RSS – Really Simple Syndication. A format for notifying new content at a website. It is really neat. Using an RSS Reader, I now spend no time running through the same bloody sites to read the loads of news because any updates gets fed to me right away. Oh yes, even updates on my friend’s blogs. With this new gathering method, I hope that in the future, TGIF will really be punctually posted on Fridays, or at least on Saturday morning (where parts of world is still Friday). TGIF should now also be technically shorter – since I won’t be gathering like 2 or 3 weeks of news in one edition – and more readable to those who has been faithfully giving this grouch here their unconditional and silent support. And of course, with RSS, I can now dedicate more time to playing Ultima Online.

The World This Week

– that more than 20 years before the Vatican issued its recent instruction against priestly ordination of men with ‘deep-seated homosexual tendencies’, the Vatican gave similar advice to bishops in a brief, unpublicized memorandum. The memorandum told bishops that in considering candidates for the priesthood they should not accept men who were homosexually active, who led a homosexual lifestyle or who showed evidence of ‘latent or repressed homosexuality’. (Just like the SAF, the church has become kinder and more tolerant. In the past it would be denial of communion and excommunication. Some people should stop taking God’s kindness as a weakness.)

– that Condom-leezza Lice defended the unlimited detention of suspected terrorists saying, in an interview that it benefitted the U.S. and the entire world. “You can’t allow somebody to commit the crime before you detain them, because if they commit the crime, thousands of innocent people die,” she told the USA Today daily. (Absolutely. Therefore, we should detain the U.S. President before he declares war on another country in the world, because when he does so, thousands of innocent people also die.)

– that a new front in the political wars over sex and violence in video games opened when Senators Hillary Clinton and Joseph Lieberman called for a new crackdown on the industry by the federal gover-min. Sex and violence in video games has spiraled out of control, the two Democratic senators claimed, pointing to a recent flap over whether Rockstar Games embedded a sex-themed scene in its popular Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas video game. Parents should be able to make “sure their kids can’t walk into a store and buy a video game that has graphic, violent and pornographic content,” Clinton said in a statement saying the actual bill will be introduced when the Senate returns from vacation on Dec. 12. (Hillary Clinton and Democrats actually giving a damn about morals and the well being of kids? Wow, let me check if the sun is rising from the west, yet.)

– that a top U.S. spy agency declassified data showing agents skewed intelligence to back claims of a communist attack on a U.S. destroyer in 1964, an incident which led to the escalation of the Vietnam War. The NSA admitted defeat in a long battle to keep the controversial article, printed in 2001 in its in-house journal, secret. Senior NSA officers had apparently feared the explosive findings could prompt comparisons to claims the Bush administration regime twisted intelligence to justify the invasion of Iraq in 2003. (So what Warmonger did is nothing new.)

– that the Federal Opposition said Australia had joined the ranks of tyrannical states such as North Korea, Syria, and Cuba by strengthening its free speech laws. Labor lea-duh Kim Beazley said the Howard gover-min seemed ‘hell bent’ on enforcing the sedition aspects of its new anti-terror laws. The gover-min says the laws are to enable authorities to tackle extremists who urge violence against Australians and Attorney-General Philip Ruddock again defended the sedition plans, saying they would not act as curbs on free speech. (What is so tyrannical about putting things in place to stop me from saying ‘Anyone who mass murder a lot of innocent Australians like Beazley can go to heaven’?)

– that the death sentence imposed on Van Tuong Nguyen was barbaric, and more abhorrent than normal because mitigating issues were not taken into account, Attorney-General Philip Ruddock said. (Singapore may rejoice that justice is served, but she takes no joy in the snuffing out of a life.)

– that John Howard has warned Singapore that its execution of Nguyen Tuong Van may harm links between the peoples of their two countries. (The narrow-minded and myopic can go on hating one another. Rational Singaporeans and Australians should just get on with life.)

– that China hinted on it would oppose Japan’s bid for a seat on the UN Security Council, days before a visit by Kofi Annan that will address plans to reform the body. (It should be opposed until the Yakusuni Shrine is no more.)

– that KMT chairman Ma Ying-jeou, banking on his popularity to raise the election stakes, yesterday said he would step down if his party failed to score a decisive victory. His announcement, which caught many unprepared, could send thousands more KMT supporters to the polling stations and further boost the main opposition party’s chances, say analysts. (Are you nutz, Ma? Even if you lose this one you can hang around to kick the pathetic DPP out of the Presidency in 2008!)

– that Chen Shui-bian hit the campaign trail for his party, telling voters an opposition win in local gover-min elections this weekend would undermine the island’s sovereignty. (Undermine what sovereignty?)

– that a package of economic measures unveiled by Premier Frank Hsieh to revive Taiwan’s economy was dismissed by money managers as an election ploy to win votes for the ruling DPP. The measures include a tax cut for married couples aimed at boosting domestic consumption by NT$4 billion as well as lower real estate and stock transaction tax rates. Others announced were a three-year NT$200 billion low-rate loan deal for companies involved in select urban renewal projects which are expected to create 130,000 jobs. (Next time, learn from the Tali-PAP, announce it before there is even an election.)

– that Hong Kong pro-democraZy lea-duh Martin Lee said that citizens of the former British colony have no option but to use ‘people power’ in a bid to pressure Beijing for greater freedom. Ahead of a mass democraZy rally in Hong Kong, Lee blamed the Chinese-administered territory’s chief executive Donald Tsang ‘for not reflecting the strong aspirations of the people of Hong Kong to Beijing’. “The people of Hong Kong have no other option but to show solidarity by joining together by taking part in peaceful assembly to voice our aspirations, to let the Beijing lea-duhs know we really want and deserve democraZy,” Lee told a public forum in Washington. (And in the end, they might just end up with Tian-anmen on a greater scale, with Beijing appointed ‘viceroys’.)

– that opposition lawmakers poured scorn on a plea by Hong Kong lea-duh Donald Tsang to galvanise the city behind unpopular electoral reform plans that threaten to tip over into a constitutional crisis. Tsang’s televised appeal was counterproductive, they said, and instead steeled opponents as they prepared to protest against the proposals in a mass rally scheduled. Tsang’s reform plan, first rolled out in October, seeks to move the southern Chinese territory away from a system in which political lea-duhs are selected by a committee of mostly Beijing-backed elites. However, democrats demo-Rats agitating for universal suffrage say the measures don’t move the former British colony close enough to full democraZy and have vowed to vote the bill down in the legislature. (Which part of Beijing’s ‘NO’ – which Tsang understood – that these clowns do not understand?)

– that Thais will soon be able to do their shopping along with getting their daily dose of dharma under a plan to install monks in major department stores. For its ‘meet the monk in a quiet corner’ project, the Ministry of Culture plans to rent space in stores across the country where shoppers can have a quiet chat with monks, in a bid to bring people closer to religion. (Confession boxes will do too.)

– that the policewoman captured on video ordering a naked Chinese woman to do ear-squats is a constable from the Petaling Jaya district police headquarters. Deputy Inspector-General Musa Hassan said the policewoman, in her 30s, was identified and questioned, a day after the scandal was exposed in Parliament. (So what’s ‘Lynnie’s’ name in Malay?)

– that the identity of the naked woman, believed to be Chinese, remains a mystery. Investigators presiding over a case that has provoked public outrage over police detention procedures are finding it hard to identify the woman or even ascertain her nationality. The woman constable also cannot recall the date it took place. The reason for her memory lapse: She has witnessed a number of similar occurrences. This suggests that subjecting detainees to do squats in the nude is quite common. (In that aspect she’s smarter than Lynnie England. At least there’s no record.)

– that Malaysians are outraged at a top police officer’s defence of a constable caught on video making a naked Chinese woman do ear-squats in a lock-up. Deputy Inspector General Musa Hassan, who is leading the investigations into the incident, described it as a ‘routine check’ aimed at looking for concealed objects. Repeated deep squats are said to be aimed at forcing women detainees to expel objects concealed in their private parts. The Star quoted Penang district police chief Mazlan Lazim as saying that suspects had previously been caught hiding cigarettes, pills, matchsticks and razor blades in their private parts. (Oh, is it? Which other country used that method to look for conceal objects? Or is this a new Malaysian innovation?)

– that he said the police had switched their focus to tracking down the person who made the video, on suspicion that it might have been made for voyeuristic reasons rather than by a whistle-blower. “It is the perpetrator behind the video clip whom we are after and not the policewoman who was carrying out a routine check,” he was quoted as saying. (Denial. Denial. Did he learn that from the Japanese?)

– that Malaysia’s Deputy Internal Security Minister Datuk Noh Omar said that foreigners who think Malaysia is a ‘cruel’ country should go home. His comments came after Abdullah Ahmad Badawi apologised to China and ordered an independent probe into the scandal over a video clip showing a naked Chinese woman forced to perform squats in front of a female police officer. Datuk Noh, who is in charge of the police force, insisted to reporters in Parliament House that his officers had not acted out of bounds. “We have to be fair to the police. We cannot reach a stage where the police are demoralised,” he said. (That probably explains Anwar’s black eye as well. This shithead should resign. And by the way, the foreigners who go home should take their investments with them.)

– that Noh later denies asking foreigners to leave and said, “I said that if our country isn’t peaceful or if the police are as cruel as what is being claimed about them nowadays, then how could it be that many foreigners live in our country.” (Anyone’s got a tape of the original crap he spewed? Malaysians should use that as a ringtone on their mobiles until this sorry ass resign in disgrace.)

Singapore This Week

– that bus commuters have two major complaints: they are waiting too long for the bus and resent having to squeeze into overcrowded buses, the latest public transport survey shows. The bus passenger satisfaction survey of some 1,000 regular bus passengers islandwide also shows a dip in the overall satisfaction level for bus services. The rating, on a scale of one to 10, slipped to 6.4 this year, from 6.86 last year. PTC chairman Gerard Ee told The Sundae Times that commuters cannot expect a ‘miracle’ and said motorists had to do their part by staying out of the bus lanes at peak hours. He said: “There is a lot of room for improvement, but to put all the blame on bus operators would be grossly unfair as there are 1,001 factors to be considered. We have to keep pushing at it. I don’t think this report will produce a miracle, but the surveys help us to look at areas to tweak as we go along and improve.” (Ee, lookie here. You are not getting the point! Go take a cab down Still Road some day and see how clear the bus lane is, alright, and figure why there’s a kriffing jam there. And complaints about buses coming together and packed and drivers driving like a snail isn’t something new. So if it’s a miracle we are expecting, we have been expecting it for years, geddit?)

– that SBS Transit spokesman Tammy Tan said that traffic congestion is not predictable and is beyond the firm’s control, but said the company would work with the authorities to see what more can be done to give buses priority on the roads. (Not predictable? Go turn on the radio and listen to it, Tammy. After awhile you don’t need to be a prophet to know where the jams are daily. Here’s some examples for a typical morning – slow traffic on the AYE heading towards the City from Clementi Avenue 6 exit to Clementi Ave 2, near the Alexandra exit; Still Road heading towards Marine Parade before the PIE exit; CTE heading towards the City all the way up to Moulmein. So, if it really was an unexpected jam that happened once in a blue moon then it won’t be just a one day affair and will soon be forgotten, alright? And just what the hell you take to work, Tammy? A helicopter?)

– that Mabok Tongue said that the pace of HDB upgrading has been stepped up islandwide. A total of 64 precincts have been slated for the Lift Upgrading Programme next year, a 50% increase compared to the number of wards selected the previous year. Also, 12 town councils – overseeing another 100 blocks which do not qualify for the HDB Lift Upgrading Scheme – will also fork out some $14 million to upgrade their lifts after having gotten the approval. The 64 precincts selected for LUP next year, however, do not include the opposition wards of Potong Pasir and Hougang. They have also not applied to use their town councils’ sinking funds for lift upgrading. Mabok’s announcement came even as he unveiled a $332 million five-year upgrading masterplan for his constituency, Tampines. (There is definitely an erection election coming.)

– that syndicates pimping Indonesian prostitutes in the Geylang red-light district are lying low in anticipation of police raids – and some are hurriedly shipping their women back to Batam. The recent arrest of a syndicate ‘runner’ involved in a scam to bring prostitutes to Singapore and the ensuing publicity have made the situation ‘very hot’, said a former syndicate member, who wanted to be identified only as Kuda. “The syndicate bosses have quickly covered their tracks by sending the prostitutes back,” the 37-year-old said. (Not surprising. A frequent visitor of the Geylang lorongs also told me that the Chinese prostitutes lay low over the weekends too.)

– that the next person to come before the courts for failing to serve National Service could go to jail. In his first comments on the ‘Melvyn Tan case’, Teo Chee Hean said the MINDEF would push for a jail term for people who ‘deliberately and knowingly evade NS’. The Enlistment Act, a bill that spells out penalties for NS evaders, already allows a jail term of up to three years in addition to a fine. But the draft dodgers are usually made to pay a fine of up to $5,000 and escape time behind bars. (They should employ Lynnie England as the prison guard too.)

– that the newly-formed Singapore Anti-Death Penalty Committee said in a statement they ‘utterly deplore and condemn’ the hanging as an ‘inhumane and barbaric punishment disproportionate to his crime’. M. Ravi, a prominent Singapore-based human rights lawyer, called the killing ‘state-sanctioned murder’. “In a civil society such as Singapore, and the world that is watching this, they must learn from this lesson,” he said outside Changi Prison just before the execution took place. “At this moment, his hands are being tied, his ankles are being manacled and a hood is being placed over his head. A state sanctioned murder is going to take place.” (Too bad they weren’t around when Adrian Lim was hung.)

– that within the next six months, the AVA will introduce a package of new regulations designed to encourage a community of responsible pet owners. One of these changes will see the annual licensing fee for unsterilised male dogs go up from $14 to $70, the same as the current fee for unspayed female dogs. (How about new regulations for responsible males too? Like some tax rebates for males who don’t go to prostitutes?)

Trivial, Jokes and Thoughts from Discussions

– that according to a scientific report, planet Earth’s computers are wide open to a virus attack from Little Green Men. The concern is raised in the next issue of the journal Acta Astronautica by Richard Carrigan, a particle physicist at the U.S. Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory in Illinois. He believes scientists searching the heavens for signals from extra-terrestrial civilisations are putting Earth’s security at risk, by distributing the jumble of signals they receive to computers all over the world. All signals picked up by Seti are broken up and sent across the internet to a vast band of volunteers who have signed up for a Seti screensaver, which allows their computers to crunch away at the signals, when they are not at their desks. (The aliens probably need to dust off their old Windows-compatible, 32-bit computers and put them back into use to write virus which is capable of attacking our computer systems. And by the way, how can you tell they aren’t already controlling our systems now? Now, I’ll tell you the truth. Ready? Ok. Red pill? Blue Pill?)

– that ever since the Chinese ‘hacker’ stole some money using a keylogger trojan from some DBS and POSB accounts, DBS implemented a feature called OTP – One Time Password – which will send an authorisation code to your mobile before you can activate a third party payee. (It’s more like One Time Pain when you need to transfer money in a jiffy and then you realized you need to go to an ATM to activate your iBMessage facility before you can have OTP.)

– that Samsung Electronics, the world’s largest maker of computer memory chips, pleaded guilty to a charge it participated in a worldwide price-fixing conspiracy that damaged competition and raised PC prices. After accepting the plea and a previously arranged deal with prosecutors, U.S. District Judge Phyllis J. Hamilton ordered Samsung Electronics Co. Ltd. and its U.S. subsidiary, Samsung Semiconductor Inc., to pay $300 million – the second-largest fine in a criminal antitrust case. (Too bad consumers won’t get a single cent of benefit from this.)

– that John Seigenthaler, former administrative assistant to Robert Kennedy, has a bone to pick with Wikipedia. In an op-ed in USAToday Seigenthaler takes the community-authored encyclopedia to task for running a biography of him that falsely accused him of being a suspect in the assassinations of John and Robert Kennedy. The charges remained up on the site for months before Seigenthaler got them removed. The claims were posted anonymously on the encyclopedia, and while he was able to trace the author’s IP address to a customer of BellSouth Internet, the company said it would not disclose the name without a subpoena, Seigenthaler wrote. (The Tali-PAP should start scanning the Wikipedia too. Maybe some new donors for charity can be found there, after a few law suits for defamation and libel.)

– that the SAF is now 3G! (Here’s some news for you, Jack! Soon will our potential enemies’)

– that British supermodel Kate Moss has scored a lucrative deal with a mobile phone operator as she swiftly rebuilds her cocaine-shaken career. Moss, 31, is to earn £1.2 million to be the face of the youth-oriented Virgin Mobile network in ads that will be shot in Los Angeles next month. (Down with Virgin Mobile!! Say ‘NO!’ to bad role models!!)

The Ugly Singaporean Award

– that a 64-year-old married cobbler who figured out a scam to have free sex with young foreign women from matchmaking agencies here has been nabbed. He handed a cheque for $10,000 – which he deliberately use a full stop instead of a comma, so the figure showed up as $1.0000 or $10.000, which banks would not honour. The matchmakers, in their hurry to clinch a deal, failed to notice the discrepancy and let their women leave with him. He first duped the Vietnam Brides International Matchmaker in Beach Road on Oct 24 to release a 21-year-old Vietnamese woman into his care. He then took her to ROM where he registered online for a solemnisation date. Believing they were already married, the woman, who cannot be named, followed her ‘husband’ to a hotel in Geylang. He kept her there for a week, often having sex with her twice a day. Occasionally, he took her out to visit the Zoo and Kusu Island. Thinking this was their honeymoon, she gave in to all his wishes. After they checked out on Oct 29, he took her back to the matchmaking agency on the pretext of getting her belongings. He gestured for her to go into the agency on her own and then meet him at the shopping centre’s entrance. When she stepped into the agency, staff told her that her ‘husband’s’ cheque had bounced and that a police report had been made. He tried to pull his scam one more time and almost succeeded at a matchmaking agency in Katong, if not for an alert boss who smelled a rat. He was finally arrested when he tried the same trick again on another agency for Chinese brides a few days later. (They should charge him for rape and put him away for a long, long time. After all, this sick bastard’s too old to be caned.)

The World This Week

– that the UN’s food and farming body renewed its plea for more effort to improve agriculture in poor countries to ease hunger and malnutrition which kill nearly 6 million children a year. In its annual report, ‘The State of Food Insecurity in the World’, the Food and Agriculture Organization (FAO) said the world was way behind on hunger reduction goals for 2015 set at political summits over the last 10 years. (SIX million? It is a tragedy when some children are dying from hunger when pampered Singaporean children throw away their food simply because they don’t like how it tastes.)

– that homosexual ‘rights’ activists and liberal Catholics girded for a long battle over the Vatican’s tougher stance on homosexuality, predicting the Church would lose thousands of followers in the U.S. (Repent and desist. There was never a compromise on that.)

– that the policy, drafted to deal with scandals over pedophile priests that erupted in Boston in 2002 and spread across the U.S., says the Church can admit those who have clearly overcome homosexual tendencies for at least three years. But practicing homosexuals and those with ‘deep-seated’ homosexual tendencies and those who support a homosexual culture should be barred, it said. Conservatives in the Roman Catholic Church and in other religions welcomed the stand. (Bucking the trend and doing what is right. Long live Pope Benedict XVI.)

– that homosexual U.S. Anglican bishop Gene Robinson said a Vatican document barring practicing homosexual men from becoming Roman Catholic priests showed a profound misunderstanding of homosexuality. The document, due to be published next week, says men with ‘deep-seated’ homosexual tendencies cannot become priests and that only those who have overcome their homosexuality at least three years before ordination can do so. “I think the Vatican, or whoever wrote this statement, should spend a little more time listening to its homosexual and lesbian members rather than putting out statements. This strikes me as language from people who profoundly do not understand homosexual and lesbian people … who know next to nothing about being homosexual or lesbian.”, Robinson said. (And Gene Robinson should spend more time reading the Word of God and stop deceiving himself and many of those who look up to him as a shepherd. Obviously, he has demonstrated that he profoundly do not understand Scriptures, and know nothing about just how much he is contradicting them.)

Hear ye these: 1 Corinthians 6:9 – 10 “Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.” Galatians 5:19- 21 “The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.”

– that the CIA’s interrogation methods are ‘unique’ but don’t involve torture, agency chief Porter Goss says, although he won’t specify just what techniques are used to extract information from prisoners. Goss reiterated the Bush administration’s regime’s defense of its interrogation practices in the war against terrorism. “This agency does not do torture. Torture does not work,” Goss said. “We use lawful capabilities to collect vital information and we do it in a variety of unique and innovative ways, all of which are legal and none of which are torture.” (Well, they certainly can’t tell you that their ‘unique’ interrogation methods means having a few Dark Jedis to rip the information out of your brains and then turning you into a mouth-frothing brain dead moron, right?)

– that Warmonger Bush was informed 10 days after the September 11, 2001 attacks that U.S. intelligence had no proof of links between Iraq and that act of terror, The National Journal reported. Citing gover-min documents as well as past and present Bush administration officials, the magazine said Warmonger was briefed on September 21, 2001 that evidence of cooperation between Iraq and the Al-Qaeda terror network was insufficient. Warmonger was also informed that there was some credible information about contacts between Saddam Hussein and Al-Qaeda that showed that the Iraqi dictator had tried to establish surveillance over the group, according to the report. (Osama bin Laden hates Saddam’s guts and originally proposed to the Saudi gover-min to unleash what he unleashed upon the world now upon the Iraqis during the first Gulf War.)

– that the FBI said e-mails made to look like they come from the agency are warning computer users that the FBI is monitoring their Internet use. “These scam e-mails tell the recipients that their Internet use has been monitored by the FBI and that they have accessed illegal Web sites,” the FBI said in a statement. “The e-mails then direct recipients to open an attachment and answer questions. These e-mails did not come from the FBI. Recipients of this or similar solicitations should know that the FBI does not engage in the practice of sending unsolicited e-mails to the public in this manner.” The agency said it was investigating the matter and urged anyone who received such an e-mail to report it to the Internet Crime Complaint Center. (If you are not an U.S. citizen who is not in the U.S., and not doing anything illegal, you don’t have to give a damn. And if you are an U.S. citizen overseas, the FBI should be letting the local police handle it. And if you are an U.S. citizen in the States, go scream to the ACLU.)

– that a Chilean judge ordered the arrest of former dictator Augusto Pinochet over millions of dollars kept in secret overseas bank accounts. Investigating judge Carlos Cerda charged Pinochet, who will turn 90 on Friday, with fraud, providing falsified documents and making false declarations to avoid paying tax. It is the fourth time in seven years that Pinochet, who led a military junta from 1973 to 1990, has been arrested. But he has never faced trial for rights abuses accusations or his personal dealings. (He can’t escape forever. Sooner or later they will get him, Al Capone style.)

– that one in three Britons believes a woman who flirts is partly or totally responsible if she is raped, a ‘shocking’ opinion poll showed. Between a third and a quarter of respondents also put part or all of the blame on the woman if she fails to say ‘no’ clearly to the man, wears sexy clothes, drinks too much, has many sexual partners and walks alone in a deserted area. “It is shocking that so many people will lay the blame for being raped at the feet of women themselves,” said Kate Allen, a spokeswoman for Amnesty International UK which commissioned the research. (The key issue here is consent. Even if the woman being raped is ‘loose’ does not means giving anyone the green light to rape her.)

– that Britain has warned media organizations they are breaking the law if they publish details of a leaked document said to show Warmonger Bush wanted to bomb Arabic television station Al Jazeera. The gover-min’s top lawyer warned editors in a note after the Daily Mirror newspaper reported that a secret British gover-min memo said Tony B-liar had talked Bush out of bombing the broadcaster in April last year. (What’s the big issue here? The last time they bombed a Chinese Embassy with 5 cruise missiles, and said it was a mistake because they were using old maps. If they think that lame excuse was good enough for China, they can always re-use it because it’s got to be good enough for anybody.)

– that European parliamentarians criticized Singapore’s mandatory death penalty and urged the gover-min to stop next week’s scheduled execution of a 25-year-old Australian drug smuggler. Nguyen Tuong Van, convicted by Singapore of trying to smuggle 400 grams of heroin – enough to make 26,000 doses – from Cambodia, is to be hanged on December 2 despite repeated pleas from Australia to reconsider clemency for the former salesman. “The death penalty is firmly rejected in the European Parliament, but it is applied here. Clearly, we have different positions,” Hartmut Nassauer, chairman of the delegation for relations with Southeast Asia, told reporters at a briefing in Singapore. We believe in universal democracy, rights and human law.” (What these European shitheads need to believe is that if there’s no ultimate penalty, then what can restraint people from doing the worst they are capable of?)

– that John Coward fought off demands that he impose sanctions on Singapore for its refusal to grant clemency to an Australian awaiting execution for drug trafficking. But he warned Singapore that the hanging of 25-year-old Vietnamese-Australian Nguyen Tuong Van would not ‘go unnoticed’ by Australia. He also said the ICJ had no jurisdiction in the case, as Singapore was doing nothing illegal. (If a drug trafficker didn’t have to die because he isn’t Singaporean, then neither should any of the Singaporeans drug traffickers die either. And did Australia care about them? So stop being a bunch of blasted hypocrites.)

– that a former Australian prime minister has called Singapore a ‘rogue Chinese port’ for ignoring appeals to save a drug smuggler from the death penalty. Gough Whitlam, in office in the 1970s, made the remark in an interview about the case of an Australian national who is due to be hanged next week. (I sincerely hope he isn’t a descendant of those sent to a former British penal colony called… oops… Australia!)

– that Australia will not punish Singapore over the planned execution of an Australian drug smuggler, John Coward said ahead of protests around the country to oppose the Dec 2 hanging. He rejected calls by a prominent gover-min politician for the hanging of 25-year-old Nguyen Tuong Van to be part of the Australian gover-min’s deliberations on whether to grant Singapore Airlines access to the Sydney-LA air route. (For once I see the wisdom in the Australian people in returning him to power in the last elections.)

– that Abu Musab al-Zarqawi’s faction has claimed responsibility for attacks that have left hundreds of Iraqis dead, and the U.S. has called him the most dangerous terrorist in Iraq. Still, even as al-Zarqawi threatens more chaos – in recordings and internet messages – many Iraqis believe the Jordanian militant does not even exist and is merely a phantom created by the Americans to sow unrest in the country. Similar disbelief greeted Britain’s explanation that its soldiers, arrested in southern Iraq disguised as Arabs, were on an undercover hunt for terrorists. Instead, some Iraqis argue the soldiers were out to kill Shi’ite Muslims and blame the murders on Sunnis in hopes of sparking civil war. (And the moon doesn’t exists either. It’s an illusion put there by the Devil.)

– that the UN’s chief investigator on torture has praised China’s lea-duhs for acknowledging the widespread abuse of prisoners in the nation’s jails. Mr Manfred Nowak, the UN Human Rights Commission’s special rapporteur on torture, said Beijing had offered him freer access to detainees than the U.S. was prepared to give him on a recently-scrapped trip to Guantanamo Bay in Cuba.”There is a growing awareness that torture is quite widely practised in the common criminal proceedings in China by the police and that something needs to be done,” he said in an interview with the BBC. (Might as well admit that it happens, rather than denying it having a UN investigator discover it in person.)

– that the Japanese foreign minister said he supported the view of history at a controversial war shrine’s museum, which describes Japan’s wars in Asia as having been fought in self-defence. The outspoken Mr Taro Aso Arsehole, who was appointed in a Cabinet reshuffle last month, said he did not feel that the museum at the Yasukuni shrine glorified war. “The exhibition merely shows what happened in those days,” he said on television. Yushukan, a war memorial museum located inside the Shinto sanctuary, portrays Japan as defending itself against Western colonialists, not as invading neighbouring countries, up to 1945 – when World War II ended. (Shameless liar. So why is Japan defending itself in Korea, China, Indo-China, Burma and all the way to the Malay Archipelago and down to Papua New Guinea?)

– that Junk-ichiro Konkz-umi has infuriated China and South Korea by repeatedly visiting the Yasukuni shrine, which honours 14 top war criminals among 2.5 million Japanese war dead. “I visit Yasukuni shrine in order to pay my respects to the victims who lost their lives against their will,” he told journalists after the Asia-Pacific Economic Cooperation summit in South Korea, where Hu Jintao refused to meet him. (Victims? An invading army? Rot in hell you lying sonuvabitch.)

– that China expressed ‘shock’ over Taro Aso’s Arsehole’s support for the view of history depicted at a museum in the controversial Yasukuni war shrine in Tokyo. Chinese Foreign Ministry spokesman Liu Jianchao said China was ‘shocked at the comments’. He told a regular briefing: “The shrine is denying history and is glorifying Japan’s wartime past.” (It goes to show that certain proud races will go as far as living in a lie than to admit to being wrong.)

– that Thaksin Shinawatra has said he will not answer reporters’ questions until next year because the alignment of the planets is not in his favor. “Right now Mercury … is in a corner perfectly aligned with my star. Mercury is no good, so if it’s not good, I am going to request not to speak. I’ll just wait until next year to talk,” Thaksin told reporters Sunday after returning to Bangkok from a trip to South Korea and China. He added that Mercury moves slowly and will not steer clear of his star until next year. (Is he also having constipation because of that?)

– that the U.S., Australia and Britain have issued fresh warnings about possible terrorist attacks in Indonesia after a militant website showed how and where to kill foreigners in Jakarta. Australia warned travellers that attacks could be staged against Western interests before the end of the year. The website shows in diagrams how to shoot foreigners in Jakarta or throw grenades at motorists stuck in the city’s notorious traffic jams. (Somehow they get this funny idea that ‘Holy War’ means making many holes in other people.)

– that a video clip in Malaysia showed a Chinese women being told to told to strip and then made to squat and stand repeatedly while pulling her ears. A policewoman stood guard while a voice in the background recited verses from the Quran during the 30-second video. The clip, said to be recorded secretly using a camera phone, was shown to Home Minister Azmi Khalid, Minister in the Prime Minister’s Department Mohamed Nazri Abdul Aziz and opposition lea-duh Lim Kit Siang. The woman was believed to be one of three detained Chinese nationals who complained of police harassment. Several MPs who saw the video said it was shocking and embarrassing. (Malaysia should be glad. It finally has its own version of Abu Ghuraib.)

– that Abdullah Badawi ordered Home Minister Azmi Khalid to go to China to explain that Malaysia welcomes its citizens. The directive follows a scandal that erupted earlier this month involving the strip-search of three female Chinese nationals. The women, who said they showed genuine travel and identity documents to police officers, alleged they were strip-searched for holding fake passports. They also claimed that male officers peeped while they were bathing during their detention. (Now it’s time for a high profile court case for Malaysia’s Lynnie England and Charles Garner!)

Singapore This Week

– that amid calls in Australia for Singapore to take the case to the ICJ, opposition lea-duh Typo-Gangster Chee Soon Juan has chosen to lend his support in protest against the planned execution. He has called on Australia to lead an international protest to help save the life of condemned drug smuggler Nguyen Tuong Van. (Gangster Chee should know by now, if he continues to do this, he will never have acceptance among Singaporeans. Among my friends, there’s a dirty word for his actions: – T – R – E – A – S – O – N –.)

– that Typo said the Australian gover-min, which has campaigned strenuously for clemency for Nguyen, should appeal to other countries, including the U.S., to put pressure on Singapore not to hang Nguyen. (Indeed. We should hang Chee in his place instead. I’ll gladly volunteer to be the one to operate the gallows.)

– that Typo said: “It’s just not a situation between Singapore and Australia; really, it runs deeper and far wider than this. In the upcoming months and years you’ll see a lot more people from around the world getting hanged for small-time drug peddling in Singapore. No stone must be left unturned and every country, every gover-min that will listen to this call for justice and to put a stop to this insanity must be approached.” (Small-time drug peddling? Well, you wanna try 400 grams of heroin at one go and come back to tell me about how small time it really is?)

– that Typo Gangster Chee believes that Singapore will not be reformed through elections but by civil disobedience against what he calls ‘unjust laws’. And he said he planned to use the forthcoming elections to talk about democratic reform and would continue to promote civil liberties in the face of libel laws and limits on political activities. (Obviously, Typo deserves to lose. He doesn’t understand the Singapore electorate and want they want and offer something that most of them really don’t give a flying damn about.)

– that comparing his struggle to Mahatma Gandhi’s non-violent fight against British colonisers and drawing parallels with the American civil rights movement, he said he would continue to defy curbs on public expression and free assembly. “It is never enough to appeal to the good sense of the gover-min. Authoritarian gover-min never budge,” he said. (As a psychiatrist, Typo should well be aware that he is now suffering from illusions of grandeur, self delusions and fantasies. Above which, Gandhi must have felt so insulted.)

– that critics say Typo Gangster Chee has failed to strike a chord with the public because of his adversarial style and because he fights for abstract causes rather than bread-and-butter issues which Singaporeans care about. (It’s his despicable act of siding with outsiders to wack his own country and people that’s the most disgusting. And when Typo continually vilifies Singapore as a whole, then he should disband his party and never run for elections. How does he expect the very people he vilifies to actually make him their representative and give him a voice in Parliament?)

– that after staying away from Singapore for nearly 30 years because he defaulted on his national service, pianist Melvyn Tan maximum fine of $5,000 for not fulfilling his national service duty and will be performing at the Esplanade next month. (Under the Enlistment Act, those who evade national service can be fined up to $5,000 or sent to jail for up to three years, or both. And if pianist Melvyn Tan was penis Nobody Tan will be serving 3 years plus fined $5000.)

– the that Sunday Sundae Times claims that along with Seow Yit Kin and Margaret Leng Tan, Melvyn Tan has helped Singapore to gain recognition on the global piano scene. (So, this is how you can escape NS: Do something that will ‘help Singapore gain recognition on the global scene’. And all you need to do is pay $5,000, and you don’t need to even serve a single minute. Got it? By the way, who has heard of Melvyn Tan putting Singapore on the global scene? I only recall hearing about a Singapore-born violinist.)

– that a TING LAN INN accused a group of five physically fit SCDF national servicemen of making a mockery of chivalry when they refused to offer their seats to a boy when he asked them to, and instead offered their laps. The writer claims to be looked unwell and tired. Above which, the SCDF servicemen were accused of mocking him by patting their laps. (Who can tell if the service men are really mocking or just this Ting fellow is being petty? The boy could sit on the laps of these fellows and from a neutral point of view, it’s the best of both worlds – both the kid and the servicemen asked to give up his seat gets to sit!)

-that the gover-min has said that households are barred from using satellite dishes in order to keep out undesirable content that is at odds with Singapore’s multi-racial and multi-religious society. The reasons for stopping undesirable content from easy entry to the homes of Singaporeans through satellite dishes remain valid and important because in the face of increasing security challenges worldwide today, Singapore must continue to be vigilant against external influences that may split or divide society. (* Yawn * For starters, what society? Take a look at the behaviour of Singaporeans on public transports and tell me that our ‘society’ isn’t dysfunctional.)

– that the Mini$ter of State for Transport is not convinced that the evening toll on the north-bound CTE is pushing traffic jams to a later hour. Lim Hwee Hua believes the jams that occur after the toll is lifted at 8pm are occasional, last only for a while and could be the result of an event in Orchard Road. In fact, the toll is causing a better flow of traffic on the CTE, she said, trotting out figures to substantiate it. (Just shut the hell up and use that road everyday for 6 months. Then come back and tell us about ‘figures’.)

– that new guidelines from the NEA will finally ease the long queues outside women’s toilets here. The revised Code of Practice for Environmental Health, released yesterday, now requires all new buildings to have as many loos for women as for men, if not more. The requirements – good news for women who have had to suffer interminable queues at public toilets – were announced at an event in Raffles Place to celebrate World Toilet Day. (They should also consider making the cubicles bigger so pink shits don’t have an excuse to use toilets for the handicapped anymore. In fact, there should be a sign outside the handicap toilet with the following caption: “Dogs and Pink Shit Not Allowed”. But that would be very insulting to dog owners.)

Trivial, Jokes and Thoughts from Discussions

– that a French woman who is terrified of flying admitted in an Australian court that she drunkenly tried to open an airplane door mid-flight to smoke a cigarette. Sadrine Helene Sellies, 34, was placed on a good behavior bond after pleading guilty in Brisbane Magistrates Court to endangering the safety of an aircraft. (It almost turned out to be another ‘Natural Selection’ Award. But it would be sad that in the process of nature eliminating this bozo, a whole plane of people would have died along with her.)

– that NTU raised a tender of 300 designer chairs which cost $2,200 each. ‘Genius’ LOH KA WAI applauded NTU as a Singapore employer who cares enough about its employees to invest in their welfare. Loh argued that over a 12-year warranty period, the $2,200 price tag for the chair amounts to 50 cents a day, and for that, there is higher productivity and reduced medical bills for back problems. He said he has yet to see a better investment for 50 cents a day. (That’s provided that the kriffing chair doesn’t end up in a condition not covered by the 12th year warranty and gotten itself written off.)

– that Loh further said, “If we do not take care of our professors, how can we expect our universities to be world-class, attract the top talents to join us and remain in the top rankings?” (Funny. How does Loh suppose a university with ‘well taken care of’ professors become ‘world class’ and remain in the top rankings if the students cannot perform? It is as if ‘well taken care of’ professors alone will definitely produce top students and even morons will turn genius under their tutelage.)

– that Loh cite that a MOH report highlighted the fact that growing numbers of working people in Singapore are suffering from back and shoulder aches due to poorly designed office furniture and bad posture. (Furniture is not just the chair alone. And well, who can tell how much of it is caused by poorly designed office furniture or bad posture?)

– that scientists monitoring earth movements in Antarctica believe they have found a singing iceberg. Sound waves from the iceberg had a frequency of around 0.5 hertz, too low to be heard by humans, but by playing them at higher speed the iceberg sounded like a swarm of bees or an orchestra warming up, the scientists said. (Actually, the iceberg’s screaming in pain due to global warming: “I’m melting. Help! I’m melting!!”)

The Ugly Singaporean Award

– that NICKLAS HANSEN, a disappointed visitor from Denmark, wrote a letter to TODAY about a younger woman pushing past an elderly one just to get a seat on the MRT train at City Hall. The woman, travelling with her husband and little daughter, alighted at the next stop at Dhoby Ghaut. (A photo of that bitch will do just fine.)

The World This Week

– that Pat Robertson warned residents of a rural Pennsylvania town that disaster may strike there because they ‘voted God out of your city’ by ousting school board members who favored teaching intelligent design. All eight Dover, Pa., school board members up for re-election were defeated Tuesday after trying to introduce ‘intelligent design’ – the belief that the universe is so complex that it must have been created by a higher power – as an alternative to the theory of evolution. “I’d like to say to the good citizens of Dover: If there is a disaster in your area, don’t turn to God. You just rejected him from your city,” Robertson said on the Christian Broadcasting Network’s ‘700 Club’. (How can a messenger of God ask people to not turn to Him? Oh, this is the same Pat Robertson who suggested that the U.S. should assassinate murder Chavez, right?)

– that Hillary Clinton said that she supports the separation fence Israel is building along the edges of the West Bank, and that the onus is on the Palestinian Authority to fight terrorism. “This is not against the Palestinian people,” Clinton, a New York Democrat, said during a tour of a section of the barrier being built around Jerusalem. “This is against the terrorists. The Palestinian people have to help to prevent terrorism. They have to change the attitudes about terrorism.” (No point offend the Jewish lobby if you want to run for President.)

– that across the U.S., pundits are salivating at the prospect of a 2008 presidential election between Condom-leezza Lice and Hillary Clinton. Iit is being called the match-up from heaven. (The Democrats may want to say, ‘We offer you the first women President and then throw in an Afro-American as Veep’, but it is not unexpected of the Republicans to say ‘We offer you the first woman and Black President in one package!’ Match-up from heaven, indeed.)

– that Florida Gov. Jeb Bush, the brother of Warmonger Bush, ruled out running for president in 2008 but left open the possibility of a subsequent bid in an interview with a German magazine. (Maybe you Americans love them. But some of us here among the rest of the world have had enough of Bushes, and Clits Clintons.)

– that 4 state legislators in Massachusetts have introduced a bill that would soften the crime of bestiality, a move pro-family activists say is a natural progression of the state’s legalizing same-sex marriage. The new measure would give activist judges the option of slapping perps with a mere two and a half years in plush local jails, or even letting zoophiliacs walk with a $5,000 fine. Previously, those convicted of ‘a sexual act on an animal’ could receive up to 20 years in prison. (They should be thankful that God is saving His wrath for the End Times ever since His Son went to the Cross. Otherwise, a close cousin of whatever that wiped out Sodom and Gommorah will be on its way.)

– that the American Civil Anti-Christ Liberties Union has filed suit over a Georgia law that exempts the Bible from sales taxes, calling it discriminatory. Candace Apple, owner of the Phoenix and Dragon Bookstore near Atlanta and a plaintiff in the suit, argues the exemption should apply to any book that addresses the meaning of life, the Atlanta Journal-Constitution reported. (Well, which of those other books addressing the meaning of life helped the founders of the United States draft the Constitution?)

– that Warmonger Bush was urged to raise Beijing’s crackdown of the Falun Gong Far Long Gone ‘spiritual’ group during his talks this week with Chinese lea-duhs. “President Bush must bring up the Falun Gong Far Long Gone in his public meetings with President Hu Jintao and China’s lea-duhs, and call for, in unambiguous terms, an end to the suppression,” the group’s spokesman Erping Zhang said. “It is imperative China’s lea-duhship hear in strong terms that what they are doing to Falun Gong Far Long Gone is unacceptable and needs to stop,” he said in a statement. (Oh well, neither is the Far Long Gone’s irritating anti-China propaganda acceptable. And it needs to stop as well, in Singapore.)

– that Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez accused Mexican lea-duh Vicente Fox of being a ‘puppy’ of Warmonger Bush and said: “Don’t mess with me, sir.” Fox shot back that ‘we have dignity in this country’ and demanded an apology. Now the two nations are withdrawing their ambassadors. (Fight lah! Fight lah! Talk so much.)

– that he brutal slaying of an unarmed police officer who interrupted a robbery in Bradford city centre has had an unexpected fallout: Calls for the death penalty to be reinstated in Britain. (It is easy to say we should be humane and treat murderers humanely and that putting them to death is a matter of revenge and being barbaric, until murder happens before our very eyes in all its ugly ‘glory’ or happen to one of our family.)

– that a long-awaited Vatican document says practicing gays, those with ‘deeply rooted’ homosexual tendencies or those who support gay culture cannot be admitted to the priesthood, an Italian newspaper reported. “The church cannot admit to the priesthood those who practice homosexuality, present deeply rooted homosexual tendencies or who support the so-called ‘gay culture’.” the newspaper said, citing the document. (Way to go, Pope Benedict XVI! And it’s high time the world take back the word gay from the homosexuals. Otherwise no one can sing ‘Old Black Joe’ anymore, because this is how it starts “Gone are the days, when my heart was young and gay.”)

– that the French cabinet is to ask parliament to extend by three months a state of emergency aimed at tackling unrest in impoverished suburbs. The laws, which allow local councils to impose curfews and ban gatherings, were introduced for 12 days. (They should get help from China. Really.)

– that a French gover-min bill extending until February a state of emergency will be presented to the national assembly after President Jacques Chirac said that widespread rioting in the country revealed a deep identity crisis. In his first address to the nation since the troubles began on October 27, Chirac vowed to fight the ‘poison’ of discrimination faced by France’s immigrant communities and described the unrest as ‘a crisis of meaning, a crisis of identity’. (It is a crisis that is a result of not just the ‘poison’ of discrimination, but also the ‘poison’ of refusal to assimilate.)

– that as Australian police combed through the evidence seized in a string of raids that thwarted major terror attacks in Melbourne and Sydney, investigations revealed that a competition was brewing between two terror cells based in the two cities to be the first to deliver the death-bomb in the country. Detectives said that cell members were anxious to become martyrs and that the Melbourne cell wanted ‘to do something’ about the fact that the Sydney group appeared to be leading in the race to stage an attack. (If they wanted to die so badly, just die quietly without taking innocents along with them. A simpler way would be to find a long beam, and all of them can each fashion a noose to see who can hang himself faster.)

– that the Al Qaeda in Iraq group has claimed responsibility for three hotel bombings that killed at least 56 people in Amman, the biggest outbreak of violence in Jordan since 1970. Hours after the attack, Abu Mussab Zarqawi, the Jordanian-born lea-duh who heads Osama bin Laden’s Al Qaeda cell in Iraq, said in a statement on the Internet that his followers carried out the attacks, Jordan’s state news agency, Petra reported. The blasts at the Radisson SAS hotel, the Hyatt Amman and the Days Inn killed at least 56 people and wounded more than 93 others. Investigations later in the day led to the arrest of several people in connection with the attacks, AFP reported, citing an unidentified security official. (Zarqawi should be allowed to die painlessly. He should be killed in such a way whereby he slowly lose his senses, and can actually feel his awareness slowly slip away until the last thing he knew is that his awareness is like the only spot of light of a switched off television screen, before it winked out. Yes, that is how Zarqawi should die. And of course, families of the terrorists should be given a copy of Osama’s Secret Diary.)

– that calling the terrorist al Qaeda in Iraq lea-duh a ‘lowlife’, Jordanians flooded the nation’s capital in bitter protest of the triple suicide bombings that shook the city a day earlier and killed at least 56 people, most of Arab descent. “Burn in hell, Abu Musab al-Zarqawi!” hundreds of protesters shouted, denouncing the terrorist network’s lea-duh – a Jordan native – after an Internet posting stated his group was responsible for the attacks. (Now it’s time to turn that anger into strength by rooting out the terrorists in your midst.)

– that despite admissions by Abu Musab al-Zarqawi and a would-be Iraqi female suicide bomber, Iran says Israel was responsible for the deadly blasts that killed 57 people last week at three hotels in Jordan. “The explosions in Jordan are a suspicious matter. Most probably the Zionist regime (Israel) was behind them,” Iranian foreign ministry spokesman Hamid Reza Asefi told reporters. (And Iran is behind it whenever someone in the world has constipation or diarrhea.)

– that as part of their campaign for upcoming ‘Palestinian’ elections, senior politicians from Fatah Party have been advocating the past few days continued terror attacks against Israel, including the firing of missiles, until the Jewish state leaves the West Bank and Jerusalem. The rhetoric comes in spite of a cease-fire signed by Abbas and Ariel Sharon, and Abbas’ pledge to the international community to disarm the ‘Palestinian’ terror groups. (And it is almost unlikely that it’s just election rhetorics.)

– that even though 4 official investigations and a hospital pathology report failed to find evidence of foreign substances in late Yasser Arafat’s bloodstream, a former senior Arafat aide claimed an Israeli assassin killed the ‘Palestinian’ lea-duh by blowing a slow-acting poison into his ear. (Oh really? I thought he die of syphillis.)

– that Warmonger Bush was due in Japan late Nov 15 to begin a week-long trip to Asia, hoping for progress on the North Korean nuclear crisis and aiming for action against deadly bird flu. After a refuelling stop at a military base in Alaska, the US president headed for Kyoto, where he was to tour Japan’s most-visited Buddhist temple on Wednesday before holding talks with Japanese Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi. In a seperate news, an earthquake measuring 6.9 on the Richter scale shook northern Japan early Nov 15, causing authorities to issue a tsunami warning and evacuate hundreds of coastal homes, officials said. Tsunamis measuring up to 50 centimetres (20 inches) hit the Japanese east coast about one hour after the undersea quake hit at 6:39 am (2139 GMT), local officials said, but there were no reports of any damage or casualties. (There’s no clearer sign even the part of the Earth at Japan doesn’t welcome Warmonger Bush.)

– that China said it had no plans for a summit with Japan to improve relations stretched to breaking point over Konkz-umi’s visits to a controversial war shrine. “We have not arranged for talks at this level,” Chinese foreign ministry spokesman Qin Gang told AFP here ahead of an Asia-Pacific summit to be attended by both Konkz-umi and Chinese President Hu Jintao. (No point talking to someone with a forked tongue and claiming to be leaving his post in a year.)

– that China has vowed to vaccinate all of its estimated 14 billion poultry to contain the spread of bird flu. In his announcement, Chief veterinary officer Jia Youling said all the fees would be covered by the gover-min. The move comes as new outbreaks of bird flu were confirmed in several regions of China in the past month. (So what’s the point when people are going to eat them later anyway? Above which, the virus will just mutate into another form that the vaccine can’t do shit about.)

– that Warmonger Bush prodded China to grant more political freedom to its 1.3 billion people and held up archrival Taiwan as a society that successfully moved from repression to democraZy as it opened its economy. In remarks sure to rile Beijing, Bush suggested China should follow Taiwan’s path. “Modern Taiwan is free and democratic and prosperous. By embracing freedom at all levels, Taiwan has delivered prosperity to its people and created a free and democratic Chinese society,” Warmonger said. (Well, it makes no difference which path China takes if there’s no change in the level of corruption. While corruption is not appreciated, China can do without the kind of political mess in Taiwan.)

– that 3 urns have been stolen from a crematorium here and notes left in their places demanding a ransom of HK$50,000 for the safe return of each set of ashes. A 27-year-old worker at the Tseung Kwan O Chinese Permanent Cemetery, the city’s largest, discovered the empty niches. (They can keep the urns and try and sell them to others for HK$50,000.)

– that Chen Shui-bian has dismissed criticism of his disclosure of the amount of aid given to former ally Senegal. Chen said the cost of the West African nation’s move to switch diplomatic recognition to Beijing needed to be made public. “If the President does not say it out, then nobody would know. Can we let ourselves be bullied in this way?” he said while campaigning for candidates from the ruling DPP who are contesting elections for city mayors and county magistrates next month. (Chen apparently likes to make himself the butt of all jokes. He is welcomed to do so often had he not make the people who elected him look like fools.)

– that in a move expected to stir further outcry, Taiwan’s state media regulator fined a Hong Kong-invested cable news network NT$1 million on charges of violating a media ownership law. “We decided to fine TVBS NT$1 million as its investor portfolio has violated Article 38 of the Broadcasting and Television Law,” Mr Pasuya Yao, head of the Government Information Office (GIO), said. (Would they award TVBS NT$1 million had it exposed dirt of the opposition instead?)

– that Myanmar’s military junta started moving key ministries to a secret location in the mountains and dense forest. The ruling generals made no announcement concerning the move. But officials said the relocation of the commerce, foreign, home affairs and post and telecommunications ministries to Pyinmana, about 320km north of the capital Yangon has began on Nov 6. Analysts say the move – under preparation for several months – was prompted by fears of an invasion by the U.S., one of the junta’s staunchest critics. (Got oil? No oil, no worries.)

that members of a Thai transvestite gang have confessed to hiding strong sedatives in their mouths and spitting them down the throats of victims during deep kissing. Then they rob the drugged tourists. The confession came from three attractive transvestites arrested in Bangkok last week. Police say they’d robbed a Bangladeshi businessman of more than $7,300 in cash and valuables. A police lieutenant colonel has this warning for tourists: “Don’t rush to kiss a stranger on the mouth or you will end up in a deep sleep.” (A deserving fate for the perverts with such interests.)

– that after three years on the run, Azahari Husin, one of Asia’s most wanted men, met his death in a manner befitting a master bomb-maker – blowing himself to bits as anti-terrorist police stormed his hideout in Batu, East Java. Within 24 hours, forensic detectives had confirmed through fingerprint and DNA tests that one of the two bodies found following the Wednesday night blasts was Azahari’s. “The fingerprints match those sent by the Malaysian police,” deputy police spokesman Sunarko Danu Ardanto told reporters. (A deserving end for a mass murderer. Too bad he can’t die a the number of times equal to the number of people his bombs have killed.)

– that a balaclava-clad man, believed to be Malaysian Noordin Mohammad Top, threatened Western nations in a recording found in the hideout of Azahari Husin. Noordin and Azahari have been accused of being top members of the Al Qaeda-linked regional Jemaah Islamiyah terror network and blamed for the 2002 Bali bombings and a string of attacks in Southeast Asia. “Accidents and terror by mujahedin will continue to take place as long as Western countries deploy their soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan,” said the man. (Go find your balls to go take the fight to the enemy soldiers instead of attacking innocents. But it’s a little hard to find something that is non-existent.)

Singapore This Week

– that Mama-thir was quoted in Utusan Malaysia as saying that ‘Singapore is getting bolder now that they could even threaten us’. In response to media queries, an MFA spokesman said Foreign Minister George Yeo was surprised and dismayed to hear that Mama-thir had interpreted his response to questions in Parliament as a ‘threat’. (The paranoid hears threat and feels threatened everywhere. Every shadow, and even the movement of cold air brushing his butt-hole is a threat.)

– that Singaporeans are not having enough sex. The country fell several notches to a dismal 40th out of 41 countries surveyed on how frequently they have sex for the 2005 Durex Global Sex Survey. That translates to 73 times a year, a drop from 79 times a year in 2004 with Japan propping up the table at 45. (The survey is in error. There are local homemade sex videos on sammyboy.com, and Japan probably produces more than half of the world’s pornography.)

– that the gover-min may pay a special bonus to low-income middle-aged workers to encourage them to stay employed. This latest plan to narrow the growing income gap was announced by Babt Lee at the Tali-PAP convention. The idea for bonuses was floated by Ng Eng Eng and Baby thinks it will work. The special one-off payout is to be given when there is a Budget surplus. It is to help low-income workers aged over 40, many of whom have both children and elderly parents to support. Those with the lowest incomes will get the biggest bonuses. (Yes. Erection Election is coming.)

– that consumers will soon have the choice of paying by cash, card, handphone or fingerprint. Singapore’s leading electronics payments provider, Network for Electronic Transfers Singapore (NETS), has developed prototypes that will allow mobile phones or fingerprints to be used to make payments. (In the future, robbers may actually say, “Give me your finger!!” or “Finger, or Life?”)

– that after two-and-a-half years of population surveys, appeals and a recent placard protest, the gates to the $80-million Buangkok MRT station will be opened by mid-January. Yeo Cheow Tong Lam Cheow Kong made this announcement after an event at Changi Airport. (The white elephant finally turning gray?)

– that Lam said, “We have asked SBS Transit, in lieu of their reduced losses on the Northeast Line (NEL), to consider opening the station.” While a survey conducted by the LTA showed that the MRT station would only be viable in 2008, Mr Yeo said SBS Transit was now prepared to open the station. He stressed that this was ‘a commercial decision’ as the govern-min will not step in to offset any losses. (此地无银三百两。[Translation: There is no gold 300 taels here. Generally a sarcastic remark used by the Chinese to says that someone is tried to hide something but end up making it obvious to everyone.)

– that the decision to open the Buangkok MRT station along the $4.6 billion North-east Line (NEL) is purely a commercial one. Reiterating what Lam Cheow Kong had said, Teo Chee Hean expressed surprise that people had been linking the opening of the station – scheduled for January, two years earlier than was recently just announced – to the upcoming GE. (Feign innocence, huh? Anyway, there’s the other bonus thing for poor workers right? Now that’s an election gimmick.)

– that if the household income is more than $750 per head, you are entitled to no health susidies from Touch Home Care [THC]. (Wow! It doesn’t matter if you make $3010 a month and you have 4 members in the household! The good news, THC isn’t the gover-min. The bad news? Imagine that this is what the gover-min is planning to do to well, ‘ensure that susidies are given to those who really needed it’. Good luck to Singapore. You need all the luck you can get.)

– that When MP Cynthia Phua suffered from a bout of flu after returning from Guangzhou last week, she imposed a ‘self quarantine’ and stayed home for two days. “It was not bird flu but I was still very concerned,” said the MP for Aljunied GRC. “Self restraint is important.” As the chairman of the steering committee of the ‘Our Town Sparkles’ campaign – an islandwide project to encourage residents to keep their estates clean – Mdm Phua is concerned with cleanliness, especially how it can prevent the outbreak of diseases. (While it is the responsible thing to do, ‘self quarantine’ isn’t a luxury simple joes like you and I can afford, without worrying about losing our jobs!)

– that a 10-member international advisory panel coordinated by MDA has given their support and recommendations to the Media 21 blueprint after two days of intensive meetings that included a session with Lao Goh. Conspicuously absent in the Media 21 blueprint and the panel’s feedback, however, was the issue of media freedom. (The propaganda machine has always been free to do what it does best.)

– that to raise a gross sum of $11 million, the NKF ran up expenses of $4.48 million. (Will a detail breakdown on how much of that $4.48 million is paid to MediaCorpse, or even SickTel, to ‘cover their cost’ be forthcoming?)

– that Mediacorp MediaCorpse has refuted suggestions that it profited from the NKF Cancer Show. NKF had paid MediaCorpse $2.5 million to produce the show. But most of that cost went towards paying for commercial TV spots – which MediaCorpse had billed NKF at discounted rates – to promote the show. (More than 50% out of 4.48 million! And if we take this 2.5 million off MediaCorpse annual P/L, would they be in the red? And all along, we all thought they did it for FREE!!!)

– that not all the money went to MediaCorpse. About $2 million was spent on advertising and promoting the show in local newspapers – including The Stooge Times, Lianhe Zaobao, Lianhe Wanbao, Shinmin Daily, The New Paper and Today – and other media such as in MRT trains during the month-long campaign. Of the $2.5 million paid to MediaCorpse, most went towards buying commercial airtime to plug the 1-900 phone numbers. Part of the money was spent on production. This included paying for the use of studio, rehearsals and recordings and insurance premiums for MediaCorp artistes involved in dangerous stunts. (This is a damned classic example of ‘I die I also wanna drag you along with me to hell’. Now lets have some fun looking at how SPH and SickTel squirm.)

Trivial, Jokes and Thoughts from Discussions

– that the roadsign along West Coast Highway is written as ‘West Coast Hway’. (For a moment I thought which Ah Hway in West Coast so big shot got a road named after her and wondered where is the sister road – ‘West Coast Lian’.)

– that antivirus companies are releasing tools this week to identify, and in some cases remove, copy protection software contained on recent Sony BMG Music Entertainment CDs. The software has been identified as a potential security risk. The Sony software, found on several of the company’s recent albums, is triggered by playing one of the CDs in a PC. From the CD drive, the software installs itself deeply inside a hard drive and hides itself from view. This cloaking technique could be used by virus writers to hide their own malicious software, security experts have said. There is a range of opinion among security companies about how much risk the software poses, from those who consider it no worse than an adware pest to those who view it as potentially dangerous spyware. (Darth BiRdYz says, “Remove the blasted shit. Protect your CDs without installing the blasted shits onto my PC!!”)

– that according to Computer Associates, the Sony software makes itself a default media player on a computer after it is installed. The software then reports back the user’s Internet address and identifies which CDs are played on that computer. Intentionally or not, the software also seems to damage a computer’s ability to ‘rip’ clean copies of MP3s from non-copy protected CDs, the security company said. (Now that’s even more offensive. If you want to stop me from making counterfeits of stuff belonging to you, FINE! But you have no right to decide what else I can or cannot make a copy of! And I was told this shit even reports to Sony what discs I am playing on my PC. Now that’s intruding into my privacy!!)

– that Sony’s controversial anti-piracy CD software has been labelled as spyware by Microsoft. The software giant said the XCP copy protection system counted as malicious software under the rules it uses to define what Windows should be protected against. It is planning to include detection and removal tools for XCP in its weekly update to its anti-spyware software. (Well done, Microsoft. Anything that hides itself, and breaks Windows when you attempt a manual removal should be rightfully classified as malicious!)

– that stung by continuing criticism, Sony BMG Music Entertainment, promised Friday to temporarily suspend making music CDs with antipiracy technology that can leave computers vulnerable to hackers. Sony defended its right to prevent customers from illegally copying music but said it will halt manufacturing CDs with the ‘XCP’ technology as a precautionary measure. “We also intend to re-examine all aspects of our content protection initiative to be sure that it continues to meet our goals of security and ease of consumer use,” the company said in a statement. (Down with Sony BMG Music Entertainment!!)

– that Sony BMG Music Entertainment will recall millions of CDs that, if played in a consumer’s PC disc drive, will expose the computer to serious security risks. Anyone who has purchased one of the CDs can exchange the purchase. The company added that it would release details of its CD exchange program ‘shortly’. (Exchange? They should just give consumers a new one, for FREE. That’s for breaking Windows on their PCs.)

– that ‘genius’ CHIAM MOI LENG said, “Residents living in 4-room units could be sharing the same corridor with those living in 5-room units. A cleaner who sweeps and washes the common corridor provides similar services to both the 4 and 5-room households. Wouldn’t it be reasonable for the town councils to consider standardising conservancy charges since additional services are not provided to owners of the bigger flat units?” (And 4-roomers will think they are paying more and make noise. Come on! And what’s next? The guy on the 2nd floor complaining that he’s paying more than the guy on the 10th floor because part of his conservancy charges end up for servicing the lift which he doesn’t use. Here’s two suggestions for you: First, get a kriffing life. Next, downgrade to a 4-room. Then you get to pay the same conservancy charges as a 4-roomer, alright?)

– that certain cases of mouth cancer appear to be caused by a virus that can be contracted during oral sex, media reported, quoting a new Swedish study. People who contract a high-risk variety of the human papilloma virus, HPV, during oral sex are more likely to fall ill with mouth cancer, according to a study conducted at the Malmo University Faculty of Odontology in southern Sweden. (Remember always: Your mouth is for eating and drinking.)

– that terrorists blow themselves up because they believe they will all go to heaven served by 70 virgins. (Now that explains why there’s a lack of virgins on Earth.)

– that in 2005, some people wanted the word ‘brainstorming’ replaced by ‘thought shower’ so as not to offend people with brain disorders, and they also wanted ‘deferred success’ to replace ‘failure’ so as not to embarrass those who don’t succeed. The phrase that topped this year’s list was ‘misguided criminals’, one of several terms the BBC used so as not to use the word ‘terrorist’ in describing those who carried out train and bus bombings in London that killed 52 people in July. (No wonder ‘the war against the misguided’ repeatedly met with ‘deferred success’. And a ‘thought tropical storm’ is perhaps necessary to win this war.)

– that a friend sent me this interesting comic. (No one could have said it better than the Cantonese about this Moore fellow: “食碗面，反碗底” [Literal translation: To overturn the bowl after you have eaten the noodles. I think the closest English equivalent would be ‘Biting the hand that feeds you’.])

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