libel suits against opposition politicians. “Obviously, Singapore does not qualify,” he said, adding that libel suits can be a ‘tremendous hindrance to freedom of expression’. He cited an unnamed politician who, according to him, was in trouble after being sued for libel and made a bankrupt. (Here’s a bit of Singapore’s open society for you, Sor Loh: Fock off und die. Geddit?)

– that the 21,000 security officers here should wear the same uniform like the police and the Cisco guards. Instead of each of the 180 security agencies here having a different uniform, they should adopt a standard look to boost the image of the industry, says the Security Industry Forum (SIF), which brings together security agencies and various gover-min agencies. (First the uniform. Then the companies. How does this sound to you as an advert “CISCO, your only trusted security agency in Singapore…”?)

– that the motorcyclist suspected of a road rage attack on an elderly lorry driver, who died soon after he was beaten up, was arrested within a day. Police also disclosed that a post-mortem found Mr Hea Song Chye, 72, had died of a heart attack. Mr Hea was driving up the ramp of a multi-storey carpark near his Upper Cross Street flat just before midnight on Sunday when his lorry apparently stalled. A motorcyclist behind the lorry became impatient, got into a violent argument with Mr Hea, yanked open the lorry door and allegedly beat him up. Mr Hea’s wife, Madam Ng, 64, tried to intervene but suffered injuries to her face and a swollen left eye. (A kid might be rash enough to do it but what kind of beasts will beat up an old couple?)

– that stiffer penalties will be imposed on traffickers of the synthetic drug ketamine – 8 kg of which was seized last year, almost double the quantity of a year earlier. Changes to the Misuse of Drugs Act approved by parliament now classify ketamine as a Class A controlled drug, a category that already includes Ecstasy. This means convicted traffickers face jail terms of between five and 20 years and five to 15 strokes of the cane. It was previously a Class B drug and offenders drew jail terms of three to 20 years and could receive three to 10 strokes of the cane if convicted. (Just hang the drug mules. The world would be a better place with fewer scums.)

– that travellers planning to cross the Woodlands and Tuas immigration checkpoints this Chinese New Year should expect a smoother ride. Following the public outcry over last month’s gridlock, ICA is beefing up its staff numbers during peak travel periods to ease congestion problems. (This is a classic example of ‘bo kan bway tua-lan’ – no scold no grow up. After much scolding by the public on the papers then they finally do what is necessary.)

Trivial, Jokes and Thoughts from Discussions

– that Britney Smears topped Mr. Blackwell’s 46th annual ‘Worst Dressed’ list for wearing clothes that he said made her look like an ‘over-the-hill Lolita’. “When it comes to Couture Chaos, this Tacky Terror should take a bow – looks like an over-the-hill Lolita,” Mr. Blackwell said in a statement released. (There’s no reason to dress too nice when wanting to get into a state of undress.)

– that former ‘American Idol’ winner Kelly Clarkson, subject to a scolding from Simon Cowell for not letting her songs be used by new contestants on the show, has agreed to do so, a spokesman said. “I think that by ignoring the show you’re ignoring the audience who put you there,” Cowell said. (Aww shucks. We thought that was such a fine example of burning the bridges after you crossed them [过河拆桥].)

– that geneticist Kazuo Murakami has teamed up on the study with an unlikely research partner: stand-up comedians, who he hopes, no joke, can turn their one-liners into efficient, low-cost medical treatment. (I am trying to imagine this: God, and the losers who lives their full 120 years and they whine everyday.)

– that Leyan Lo, a 20-year-old California Institute of Technology student, set a new world record for solving the popular Rubik’s Cube puzzle, turning the tiled brain-twister from scrambled to solved in 11.13 seconds. “It’s kind of scary now that I set it, because I have two more (attempts) to go,” Lo said humbly afterward. His time of 11.13 seconds broke the previous record of 11.75 seconds, set by Frenchman Jean Pons at the Dutch Open competition last year. (Another evil frog dethroned. Long live Leyan Lo.)

– that according to the news on digital life (what a misnomer!), xiasuay has been accused of impersonation. Also on the grapevine, some blogs reports that blinkymummy and xiasuay met one day in some public place and blinky, embolden by her beng escorts, actually went forth to say ‘Charles Chee, Bye!’ in her face. It was said that this has triggered a major flame war on blogosphere between the two bitches and their ‘living dead’ supporters. (Natural selection at work. It pleases us immensely to know that the morons and their worshippers are mutually eliminating one another to keep the human genepool pure. Please do your worst, you fumbducks.)

– that impotency drugs such as Viagra and Cialis may be associated with increased risk of damage to the optic nerve in some men, research suggests. U.S. researchers found an increased risk in men with a history of heart attack or high blood pressure. (Didn’t they always say: ‘Too much sex is bad for your eyes’?)

– that someone suggested to SingTel and Starhub to send SMS instead of a letter to remind people who are late on paying their bills since SingTel is able to send animate Christmas and Chinese New Year MMS greetings. (Good idea. An animated MMS showing a bleeding pig’s head will do wonders. Or just a jpeg of a ‘Hell Bank Note’ would help too.)

– that a lawyer has revived the controversy over whether a Chinese explorer discovered America first by unveiling a map he claims proves Admiral Zheng He aka Cheng Ho beat Christopher Columbus to the New World. The map shows us that Chinese explorers had been to America years before Columbus,’ said Mr Liu Gang, who bought the map four years ago from a Shanghai book dealer for US$500. The map shows both North and South America in detail with annotated notes. (There was only one reason why Cheng Ho sailed – i.e. to find the Emperor Yunglo’s deposed nephew. And they were following the Silk Road on the Sea, which has been in use perhaps since the time of the Three Kingdoms. And it was a mission of diplomacy, not one of exploration. Therefore, in simple conclusion, the map is a fake because there will be no impulse or reasons for Cheng Ho’s fleet to sail around the world.)

Cute Stuff on the Internet

A Tribute to System Administrators: The System Administrator Song

The Natural Selection Award

– that police national serviceman Arvin Rangoonathan was fascinated with his Taurus service revolver and shot himself in various poses with his camera phone. Two months later, on 02-07-2005 he shot himself in the head after a botched attempt to play Russian roulette with the revolver, and died. (Willingly placing oneself on the receiving end of one’s own firearm isn’t one of the smartest things to do. Thus, nature intervened.)

The World This Week

– that Greenpeace has defended its anti-whaling tactics in the Southern Ocean after several days of close quarters sparring with a Japanese whaling fleet. Greenpeace said it welcomed any scrutiny of tactics, including incidents in which a Greenpeace ship and a whaler were involved in a minor collision. The Japanese whaling industry’s Institute of Cetacean Research (ICR) said its crews were documenting the behaviour of Greenpeace ships Esperanza and Arctic Sunrise, claiming serious violations of maritime laws. (I’ll sooner believe Greenpeace than the Japanese.)

– that the war of the whales in the Southern Ocean has descended into verbal jousting, with Japanese whalers branding Greenpeace activists pirates. In response, Greens lea-duh Bob Brown said the whalers were the true pirates, and the Japanese were losing the battle over their so-called scientific research program and were facing a crew rebellion. (Go! Greenpeace! Go!)

– that a Tanzanian national who fell ill aboard an Air Malawi flight and was subsequently pronounced dead upon admission to a clinic in the commercial capital, Blantyre, had swallowed 177 tubes of cocaine, police said. Police spokesman Rhoda Manjolo said that Abdallah Saidi Mohamed’s three traveling companions were also revealed to be couriers for an international narcotics cartel. (Seems like sometimes, God has to do certain things Himself, to cut all the crap about people being barbaric with drug mules.)

– that Colin Powell supported gover-min eavesdropping to prevent terrorism but said a major controversy over presidential powers could have been avoided by obtaining court warrants. Powell said that when he was in the Cabinet, he was not told that Warmonger authorized a warrantless NSA surveillance operation after the Sept. 11, 2001 attacks. (Let’s all eavesdrop on Powell!)

– that House DemoRats charge that the Homeland Security Department hasn’t kept 33 of its promises to better protect the country. A report released by 13 members of the House Homeland Security Committee says that nearly three years after the cabinet department’s creation, gaps still remain in federal efforts to defend the nation against terrorism – including at ports, borders and chemicals plants. The department also fails to share alerts and other intelligence quickly with state and local officials, according to the DemoRats’ report, which analyzes public statements and congressional testimony that outline Bush regime security goals since 2002. (With Iraq as a lightning rod, perhaps they thought all these wouldn’t be necessary anymore.)

– that Fidel Castro has called her ‘mad’, following American moves to promote democratic change on the island. Condom-leezza Lice said a gover-min commission on Cuba had been reconvened and would report by next May on more measures to promote change. (Other countries should implement measures to promote change in the U.S. too. The U.S. idea that the world should be more like them needs to be changed.)

– that Chile’s top court has ruled that former military ruler Gen Augusto Pinochet is fit to stand trial over the 1975 disappearance of political opponents. The supreme court rejected an appeal that the 90-year-old should not be sent for trial because of poor health. (Go get some pointers from Soeharto.)

– that Russian prosecutors investigating last year’s Beslan school siege say the authorities made no mistakes during the crisis in North Ossetia. Relatives of more than 330 people who died in the siege accuse the security services of incompetence. (No mistakes really. Just incompetent.)

– that cleric Mohammad Omran has blamed the Howard gover-min for radicalising young Muslims, claiming that demonising Islam was driving its followers towards a terrorist mentality. “The Government is pushing the people to believe they can do all these major disaster things,” Sheik Omran told The Australian in his first major interview since 18 men, including a number of his followers, were arrested in Sydney and Melbourne, accused of plotting acts of terrorism. (“It is all your fault that I am smashing your face in.” Sounds familiar?)

– that the man accused of being one of the ringleaders who incited violence on the day of the Sydney riots has fled his home, believing his life is under threat. Glen Steele and his young family are hiding after hearing that a contract has been taken out on his life. Although he has publicly apologised for his remarks and behaviour on December 11, the images of Mr Steele screaming into a megaphone ‘No Lebs in Sutherland Shire’ made him the face of the riots. (It’s time he face the consequences of his own racist actions. Live like a rat for the rest of your life, you racist shithead.)

– that the U.S.-led coalition in Iraq is shrinking as Bulgaria and Ukraine complete troop withdrawals and Poland says it will cut troop size and switch to a non-combat role. South Korea, which is the second-largest troop contributor after Britain, is expected to order home about 1,000 of its 3,200 troops in the first half of next year. Italy said that the 2,900 Italian troops in Iraq would probably all come home this year. (It would be too late to jump ship when it starts sinking.)

– that while the two religious sickos, Pat Robertson and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, may not agree on much, both suggested on Thursday that the severe illness of Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon was deserved. (Such ‘well-deserved’ tragedy will probably one they come knocking on your doors, you two sonuvabitches.)

– that a young ‘Palestinian’ was charged in an Israeli court with planning to carry out a suicide attack, with the Dimona nuclear plant in southern Israel as a possible target. The Israeli military captured Ramzi Salah, 22, from the Jabaliya refugee camp in the Gaza Strip, trying to sneak into Israel two weeks ago with an explosives belt. He has allegedly confessed to belonging to the radical group, Al Aqsa Martyrs Brigades, which had plans to attack the heavily-guarded Dimona plant. (Go ahead! It is not as if they are not going to get anything from the fallout when the thing blows.)

– that Hundreds of angry Palestinians streamed into Egypt after militants with stolen bulldozers broke through a border wall, and two Egyptian troops were killed and 30 were wounded by gunfire in the rampage. About 3,000 Egyptian Interior Ministry troops who initially had no orders to fire swarmed the border but were forced to withdraw about a half-mile, said security forces Lt. Sameh el-Antablyan, who announced the casualties. Gen. Essam el-Sheikh said Egyptian forces later began firing back. (With the ‘Palestinian’ Authority rapidly degenerating into the ‘Palestinian Anarchy’, it is best for Egypt to just annex Gaza. After all, there was never a ‘Palestine’.)

– that a Chinese democraZy activist has reportedly been jailed for 12 years for helping to organise anti-Japanese protests in China earlier this year. The wife of Xu Wanping said he had been found guilty of incitement to subvert state power at a closed hearing. Mr Xu, 44, was among a number of activists known to have been arrested as a result of the protests in April. (Must be like Singapore. Got get an entertainment license. Or at least endorsement from the equivalent of NTUC in China, like the one we had in 1988.)

– that Chinese auditors have uncovered 290 billion yuan in funds illegally spent by government offices in the first 11 months of this year. The improper spending was found during a nationwide annual audit of 22,000 officials by the National Audit Office, Xinhua news agency said. Chinese media has criticized the lack of detail about wrongdoing and about how offenders were punished. (How to punish if so-and-so is related to so-and-so and so-and-so is some big shot muthafucka in the Party?)

– that Major-General Zhu Chenghu has been punished for telling reporters that Beijing might retaliate using nuclear weapons if U.S. forces attack China in a conflict over Taiwan, military sources said. Zhu was given an ‘administrative demerit’ recently by the National Defence University, which bars him from promotion for one year, said the sources, who requested anonymity. “He misspoke. But the punishment could not be too harsh or we would be seen as too weak towards the United States,” said one source. An administrative demerit is the second lightest punishment on a scale of one to five but still potentially damaging to Maj-Gen Zhu’s career. The lightest is an administrative warning, while the heaviest is expulsion. (Yep. Even if it’s the truth, there’s no need to say it out loud.)

– that the people of Japan should strive to properly understand their country’s history when dealing with the rest of the world, Emperor Akihito has said. In a speech to mark his 72nd birthday, he said he hoped ‘knowledge about past facts will continue to be passed down in a proper manner.’ (If this was the Thai King telling the Thai people, one can be assured that it will be done. Coming from the Japanese Emperor… well…)

– that a funeral was held for a Japanese World War II veteran who had admitted to taking part in the 1937 ‘Rape of Nanking’ in China and was among the few who spoke out publicly against the massacre. Mr Shiro Azuma, who died of colon cancer at age 93, had admitted to taking part in the orgy of mass killings and rape in the southern Chinese city, now called Nanjing. (Rest in peace, Azuma-sama. God bless your soul.)

– that Junk-ichiro Konkz-umi defended his visits to the Yasukuni war shrine and appealed to China and South Korea not to use the issue to block ties with Japan. He reiterated that he made the pilgrimages to honour the war dead and pray for peace and said the feud should not drive a diplomatic wedge between Japan and its neighbours. (Hey, Konkz! Say if my friends raped and countless members of your clan, and then I put them in my shrine of the martyrs, and go there to honour them every year, and insist we should be friends, will you buy this shit?)

– that a Taiwanese court ruled in favour of two opposition lea-duhs in their defamation lawsuit against Chen Shui-bian, who had accused them of trying to stage a ‘soft coup’ after his re-election victory last year. The court maintained Chen had damaged the ‘reputation and integrity’ of Lien Chan, former chairman of the KMT, and Mr James Soong, his counterpart in People First Party, their lawyer said. (It’s high time some people teach Chen a lesson about that big mouth of his.)

– that Chen Shui-bian will continue taking a tough stance with China for the rest of his term because his repeated peace overtures have been ignored, one of his chief aides said. (Is that what Chen calls his unreasonable demands made to China?)

– that frustrated by Beijing’s refusal to deal with him, Chen Shui-bian will focus on fostering a separate identity for Taiwan, presidential aide James Huang said. (China is even more frustrated with Chen’s endless flip-flopping and backstabbing.)

– that Chen also renewed his pledge to press for a new constitution and continued arms build-up, a move sure to irritate rival China. In his New Year message, Chen said he would work to push through various reforms, primary among them a package of constitutional reforms launched last year. (Another ‘peace overture’ from Chen, eh?)

– that the Taiwanese gave the island’s gover-min a ‘fail’ grade in a year-end report card, according to a poll which showed public dissatisfaction surging to a record high in close to a decade. Disapproval ratings for the various aspects of the gover-min’s performance in the past year surged past the 50% mark, according to the annual survey conducted by the United Daily News. (It’s high time they impeach Chen Shui-bian and fire him from his job.)

– that Indonesia’s leading religious affairs official has been arrested in a drug bust. Police confirmed that Burhanuddin Mamasta, the 53-year-old head of the Religious Affairs Bureau at the State Secretariat, was detained for allegedly possessing crystal methamphetamine outside a Jakarta nightspot. Also arrested were his 26-year-old girlfriend and another man. (Chiong nightspot, plus ti-koh, plus drugs. Win leow.)

– that Indonesia’s President Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono has refused a proposed increase in his salary and perks, his spokesman said. The 2006 state budget had earmarked funds for an average 5% increase in official salaries, but Dr Yudhoyono has declined his own raise, presidential spokesman Andi Mallarangeng said. (If he’s Durai, Indonesia should be concerned.)

Singapore This Week

– that former NKF chairman Richard Yong was condemned by Khaw Boon Wan for the way he used the charity’s former patron, Mrs Goh Chok Tong, to excuse the way Mr T.T. Durai was compensated. Without mincing his words, Mr Khaw described it as ‘despicable’. Yong, in his written reply to auditor KPMG’s report, had maintained that the method used was ‘deemed fair’ and claimed that Mrs Goh had ‘known and endorsed’ Mr Durai’s salary. (Well, does that resolve Yong and his board from their responsibilities of checking Durai?)

– that Gerard Ee and interim CEO Goh Chee Leok of the NKF took pains to point out – through pie charts and slides – that out of the remaining 90 cents, 40 cents went to the reserves and another 13 cents went to health screening and education. About 22 cents, went to fund raising and the rest to general overheads. (So how much of the remaining 15 cents went to Durai and his cronies?)

– that with its hands already full trying to woo back donors, the new NKF now has to deal with another headache – patients who don’t pay for their dialysis. About 17% of the NKF’s more than 1,800 patients – 312 in total – have defaulted on payments. They owe the charity sums ranging from $200 to over $27,000. The total bad debt: $1.3 million. Some of the defaulters are those in genuine financial need, but others are making use of the cloud hanging over the charity to serve their own ends. (I won’t be surprise that some of these losers will be saying, “If the NKF has so much money to pay Durai, they shouldn’t be concerned with the amount owed.”)

– that cobbler Fan Kiet Teng, 64, was sentenced to 4 1/2 years in prison, after pleading guilty to eight charges of cheating a 21-year-old Vietnamese woman into having sex with him and conning the agency. (They should just castrate the bugger.)

– that disturbed at how easily Fan got away with his bride-for-sex scam, District Judge Jasvender Kaur, urged matchmaking agencies to ‘act responsibly’ and called for guidelines to protect vulnerable foreign women. (Maybe have the agency paid for the Vietnamese woman’s hymen reconstruction operation.)

– that gover-min agencies have started to make officers’ laptops more secure, installing encryption software on selected computers to prevent sensitive information from falling into the wrong hands. Only employees who handle classified information are given this added layer of protection, with others possibly exposed if their laptops fall into the wrong hands. When a laptop’s hard disk is encrypted, a user has to enter a password or slot in a smart card to log in. Without this, he cannot decrypt or read any data. (And the user is still the weakest link.)

– that Baby Lee has ordered a revision of the registers of electors to be completed on or before Feb 28, 2006. The revised registers will contain the names of all Singapore citizens who are eligible to vote as of Jan 1, 2006. The revision is generally regarded as an indicator that an election is around the corner. Once updated, the registers will be opened for public inspection, so that voters can confirm where they are supposed to go on Polling Day. Registration will also open for overseas Singaporeans to vote while out of the country. (Erection Election finally coming!! Doesn’t matter I don’t get the chance to vote.)

– that the daughter of the Everitt Road man fined for insulting his neighbours was herself fined $2,000 after a district court found her guilty of behaving in an insulting manner to a neighbour. The 43-year-old teacher was accused of uttering the words ‘masturbation expert’ within earshot of Madam Teo Suan Moy on the night of July 29, 2004 – the day her father was fined $4,000 for insulting Madam Teo and Ms Bency Chua. Chan insisted that she was merely having a private conversation with her father. The words were not intended for her neighbours, who were eavesdropping on her, she claimed. (People eat finish so free eavesdrop on you meh?)

– that it will be of no significance if the Everitt Road teacher found guilty of insulting her neighbour loses her job, said her father. According to MOE, a teacher who has been convicted in court is subject to internal disciplinary action and the ministry is looking into Chan Soo Yin’s case. (It takes two hands to clap. You will get the kind of neighbour by being the kind of people you are. Hear that, Malaysia?)

Trivial, Jokes and Thoughts from Discussions

– that Lazio striker Paolo Di Canio has defended the raised-arm salute that earned him a one-game ban by saying he is ‘a fascist but not a racist’. Di Canio will contest a one-match ban for the salute. (Right. Ever heard of the argument, “I have venereal disease, but I am not promiscuous?” [Translation: 我有性病，但我唔‘咸湿’。]

– that patient-specific stem cells that disgraced South Korean cloning expert Hwang Woo-Suk said he had produced this year do not exist, investigators have concluded, according to a news report. (Maybe it’s time the fraud himself ceased to exist too.)

– that 2 16-year-olds who were expelled from a Lutheran high school because they were suspected of being lesbians have sued the school for invasion of privacy and discrimination. The lawsuit, filed in Riverside County Superior Court in California, seeks the girls’ re-enrollment at the small California Lutheran High School, unspecified damages and an injunction barring the school from excluding gays and lesbians. Kirk D. Hanson, an attorney for the girls, said the expulsion traumatized and humiliated them. (A matter of misconduct and disciplinary action now becomes a civil lawsuit of privacy and discrimination. Only in a world where things are turned on its head is it done.)

– that Winston Churchill was determined to have Adolf Hitler executed if he was captured, according to previously secret gover-min documents released. Other documents released show that Churchill favored letting India’s Mahatma Gandhi die if he went on a hunger strike while interned during World War II, and that British troops were told during the war to show respect for the U.S. Army’s then-racial segregation practices. (Churchill is no saint. Hitler would have been his good friend if he was British. After all, when Churchill was Home Secretarty in 1910, he drafted a proposal to sterilise, or put in labour camps, 100,000 ‘degenerate British citizens’.)

– that the documents also reveal intense debate in 1942 over possible British reprisals for Nazi atrocities in Czechoslovakia. On 15 June, Churchill suggested that British bombers wipe out three German villages for every one Czech settlement destroyed. (That explains Hamburg and Dresden, doesn’t it?)

– that a AMOS WU POM HIN reckon that it may not always be the driver’s fault, in response to a letter about a driver who committed the ‘appalling act of cruelty’ of running over a pigeon. He seems to suggest that other birds like mynahs and crows will fly off and clear the path before my car reaches them, and pigeons to be the dumbest of the lot. (So if Amos Wu didn’t run away in time should he ever get run over by someone, don’t have to feel sorry for him.)

– that Paris Hilton is accused of spewing ‘vicious lies’ about an altercation with a romantic rival at a London nightclub, and harassing a business promoter in two lawsuits set for court this month. The first suit pits the hotel heiress-actress against diamond heiress-actress Zeta Graff, who is seeking at least $10 million in damages for Hilton’s comments in a July New York Post story. (Paris Hilton without money will get just about as much attention as the ladies at the lorongs of Geylang.)