傻 B 指示书 (Self Care For Dummies)

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以下取自傻 B 指示书:

第三节: 进食
肚子饿时请自动进食。请勿在网络上通知全世界，因为不会有人将食物送上。

没时间进食不是合理的理由。这是个严重错误的观念。时间对每人都公平，因为上帝给予每人一天二十四小时。阁下可尝试拨电点食物，如肯德基和比撒屋的电话是: 62353535。[敬请阅读第六节：时间处理。]

第六节： 时间处理
每件事与物有轻如鸿毛，重如泰山之别。请自行辨别排列处理的次序。谨记生存是最重要的事项。死亡的人将无法完成其他事物，所以请定时进食。其次，精神集中非常重要，所以请有足够睡眠。睡到没时间吃饭基本就是时间处理不当的问题，请自行反省。

第八节： 个人事项

除非您是公众人物，你个人喜欢做什么，在做什么，没有宣告全世界的必要。就算您个人的生命非常多姿多彩，也敬请不要炫耀。总而言之，不要以为会有任何人对它感兴趣就对了。如果有人有兴趣，就算您不说，狗仔对也会挖出来。

注: 以上的指示专为低 B 设计。如有不明和无法执行之处，敬请迅速选择结束性命，协助减少浪费地球的资源。世界上很多地方将从每个傻 B 的死亡中得益，譬如苏丹达富尔地区处在饥荒下的灾民。

建议: 日本武士刀或者尼龙绳是非常好的自杀工具。阁下也可请求医师协助。安乐死是可以接受的选择。如有不明请看 “傻 B 学自杀” (Suicide For Dummies), 谢谢。

Feb 19 – Lost & Found Day

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@#$%&^ !!! Lost my wallet…. Nabei.. sai lah!!! And I wasn’t even drunk because I walked 7 floors up the blasted stairs to punish myself for being a careless fxxk.

0035hrs: I came home after midnight and discovered my wallet gone. Tried to call the cab company and they transferred me to their lost and found department that takes forever to for someone to pick up. Hung up and decided to try and find the number for Comfort Delgro’s lost & found department online.

0050hrs: Found lost & fund department number for Comfort Delgro. Called and it said it is Citicab’s. Automated machine repeated message that they are closed for the day and their office hours are 8am to… can’t remember whatever the shit time it was. Couldn’t find another number. So I filed lost item report online.

0055hrs: Make police report on line for lost items.

0100 – 0110hrs: Called Citibank, HSBC, DBS, UOB to uspend all my credit cards and ATM cards.

0110hrs: Jimmy (friend from Asia Friendfinder) told me on MSN to call their Comfort Delgro’s cab booking line again and insist they transfer me to a human.

0115hrs: Finally managed to speak to a lady in lost & found department in Comfort Delgro who promises me to try and contact the cabbie. The poor sod before that assured me repeatedly that there is someone who will pick up the line.

0119hrs: The same lady called back and told me that the item was not found. ” The cabbie said it was not in his cab after he searched. “

0119 – 0215hrs: Sorted out problems with Citrix Client on computer and managed to connect to my office email and sent my boss an email to apply for urgent leave.

0220 – 0224hrs: Showered. Said a silent prayer to God to get my IC back. Dropped dead on bed after that.

0740hrs ~ 0750hrs: Daily alarm went off. (Forgot to turn off. Hit the Stop buttons on all three and went back to sleep.)

0800hrs: Woke up and checked my Blackberry to see if my boss has given his approval for my leave. “OK” were the only two words in the email.

Around 1115hrs: Forward police report to Gary Ho, and asked him to help me to print out half a dozen copies in the office since I don’t have a printer at home.

1230hrs: Traveled to town to meet friend Gary for lunch and collect printouts of police reports.

1300 – 1330hrs: Lunch.

1345hrs – 1400hrs: Go buy myself a new wallet with Gary.

1410hrs: Replace ATM card at UOB. Staff told me $5 charge is waived because I had a police report.

1430hrs: Replace ATM card at DBS. Counter staff told me I can merge both my DBS & POSB ATMs into one and spare myself the trouble of going to POSB to replace the POSB card. Thanked the lady profusely for informing me of this.

1440hrs: Went Safra Clubhouse at Carpenters Road to replace Safra card. The lady at the clubhouse took a look at my police report and said it will be free. Suggested I renew my membership and got a ‘free’ Timex watch which has a label that says… $118. Well, I really hope it’s worth that much. She gave me a bag to put all my stuff in since I was juggling several items madly. Today must have been my lucky day – all these service people I have met so far are damned nice.

1455hrs: Crossed over to Central at Clarke Quay and sipped some iced lemon tea. It was damned warm today and I looked like I came out of a shower.

1505hrs: Boarded bus 61 outside Central to go to ICA at Lavender.

1520hrs: Asked the poker faced staff at ground floor of ICA where to go to get a replacement NRIC.

1530hrs: Settled all the administrative work with yet another poker faced staff at level 3, ICA. Don’t these people ever smile?! It’s not like I killed your entire family. Got my number and read my storybook at ICA until 1550pm when my number flashed on the notice board.

1605hrs: Settled the matter of my replacement NRIC. The last lady at ICA was the friendliest of the lot. Shocked that I came so quickly to replace it. Told me that if I found my lost IC by March 6th, I could get a refund.

1610hrs: Took MRT to City Hall. Nothing much left to do and decided to go GV Marina and find out what I can do to get my Movie Club card replaced. End up buying a ticket for CJ7 at 1655 since I can only change the card at Plaza Singapure. (I was simply too lazy to go.)

1655 – 1835hrs: Watced CJ7.

1850hrs: Boarded bus 97 outside Esplanade. (Taking the MRT at this hour is simply nuts.)

1940hrs: Reached Jurong East MRT Station.

1955hrs: Reached Boon Lay MRT Station.

2005hrs: Bought dinner from Jurong Point food court and walked home dejectedly.

2015hrs: Ate dinner and clicked mindlessly on my computer. Cleared some company mails and see if my boss has fired my ass.

2310hrs: Door bell chimed. Decided to check who’s at the door since it’s too late for door to door sales and hoping I could give whoever a piece of my mind if it is a salesman.

2311hrs: Stranger at the door: ” Ah… remember me? I am the taxi driver yesterday. Here’s your wallet. What? They said I said the wallet isn’t on the cab? They didn’t even call me… “

2312hrs: Puzzled. Still, I gave cabbie $20 to refuel his cab for making the effort to come all the way here. Still in shock while holding the wallet with everything intact inside it. What the… ?!

2315hrs: Jumping with joy and praising God. There are good people and miracles after all. Even though I had wasted time replacing some of the cards, I got the IC back. And that’s what I asked God to give me back anyway.

Now I need to find out… how I can cancel the police report. Making a false report is a crime… or so it says on the spf.gov.sg wesbite.

[Joke] Famous Arches of the World…

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This is a collection of pictures of famous arches and gates in the world. Do you know that Singapore also has her own Arches of Triumph?
Paris Arch of Triumph
Arc de Triomphe, Paris		 Brandenburg Gate
Brandenburg Gate, Berlin
Tian-anmen
Tian-anmen, Beijing		 Kaminari
Kaminari Gate, Asakusa
Namdaemun
Namdaemum, Seoul		 Arch of Triumph Pyongyang
Arch of Triumph, Pyongyang
Patuxai
Patuxai, Vientiane		 ERP
ERP, Many Places in Singapore

Feb 15 – Humble Pie Day

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Today I ate the humble pie twice, though the ‘cheese pie’ Edison Chen EdipR0n Chentuk ate would have been slightly more appealing…

Round 1
I have always thought I had a lot of knowledge about the automated workstation build and remote program installation process in the office. I felt there’s probably few things that I don’t know about after working here for a good 7 long years. And as they always say, “Pride goes before a fall” and “God opposes the proud.”

So it was a little annoying today when I failed to get a software reinstalled on the system by simply removing the registry keys at the usual location. For the better part of 15mins, I was fuming at the system and wondering what has gone wrong. Took me a long time to notice, that the FQDN [Fully Qualified Domain Name] of the applications package & system build server has changed, and I had * gasp * deleted the registry entry referencing the old FQDN. 他妈的，阴沟里翻船！！(Fxxk, it was a dumb mistake!!)

While that didn’t have any adverse effects at all, this is the kind of mistake I don’t expect myself to make. It was supposed to be a task that would take no more than 2 minutes, unless the system itself really had a problem – e.g. the kind along the lines of a broken MSI Installer.

I was wasting precious time doing a really simple task. I am glad I spotted the mistake and I reminded myself to always remain humble before I end up making a major mistake.

Round 2
And if you thought that was just a small episode in my usually mundane and boring life, it wasn’t over yet, because I had the cheek to tell my friend that getting hit by a malware is small matter and it’s easily cleared.

So I picked up my friend’s Lenovo X61 laptop at Change Alley some time before lunch. What I didn’t take into consideration was I had no clue what the malware was and as I have been in a well protected corporate environment, where malwares are a distant memory. In other words, I had not considered that malware has evolved and are now way more formidable than the last time I cleared them. To make matters worse, the laptop is loaded with Windows Vista and the elevated security along with the irritating system restore combined to give me one of the most annoying afternoons I have experienced for a long time. Consider it the second humble pie of the day, one that last long enough to serve as dessert for my tea break.

After sort of pulling my hair out for the better part of the afternoon, I finally managed to at least figure out what the malware was – File Secure and iedefender. It is also known as the unknown trojan. They are one and the same and they masquerades as an advanced spyware removal program.

I can only suspect where this might have come from… probably while someone was using my friend’s laptop to surf smut and to look for EdipR0n Chentuk pics, since I could see them all over the browser’s history. The most likely scenario would involve a false message popping up in Internet Explorer saying that the system is infected. No matter what the user clicked, be it ‘OK’ or ‘CANCEL’, it would have allowed the malware to be installed. The only way to avoid this would have been to close the window without clicking on any of the buttons on that message at all! Damn EdipR0n, Internet Explorer System Exploder and ActiveX to hell!

Either way, I also come to learn of some anti-spyware tools like Super Antispyware, which is quite handy and useful in clearing these kind of shits. While I wasn’t originally convinced that it is a genuine malware detection and clearing too when I looked at the website, I soon discovered that it is indeed legitimate, because I also find it available on download.com. (The current released version is 3.9 as of Feb 15, 2008. I personally won’t trust those so-called v4.0 beta copies found on Google, until I have verified that those sites hosting the files are trustworthy.)

So, after a combination of automated and manual clearing, the malware appeared to be vanquished as the symptoms are gone for good. However, I still decided to restore the entire laptop to factory default in the end as I am not quite convinced that the kind of defenses I am going to put on the laptop (the sames ones I have on my own system) would be sufficient for this laptop in its post-compromised state.

So, I conceded defeat and sourly boot the Lenovo laptop into recovery mode using that ‘Think Advantage’ button, and let it do a restore. I reminded myself I should humbly turn down any request for assistance with clearing malware in the future… as I realized I ain’t that great with dealing with this kind of problems at all.

But nevertheless, all glory be to God. At least I learn something today, and as it always goes, I know this experience is going to come in useful someday… soon.

Hacked by DK?

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Was checking back on some of the sites containing the Edison Chen EdipR0n Chentuk photos to see if they are still around when I come across this. Apparently, it was hacked and this is the first time I come across a hacked site.

It’s no big deal actually, until I saw the words, hacked by DK, and I promptly showed Daphne, ChillyCraps and DK himself.

I decided that this is blog worthy material, so that’s why it’s here. You can click on the screen shot to go to the site and see it for yourself, and hopefully it’s still hacked .

The screen shot had the less desirable contents ‘harmonized’ by yours truly. Be warned that it is NSFW – Not Safe For Work – so check your environment before you click on it.

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