The Ugly Singaporean Award

– that a DR NG CHUNG WAI witnessed an act of unnecessary cruelty on 16-Dec in the coffee shop the junction of Kreta Ayer Road and Keong Saik Road, in which a sick sack of shit deliberately drove into a flock of pigeons without sounding his horn. One of the birds was crushed by the wheel of his car and died horribly. (Just a bird, you said? Next time let me run over you without sounding my horn, alright?)

The World This Week

– that World trade ministers opened talks seeking a deal to cut global trade barriers and combat poverty as thousands of protesters marched in the streets, denouncing the WTO as an enemy of the poor. About 15 activists forced their way into the conference venue in central Hong Kong to shout slogans as the World Trade Organisation’s director general, Pascal Lamy, addressed the opening session. Ministers from the 149-member WTO will spend the next six days trying to salvage the Doha Round of trade negotiations, currently deadlocked over sharp regional disputes over agricultural subsidies and import tariffs. (The idealists protesting the WTO should realise that it’s DOMESTIC policies that matters most to a nation’s gover-min, and not policies that is in the best interest of the world. And perhaps it’s high time for all of us to understand that the concept of nation is archaic, and the idealists should look toward a more advance concept of governance and group identity.)

– that the UN gains a new weapon in its fight against corruption with the entry into force of the first legally binding international agreement against such crime. The ‘Convention Against Corruption’ adopted by the UN General Assembly in October 2003, has been signed by 140 countries after a conference in Merida, Mexico, and ratified by 38. The notion that ‘in some societies corruption is OK’, is arrogant, Stuart Gilman, the head of the UNODC’s anti-corruption unit said. According to UNODC figures, over one trillion dollars are paid in bribes every year around the world. (It’s high time to have corrupted officials hung, and their estate confiscated.)

– that a Japanese whaling fleet is ‘on the run’ from Greenpeace activists in a chase across the icy waters of the Southern Ocean near Antarctica, Shane Rattenbury, the environmental group’s team lea-duh said. But the Japanese have been unable to shake off the protesters, who have been harassing them since finding the fleet earlier this week. Rattenbury said, activists in small inflatable boats had repeatedly manoeuvred into position between target whales and the harpooners, allowing several whales to escape. (Long Live Greenpeace!! Eco-terrorism? Who cares!)

– that Japan says it conducts whale hunts for scientific research, but critics say that is a cover for commercial killing of whales for consumption in Japan, where whale meat is popular. Under their new JARPA II scientific whaling program, the Japanese plan to slaughter 935 minke whales and 10 fin whales in the Southern Ocean this summer in the name of scientific research. (Call a slaughter a slaughter, bakas. But again, this coming from a race denying all its atrocities committed during WWII is not unexpected.)

– that the world has shirked its duty to help prosecute Saddam Hussein, Condom-leezza Lice said. “The international community’s effective boycott of Saddam’s trial is only harming the Iraqi people, who are now working to secure the hope of justice and freedom that Saddam long denied them,” Rice said. (Actually, the world would want no part in the Warmonger Bush’s personal vendetta against Saddam nor want any participation in American sponsored kangaroo courts.)

– that Warmonger Bush took the blame for going to war in Iraq over faulty intelligence but said he was right to topple Saddam Hussein and urged Americans to be patient as Iraqis vote. “It is true that much of the intelligence turned out to be wrong. As president I am responsible for the decision to go into Iraq, and I am also responsible for fixing what went wrong by reforming our intelligence capabilities and we’re doing just that,” he said. But he said, “My decision to remove Saddam Hussein was the right decision” because he was deemed a threat and that regardless, “We are in Iraq today because our goal has always been more than the removal of a brutal dictator.” (Just say so right in the beginning that it was all about removing Saddam and you will have less of a boo-boo today, Warmonger.)

– that Warmonger Bush said that he had authorised the use of wiretaps by the National Security Agency, calling the practice ‘crucial to our national security’ in the U.S. ‘war on terror’. “In the weeks following the [September 11, 2001] terrorist attacks on our nation, I authorised the National Security Agency, consistent with U.S. law and the Constitution, to intercept the international communications of people with known links to Al-Qaeda and related terrorist organisations,” Bush said in a televised address. (Who can be sure that everyone wiretapped are really terrorist-linked?)

– that thousands of drunken white youths attacked police and people they believed were Arab immigrants at a Sydney beach, angered by reports that youths of Lebanese descent had assaulted two lifeguards. Young men of Arab descent retaliated in several Sydney suburbs, fighting with police and smashing 40 cars with sticks and bats, police said. Thirty-one people were injured and 28 were arrested in hours of violence. Police said they were seeking an Arab man who allegedly stabbed a white man in the back. (First France, now Australia. One kind of barbarians draws out another. Go ahead, fight and kill one another. The world would perhaps be a better place after that.)

– that in Australia, however, the soft sentencing under its ‘harm minimisation’ policy would likely have the drug pushers back on the streets the following day as they would be let off with just a warning when they agree to go for counselling. It is this ‘soft’ policy towards drug pushers and addicts that some now blame for the growing drug problem in Australia. The spotlight on the problem has intensified lately following the high-profile arrests of drug-laden Australians in neighbouring Asian countries. (What about foreigner pushers? As long as this policy stays, local drug traffickers and pushers should shift their bases to Australia, posthaste! You can’t find a better drug-paradise than this!)

– that a 10-year jail sentence for people who send text messages that incite violence has been labelled as ‘excessive’ by civil liberties groups. Using the new powers rushed through the NSW Parliament last week, police confiscated at least 22 mobile phones, some with SMS messages urging Arabs to ‘arm up and get ready for war’. Australian Council of Civil Liberties secretary Cameron Murphy condemned the text messages, but said the maximum jail sentence for those who forwarded them was too harsh. (Anyone who forwards a message means he has read, thought through it and agree with it before he forwards them. He should face up to the consequences of his own thougtless act.)

– that the principle of ‘harm minimisation’ was introduced 20 years ago. It was founded during the National Campaign Against Drug Abuse, which was prompted by the discovery that the daughter of then-prime minister Bob Hawke was a heroin addict. (So if she was never one, Australia would have been a better place and Nguyen Tuong Van would probably still be alive today. Damn you, Hawke.)

– that addicts who peddle the drugs to support their habit are invariably given just a slap on the wrist because of this absurd principle, even though the maximum punishment for drug trafficking is a fine of A$550,000 and/or life in prison. So when an addict is arrested, he is let off with just a warning if he agrees to go on what is called a drug diversion programme, which requires him to attend counselling and a drug treatment session. In some cases, it could mean no more than a two-hour commitment. (Did they keep the archaic law around at all to serve as some kind of joke to amuse themselves with when they have nothing better to do?)

– that two men accused of being members of a terrorist organisation who allegedly discussed whether John Howard should be killed as payback for the deaths of innocent Muslims have been refused bail. (There should be a discussion if the families of terrorists should be killed for political murders and the murder of other innocents too. And no, it’s not that I support shit ideas like this. Just that it is quite poetic to subject this f*ckwits to the very same ideas they espoused.)

– that Iran’s Foreign Ministry brushed off fresh criticism of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and defended his view that the Holocaust never took place as a contribution to ‘scientific debate’. Spokesman Hamid Reza Asefi said he was surprised at the intensity of the criticism directed at Ahmadinejad, who said the mass killing was a ‘myth’. “The type of response from the Europeans to the theoretical and scientific debate of Ahmadinejad has no place in the civilised world and is totally emotional and illogical,” he said, describing it as ‘a sign of their total, blind support for the Zionists’. (Talk about Iran’s Ayatollah’s response to Salman Rushdie’s ‘Satanic Verses’ man! Was Iran trying to set an example of what ‘theoretical and scientific debate that has its place in the civilised world whihc is totally rational and logical’ should be? Get a life!!)

– that according to radio broadcasts and audiocassettes recently distributed in the ‘Palestinian’ territories – “Jews plan to take over the world by killing their opponents, Israelis are the descendents of pigs and monkeys, and Allah will soon dish out ‘the harshest punishments’ to the followers of the ‘corrupt and racist Torah’. The dissemination of anti-Israeli, anti-Semitic hate propaganda continues throughout the ‘Palestinian’ Authority-administered territories in spite of multiple pledges to reform the ‘Palestinian’ media, according to the Intelligence and Terrorism Information Center at Israel’s Center for Special Studies, which released a study that includes translations of radio broadcasts from last month. (And don’t these clowns which propagate these propaganda profess to believe in a God who created all mankind? Aren’t they aware they owe their religion to the very existence of the Torah itself?)

– that ‘Palestinian’ militant group Hamas will step up its attacks on Israeli targets if the Jewish state attacks its key ally in the region, Iran, Hamas chief-in-exile Khaled Meshaal said. “If Israel attacks Iran then Hamas will widen and increase its confrontation of Israelis inside ‘Palestine’,” Meshaal told reporters in Tehran, where he has held three days of talks with top political and security officials. (They will use anything as an excuse to attack the Jews. The next day they might just blame Israel for all their children’s dental decay and launch an attack.)

– that Iraqi security forces caught the most wanted man in the country last year, but released him because they didn’t know who he was, the Iraqi deputy minister of interior said. (Or maybe someone just chose to look the other way because he now got a fatter pocket?)

– that a Chinese official who ordered security forces to open fire on protesters has been arrested, state media said, ending a news blackout on the clash but denying claims that scores were killed. The official press put the death toll from last Tuesday’s riot at three, far below local reports that as many as 30 people died in what would be the worst violence by Chinese security forces since 1989. (They should allow the family members of the victims to be part of the firing squad executing this criminal. And let them do it at point blank range.)

– that China put more pressure on Japan over Junk-ichiro Konkz-umi’s war shrine visits, saying that Tokyo’s attitude was ‘solely’ to blame for the current diplomatic impasse. Foreign Minister Li Zhaoxing reiterated Beijing’s stance on the sidelines of the Asean summit. “The current difficulties… are the sole responsibility of a key Japanese lea-duh,” Mr Li said. (It’s not like the recalcitrant Japanese will give a flying damn.)

– that Wen Mengjie, 49, former director of the science and technology department in the Beijing branch of the Agricultural Bank of China has been sentenced to death for accepting bribes and embezzling public funds worth 15 million yuan. (人心不足蛇吞象。蛇吞得下象吗？根本就是找死。 [Translation: One’s insatiable greed is like a snake trying to swallow an elephant. Can a snake swallow an elephant? It’s simply suicidal.])

– that Japan’s economy and financial services minister Kaoru Yosano criticised securities firms for a lack of morals after they made millions by jumping on a typing error made by a trader at a rival company. The fiasco was triggered last Thursday as a dealer at Mizuho Securities punched in an order to sell 610,000 shares in a telecoms firm at one yen each instead of the intended one share at 610,000 yen. Mizuho now faces an estimated 40 billion yen loss under a settlement imposed by the clearing house. But for rivals the blunder was a chance to make an easy profit. (When you have bastards who jumped on the typos in e-commerce websites and place a big order for just a few hundred thousand dollars, do you expect anyone to let billions of dollars go to waste like that?)

– that Taro Aso Arsehole has said China’s military build-up is starting to be ‘a considerable threat’. Arsehole said Chinese military spending had seen double-digit growth every year for the past 17 and that it was unclear what this money was being spent on. (If they need an excuse to re-militarise, they need to try ‘try harder’.)

– that North Korean lea-duh Kim Jong Il has forbidden internal talk about his naming a successor to the world’s only communist dynasty, saying that speculation hurts his rule. He has three known sons, and analysts have been guessing for years which one will take over. Outside speculation was particularly rife in October, when he was expected to use the 60th anniversary of the founding of the North’s communist party to name his successor. (This is probably how he forbid them, translated into Chinese: 他妈的你们这班兔崽子！你们当我死了吗？！ [Damn you all! Do you think I am dead?!])

– that South Korean researcher Hwang Woo-suk resigned from his university after the school said he fabricated stem-cell research that had raised hopes of new cures for hard-to-treat diseases. A university panel, releasing initial findings of a probe, accused Hwang of damaging the scientific community with his deception, while South Korea’s gover-min rued the scandal surrounding the country’s star scientist and said it may pull its funding for his research. (We get an Ernst Haeckel every 100 years.)

– that South Korea urged Japan’s lea-duhs to face up to the country’s past aggression and adopt a forward-looking policy to resolve bilateral differences over historical issues. (“That’s why we are praying to the kami-sama you called war-criminals for peace at Yakusuni,” says the Japanese.)

– that a South Korean minister apologised for anti-WTO riots started by his countrymen in Hong Kong. It was the territory’s worst violence in decades. He was in Hong Kong to help secure the release of hundreds of South Koreans, mainly farmers and trades unionists, who were arrested during anti-free trade demonstrations. (And the Koreans must have taught the Hong Kongers much in the art of protest.)

– that Chen Shui-bian said he would reshuffle his Cabinet after the ruling party’s major defeat in local elections this month. “The wrongdoings of some members of the ruling team have disappointed the people longing for a clean gover-min,” Chen told a group of former dissidents in the Presidential Office. Chen’s former right-hand man, Chen Che-nan, was among 18 people indicted. “The whole ruling team, including A-Bian (Chen’s nickname), the executive branch of the gover-min and the ruling party, should conduct a humble self-inspection and learn from the failure,” Chen said. (Just shut up, be your lame duck for the remaining term and then bye bye lah.)

– that the dust has barely settled after its devastating defeat in the recent local elections, and already Taiwan’s ruling party is locked in a new battle. Party heavyweights are jockeying for key positions to lead the DPP into a crucial presidential election just two years away. (Is it a surprise why it did collapse in th recent elections? They were more interested in power than the welfare of the people. Thank God the Taiwanese people are smart.)

– that Indonesia will have a national database for the fingerprints of all adults in the country in its latest move to fight terrorism, as well as other crimes. National Police Chief General Sutanto said the fingerprinting would be conducted through a Single Identification Number system, in which citizens would only be able to have one identification card and passport. (Have a good time finding everyone to fingerprint them.)

– that Bali bombings commander Mukhlas has written a fanatical call-to-arms from his death-row prison cell, exhorting Muslims to kill Westerners. Published on a website on the orders of notorious terror chief Noordin Mohammed Top, the polemic demonstrates the undiminished fervour of Mukhlas, who has been sentenced to death for commanding the Bali bomb blasts in 2002 that killed 202 people, including 88 Australians. “You who still have a shred of faith in your hearts, have you forgotten that to kill infidels and the enemies of Islam is a deed that has a reward above no other,” says the 60-page polemic written in Indonesian by ‘SheikhShit Mukhlas’, posted on the anshar.net website, which has since been shut down by Indonesian police. (Why is this inhuman beast still alive in the first place? Shouldn’t they execute him immediately with his own devices?)

– that a notorious Jakarta prison which is home to some of Indonesia’s rich and famous is said to have offered them a luxurious lifestyle in jail. Inmates are able to pay for prostitutes who are taken to a secure room for sex, said House of Representatives legislator Ahmad Fauzi during a recent parliamentary hearing. He told Indonesian Justice and Human Rights Minister Hamid Awaluddin that prison officials allowed wealthy inmates to buy mobile phones, television sets, luxury furniture and air-conditioning units for their cells in the Cipinang Prison in East Jakarta. (It’s high time they change the prison guards and get Lynnie England and her boyfriend to run the show.)

– that Mama-thir says he would prefer the Malaysian gover-min to go ahead with its proposal to build a new bridge to replace the Causeway without waiting for Singapore to make a move. (Eh, Mama. Just take the causeway apart and forget it lah.)

– that an ethnic Malay has come forward to claim she was the Chinese-looking woman whose naked video in police custody sparked a protest from China. Gover-min lawyers at a public inquiry into the scandal instructed the media not to publish her name and photograph, but the woman shocked observers during the hearing when she identified herself as a pregnant, 22-year-old Malay Muslim. She had previously been believed to be a Chinese national or an ethnic Chinese Malaysian, based on her appearance in grainy video images that showed her being forced to strip and perform squats in front of a female officer in a police lockup. (Then apart from finding the reason why she is thus humiliated, the culprit making and keeping that video ought to explain himself too.)

– that the policewoman in the video, Lynnie England Zawati Zalina Ismail, testified that she regularly stripped female detainees and forced them perform squats to ensure they weren’t hiding weapons, drugs or other banned objects. (Well, perhaps she should have thought about whether this method really works or is she just going through the motion?)

– that another policeman, Suhaimi Nordin, claimed one of his colleagues filmed the incident surreptitiously and showed it to him. “He told me that it was footage of a Malay woman detained in a drug case. I scolded him and urged him to delete it,” he said. (He certain ‘deleted’ it. By ‘moving’ it to some other people’s phones, apparently.)

Singapore This Week

– that the cost of living in a Nanyang Technological University (NTU) hostel just got higher. When students move into the new Hall Three next month, they will pay $350 for single rooms and $240 for double rooms. These rates will also apply to the new Hall Sixteen, which will take in residents from July next year. Currently, residents pay between $175 and $190 for single rooms at the university’s other 14 halls of residence, while rates for double rooms range between $155 and $160. The fees for the single rooms in these other halls, too, will be revised, with the hikes ranging between $25 and $70 a month. An NTU spokesperson was at pains to stress that there would be no increase in the rates for double rooms, which form the bulk of hostel accommodation. (So that explains where the money for the chairs which costs $2,200 each is coming from.)

– that with the recent announcement by the Ministry of Education to corporatise local universities, there were fears that fees would rise as these institutions will receive less funding from the gover-min. But the university flatly ruled out the suggestion that the rise in hostel fees had anything to do with corporatisation. The spokesperson said the university conducted a market survey and found that its current rental rates were ‘much lower’ than that of other local universities. (Always this. Can’t they actually think of something better than the usual ‘If your food taste terrible, it’s actually ok because someone else’s eating shit?’ comparison?)

– that money changers advise travellers to be careful when exchanging foreign currency, and to inspect details like serial numbers and watermarks. 25-year-old TODAY reporter Lee U-Wen found some fake notes and when he returned to the same money changer to seek recourse, the money changer agreed to compensate him half the original value. (Odd. Since the money changers are the ones getting the foreign currencies to be exchanged with others, don’t they also have a duty to be careful and do the inspection as well? So when currencies coming from money changers are found to be fakes, don’t they also have a moral responsibility? Anyway, make sure you check the money on the spot and if fakes are found, demand a full refund.)

– that last year, Starbucks collected only $16,000 for 14,000 cups of coffee served. Similarly, the majority of those in the line for ‘free coffee’ this year were young and in office attire and that two things seemed not so apparent to them: the amount of time spent in the queue; and not knowing (or pretending not to know) that many passer-bys were well aware the majority of them were out to take advantage of Starbucks’ charity programme rather than help the less fortunate. (It averages out to about $1.14 for a cup of Starbuck coffee last year. Maybe it’s even ‘cheaper’ this year. Maybe they ought to include that in our inflation index to bring the index down.)

– that from Jan 1 next year, motorists can choose to pay a half-hourly rate of 50 cents when parking at designated carparks from 1am to 7am. The half-hourly rate will be extended to 7am ‘to provide greater flexibility to motorists’, the HDB and URA said in a joint statement. Currently, a flat rate of $2 has to be paid for parking during these hours, no matter how long the vehicle is parked. At present, motorists have a choice of paying the half-hourly rate of 50 cents or the $2 flat rate for parking only between 10.30pm and 1am under the night parking scheme at designated HDB and URA carparks. (About damned time. I can still recall the incident of a poor sod having to pay $2 because he entered a carpark at 6:55am.)

– that Durai maintains there was ‘never any intention’, on the part of himself, the board or the executive committee, to ‘surreptitiously’ pay him more than he appeared to accept. Then executive committee chairman Richard Yong claimed the same, adding that there was ‘no intention or knowledge of ‘benefiting’ the CEO in the manner as calculated… This was also known and endorsed by the Patron of NKF, Mrs Goh Chok Tong’. However, Mrs Goh refuted that claim, saying his statement was ‘incorrect’ as she found out Mr Durai’s salary only when it was made public in court in July this year. (东西可以乱吃，话不可以乱讲。 [Translation: Things can anyhow eat. But cannot anyhow say.])

– that disappointment was written all over the Health Minister’s face as he gave the gover-min’s response to the latest revelations about the NKF. Khaw Boon Wan roundly castigated its five former board members for the way they abdicated their duties to CEO T.T. Durai as the charity focused increasingly on fund-raising than putting its patients first. (It was simply the making of another Nick Leeson.)

– that Khaw said the gover-min accepted KPMG’s ‘sharp comments’ on the regulators’ failure to address problems at the charity sooner and said: “We have learnt a sharp lesson from this episode.” On its part, the gover-min had a duty to ensure there was no criminal misconduct and that basic rules were complied with. “However, in the case of a large entity like the NKF, because of its scale of fund-raising, and the patronage that gover-min lea-duhs lent to the NKF, the gover-min had a heavier responsibility to satisfy ourselves that the organisation was properly run,” he said. “We failed in not doing so earlier.” (That’s the closest I have seen the gover-min admitting to have made a mistake. Khaw has done well and deserved respect in this matter.)

– that SBS Transit, Singapore’s biggest transport operator, criticised in recent weeks for long waiting times for buses, is taking steps to bring improvements. A high-level committee, led by its board of directors, is to be set up next month to look into service standards provided by SBS Transit, the bus and train subsidiary of ComfortDelGro, which made $200 million in net profit last year. (Well, just ask go take the buses the commuters are complaining about for a month.)

– that Mariana Abdullah, the girlfriend of a Tunisian fugitive charged with drug trafficking, has been arrested again by CNB officers for taking drugs. The 25-year-old former model was sentenced to 13 months’ jail for consuming morphine and stealing from automated teller machines. After her release from prison, she went back to her old ways. She was picked up by narcotics officers on Oct 10 and her urine sample tested positive for methamphetamine. She has since been sent for treatment at a drug rehabilitation centre and could be detained for another four or five months. (Heavier punishment is necessary for casual drug users. Repeated offence should be punishable by DEATH.)

– that Lao Goh said Baby Lee is weighing when to call the polls. Lao Goh said although Baby Lee has until mid-2007 to do so, he said Baby Lee will want to seek a mandate before then to tackle the many challenges ahead. (Anybody taking bets yet when the next election will be? March 2006. My bet.)

Trivial, Jokes and Thoughts from Discussions

– that a lorry travelling along the AYE was involved in a collision with another lorry near the North Buona Vista exit. No one was hurt, but the workers’ lorry would not restart. A passing taxi driver slowed down his vehicle to help — only to have his car rammed from behind by another taxi. The impact caused the Good Samaritan’s taxi to crash into the lorry. The workers, who were sitting on benches, fell and injured themselves. Their lorry driver and the driver of the second taxi were also hurt. The three-vehicle pile-up blocked the left lane of the expressway and caused a traffic bottleneck. To make matters worse, motorists slowed down to catch a glimpse of the damaged vehicles. One lorry, which was passing by, had done exactly that when — in a carbon copy of the earlier accident — the bus behind him rammed into the lorry. Two bus passengers were injured. (Like I have always said to my kaypoh friends: “So kaypoh for what? Drive carefully. If not later you will be the subject of someone else’s ‘kay-poh-ing’.”)

– that 15 year-old JEREMY LIM wrote this in his weekly column on TODAY: “Not too long ago, fanatical fans of Taiwanese boy band 5566 set up camp at IMM building in Jurong East just to be first in line to catch their performance. Such queues, which can sometimes form for days, are not uncommon when big stars are in town to give a concert or sign autographs. Parents who found out that their children skipped school to be in the queue were naturally upset. But they could have saved the situation if they had participated in the activity. There is no reason for the children to miss school if their parents had waited in the queue for them during the day.” (I have a lot of respect for this kid, considering his bravery and fighting spirit but I must politely object to this example. While I understand the point Jeremy is trying to make, I object to the example absolutely. I think it is alright to queue on the behalf of kids for a limited edition toy or gadget. Not to mention that I had been a kid before and while I certainly wished that parents would listen and give consideration to their children’s opinion and views, pampering them on an endeavour of mindless idol worship isn’t one of those things. For Jeremy’s knowledge, my mom and dad would both have given me a spanking and cut my daily allowance for a week back in the days when I was a kid if I skipped school, so that I will have to go home on time to get my meals. Or else, I’ll starve.)

– that Britney Smears has filed a $20 million libel lawsuit against U.S. Weekly, charging the celebrity magazine published a false story reporting she and husband Kevin Federline had made a sex tape and were worried about its release. The lawsuit seeks $10 million in libel damages and $10 million for misappropriating the 24-year-old pop singer’s name and image to promote sales. It also seeks unspecified punitive damages. (The magazine is dumb. Whatever makes them thinks that even if such a tape exists, they are actually going to be worried about it? More like whoever release the tape will get sued instead.)

– that a leading official from the International Olympic Committee has suggested London only won the bid to host the 2012 Olympic Games because a member pressed the wrong button at the secret Singapore ballot last July. The blunder meant that Paris, rather than Madrid, went through to the final round against London, when the Spanish capital had been widely recognised as the greatest one-on-one threat to the now 2012 host city. The Times in London reports today that Lambis Nikolaou, of Greece, is widley thought to be the offending button pusher. (It’s fated. Get on with life.)

– that Pope John Paul I, who died from an apparent heart attack just 33 days after becoming pontiff in 1978, was in fact assassinated over his plans to radically reform the Catholic Church, a novel to be published worldwide next year charges. The novel expounds the theory that John Paul I had become a threat because he was aware of money laundering involving the Vatican Bank as well as due to his plans to liberalise some aspects of centuries-old church doctrine. The novel depicts John Paul I’s assassination as the result of a conspiracy involving top financial officials, several European gover-mins and a Mafia group that counted top officials of the Roman Curia, including the pontiff’s personal secretary, as members. (Try a new idea, alright? The last time someone talked about an assassinated Pope was Dan Brown in ‘Angels and Demons’. And it involved… the ILLUMINATI!! * gasp *)